20 QUESTIONS WITH…
You have to hand it to Johnny Crypt. We emailed him these 20 Questions and he responded within a half hour! That’s a Metal Sludge record! That says either he loves us and wanted to answer right away, or since he’s out of L.A. Guns he has all the time in the world and doesn’t have anything better to do. Well, either way, he answered all of our questions, so props go out to Johnny.
1. Now that you have left one of the biggest rock-n-roll bands in history, what the hell are you going to do now?
Johnny: hmmm damn i didn’t even think about that one… ummmm maybe porno you know you guys gave me a pretty good penis rating…
2. Steve Riley said that you "overreacted like a lot of other people, thinking a tour with the old lineup was imminent". Now that you look back at your decision, do you think that is true?
Johnny: No I really don’t think I overreacted… just gotta go with my gut feelings
3. In your letter saying why you left L.A. Guns, you said the following: ?I’ve been doing this for over 25 years and although I haven’t been famous all that time, I do know the mechanics of the business quite well.? Our question is, when were you EVER famous?
Johnny: Ahhh good question… I thought I was there for a minute or two… but now that I look back on it.. you’re correct I never was.
4. Who was a bigger pain in the ass: Ralph Saenz, Tracii Guns, Jizzy Pearl, Chris Van Dahl or Steve Riley?
Johnny: Ralph was a pretty big pain in the ass at times, but I think we all were at one point or another.
5. Now that you’ve left L.A. Guns, you can be honest with us: How many wigs does Tracii Guns have?
Johnny: damn you guys are ruthless….
6. When did you realize that L.A. Guns might be a thing of the past?
Was it when Ralph left to go back to his COVER band?
Johnny: Never thought they were a thing of the past.. I just didn’t see much of a future for me there.
7. If you could be a tampon for a celebrity, who would you choose?
Johnny: Fiona Apple
8. Other than L.A. Guns, what current 80s band do you like to goof on the most?
Johnny: I don’t even pay attention to them anymore.
9. Do you secretly hope that the new bass player Stefan Adika fails miserably and that all the fans hate him?
Johnny: Nah Stef is Cool…. no wait..wait YEAH FUCK IT!!!!!! hehe
10. Have you ever felt sexually attracted to Gideon, the dude that runs the Electronic Gypsy?
Johnny: is that wrong???
11. Can you name all the member of L.A. Guns since the very beginning?
Johnny: Well there was The original Darren.. then Dick Seargeant was on…
12. Where?s the strangest place you?ve ever pleasured yourself?
Johnny: Does right now count?
13. Who gets all the fat chicks in LA Guns? Definition: Fat Chicks are chicks that are 150 pounds and over, unless they are over 5’10" then 150 is acceptable.
Johnny: The bus driver got them all…
14. Can a California man be legally married to his widow’s sister?
Johnny: Yes you can do anything here.
METAL SLUDGE SAYS: No you can’t cause the man is dead. If he has a widow, that means he’s dead.
15. What?s your record for banging the most chicks in one week?
Johnny: The question should be what’s my record for banging the most chicks at one time.
16. Who’s older, Mick Jagger or Phil Lewis?
Johnny: I think I am older than both of them.
17. Is it true that Tracii didn’t allow you to ride in the bus with the rest of the band, but he made you ride in one of the road cases?
Johnny: Nah he let me have a bunk on the bus.. but I had to put a road case in there too.
18. Are you going to be bummed out when the new L.A. Guns album comes out this Spring and goes triple platinum and they headline a huge tour with Metallica?
Johnny: I’ll probably kill myself
19. Will you go down a chick on the rag?
20. Other than L.A. Guns, what current 80s band should call it a day and go home?
Johnny: It’s all good.
So there you have it. The photo of Johnny at the top of the page was stolen from Renee’s Metal Meltdown. If you want to visit Johnny’s website, too fucking bad, he doesn’t have one. But if you want to email him, you can do so at email@example.com