Home / Columns / Idiots of the Web by Ozzy Stillborne / Stupid Babble By Stupid People!

Stupid Babble By Stupid People!


Plus Sludge Exposed Begins!

Ever since Gerri Miller left Metal Edge Online, all I’ve been doing is celebrating by drinking my liver away, which is really no different than what I’ve been doing since this page started. I also haven’t been motivated to bitch about anything lately because not much has been going on. But this email pulled me out of my drunken, creative slump.


Pardon the belatedness of this email. I’m not one to write to websites, but this stuff was too good to keep to myself. A couple of weeks ago Slaughter played the State Fair in my town (Tulsa). They did two shows…One at 7p.m. and the other at 9p.m.. Believe it or not, the second show was virtually all covers (Motley’s ‘Looks that Kill’, a few Sabbath tunes, including Dio-era, and KISS’ ‘R&R All Nite). They didn’t sound half bad and there were a ton of people there (it was a free show) but the good stuff is what I heard between the two sets after after the second show.
About 10 minutes after the first set I was on my way to get a pop and I saw off in the shadows signing a couple of autographs. It felt like my penis was tied to a rock. I was maybe 2 feet away from Dana as I was waiting to buy my
pop and I overheard him clearly say that Slaughter was the reason Metal Sludge closed down! One of the girls he was talking to was apparently not aware that Sludge had a ‘hiatus’ and said, ‘What do you mean? Sludge never closed down’. Dana told her ‘Well, they did for a while, and now you’ll notice they have a disclaimer and stopped talking shit about Slaughter’. I was going to approach Dana and ask him about this myself when I heard him reply to more questions about Sludge that he ‘doesn’t want to say another word on the matter. I won, they lost’. Almost laughing my penis off, I walked around the fair for a bit, waiting for the second part of the show. When their cover-heavy set was finished, I noticed Mark standing by some port-o-potties signing autographs. Feeling the need to drain my penis anyway, I went over there. After I ‘got the job done’ I came back out just as the fans were walking away from Mark. Taking the opportunity I introduced myself and we chatted for a couple of minutes. Once he was at ease I asked him about Sludge. He said he doesn’t go to the site. I asked him why and he said he’s not much of an internet person and he doesn’t really like what he’s heard. He said from what he knows one of the people behind MS is a rockstar with a beef against Slaughter! He wouldn’t say who, though. I offered him my theory that one of the webmasters is that Ginger guy MS always promotes, but Mark had never heard of him.And get a load of this…During our conversation we started talking about Joe ‘Catfish’ LeSte, and Mark said that at one time Beautiful Creatures had been scheduled to open for them on tour, but the arrangements fell through! I asked Mark if there was bad blood between the
bands and he said Catfish is cool, but the guitarist is a penis. He was definitely talking about Anthony. I also asked him if Paul Stanley was gay. He laughed and said that rumor is a load of bullshit.
I saw Blando and Blas from a distance, but didn’t bother approaching them. Blando was snuggling up to a couple of girls that were so ugly it made my penis crawl into my ballsack! Anyway, this was some good shit, and I thought
Sludgaholics might appreciate it. Keep up the good work, and please try to start updating more than twice a week! :)

Howard Hammick

I love people who take credit for things they had nothing to do with! Shit like this makes my job so much easier.

I was also told Howard Hammick is some sort of actor dude, though I’ve never heard of him, but somebody says he was in something so that’s good enough for me. But I digress.

You’d think that after giving Dana an FU Award in August he would have learned to keep his fucking trap shut. Yet again, you’d think that the typical 44 year old man like Dana would have learned the benefits of shampoo and conditioner, so maybe the guy is just oblivious to learning.

But before I rip Dana’s ass open like a 10 inch cock going into a virgin, let us go over our little Labor Day prank. We’ve heard about a few other people taking credit for our 3 day vacation, so let me go over the facts once and for all.

We planned our little joke in July 2001. On August 1st, 2001, we put up a counter on the page that counted down to September 1st, which was going to be our 3rd Year Anniversary. For the entire month of August we didn’t acknowledge the counter at all. People on the boards were all giving their theories as to what it was about and what would happen when the counter hit zero. The plan worked perfectly. We wanted people to talk about it and we wanted people to come back on September 1st to see what would happen. It’s not hard to figure out.

So when the counter hit zero and September 1st rolled around, we made it look like we closed the page. We put up the now infamous skull giving the middle finger with the slogan "We Came, We Sludge, We Kicked Your Ass" and that’s it. In reality, we wanted to take a fucking break for a weekend! That and we wanted to see what type of reaction we would get. We figured everybody would go to all the other rock sites and talk about us! And you know what, everybody did! From KNAC to Metal Edge, everybody was talking about Metal Sludge. We still didn’t realize how big of a deal it would be, but we were happy with the results. It showed everybody how much of an influence we really have and it stroked our balls at the same time.

Plus it was going to be Labor Day weekend and it would be slow anyway. If you left work on Friday, August 31st, and went back to work on Tuesday, September 4th, you would never even have known we were down. You would have missed the whole thing because the page was only down on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. So while the everyday Sludgeaholics would be freaking out, the casual work Sludgeaholics would never know. And on Tuesday the 4th, we reopened with a new layout (which still isn’t fucking done because our "web designer" stops work everyday at 4:20), 20 Questions with Dave Mustaine, our 3rd Year In Review, the State Of The Sludge Address, and a Disclaimer. The Disclaimer is something we talked about originally doing in early 1999, but we decided against it at the time. We finally decided to do the Disclaimer because it lets stupid fucks know what they are about to find when they come to Metal Sludge, it looks impressive, and it’s another way to cover our ass. It’s that simple. We weren’t forced to put it up at all. We had a disclaimer before, and now we just have a bigger one. Big deal.

We Never Had Any Fucking Plans On Leaving! We Were Never Pulled Down By Anybody!

In the 3 plus years we’ve been doing this, we’ve never been pulled down. Even when we were on Geoshities we didn’t get pulled down, and we all know they love to pull shit down. We’re fucking entertainment!! So put that in your crack pipe and smoke it.

If we had planned on leaving, we wouldn’t have been sitting on 3 weeks worth of 20 Questions, Rewinds, and we wouldn’t have had all those September 4th posts ready to go.

As for not talking about Slaughter….who does talk about Slaughter? Nobody. Because nobody cares. I gave Dana Scum an FU Award in August and that was probably more press than they had received all year long. So in a way, Dana should be thankful we even mention his fucking played out band.

And if he doesn’t think we’ll be insulting Slaughter anytime soon, then how’s this:

Dana, I’m the kitchen right now brewing up a nice, big bowl of warm dick for you! And you can suck on that dick anytime you’d like.

Mark Slaughter still sings like he’s being raped by Phil Anselmo, and Blas has the intelligence of Anthony Focx.

Of course that’s just my opinion. What do I know?

As for Dana saying he won and we lost?


We’re still here, sunshine. We’re not going anywhere. And if you really want to see some fun and games, come back for our 4th Anniversary!

In fact, this situation is going to make a nice little seqway into our newest feature called
Sludge Exposed!

Sludge Exposed is going to show you photos that most bands and individuals don’t want you to see. Everybody has a past, but some people like to pretend that they always had a cool, hip, haircut and never looked like jackasses. It’s also something for the Sludgeaholics to enjoy because it’ll include very rare photos of some of your favorite bands that you’ve never seen before.

And I think I’m going to kick off Sludge Exposed with a cute little photo of my friend Dana Scum.

These photos are from 1982 of Dana in his band Modern Design.

An event to be seen is right!
Nice fucking mullet ya douche bag! Let’s taking a closer look, shall we?

Dana’s new name should be Dana Strumullet

And we also have this "sexy" shot:

Looks like Duran Duran rejects!
Nice fucking chest hair.

These are also rare photos before Dana learned how to pout!

Sludge Exposed will officially kick off on Monday with old ass photos from……….

So Dana, learn your fucking lesson already. We’re here, we’re not going anywhere, and that’s all there is to it. You can say all the shit you want about us but at least be honest and stop lying to the 10 fans you have left.

I’m out like Dana’s mullet,


About Administrator