CLASSIC SLUDGE
Ozzy Stillbourne’s Bitter Halloween Sludge Wire October 26 1999
Wow…what in the world were we thinking?
The internet was in an infant stage and Metal Sludge was just starting out too. But during that first calendar year from September 1998 through late 1999 we uploaded several dozen Sludge Wire columns.
As we continue to celebrate Twenty Years (1998-2018) of Metal Sludge, we give you these crazy-ass Sludge Wires from wayback.
In a nutshell we would take various bits off the “news wire” from websites, press releases, pulications and print it – then add our ‘edgy’ comments.
If you’re REALLY politically correct, we suggest you DO NOT read these, these are not for the faint of heart.
Disclaimer: The comments made, the views of the (then) writers, the news items themselves and all the related content is NOT current and does not reflect the thoughts, or opinions of anyone at Metal Sludge.
These columns were published in 1998 and 1999.
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OZZY’S BITTER HALLOWEEN SLUDGE WIRE
10/26/99
Welcome to Ozzy’s Bitter Halloween SludgeWire. Full of all the latest news and my bitter and jaded comments. Since it’s Halloween week I’ve made everything orange. Isn’t that the color of Halloween? It doesn’t matter if that’s the color of Halloween, because that’s the color I’m using. And for all you juvenile delinquents out there, feel free to smash a few pumpkins and throw a few eggs for me this Halloween.
Speaking of throwing pumpkins and smashing eggs, I plan on throwing a few eggs at all this stupid news.
Shit from SFK Detritus.
Per usual, lots of Kiss and related news… An on-line post credited to Gordon G.G. Gebert, tell-all author and ex-friend of guitarist Ace Frehley, claims Ace is again out of the band, and ex-Black N’ Blue guitarist will fill in–in Ace’s makeup–at Kiss’ appearance Halloween weekend in Las Vegas unless Frehley accepts an 11th-hour offer from the band. Kiss will then contine without Frehley as Kiss 2000. Another rumor has Frehley assembling a new band with Anton Fig on drums and none other than Sebastian Bach on vocals, and their album will be out in the spring. (The starter of this second rumor then said: “I don’t know if this is absolutely true but my sources are pretty genuine. I
know Sebastian’s cousin’s husband and I know KISS’ manager’s secretary. I know that sounds goofy but I really do know them. They both confirmed this. Then my brother called me and said he heard the exact same thing from a guy at work.”) A band rep from their official site, KISSonline, denied all the rumors. What *is* certain is Frehley has a poll at the official Kiss site, http://www.kissonline.com/polls, where he wants fans to list their favorite solos in his songs. Ace hopes to have his own official site up and running soon.
I have 2 words for Kiss: It’s Over! Kiss is the Old Yeller of bands because they need to be taken out to pasture and shot. End the band with some fucking dignity. The Ex-Black N Blue guitarist would be Tommy Thayer, and he is Kiss’ ball licker, so it is entirely possible. And Sebastian still hasn’t answered our response to do 20 Questions, so it looks like he is being a pussy. What a bitch. His new name is Sebastian Bitch. Or Sebastian Brat. Either one will do. And why would anybody want to play with Ace Frehley? They guy plays like his fingers are broken. A paraplegic could play the guitar better. Anybody who has ever heard a board tape knows that. The guy can’t play a solo to save his fucking life. What’s the deal with Sebastian Bitch having guitarists that are so old they remember Central Park when it was just a plant? Richie Scarlet and Jimmy Flemion have the combined age higher than what Yokozuna weighs. Now he’s playing with Ace Frehley? Good move, pot boy.
-A club called Don Hill’s in New York, NY, is bringing back “the glory days of metal” with new Wednesday metal nights called “Rock Candy.” Says Steven Blush, the “mastermind” of Rock Candy, “It used to be all about dressing up and getting wasted and getting laid and rockin’ out. Face it, there was a time and a place for alternative rock and indie rock, but that time has come and gone. The pendulum has swung. As we reach the Millenium, it’s time to fuckin’ party!” To wit, there’s only a $5 cover charge…and it’s *free* if you’re sporting big hair. 🙂 Upcoming shows: 10/27 – The Upper Crust/Raging Slab/New Pop Jets; 11/3 – Sebastian Bach (invite-only record release party)/Sixty Watt Shaman; 10 – PCP Highway/Sergio Vega/Nympho/Reach; 17 – Vasquez/Come On/ Hellafield Funk Crew; 24 – Enuff Z’Nuff/Starr/Manscout; 12/1 – Honky
Toast. Metal bands interested in playing Don Hill’s on Rock Candy nights can send promo packages to: Steve Blush, c/o Don Hill’s, 511 Greenwich St, New York NY 10013, (212) 334-1390, seconds@bway.net.
NOTE TO DON HILL’S. If you plan on bringing back “the glory days of metal”, try getting bands people give a shit about! What the fuck is Upper Crust, Raging Slab, PCP Highway? Is that bringing back the glory days of metal? You can go to any rock club in the country and see a bunch of bands like that. If the biggest band you can get for metal night is Enuff Z Nuff, I suggest you rethink your strategy.
-Metal Edge magazine is launching their big on-line subscription deal at http://www.metaledgemag.com . The cost is $4.95/month or $59.40/ year, and you’ll get on-line chats, exclusive audio interviews, contests, merchandise, etc, plus all the regular contents of the existing magazine. The first 20,000 people to sign up for a full year will get a free one-year subscription to the “regular” printed version of the mag. The first on-line issue will be available November 9. We’re still free though. 🙂
Metal Sludge is also still free. We’re just like Bobbie Brown at Gazzaris Night at the Key Club, free to ride and open to the public.
Who’s going to pay $5 to get this shit? All it’s going to take is one person to pay the $5, and then steal all the news and info from the site. Gee, what website do we know that would do something like that? I just hope Gerri Miller has nothing to do with it.
-Rumor has it Warner Bros. will release an audio and video box set of Van Halen demos in Japan next year. The material’s currently available on the bootleg albums BLUEPRINT and LOONEY TUNES. (The latter is a mammoth–no pun intended–four-CD, five-hour set; both boots together total over seven hours of music. See http://www.vhboots.com/ for track lists.) Ex-singer David Lee Roth’s current tour has been extended to Christmas, so there won’t be any new material from the DLR Band till next year.
The demos will probably outsell the last Van Halen album, that’s for sure. By the way, that vhboots.com is a great site for Van Halen bootlegs. I’d highly recommend it, probably because I’m high right now, but I’m not suppose to say that. Just kidding…
Shit from Hard Radio.
Here is the “final” track listing for the new METALLICA album, due out November 23rd: ‘The Ecstasy Of Gold’, ‘The Call Of Ktulu’, ‘Master Of Puppets’, ‘Of Wolf And Man’, ‘The Thing That Should Not Be’, ‘Fuel’, ‘The Memory Remains’, ‘No Leaf Clover’ (new track), ‘Hero Of The Day’, ‘Devil’s Dance’, ‘Bleeding Me’, ‘Nothing Else Matters’, ‘Until It Sleeps’, ‘For Whom The Bell Tolls’, ‘-Human’ (new track) ‘Wherever I May Roam’, ‘The Outlaw Torn’, ‘Sad But True’, ‘One’, ‘Enter Sandman’ and ‘Battery’. The album will contain a 32-page booklet complete with photos of Metallica’s performance with the San Francisco Symphony. In November, Metallica will be joined by the Orchestra Of Saint Luke’s at Madison Square Garden for the only performance of this album live in the Americas. The proceeds from this show will go to Save The Music and Mr. Holland’s Opus – two charities that support music programs in schools with donations of musical instruments. Metallica will do only one other performance with the symphony in Berlin. Street date for the CD, cassette and VHS is November 23rd. Street date for the DVD is December 14th. As well, the band will play non-symphonic dates around New Year’s Eve with PANTERA on the bill. The showpiece of this brief tour will be a date at the Pontiac Silverdome in Detroit on December 31 when they’ll also have TED NUGENT on the show.
METAL SLUDGE EXCLUSIVE NEWS: Tommy Lee’s Methods Of Mayhem have been added to the Metallica/Ted Nugent/Kid Rock New Year’s Eve show which will be at the Pontiac Silverdome. You heard that shit hear first, so when all these other “news sources” tell you that next week, remember where you heard it first. Did I just repeat myself? Ah fuck it, who cares.
Tickets go on sale Saturday and are between $20-$100. The Silverdome is larger than Mick Mars is ugly, so unless you are up near the stage, the sound is going to suck. The echo in that bitch is going to fuck everything up. If you are way in the back, you’ll hear the drums 2 minutes after they were hit. Have fun!
NOTE TO SELF: You wasted $100 on that lame Kiss concert last year, don’t be a stupid ass and do the same thing this year. You know it’s going to suck and the beer is going to be $5 and taste like luke-warm piss. Stay home.
George Lynch (ex-DOKKEN) and his newly fly LYNCH MOB are set to start touring their fairly shocking hip-hop metal album Smoke This, out now on Koch. Getting in the van for approximately 36 dates through November until mid-December, the show will be a mix of the new record, three or four Dokken tunes, and a couple selections from Lynch Mob’s previous two albums. In conjunction with the full-length, look for the possibility of an “add-on” EP. George explains. “In the last week or two, we’ve been thinking about putting out a five song EP. We’ve got a cover we’re working on of Kids In America by Kim Wilde, and we’ve got a three song live Sabbath medley. It will come out on Koch to coincide as a promotional thing, some kind of marketing tool with the record. It will be used in different ways, maybe included with a bit of a surcharge, or even given away in certain situations. But it’s not determined yet. We’d like to just put stuff out there, because the band is so prolific, and there’s so much we want to do. We want to keep it interesting for the fans and offer lots of different perspectives on the band, not just the usual one record a year routine. If I could do 12 inchers I would do it (laughs).” On the band’s new sound, George had this to say. “It’s highly eclectic. We bring so many different things to the record with all our influences, so it’s really hard to nail down. But the prime thing is that we are just a really heavy groove-oriented, riff-oriented band. We just have a lot of different things on top of that, everything from jazz to Latin to hip-hop to hardcore, blues rock, pop, boogie stuff. I’ve been into this stuff since I was about eight years old. This is kind of embarrassing, but the first record I ever bought was The Supremes. But anyway, I was heavily into the blues. Really what has determined my playing since I started is really just rhythms. I play rhythmically. That is what my whole style is about. I think in terms of percussion, not so much intervals. I’m not as such a musical person. I’ve had these rhythms in my head all my life. If I wasn’t playing guitar, I would be playing some other instrument with these exact same chops.”
I love how George tries to say it’s hard to pin down the type of music they are. Anytime you hear somebody say this, that basically means the music sucks. I can pin it down rather easy…it’s bandwagon, trendy bullshit, how’s that? It’s called riding the Kid Rock/Limp Bizkit bandwagon. How do their nuts taste, George? Your a trendy fuck. Remember Shadowlife? Good idea, George. Go take some Met-Rx and OD on roids.
KIP WINGER’s Down Incognito is a new solo outing from the former leader of WINGER, a 13 track collection of acoustic versions of his greatest hits…
That’s funny, I don’t remember Winger having 13 hits. 3 maybe, but not 13.
Shit from Metal Edge.
It will be KISS vs. ‘N SYNC on MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch this Thursday, October 28, at 10 PM ET, repeating the following day at 6 PM ET. The Halloween show will also feature a battle between The Wolfman and Frankenstein’s Monster.
So what this report is saying is the The Wolfman is going to be facing Gerri Miller. Cool, I’ll have to check in.
STEVE VAI, who is seen covered in paint in the photos inside his new album The Ultra Zone, had fun becoming a human JACKSON POLLOCK canvas, but taking the paint off was another story. “It was the kind of paint that washes off very easily,” he says, but photographer NEIL ZLOZOWER didn’t have a shower at his photo studio. “He had to take me out to the street and hose me down–with cold water, in my underwear,” Vai shudders. Talk about sufering for your art!
Talk about “sufering” for your art? Don’t you mean suffering? Fuck, maybe Gerri was the one who typed the liner notes for the new Warrant CD. I’m “sufering” by trying to read her shit.
USELESS FACT: Steve Vai is a fucking bee keeper. He has a bunch of bees, and he loves it when they sting his balls. I heard he likes to pour Honey Nut Cheerios on his ass and have the bees lick it off. I can’t confirm that at this time, but I’ll keep you posted if I get more details.
the KISS flick Detroit Rock City faded fast from theaters, but it will get a second chance to find an audience on DVD and VHS, the former’s release preceding the latter by three weeks. The DVD version, including 15 minutes of deleted scenes, actors’ screen tests, behind the scenes footage, audio commentary by KISS and director ADAM RIFKIN, a choice of four angles from which to view the concert sequence, and an instructional segment on how to play “Rock And Roll All Nite,” will be out December 21 at the price of $24.98. The VHS version will be available for rental beginning January 11. In other KISS DVD news, Second Coming will feature bonus material including “Shout it Out Loud” from the 1996 Tiger Stadium show, a version of “Detroit Rock City” taped at the DRC premiere party, and “Shandi” from Melbourne, Australia in 1997.
KISS could include all the bonus footage they’d like, and even throw on a video of Britney Spears fucking the Backstreet Boys and still not be able to sell copies of that movie.
Check this out:
You know what, the Woodstock Home Video just came out last week and is 2 hours and 30 minutes long. It’s on one tape. Total running time is 150 minutes. The price was $17.95 at Suncoast Video.
Kiss’ Second Coming video was on 2 tapes and was only 70 minutes and 54 minutes. That’s 124 minutes. The videos were $30 at Suncoast.
The Woodstock video had 26 more minutes, was on one tape, and was only $17 at Suncoast video. Kiss’ video easily could have fit on one tape, but instead they put it on two and charged twice the amount! I know I talked about this before, but fuck, it pisses me off. That’s the very reason Kiss can go fuck themselves. They talk about how much the fans mean to them, but they fuck their fans every chance they get.
Speaking of the Woodstock CD and video, The Offspring, Metallica, and Limp Bizkit all fixed up their tracks. The vocals for Limp Dickz song are totally re-done, and the same thing with Offspring. The Limp Nutz vocals are so re-done you can tell by just watching the video. It’s way too perfect. Just check out the real PPV feed and you’ll see what I mean. Metallica just fixed up their drums because Lars’ is a bitch.
In addition to the song they’re working on for Any Given Sunday, which we told you about last week, SEVENDUST will be joining CREED on the Scream 3 soundtrack, which will be out in December. No word yet on whether the song will be a new or already existing b-side track.
That new Creed video is the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever seen. I’ve destroyed 3 TV sets because everytime that video comes on, I throw a brick through my TV screen. The singer of Creed thinks his shit comes in gold containers. Fuck him and his weak ass Doors cover band.
AEROSMITH’s already-amnounced New Year’s Eve show at the Osaka Dome in Japan is not the band’s only upcoming appearance in that country. A December 30 Osaka Dome show has also been scheduled, and from there Aerosmith will proceed to Nagoya on January 2, Fukuoka on January 4 and Tokyo on January 6-7. These are the last scheduled dates for the band on what has turned out to be a marathon tour.
More typos from Gerri. I won’t even point it out to you. I’ll let you try to find it on your own.
SAMMY HAGAR will perform at the motorcycle Love Ride at Castaic Lake north of Los Angeles on November 14. The $50 event admission, which goes to benefit the Muscular Dystrophy Association and literacy causes, includes a motorcycle stunt show, the 1 PM concert and a free barbecue.
Care.
ICED EARTH is looking for a power metal double-bass drummer “who is not an alcoholic or on drugs.” If you’re interested and you qualify, send a demo tape to Iced Earth, c/o Jon Shaffer, Platinum Dragon International, P.O. Box 174, Elizabethtown, IN 47232.
That’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one. A power metal double bass drummer who is not an alcoholic or on drugs. Sure, good luck finding that! You’ll have better luck finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.
DEREK DAVIS of BABYLON A.D. reports that the band is almost finished recording a new CD called American Blitzkrieg, which he calls “the best thing we’ve ever done.” Check out the B.A.D. site at www.babylonad.com.
That’s a lie. The best thing they’ve ever done was to break up.
In another clarification, it seems that TRENT REZNOR is not looking for a female singer for NINE INCH NAILS’ tour, but for a separate project. Tapes can still be sent to P.O. Box 16948, Cleveland, Ohio, 44116.
So would Mark/Marcie Free be able to apply? I guess so. So would Steve “Sex” Summers if you really think about it.
NIKKI SIXX and TOMMY LEE got a bit of a reprieve–they won’t have to appear in a North Carolina court on 1997 charges of inciting a riot until January 19. This means they’ll have time to promote their respective new releases, M�TLEY CR�E’s Live: Entertainment of Death, due out November 23, and METHODS OF MAYHEM’s debut, slated for November 9 release.
MOM will do well initially out of morbid curiosity, but then sales will drop like a fat chick walking a tight rope. The Motley live album actually has a cool track listing, but I’m willing to bet there is going to be some touch ups on that album as well. You can’t tell me they are going to not touch up fatty Neil’s vocals!
KISS’ PAUL STANLEY, now back on stage in Toronto in The Phantom of the Opera, will be Rockline’s guest on October 25. The 90 minute show airs at 11:30 PM ET.
And the point of knowing this is…
BRET MICHAELS, DAVE NAVARRO, and DAVID SILVERIA of KORN will appear in the November 6 episode of the TV series Martial Law. Michaels also wrote a song that will be heard in the episode. On the POISON front, the band will be included in the November 26 installment of VH1’s Before They Were Rock Stars, but no live appearances are expected before next summer.
No live appearances? As opposed to what, dead appearances?
Enough of this, I’m leaving.
LATER,
OZZY STILLBOUNRE