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20 Questions with Joey Allen, 7/6/99

20 QUESTIONS WITH...

Joey Allen

Ex-Warrant Guitarist Joey Cagle, aka Joey Allen

Finally Metal Sludge got the opportunity to interview somebody from Warrant!!!  Ok, somebody who use to be in Warrant, close enough.  Hey, Joey’s sold more records that Rick what’s his name.  A few months back Erik Turner agreed to do 20 Questions with us, but once he saw the questions we never heard from him again.  We tried Jerry Dixon and Rick Steier, but they never responded.  But Joey Allen, he came to us!  Joey is down with Metal Sludge and agreed to answer all our stupid questions.   That’s probably ’cause he ain’t got a lot of shit going on, but so fucking what!  It’s good enough for us.  Plus he talks about Jani’s wig, so how can you not like that?  So sit back and prepare yourself to find out everything you never wanted to know about Warrant!

1. What the hell are you currently up to? (This is the only chance to plug your websites,
tours, CD, and other shit.)
I currently work for the largest Mid-tier ERP software developer in the world.  I'm a Remote ERP Consultant.
I'm also working on my MCSE (Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer).  I'm writing/recording tunes in my home
studio for a CD I  will release sometime in the near future.  No website is necessary until the product is done.
  2. If you could be a tampon for any celebrity, who would it be?Catherine Zeta Jones

3. Has Steven Sweet ever delivered a UPS package to your door?Steven never worked for UPS.  Steven is alive and doing great. He is self

employed.

4. What Warrant song could go into a vault labeled "Songs That Fucking Suck."There are two that come to mind immediately, 1. Heaven  2. Hollywood (better known as 

the Jane’s Addiction tune ‘Jane’s Song’) 

5. During a typical Warrant tour, what percent of the time were you guys faithful to your wives, and who cheated
the most?
Out of a 100% I'd have to say -99.9%.  As far as the guy that was the most unfaithful, take your pick.  You have a
99.9% chance of being correct.  Of course this was when I was in the band.  I don't know what goes on now.  I can
imagine that the girls are less desirable, due to poor CD sales.
6. Other than Warrant, what hard rock/heavy metal band should give it

up and call it a day?
Any one of them that doesn’t truly enjoy what they’re doing.

7. In their prime, which member of Warrant was the biggest drunk, and how much alcohol would they go through in a day?I have to say it was probably me.  And I’d guess about three six packs and a fifth or so of Jack.  Plus anything else I could find to inhale, smoke or digest.  You have got to have a balance , you know?

8.  For $1,000,000, which would you do:
A.  Appear on a telethon to taunt children afflicted with muscular
dystrophy
B.  "Accidentally" on purpose run over a panhandler, turning him into
a glorified cabbage.
OR
C.  See how far you can work a plumber's snake up your own rectum.
That would be 'B'.  Get a fucking job.
9. What's the sickest thing Warrant ever did to a groupie?
Let our Keyboardist fuck her.
10.   Rate the following chicks on a scale of 1 to 10.  1 being a pig, 10 being a hottie.
I took the liberty of adding a few comments.
Rowanne Lane(Chasity Bono) 1
Bobbi Brown(Yoko Ono/Sperm Bank) -1
Susan Ashley Dixon(No comment)
Pamela Anderson(Porn Star) 8
Courtney Love(Skanky bitch) 1
Susie Hatton(Nice girl) 7
Gerri MillerHa, ha, ha...
Bekka Bramlett(Nice girl) 5
Kirsten Turner (Sweetheart) 7
Britney Spears(Little slut) 7

Warrant surfing.

Warrant looking goofy as hell in 1989

11.  Do you laugh at the fact that nobody knows who the hell Rick Steier is?Who?  Wasn’t he in Fred Zeppelin?  Rick is cool. I have no problem with Rick.
12. Counting all former and current band members, how many total DUI's has Warrant  collected?
At least two that I know of.
13. What rock star deserves the biggest smack in the mouth?
Any one of them that thinks they are still a rock star.  Rock stars are now called athletes.
14. While touring with Warrant, Jani & Jerry would let you & Erik get on their shoulders and rock out. Did Jani’s hair piece ever get caught on your whammy bar? He only had that hat on his head for a few months.  I think I might have pulled it a few times, he would get pissed:  "Don’t pull my fucking hat, ugh!!!".  Ha, ha, ha… Joey rocks out
15. You quit Warrant first, then Steven & Erik. Why do you think Jani & Jerry are still  doing it? And do you
think they are aware of the fact that they are the Blackfoot, Uriah Heep, UFO, Nazareth of the 90s?
1. Money.
2. I couldn't tell you.  I don't know.  That's kind of sad though, isn't it... Ha, ha, ha...
16. Your gut looked kinda bloated on the VH1 special, have you been eating a lot or does it run in the family?
Hey, fuck you...  What do you think happens when you're downing a ? pounder at KnollWoods Burger stand and
sucking down a case  of beer per 18 holes of golf all the time...  Besides you're no fucking Olive oil!!! Fat Fuck...
On a serious note,  I quit doing all of the blow and I gained about thirty pounds.  Fuck it, I'm healthier now then
I've ever been.

Warrant, Rock City News, 1987

Warrant, Rock City News, Oct/Nov. 1987

17.  When can we expect the big Warrant reunion? With all original Columbia

recording artist members. (Not really though, considering you, Jani & Steven

were not original Warrant members, right?)
1. It’ll never happen, lucky for you guy’s huh?  Steven won’t even discuss it.  I, being a money slut, would do it for the right price.

2. Absolutely correct.

18. Did you leave Warrant because you ran out of hair?I left Warrant to keep what little I have left.  And take my ass off of that hair chart.  I have never done transplants, nor have I ever worn a fucking wig.  Only insecure pussies do that shit.  I’ll shave my fucking head before I do the cul-de-sac look.  Thank you very much.

19. At this very moment, what do you think Jerry Dixon is doing right now?
A. Drinking
B. Cheating On His Wife
C. Vomitting
D. Popping various pills
E. Passed out after drinking, vomiting, popping pills, and cheating on his
wife
Probably sleeping one off or puking his guts up on the fifth hole at Brookside Golf
course in Pasadena.  God bless my friend Jerry.
20. Here’s some word association. We mention a name and you give us your thoughts, for example, Mick Mars / Senior citizen who wears a wig.

Rikki Rockett -The Worst drummer in Rock ‘n’ Roll… ever!

Gerri Miller -
Where are they now?

Rick Steier -
Nice guy.

Pamela Anderson -
1st grade education but boy can she fuck.

Bret Michaels -
Too talented for words, yeah right!

Dana Strum -
Up all night, Sleep all day.

Steven Sweet -
Nice guy, good friend.

C.C. DeVille -
Good friend, crazy mother fucker.

Budweiser Frogs -
The Jani Lane Choir.

Josh (original Warrant guitarist) -
Wizard of OZ/Midget.

Joey 1992

If you want to find out more about Joey, too bad.  He doesn’t have a website, and he doesn’t want his email address given out.  So your fucked.  But you can check out his former band Warrant at www.warrantweb.net.

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