We last talked to Metal Sludge on December 25, 2001! Now it’s two years later and we had to find out what the world’s greatest website was up to!
A few weeks ago, we made a post on the Gossip Board and asked for questions from the Sludgeaholics. They gave us about 9 pages worth of questions and we picked out 30 of them. We included the name of the person who asked the question, so if you think the question sucks you can go on the board and bitch to them about it.
This Rewind was answered by the following staff members:
Jani Bon Neil
Bastard Boy Floyd
It’s kind of a cluster fuck of an interview but that’s what you get when you try to interview yourself!
1. What are you currently up to? This is the only chance to promote your fresh ass swag. – submitted by IzzyStrapon
JBN: Selling our shit, making mad cash, living in Europe part-time, buying and selling property by the handful. You know – the usual! Our Sludgendise Store is still open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
Ozzy Stillbourne: Well I’m glad you asked. I am embarking on a huge CABLE TELEVISION PROJECT I’m not at liberty to discuss just yet. But, it promises to become a monster. More details soon.
Working on developing another ANIMATED PROJECT, which is gearing up for production. Cannot say anything more about it as yet.
My partners and I are developing two theme parks, a film studio, two film projects, a city center and a beach resort. All of this sounds larger than life and it is!!!
I’ve also been spending some time developing two new TV REALITY SHOWS that are developing a good head of steam. More on this as it develops.
2. How often, if ever, do the founders of Sludge meet and discuss the future of the site? – submitted by DiamondDave22
Taime: Discuss? A lot of our entertainment empire goes unsaid, unplanned, unorganized and unintentional. Success is like love. You never find what your looking for. So, if we had discussed, planned and organized every last detail in hopes of success, it’s no doubt in my mind that our project would’ve ended up like Reinkus Tide. For those not ‘in the know’ they went from headlining Gazzarris on the Sunset Strip to nowhere, fast!
JBN: Maybe that’s because you’re not involved in any of the discussions, Taime. When was the last time you updated your portion of the site, 1998? As far as I’m concerned, the site is sometimes discussed way too much and other times it’s not discussed enough. That’s probably the beauty of our page. But I can say that between us founders, the page is generally talked about on the phone at least once a day, and sometimes more than that. It’s a great day when I can go a day without getting called at like 4 AM because Bastard Boy Floyd is having a meltdown with uploading the page.
BBF: Dude, other than take all the credit, what exactly do you do? I’m the jackass that sits around all day monitoring the fucking Gossip Boards and dealing with all the emails! On top of that I have a paper route I have to do every night so my time is precious. Be happy I’m even calling you at 4 AM to let you know what’s going on. Clown.
3. Does the staff at Sludge ever consider still doing this 10 years from now? – submitted by Kiss Academy
JBN: For the love of God, I hope not. See question #3.
Ozzy Stillbourne: I’ve always believed that Metal Sludge is bigger than any one member and I hope, and would love it if the site would ultimately continue without ANY of the original writers as long as the site’s philosophy, attitude, and humor were the foundation of it’s continuation. I’ll just get another writer, call him Ozzy Stillbourne, and we’ll go on forever!
4. What 80’s rock metal site should give it up and call it a day? – submitted by Izzy Strapon
Donna: What 80s rock sites are there?
JBN: The ones that sucked already called it a day. To be honest I don’t really keep up with the other sites. It’s obvious that we’ve greatly influenced all of them and if I did think any sucked, I’m not going to give them the rub here.
Ozzy Stillbourne: As long as they give us the respect and props we deserve for paving the way for everybody and they send us their monthly "protection" fee, I’m cool with everybody.
BBF: I think we’re in a league of our own simply because nobody is doing what we do or wants to do what we do. Sometimes I read my answers back and realize I have no idea what I’m talking about. That kicks ass!
5. The Last Of Metal Sludge (submitted by various Sludgeaholics):
Last Shitty concert you went to =
JBN: Vince Neil
Ozzy Stillbourne: Am I allowed to say the MSX Tour? I kid, I kid.
Donna: Jesus Christ Superstar with Sebitchian!
BBF: Vince Neil
Taime: Creed in Chicago when the singer couldn’t stand up on his own.
Last Good Concert you went to =
Ozzy Stillbourne: Van Halen, Hide Your Sheep Tour
Donna: Butch Walker. Amazing!
BBF: MC Hammer/Vanilla Ice, Harrisburg, PA, 1990!
Taime: Creed in Chicago when the singer couldn’t stand up on his own. I loved it!
Last Rock Star you Shook hands with =
JBN: Ozzy Stillbourne
Ozzy Stillbourne: Gene Simmons
Donna: Jerry Dixon
BBF: Matt from the Wild Boyz
Taime: Axl Rose
Last time you puked from alcohol =
Ozzy Stillbourne: A few months ago at a Strip Club, but unlike Jani Lane, I didn’t throw up on the bar. I went to the bathroom and threw up all over the place. That sucked cause it’s hard to pick up strippers when you smell like vomit, well, at least the good strippers.
Donna: It’s been a few years. Last time I threw up was from doing too many Jager shots. I’ve never been able to drink Jager since.
BBF: When I went out in Las Vegas with Frankie Banali and Paris Hilton and we all went to The Palm and got really drunk, then I filmed Frankie fucking Paris in one of the suites! Actually, that’s all bullshit, for the 3 of you out there that actually thought that was a real story. I just thought it sounded funny. What was the question again?
Last CD you purchased =
JBN: Michelle Branch "Hotel Paper" and Avril Lavigne "Complicated" as Christmas gifts, so get off my ass!!!
Ozzy Stillbourne: Lewis Black "Rules Of Engagement."
Donna: Donnie Vie "Just Enuff" and before that "No Doubt Boom Box" set
BBF: That new Clay Aikens CD! What, is that gay?
Taime: Metal Shop from our warehouse!
Last time you saw Geri Miller = Every Sunday afternoon we play bridge.
Last tour bus you were on =
Ozzy Stillbourne: Kiss, of course
BBF: Ok, if you must know, I was on Britney Spears’ private tour bus. No, no, it was nothing sexual. I was just the driver.
Taime: Ozzy Osbourne
6. Have you ever fought another metal website’s owner for rights to your groupies (ala Vince style)? – submitted by Sparkdaddy
Ozzy Stillbourne: Yes. At last year’s Christmas party, we invited Jesse Capps over from Rock Confidential and he immediately started talking to the girls we had over. He was specifically told he wasn’t allowed to talk to any of our chicks or make eye contact with any Sludge Staff member unless he was spoken to. He was supposed to stay in the other room and drink Old Milwaukee, but he started flirting with those broads from Metal-Exiles and everybody knows those are our bitches, so we had to take him out back and slap him around a bit. If being totally selfish and a cockblocker is good enough for Bret Michaels and Poison, it’s good enough for us!
7. Which former 80’s "superstar" do you feel the most sorry for now? – submitted by CastIronSink
JBN: Jani Lane. Just look at the guy.
Ozzy Stillbourne: Jani only feels sorry for Jani cause they share names! Who can feel sorry for a guy who wrote, recorded and sold several million copies, married Bobbie Brown and still can pull a few solid grand a week off his name? I don’t feel sorry one bit for that guy. Everyone has a choice in life. If they took a fucked up path, I say they have nobody to blame but themselves.
Donna: Anybody managed by Obi Steinman.
BBF: I’ll take it one further Donna and say anybody managed by Paul Gargano!
8. How many Metal Sludge events have any of you actually attended? – submitted by Dizzy Bon Coverdale
JBN: Any of us? Well, between all of us, it’s between 1 and 50.
BBF: I attended the entire MSX Tour because I drove the Enuff Z’Nuff/PBF tour bus.
9. Who is the staff at Metal Sludge speak fluent Japanese? Your SOTM Qs to me in Japanese language were perfect. – submitted by Soichi Masuda
10. I always wanted to know if the staff all live by each other and have been friends for a long time, or if they’re fellow metal-heads that met online. – submitted by OasisRox
Ozzy Stillbourne: Did we meet online? That question was basically answered in the History Of Metal Sludge post, which just goes to show me you didn’t do your homework and have no business asking me any fucking thing. But since you’re stupid, I’ll answer it for you anyway. We’ve all met through EHarmony.com, the online dating service. We filled out the personality profile and we all matched up! Then we formed Metal Sludge. Thanks for wasting my time.
11. Which former 80’s "superstar" do you think had the best chance to succeed in some fashion after the 80’s, but blew it? – submitted by CastIronSink
JBN: That’s easy, Jani Lane! Jani should never have rejoined Warrant after he quit in 1993. He should have gone solo throughout the mid-90s and done his own thing. Put out some solo CDs, write for people, and perhaps he could have gotten another record deal at the time. Then when Poison reunited in 1999 and a lot of the other bands got together, if Jani put Warrant back together at that time it would have been a much bigger deal. They would have been totally fresh and in a much better position than they are now. And who knows what Jani could have done had he stayed solo back in the 90s? He should have gone the Butch Walker route instead of running back to Warrant after a few months.
Taime: Sebastian Bach. He was blessed with many attributes for this kind of a career and hit it big at an early age as well. He had an amazing voice, looks, hair and charisma. Notice how I said "had." However his true personality has a lot to be desired and I’ve never heard anyone say anything about him being savvy or a business man.
Definition: A dumb, burnout, damn lucky rocker guy.
His office on MTV cribs explained it all. A big house, a little desk with a fucking metal folding chair and his file cabinet was used for comic books. He’s not broke, but he could be much better off than he really is. How lucky of a son of bitch is or was he to get another shot in theater and on Broadway too. He ruined that in a few years as well. Jon Bon Jovi gave that band it’s career and Baz wanted to kick his ass a year or later, and for what? He’s a selfish, shameless little bitch and I’m elated whenever we can insult him or point out what a fool he truly is!
Donna: I wouldn’t call him a superstar but Donnie Vie probably had a chance at one time had he not burned so many bridges and got hooked on drugs.
BBF: Right now the Wild Boyz should be the biggest band in the world. We should all be sitting around in Wild Boyz T-shirts and sweatpants right now and hoping that Santa brought us the Wild Boyz box set for Christmas. Instead, the band blew totally blew it! Who would have guessed?
12. What rock journalist deserves a smack in the mouth and why? – submitted by Izzy Strapon
Taime: Who are we to judge journalists! Oh wait, that’s why we’re here I guess. Gerri needed one, and we already gave it to her. Paul needed a few and he was addressed as well. I guess all of them. FYI on journalists: Many of the stories you read in these so called legit name published zines are written by the same writer throughout. Many rumours circulated for years that allegedly Andy Secher of Hit Parader would do this often. He was the main and sometimes only contributor. Andy is and was a huge sports fan. So he’d watch a baseball game while writing stories for the magazine. When it came time to give credit for the story, he’d simply take the first baseman’s last name and the pitcher’s first name. Next thing you know you just read a review of a Sammy Hagar record written by Fernando Rose.
Jani Bon Neil: I’m appalled by such behavior. Fake names are gay.
13. Which rock personality, in your opinion, do you think has benefited the most from Sludge and who has suffered the most? – submitted by CrabbyAss
Taime: Most of them benefited. Without Metal Sludge you’d read about Warrant or LA Guns in Metal Edge once a year when Obi convinces Paul to run a spread on the Rock Always Sucks tour. Other than that, you’d be fucked! Not a one of you has heard word fucking one on Slik Toxic, Kik Tracee or Nitro since 1990, until we provided the Sludge! We’re providing way more than most of these guys will ever know!
Ozzy Stillbourne: None of these fucking bands have suffered. If anyone feels like they were abused by us it came as the result of their own behavior. If Winona Rider, Mike Tyson, or Kobe Bryant are suffering from E! Entertainment, ESPN, CNN or the mass media, they have no one to blame but themselves. Same goes for the hairbands. We are not for the faint of heart, and therefore we don’t write about juice bars, baby photos and happy-ass bullshit that someone else might! These guys were fucks up before we came along and they’re fuck ups now. I didn’t make Vince Neil bitch slap any hookers or make Jani Lane through up on a bar. We’re here to tell you what a jackoff so and so was on stage and it usually comes from someone else (a fan) who felt ripped off. They as fans and we as Metal Sludge are only giving out information as sort of a warning.
14. Are there any rock personalities that you refuse to do a 20 q’s with just cuz you personally can’t stand them? If so, who? – submitted by Crabby Ass
JBN: We wouldn’t refuse to do 20 Questions with anybody because we didn’t like them. It would probably be a good interview because we’d have a lot of dirt to ask them about! There have been a few times where we’ve decided not to mention something just because the band/individual doesn’t deserve the exposure, but
Taime: None! In the same way Howard Stern works, we’re not afraid of anyone. We have our own theories, ways and ideas. And we also feel confident about the way we use them. Howard admittedly hates Don Imus. But if Imus wanted to come on Howard’s show, Howard would no doubt (of course under his terms, as it is his show) gladly have Imus as a guest. I’m sure Howard would make an ass of him or ask the toughest of questions as well. But the answer is no, we don’t refuse anyone.
15. Which do you prefer and why? (submitted by Crabby Ass)
Receive a blow job from Paul Gargano or Gerri Miller = Neither. Video tape Gerri giving Paul a blowjob and than sell the tape in our store.
Attend a Stryper concert or eat a bowl of cereal = Cereal is easier, but I’ll go with Stryper. I saw them back in the day and even caught a Bible.
Have Jani Lane cook for you or have Vince Neal over for dinner = Vince at the table would be cool. Lot’s of stories to tell as he says: "Please pass the rolls."
Host a Headbangers ball for MTV or sit in a jacuzzi with Tina Lu = Host Headbangers Ball will sitting in a Jacuzzi with Tina Lu
A 20 Q’s with David Lee Roth or Axl Rose = Axl in person with tape rolling and video crew as well!
Get to take the animal off Bret’s head or shave Baz’s head = shave Bach’s head and glue the trimmings to Bret’s head.
Clean a toilet or read every word of the next issue of Metal Edge = probably throw up in a toilet if I look at another issue of Metal Edge.
16. If Metal Edge were to go the way of Gene Simmons "Tongue" would that signal the end of the site? – submitted by Diamond Dave 22
Ozzy Stillbourne: Fuck no. We’re beyond Metal Edge at this point. They’re a non-factor in what we do, though they still might be good for the occasional Random Thoughts.
17. What the hell happened to Tamie"Sex" Slaughter? Did he die? In rehab? Sex change? – submitted by liquidreno
Taime: 2 of the 3, guess which one didn’t happen!
18. How disappointed were you when the 20Q’s with DLR went sideways and what are the chances of still getting them done? – submitted by DiamondDave22
JBN: It wasn’t the end of the world. We weren’t sitting in a parked car in a garage waiting to inhale the fumes or anything. We’ve had things fall through before so we’re used to being denied. We came up with some really good questions too that we think David would enjoy, so hopefully Neil Zlozower can line up something with him in the future. I think it’ll happen one day.
19. Approximately how much time of each day does the site require you to work on it in between all the drinking and masturbating? – submitted by The Court Of Royal Arms
JBN: Way too much time.
Ozzy Stillbourne: Somedays I’m doing related work for 6-8 hours, some days zero. We have different jobs aside from Sludge and we all have our gripes too. Jani bitches about his, Taime shows up every solar eclipse, and floyd is partially retarded so he doesn’t care. Donna is always good for an afternoon massage or a hand job, that always takes up a little time and removes the office edge.
20. Yes or no, have you ever (submitted by numerous Sludgeaholics):
Seen Blotzer drunk at the Bow = who hasn’t?
Seen Vince Neal sing every lyric to a song = who has?
Had Jani Lane actually cook you a meal = Never but I have tasted frog legs before!
Unbanned a name ever = yes
Have sex with anyone you’ve done a 20 q’s with = yes, which means one of the male staff members could have fucked one of the chicks or one of the female members (Donna or Lita) fucked one of the guys. Or maybe I hooked up with one of the girls!!
Felt like giving this site the heave ho = yes!!
Snorted blow off a toilet seat = Obi Steinman doesn’t work for Metal Sludge!
In the same night used a blow dryer and Aquanet Super Hold = yes. I’ve also worn high heels and a push-up bra.
Banged a Poison groupie leftover = Probably, considering they have rights to most of the women on the planet.
Been to Brent Muscat’s house = yeah, his house is the place with the grotto and the naked chicks walking around, right?
Received drugs through the mail = Faster Pussycat’s old drummer doesn’t work for Metal Sludge!
Owned a Member’s Only Jacket = I’m wearing one now, why, is that gay?
Pawned free cd’s = no but I work in a used CD store part time….wait, was the outloud?
Put a sock in your pants = Stephen Pearcy doesn’t work for Metal Sludge!
Posted something that you immediately regret = yes
Fight amongst the other staff members about a certain topic or decision regarding the site = Since inception, but so do brothers, sisters, and spouses. This isn’t a perfect world like being in the band Warrant you know!
Received a threatening letter/phone call from a rockstar’s lawyer = not once!
Banged a Sludgette/Sludgeaholic without her/him knowing who you were = not once!
Performed a homosexual act for drug money = Steven Alder doesn’t work for Metal Sludge!
One of the male staff members fucked Donna Anderson = Josie Pearl doesn’t work for Metal Sludge!
Held back on some serious fucking sludge because you knew you’d get in legal trouble for saying it, even though it’s some really juicy shit = no, because if it’s true, then we’re putting it up. Can’t get in trouble for speaking the truth.
Had your picture in Metal Edge with some gay backdrop and an even gayer pose = No, but if you look at Dog Fancy Issue 9 Vol 22, Donna is on page 36 bottom left.
21. How has doing the Metal Sludge website changed your lives (if at all?)" – submitted by diablomozart
Ozzy Stillbourne: My drinking and smoking have increased.
Jani Bon Neil: It’s given us the opportunity to do a lot of cool things and not get any credit for it.
22. If you were in a room with Sebitchian, Dana Strum, Tom Mathers & Bobby Blotzer but only had one bullet chambered in your gun, who would you off? – submitted by Nelson Kuntz
JBN: Not Blotzer because he’s good to keep around for a laugh. I couldn’t care less about Tom Mathers so I’d be wasting a bullet if I used it on him. I guess it would be between Dana and Sebitchian. It’s a coin toss.
Ozzy Stillbourne: Sebitchian because I’ve written all I can possibly write about him. He’s gotten way too many FU Awards and B.A.F.B.A’s. I can still get some mileage out of Dana so I’ll keep him around for a bit.
23. Has Rikki Rockett ever painted a toilet seat lid for a Metal Sludge staff member? – submitted by Crabby Ass
JBN: No, but it was actually discussed! Donna Anderson thought it would be cool to have a Rikki Rockett painted toilet seat but then realized it would be hard to explain to her guests why she owed a Rikki Rockett painted toilet seat.
Donna: I wanted a personalized toilet seat but then realized I couldn’t have it in my bathroom because when people came over, they’d see it and that would be hard to explain since I’m anonymous.
24. How do I sneak out of my house and get to the Extravaganza in Cleveland without my wife knowing? – submitted by Steve
Ozzy Stillbourne: The same way you sneak out of your house every Friday night to visit that escort you fuck in that hotel down by the Flatts.
BBF: How about if you leave, I’ll deliver a pizza, and pound her for while. She’ll be happy and fed, and you can go spend money on our shit! Sounds like a deal!
25. Have you guys ever seen your swag on the street just by luck? Not like at a rock concert or Sludge sponsored party/gig/event, like at the laundromat, chicken shack, bowling alley, etc? – submitted by Crabby Ass
JBN: Actually, I have. I was in Los Angeles one time and saw a kid walking down Melrose wearing a Metal Sludge Fancy Ass shirt. That was a trip!
BBF: I saw a young college chick wearing a Metal Slut Tank Top in Buckhead, Georgia, as I drove my RV through one Summer’s day!
Donna: I had a guy pull up in his car one time wearing a Metal Sludge Baseball Jersey while I was working the street corner. That was awkward!
26. Why are some of the 20 Q’s "toned down" while some of them "go for the throat" ? – submitted by SogLawless
JBN: It all depends on who we are interviewing. Some people have more stuff to go after, so those might be more "go for the throat." And some, there just isn’t a lot to goof on, so those might be "toned down" so to speak. We can write brutal questions for Jani Lane all day, but what is there to really say about the guy from Kik Tracee? Some people just don’t have the baggage that others do. Also, depending on who we are talking to, sometimes we have to word things carefully so we don’t anger the person so much they don’t send the questions back. With email interviews, they have to send them back to us so if we know somebody is a hot head and as a temper, we might trend a little carefully but still try to get our point across.
27. Are you to the point yet where you’re drinking in the morning? – submitted by The Court Of The Royal Arms
Ozzy Stillbourne: Only on the days that end in ‘y.’
28. Why does Sludge say there is too much going on in the summer to update the site, but then say that in the winter there isn’t ENOUGH going on to update the site? – submitted by The Metal Chick
Ozzy Stillbourne: When people talk about fans, they always talk about our Sludgeaholics. When one of our fans gets pissed off, they get pissed off royally: "How come you never update the site?" But anybody who gets pissed off at you, from the right place–their heart. If somebody doesn’t care about you, what do you care what they think? We cater to the fans. We hear and we obey.
29. How do you guys find the time to do this site while drumming for Poison, singing for Ratt and selling Gillette’s old shit? – submitted by LoveReaction
JBN: You forgot playing guitar in Anthrax and being a host on VH-1. I don’t know, somehow we all find the time.
30. Time for Metal Sludge’s Word Association. We mention a name and we give an answer!
Ette = Gives great prostate massages.
Gary, IN = The city where dreams come true! The city that never sleeps. The city by the bay.
Gossip Board = Entertainment
Zakk Wylde = Has never done anything wrong. Some countries actually use his shit for currency, he’s that respected!
Sharon Osbourne = Fake bitch
Brent Muscat = does a great job running our site!
Jeff Kerby = Poser
Bruce Forrest = Big fan!
2004 = What comes after 2003. Probably our biggest year yet since I know what we have planned for it!