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Rotten Roundup for February 2005, 2/28/05



Welcome to Metal Sludge’s Rotten Roundup for February 2005!

Each month, we ask one ridiculous question to a random assortment of ‘rock stars’ and Metal Sludge celebrities, and then we’ll post all their answers here in one spot. We’ll ask the same question to people who have done 20 Questions with us, people who haven’t done 20 Questions with us, our past Sludgeaholics and Sludgettes of the Year, and all kinds of other friends of Metal Sludge. Some answers are short, and some go on and on. Some are funny, some are not. You never know what kind of answers we’ll get from people, so it’ll always be a surprise. Now you have Metal Sludge’s Rotten Roundup to look forward to at the end of each month. Hooray!

This month’s question is:

"What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?"

Nina C. Alice, Skew Siskin:

Bad movies are fun. But I don’t know any. I never watch more than 5-7 minutes.

Mitch Allen, SR-71:

DRAGNET – with Tom Hanks and Dan Akroyd

Now I’m sure there are worse movies out there and I am a fan of both these actors, but when I saw this movie, I was tripping on acid. Now I don’t encourage anyone to do drugs, but if you’re gonna, LSD is the one to do. Problem is, your mind goes someplace that doesn’t really find stupid movies like this one entertaining, so needless to say, Dragnet couldn’t hold my attention for shit. In the state I was in, nothing could have held my attention but… this was the 2 hour ADD fest that I got stuck in before I could go home, watch "The Minds Eye" on video and spend 5 hour in a heating swimming pool swearing that this must be what it felt like in the womb. :)

August, Killingbird:

Thunder and Mud – Stevie giving a massage… enough said.

Frankie Banali, Quiet Riot:

That would have to be "Family Enforcer" with Joe Pesci, a 1979 "gem" of celluloid nonsense. It was filmed like a cheap porno without the redeeming qualities of cheap gratuitous sex. No disrespect to Mr. Pesci, a fine Italian/American actor.

C.C. Banana, 2003 Sludgeaholic of the Year:

While it may not be the worst movie I’ve ever seen, "Terminator 3" was a major disappointment primarily for its blatant disregard of events from the first two films. As such, the story falls apart under the weight of its own faulty logic. Still, I suppose the explosions were cool.

Krys Baratto, ModiFY/ex-Samantha 7:

Now, I’m not much of a movie attendee, however, the last movie I believe I attended I hated. That would be the Doors movie!! Yes, that would be way back in 90 something. Since the band alone sends me into some kind of state of mind I can’t explain-because I can’t stand them, from what I saw of the movie I didn’t like. I fell asleep part way through. Why would you go some may ask ? I hot little chickypoo what else?!!! The night worked out just fine and I still don’t like that band.

Jason Becker, DLR Band/Cacophony:

I have seen many terrible movies, but I can’t remember any of them, so I will just say one that was supposed to be hilarious, but I didn’t chuckle once: "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." To me weddings are usually boring or phony anyway, but I wanted to see what the hype was. I just don’t get how it was clever at all. Not awful, just mediocre. Also, I couldn’t finish "The Piano."

The Blue Meanie:

"Freddy Got Fingered"!! What a painful a piece of shit THAT was. The only reason I didn’t walk out was because I was hoping for a SOMETHING funny. If I ever see Tom Green I am going to kick him square in the ball for that.

Eric Brittingham, Cinderella/Naked Beggars:

Caddyshack II.

Inga Brittinham, Naked Beggars:

Okay, I’m into Cheesy Horror flicks! But Not shitty flicks- I think it was called 13 Seconds. The writing was shitty, the direction was shitty, the acting was shitty, the lighting was shitty, the setting was shitty. And I barely understood what the flick was about, not to mention we couldn’t understand what the hell "13 Seconds" , the name, was pertaining to. However, I could not find any given 13 seconds in the movie that anyone should watch.

Jacob Bunton, Mars Electric/Lynam:

The worst movie I ever saw was the original Debbie Does Dallas. Don’t get me wrong, I love porn as much as the next guy, but when I was a kid, I would stay with my grandmother after school. Our local video store carried porn and regular movies. They didn’t have a separate section for porn, they just set them out with everything else. My grandmother told me to pick out a movie, so I grabbed Debbie Does Dallas off the shelf thinking it was a football movie. The movie store put the tapes behind the boxes on the shelf, so I just grabbed the tape. When we got home, she went out to work in the garden and I put the movie in. I started watching the movie and almost made it to the end, but about the time of the anal scene with the two girls and a guy, my grandmother walked back in. It was the most uncomfortable feeling ever. Then she proceeded to tell me about the birds and the bees.

Billy Childs, Britny Fox:

Man, that’s a lot of movies, so I’m only gonna count first run theater ones that I paid to see. In which case Titanic is still my all time worst. I know, I know, there’s a lot worse movies than that one, but for me I just don’t ever remember being that bored for that long. I think that movie was around 97-98? Anyway, heres the scenario — I had been playing clubs 5-6 nights a week on the East coast, after the Britny Bite Down Hard tour ended in 92, and we packed it in for then. I had just started seeing this girl and was really in love, that lasted all of about 2 years. Talk about long and boring…., but that’s another story, worse than Titanic really, but we go to this thing with 2 of her friends, another couple, and they seemed nice enuff. About 1-2 hours in I’m like "Jesus Christ, am I the only guy in here that thinks this movie sucks??" I look at the future ex, and she’s got a good cry going on, as does her friend and every girl in the packed theater. I figure this guy was as sick of it as me, as he seemed like a pretty tough kinda guy, big, tats, the whole roadie thing happening. I leaned over and said "Yo, buddy, wanna go grab a smoke?" This fuckin guy looks at me and can hardly talk, he’s crying so much! I was like, man, I’m outta here. I rolled out and smoked a joint and hung out and got back when he was dying on the raft. THAT took an hour!! My worst movie ever, and that fucking 2 years with her wasn’t far behind. Almost like an analogy, really. And I do get moved by a lot of flicks, just not this one. Two thumbs down, faux show.

Christian, Killingbird:

The Stoned Age. Stevie Rachelle’s acting.

Ethan Collins, ex-White Trash:

This is a tough one, there are so many bad movies! Roger Rabbit was pretty bad. Not as funny or as hip as Bugs Bunny, Tom and Jerry, Woody Woodpecker, etc…. That voice was freaking annoying as hell and the special effects were totally overhyped.

Alice Cooper:

‘Gosford Park’. I wanted every one of the characters to die after the first 10 minutes because they all just bored me to tears.

Olivia "Ette" Daniel, January 2002 Sludgette of the Month:

Any movie that has dogs or monkeys befriending a child… Particularly if the dog or monkey is able to play a sport. I mean, how many goddamn movies do we need with dogs and monkeys playing fucking basketball!?!

And what’s this new piece of shit coming out where the dog smiles all retarded? What the fuck is that all about? THAT’S CREEPY AS FUCK! God I’d like to find the people that come up with this stupid shit and stab em in the head.

Georg Dolivo, Rhino Bucket:

The worst movie I ever saw had Michael Caine in it and was called "McBain", I think. Basically it’s about a group of buddies who are vets that decide to take out a corrupt South American Dictator all on their own. I think, if I remember correctly, that it was over a murdered buddy or something. What was wrong with it? It was tragic that film was wasted to document this piece of dog turd. The plot was over the top in stupidity. The dialogue could have been written by a drunk 3 year old and Michael Caine looked half-crocked throughout the whole damn thing. I mean this as so bad I may have to go rent it and remind myself how bad it was. It was beyond bad. If bad was a 1 on a scale of 1 to 10, then this movie was a negative 100. This movie proved that, at times, Michael Caine was a total man whore in that he would do any movie for a buck. God, I hated this movie!

Kevin DuBrow, Quiet Riot:

There are so many. As much as I liked Oceans 11 I thought Ocean’s 12 was just awful. It seemed like they just made it so they could party together.

Jim Bob Dwarf, 2001 Sludgeaholic of the Year:

The other day in Sludge Chat, my pal (and September 2004 Sludgeaholic of the Month) Angry Jewboy linked me to the Fred Durst home porn videoclip that recently surfaced on the net. Ugh! Nothing?s creepier than seeing Fred Durst?s ?o-faces? and that chick looked like she forgot to wipe her ass. And it was sooooo obviously a transparent ploy to get Fred?s name in the press. I don?t believe for one second that it was really hacked from Fred?s cellphone. It totally grossed me out. Yet, somehow I felt compelled to watch the whole thing. Thanks a lot, A.J.!

David Ellefson, F5/ex-Megadeth:

"THE HILLS HAVE EYES." It is a low budget, cheesy horror flick. It was so bad that unfortunately it has permanently stayed in my mind as an all time loser movie.

Andrew Elt, Sleeze Beez:

Return of the Mummy. Watched it in Boise together with Walter Trout on a day off, and we rolled out of the theatre in stiches, we never laughed so much. It was so over the top, that in combination with being on the road for 40 days, that all we could see was how bad and corny the movie was. It was hilarious to us. It was like, we have a computer, lets use it. No lets use ALL the computers we have, because we sure as hell need to use something to cover up the fact that we have no story, plot or half decent actors to fill the 90 min needed to make a movie.

In hindsight we should have gone to see Lilo and Stich, but we probably wouldn’t have seen the humour in that. It was one of those days-off, mid tour-, who the hell-why the hell-where the hell are we moments on tour. Been there?

Jackie Enx, Rhino Bucket:

It was some cop thing… I can’t remember the first guys name… "Something and Cash." I think Stallone was in it… and maybe Kurt Russell… A really young Teri Hatcher was in it too… it simply blew… I think I blocked it out… if I start to have psychotic episodes, it’s on you…

P.J. Farley, Ra/ex-Trixter/40 Ft. Ringo:

"In The Cut!" It’s like… Ok, there’s Meg Ryans tits! (and I appreciate that) but where’s the fuckin plot!!. Maybe if she had better boobs I could have watched the whole thing. Anyone who saw this movie can back me up.

Troy Patrick Farrell, Fastmaster/Mike Tramp’s White Lion:

This may not jive with what others think..but I thought the Anchorman stunk… it really wasn?t that funny… and I love Will Ferrell (no relation, different spelling) and Ben Stiller… Dodgeball hit the mark… Anchorman didn?t do it for me… I think I fell asleep…

Also, Spinal Tap… no, hear me out… I heard they have like 20 hours of extra footage that has never been released due to too many hands in the pot… so… being that it?s my favorite flick… and I now know it ended 18 hours early, and ego?s prevent it from being released in it?s full glory… it has become the worst movie for me…

Marc Ferrari, ex-Keel/Cold Sweat:

The remake of Planet of the Apes…. what made it bad was everything: from the idea of re-making it on down: The writing, the acting, the casting, the camera angles…..

Glenn "Archie" Gamble, Helix/Popjoy:

Spinal Tap… How dare they not credit Helix for all those brilliant ideas they stole! (Hello Cleveland!) Second runner up… The History Of Canada (8th. Grade History Class). Fuck, are fur trappers and loggers ever boring!

Ginger, The Wildhearts/Brides of Destruction:

I’m a big movie buff, and I’ve lost way too much time, that I will never get back, watching shitty movies.

But the worst insult to celuloid (even worse than that last ‘Excorcist’ abortion…. come to think of it, when is the Paul Schrader written version of The Excorcist coming out anyway?) was that recent piece of shit remake of the mighty ‘ROLLERBALL’

If it had featured less of the original’s 70’s arty farty crap but had a shitload more violence and gore then at least it could have stood up as a modern take on contemporary violence, but to take those battle scenes and not be able to make them harder hitting with todays technology is a fucking crime, and someone should be getting fucked in prison for it. Leave the fucking classics alone.

Anyone want to earn a fortune in the film industry doing a remake? Get in touch with me and we’ll remake ‘Driller Killer’.

Lizzie Grey, Spiders and Snakes/ex-London:

Am I the only one who thinks that the ending of ?Titanic? totally sucks? I mean, really, think about it. These two people fall in love, against all odds, on this doomed ship that hits an iceberg and sinks. In the end, she?s floating on a piece of debris, and he?s freezing to death in the water, hanging on for dear life. As he?s dying of hypothermia, she keeps telling this guy that she?s totally in love with him and it?s all going to be okay, while he keeps telling her that he?s totally in love with her and it?s all going to be okay. So why the f–k don?t they just trade off every ten minutes or so on who gets to float and who gets to freeze, so they both can live and stay in love and get laid so more and have kids and get in fights and the whole bit? Pardon me for being logical.

Alex Grossi, Quiet Riot/ex-Beautiful Creatures:

"Titanic"….. I went w/ this stripper who told me halfway through that she "heard" that the ship was gonna hit an iceberg and sink…. totally ruined it for me. I don’t know what I was more bummed about, the fact that the movie sucked so bad or the fact that my date was such a Fucking moron.

Tracii Guns, Brides of Destruction/L.A. Guns:

I hated "Open Water" and "What About Bob" they both just sucked

Vic Hix, Shok Paris/Aftershok:

Hands down it was "FAHRENHEIT 911" Why?? it’s ALL BULLSHIT!!!

Alex Kane, AntiProduct/ex-Life Sex & Death:

Hello again, fair readers. Anyone who knows me knows I love shitty movies and consider myself something of a shitty movie expert. Not like just downright awful shit like "Troy" or any Steven Seagal movie ever (who, it must be said, is actually the biggest asshole I’ve ever had the misfortune not only to have met let alone worked with) but the shit that thinks it’s gonna be great and is completely "almost" in every regard. Almost exciting. Almost sexy. Almost funny. Almost completely dazzling, yet failing miserably on every count. Don’t ask me why. It’s probably got something to do with the Cubs, I guess. It’s like the Einstein of complete and utter shit. A genius of mediocrity. It’s got to have "good intentions" written all over it and MUST have at least one brilliant perfomance utterly wasted in a big pile of crap that Hollywood has wasted muchos dineros on. Seriously, it’s like a disease with me and next to writing songs and AntiProduct (www.antiproduct.com -Ed.), is my fave thing in the world. Well, I do like head alot too, but for arguments sake, let’s just move on before the coffee wears off.

A movie which absolutely personifies (movie-sonifies?) this ethos is the recent (’97) Godzilla, which I PAID to see a total of 12 times in the cinema and then went out purchased the fuckin’ thing on VHS and DVD, all on my Visa card. In it we find the otherwise talented Matthew Broderick and some fuckin’ blonde bimbo that made we wanna shoot her in the head she was so shit and annoying… along with an almost giant, almost sympathetic, almost scary, totally CGI looking lizard cartoon wanna be bad boy King of the reptiles. THE complete shitty movie experience! "Why?!" I hear you ask. Because I so desperately wanted them to make the sequel "Three Men and a Little Zilla" or "Godzilla 2: Flatulence of the Godz" (replete with CGI fire breathing lizard ass) or whatever, just so they’d take a complete and total financial bath on the "almost" crap. So, my little efforts to destroy civilisation from within, involving the facts and figures streamed through virtual-space via the internet on account of monkeying with the figures with my virtual money (re: credit cards) trying to fool the bastards into wasting more time and money on the disrespectful bullshit these clowns think we’ll be entertained by. Hey, some people like to bowl, this happens to be my buzz. Check it out. It’s 100% completely almost worth it.

Matt Kramer, ex-Saigon Kick:

"Rocky 5" – Can’t we just leave good enough the fuck alone !!!

Tricky Lane, ex-Sweet F.A.:

Fu***n Dream Catcher from Steven King. What a Fu***n PILE. I dont know for sure if whats the very worst, But it was pretty bad. I never ever sat in a movie theater fighting with myself to leave or stay. I watched the whole thing becaused I paid the money and I hoped it would get better. Shitting out a monster from your ass doesn’t make a good movie.

What’s so bad about it………. I’ve tried to delete it from my mind. Please don’t make me remember.

Josh Lewis, ex-Warrant:

Gonna have to get back to you on this one, I can’t think of it right now.

Mandy Lion, WWIII:

Van Helsing… Because I don’t like the fact that ever since that movie came out kids and their parents seem to react differently to me. Where they used to hide their children when they saw me coming, now they hand them over and start taking pictures. Besides that the movie sucked ass… There are too many incredibly bad scenes to get into but there is one that definitely stands out… Female flying vampires are fighting lil Hugh and the female lead… A flying female vampire grabs the female lead character and flies off with her… Lil Hugh jumps up and holds on to female lead’s foot… Female vampire now has too much weight to carry since there are 2 people hanging on and lets go of female lead character… 2 seconds later the same vampire grabs a full grown cow and not only picks it up and flies with it but throws it into a building as if the cow was a gerbil… NOW, 2 people combined weigh how much…? Maybe 300 pounds? A cow weighs how much…? 2000 pounds…? I mean, what is up…???

Eric Martin, ex-Mr. Big/TMG:

It’s called ?Club Dread?. The previews had half naked girls on an Island running for their life from a crazed killer… oh my God it was the worst piece of shit I have ever seen. I wanted to write hate mail to the director/ writer and actors of this complete waste of time. I love movies but I felt violated after this one.

Soichi Masuda, 2002 Sludgeaholic of the Year:

The movie? Haha,’The Stone Age’. I saw this movie about a year ago, because someone on the gossip board wrote that was a cool movie. So I ordered it to Amazon.com not Amazon.co.jp. Actually cheap but postage and handling were more expensive than the video’s price.

Oh well that is not my point. I heard that a singer named Stebie Reicheru of PBF or Tugh something who used to sing ‘American Hair Bastard’,’I hate kissin you bastard goodbye’ and ‘Cheesebastard with Attitude’ was in that movie. That was the main reason I bought the video. But that Stevie guy once appeared at the beginning of the movie sitting on wood something saying nothing! Just fuckin sitting with fellows! And the middle part of the movie he was carrying a keg or bottles of beer with a bunch of gangs. He suddenly disappeared and never seen again.

I thought he was starring! Also I hate to watch the black long haired big guy (the main actor) tried to have a sexual affair with the chick and did. I did not like that kinky story either. That was a sort of comedy movie, not porn. The movie should be ended like ‘Wayne’s World’.

Billy McCarthy, ex-D’Molls/author, The Devil of Shakespeare:

The Godfather Part 3. The latter question should be what the fuck was this movie about?

One and Two, simply brilliant thanks to novelist Mario Puzo, but bringing in George Hamilton (who couldn’t deliver a pizza, let alone a line) over Robert Duvall confirmed to me within the first fifteen minutes, Francis Ford Coppola was pouring too much wine in his spaghetti sauce, and stirring it to too many Kiss records.

Al Pacino, who’s a genius actor, looked as though he was sleep-walking, Sophia Coppola should have upped her dose, and Talia Shire should have doubled hers, or let it be known she’d been laid since Godfather Two.

Part 3, which sparks a heart-attack to Pacino’s character should have been a comedy entitled "Al Pacino Has a Grabber," after being bamboozled (by agent Desi Z’Nuff) into the biggest piece-of-shit script ever written in motion picture history! Dee Snider could have done this one better. Well, maybe not.

Living proof to zip-it-up after your second encore, and the best movies will always stem through novels, but only off the INK and pages of the original novelist–who in part 3 (novelist, Mario Puzo) thank God, presuming faked his way out with a sudden case of writers block.

Kenny McGee, Julliet:

Recently I would have to say "Open Water". Two hours of people floating in the ocean? I just didn’t get it.

Chris McLernon, ex-Saigon Kick:

Pulp Fiction. Hands down.

I didn’t like the actors, the stories/vignettes, the forced hepcat dialogue, the bad wigs, that hateable French chick asking about her bloody pancakes and I certainly am not an Uma Thurman fan – she looks like a halibut pressed up against a window. It was two hours I wish I could get back on my deathbed.

Frankly, I felt as violated as Ving Rhames after that waste of time. At least someone rescued him.

Why couldn’t Zed cornhole Tarantino?

That would have been entertaining.

Punky Mendoza, ex-Heavy Pettin:

Debbie Does Dallas. Not enough sex.

Matt Mercado, Supermercado/ex-Mind Bomb:

Thats a tough one, because I think so many movies are bad.

They have such a huge budget and they keep shoving rehashed fair tails down our throats.

Probably the worst I can remember is Waterworld.

I remember my girlfriend at the time "the dragon queen" begged me to see some Johnny Depp movie, but I wouldn’t give in and made her go to see Waterworld.

Needless to say, that was the last movie I got to pick, h@~!

It was just bad in so many ways. Kevin Costner kept yelling at that lady and the little kid, it just was dreary!

Alexx Michael, Shameless:

Steel magnolias with Julia Roberts. The whole movie is just so bad. It?s one of those "We make all women cry" movies. A bad and boring story with no point to it. The person i knew who loved that movie was kind of crazy herself.

George Mihalovich, Aftershok:

An adaptation of the Gor/Counter-Earth series of books by John Norman. They were written in the late 60’s-70’s, and while not high art, they were pretty entertaining if your into the sword-and-sorcery-style action stuff. So, when I saw the video, I rented it and figured it wouldn’t be too bad if it even came close. Wrong! I mean, if you think Conan the Barbarian was kind of campy (yes, I liked this movie!), this made it look like high art! And to top it off, I really don’t recall any hot chicks or anything redeeming to speak of. Some gratuitous nudity instead of a bunch of inane sword-wielding maniacs would have been nice. Perfect fare for Mystery Science Theatre 3000!

Darrell "Dwarf" Millar, Killer Dwarfs/Automan.ca/ex-Laidlaw:

The worst movie off-hand I have seen was The Cabin Boy with Chris Idiot. I think this movie could have been really funny. The premise had a lot to work with but the movie was NOT funny. KORN as I put it. Chris Elliot was an ASS in this movie. Now if the Captain had of really korned Buddy in the ass, that would be funny. Also I seen it miles in on tour when I wasn’t very tolerant for anything. Maybe I should watch it again in the confines of my crib… but then again… NOT!!!

Jason Miller, Godhead:

Probably the 90’s remake of Godzilla. 1. You can’t remake a classic monster like the original Godzilla. 2. You can’t remake him by making him look and act like a giant Raptor from "Jurrasic Park." 3. Matthew Broderick sucks.

Amanda Moeckel, 2002 Sludgette of the Year:

Twenty-nine Palms. Goddamn. Don’t let the hot-ass cover deceive you. This movie is the slowest thing I’ve ever watched, complete with nott-hott, very uncomfortable sex scenes, and a sloppy, fucked up, confusing ending. I stayed awake hoping it would get better or have some cool climax, but I really wish I had fallen asleep in the early minutes like I do with every other nighttime movie. I mean, did I miss something? Is there some deep, complex meaning? Bruno Dumont (writer/director of this sorry excuse for a film) must be a lazy, boring piece of junk. I bet he calls himself an "artiste" and tries to impress women with long words and poetry… in coffee shops.

Pat Muzingo, Junkyard:

It has to be ?Less than Zero.? It was bad cause I was in it.

Wendell Neeley, The Classic Metal Show:

Super-Troopers!! It wasn’t funny, there was no plot, and no point. It was just gay!!!

Marty O’Brien, Methods of Mayhem/Static-X/Disturbed/etc. etc.:

CONGO. The worst piece of shit I’ve ever seen. A complete waste of a perfectly good blank reel of Panavision film. I had to endure it on a long flight too.

Eddie Ojeda, Twisted Sister:

Recently, it has to be Honey. Even thought J.A. looked hot, the storyline was terrible. It’s amazing that someone can actually talk a company into making a movie that bad. That’s the kind of movie that makes person depressed, like "get me a rope so I can hang myself" depressed.

Steve ?Ponch? Ponchaud, WIMK-WUPK The Bear/January 2001 Sludgeaholic of the Month:

I’d have to say Battlefield Earth was the worst. It’s the only movie I left before it was over. It was painfully bad. I like Travolta and it baffles me to this day that he looked at that script and said ‘Yup, this is something I have to do.’ Where do I start on why it’s bad… hmm… words escape me. Just think of every aspect that makes up a motion picture and it was shit in this case. I could not watch the entire thing.

Clare pproduct, AntiProduct:

The worst film I’ve ever seen is Independence Day. I was sooooo looking forward to it being a total sci-fi lover (cyber is this years black) but the storyline was so pathetically bad and predictable and the continuity was laughably abysmal. Special effects were good but they are wasted without a story. The next worst movie was Judge Dredd and even though I have a 1.5 second starring role in it it still doesnt make that storyline any better either… why didnt they just read one of the comics? Sylvester Stalllone is a nice guy though and his mum RULES (she told me that he used to be a hairdresser before he was an actor which is funny, she said, as he is starting to go bald at which point he told her to shut up)!!!

Randall, Sixty-10:

I honestly have to say the worst movie I was ever forced to endure was Breakin’ II, Electric Bugaloo. I was pretty sure it was already broken after Breakin’ I. They could have just stopped there. What made it so bad? Um, the acting…the dancing… the music…the plot…the fact that I actually sat through the damn thing… the fact that I admit sitting through the damn thing. I’ve never thrown so many raisinettes in all my life.

Amy "Stalker Jr." Romano, 2003 Sludgette of the Year:

I know I’ve seen a lot of awful movies, but the most recent one I’ve seen that just actually made me feel dumb for watching it was this movie called Lucky. Now, I’m all for B horror flicks, but this movie was terrible. My boyfriend and I were at Blockbuster just scanning all the movies, nothing really in mind… so after awhile of just looking and looking, we got fed up, so he was like lets get this movie. He reads the back of it to me, and says "What the hell, we’ll give it a shot" I was like yeah.. and if it’s so bad we’ll just pass the time and have sex! So we get home and put it in, and at first I was like, this movie is terrible.. but has time went on, I was almost in tears it was so bad. You could sit there and laugh at it…but ugh. Terrible movie. We wound up not having sex during the movie. There’s this stupid movie going on in the background, plus I couldn’t take my eyes off of it no matter how badly I wanted to. There was nothing to do to make this movie better or get through it more quickly. Why not shut it off? Curiosity killed the cat. But after the movie he made up for it..I still shudder when I walk past it in Blockbuster or Hollywood Video. It was about this writer who had writers block, so he couldn’t pay his bills and what not. One night while he was getting a beer, he hit this dog (lucky) and he took it in and cared for it. Well, the dog can talk and he helped this guy write good stories so he’d get money. The dog helped him meet a girl, but the dog was possessed. In return for the dog helping out this guy, he made the guy kill all these people, and the dog killed the dude’s girl, and he had to bury them all in his backyard… I think he dug up some of the chicks and fucked him. Ya might be sitting there thinking, well, can’t be that bad, having sex with dead bodies, a talking dog.. NO STOP! Do not for whatever sick and twisted reason, rent Lucky. I was so embarrassed to bring it back, so I threw it in the drop box and bailed. It amazes me what kind of shit can make it on a Blockbuster shelf.

Billy Rowe, American Heartbreak/ex-Jetboy:

There’s alot ….. but Most with Nicholas Cage …. What made it bad is Nicholas Cage ….. he’s terrible.

Jamie Rowe, London Calling/Guardian:

I saw BARB WIRE on a day off in Stockholm many years ago. I thought it was going to be like Batman or something and it was just plain stupid. I left midway. Also-Kiss Meets The Phantom is crap, But it is so stupid that it’s fully enjoyable!

Sharon & Tamar, 2004 Sludgettes of the Year:


Romeo & Juliet… the one with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. What the fuck??? Why ruin such a classic with such quirkiness? I don’t even know where to begin. I knew I would hate it as soon as I saw the pistol that said "sword" on it. Don’t modernize a classic story and keep the dialogue the same. It’s so out of place. It hurt to watch and I was forced to stay and stick with it. It was a sad turn of events.


Mulholland Drive. What a piece of shit. You start getting into the story, and then it takes a turn which makes no sense. Then another which makes it even worse. When the movie was finally over, I was furious! I felt I was the butt of a practical joke. "Hey! I don’t know how to finish this movie, so let’s just do all kinds of wacky shit and let the viewer make up some bullshit analysis." Fuck that! The worst part is that there are people out there who think the movie is brilliant and cerebral. HUH??? Maybe I’m retarded. I’d rather watch Mean Girls!!!

Acey Slade, Trashlight Vision/Murderdolls:

Pretty much anything with Hellen Hunt in it. If she’s in it’s going to suck and therefore, have no need to watch it.

Smilin’ Mike, 2004 Sludgeaholic of the Year:

The worst film I saw was that flick "The Gladiator"… It was 3+ hours of total boring bullshit, and the worst part of it was, I was on a first date with some chick that night, she wanted to go see it so bad, so I was up for it n we went…It fucking sucked… Even worse, we went to this theatre that was supposed to be so well equipped with, "Stadium Seating/Sound"…. I was so uncomfortable, I felt like I was sitting in the bleachers at a Tee-Ball baseball game… I wanted so bad to just get up, walk out, n drive home… I should have! Not only did the movie suck and the theatre was pure hell, but the chick ended up being a lying fucking bitch who still had a boyfriend LOL… What a nightmare…

Jasmin St. Claire:

This has many answers, but I would have to go with The Grudge.

What made it so bad? It was a rip off of The Ring.

Jaime St. James, Warrant/Black ‘N’ Blue:

I love horror movies. One of the worst was called "She Freak." This chick had one side of her face all pretty and made up, nice hair ya know and the other side was wrinkly and dirty with frizzy hair. Not a great monster for a kid but I might get a laugh out of it today.

Mick Sweda, ex-Bulletboys/King Kobra:

David Lynch’s "Lost Highway" comes to mind immediately. There’s nothing worse than investing one’s valuable time and even more precious cranial energy trying desperately to find some modicum of entertainment where there is none. I don’t know what drove me to the depths of despair that one must reach before attending a Lynching, but I can tell you that leaving that theater was one of the happiest moments of my life for, as I broke into the Hollywood smog and sun, my life was given back to me, never again to be stolen by the fraud that was David Lynch’s "Lost Highway". For fuck’s sake!!!

Skyla Talon, Killingbird:

I would have to say Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. I know with a name like that it sounds good. I had enough when they started dancing on the ceiling. Thumbs down on this one. I got all my dance moves from the first one.

Mike Tramp, White Lion:


No one ever gets Rock’n’Roll right on the big screen, and this makes me denounce my being part of the 80’s.

Joe Lynn Turner, ex-Rainbow/Deep Purple/Yngwie Malmsteen/et al:

I took my daughter to see Scooby Doo and it sucked. It was the most recent bad movie I have seen. I am sure there were others but this one stands out. You asked what made it so bad? It just sucked. You people at Metal Sludge should get what I mean ;-) Maybe Scooby needed a better acting coach?!?

Phil Varone, ex-Saigon Kick/Skid Row:

Caddy Shack 2 was the worst movie ever made. What made it so bad, was it was made. I understand cashing in on the first one, but that was pathetic. I hope the movie makers made enough money so they can hide for a long time.

Brian Vollmer, Helix:

Sister Act. People with no talent being taught to sing in two easy lessons.

Zinny J. Zan, Zan Clan/ex-Shotgun Messiah:

The worst movie I have ever seen is without a doubt "Blood Tracks."

What made it so bad was the script. Well, every single thing about this movie was just worse than mediocre + the fact that I was in it with my old band Easy Action.

Let?s just say that I am no Al Pacino and neither were the bandmembers. This was back in 1985 and we were asked to do some music for this movie. We accepted and met with the producers and they just loved our looks and the music we presented to them,They re wrote the script so we could be in the movie, Young, stupid and flattered we accepted and the result is just a catastrophy. Do NOT see this movie.

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