WHEN SLAUGHTER FANS WRITE
 

PART 2

Here’s the latest installment of “When Slaughter Fans Write – Part 2.” Part 1 was a huge success, so if necessary, there will be a whole series of these. This segment, without a doubt, has the most idiotic letter we’ve ever received. But first, before we go into our main event, I have a few other preliminary posts to show everyone. A dedicated Sludgeaholic sent these to us.

YES, CHICAGO ROCKED YES I AM GOING TO INDY.. MAYBE EVANSVILLE, HOPING TO GOTO CHAMPAIGN AND KANSAS CITY….AND AS FOR PERSONAL JOKE
DENNYS- 330 AM.. AFTER SPENDING THE LABOR DAY WKND W/ THE RNS TOUR.. AND BLANDO.. AND THEY HAVE THAT ITEM CALLED MOONS OVER MY HAMMY.. WELL I CHANGED IT TO MOONS OVER MY BLANDO.. AND THE WAITRESS, WHEN SHE BROUGHT IT, SAID IT THAT WAY…
When you read something like that, doesn’t it make you feel embarassed for the person saying that. Moons over my Blando. What a genius. I’m sure Blando is proud.

(Name withheld)…. IS IN LUST W/MR JOHNNY CRYPT.. LAGUNS, AND HE LOVES HAZLE NUT COFFEE….SO I PIPED UP AND SAID.. MR HAZLE CRYPT COFFEE.. AND SHE ORDERED IT THAT WAY..
You girls are living on the edge. You should get your own show. Maybe be writers on Saturday Night Live. This is the reason why I don’t go to Denny’s late at night.

MY FRIEND (name withheld to protect the stupid).. ORDERED THE BIG TEXAS BLAS BURGER BBQ……….NUFF SAID…
You ain’t kidding!

LMAO.. OMG.
Must there be acronyms for everthing? Can’t she just write out Oh My God instead of writing OMG. Are you that lazy? How about this, GAFCYLAB. That’s my abbreviation for Get A Fucking Clue You Lame Ass Bitch. Pass it on.
Now here is a reply to the previous post.

i was at that show too! i must say it was the best they’ve sounded since I don’t know when!
If you don’t know when, then what are you comparing them too? Just say it was the best they’ve sounded. Your a Slaughter fan, just stick to the point and use the least amount of words as possible.

My first concert was Slaughter..almost 9 years ago!…and they still rock! I think i lost some more hearing though…damn it was LOUD!!!
Well if your lucky you’ll lose all your hearing and you won’t be able to hear Slaughter again.
Now here is the reply of the Denny’s chick.

HEY, I WAS THERE TOO!! I WAS W/(name withheld to protect the fat).. I WAS THE ONE WEARING THE “MICHAEL SWEET WORLD TOUR ” JEAN JACKET.. W/ SLAUGHTER SHIRT…..
Hold the bus. Stop. A Michael Sweet World Tour Jean Jacket and A Slaughter Shirt. Visualize that. Isn’t a pretty picture, is it? And remember, this isn’t just a Michael Sweet Tour Jacket, it a Michael Sweet WORLD Tour Jean Jacket. Not to be confused with the Michael Sweet US Tour Jean Jacket, or the Michael Sweet FUBU Jacket that is popular in the inner city.

HECK YEAH THEY ROCKED AS USUAL…..AND (name withheld to protect the clueless),, YUP.. THAT WAS THE SET LIST.. LOL.. AND SCREAMFEST WAS MORE LIKE LAUGHFEST!!
That’s what I usually call a Slaughter show, a Laughfest.

LOL………OOOOHHH.. 2 WKS TIL WARRANT/SLTR/QRIOT IN INDY, AND EVANSVILLE, AND MAYBE FREAKERS BALL IN KANSAS CITY.. I HOPE I CAN GO
OH I FORGOT….BLANDO IS ONE HOTTIE!!! OMG. .. DID I JUST SAY THAT?? LOL
No, you didn’t just say that, you typed it ya stupid ass. It’s right there on the page! Here’s another acronym for you, FU!

Now that was just a warm up for the next letter. The next letter is the main event. This takes the cake, the deli tray, the catering truck, and everything else. Remember Sludgeaholics, this is REAL! Believe it or not, somebody actually sent this to us.

Please be advised, your blatant and intentional misquoting of the lyrics to a Slaughter Song Parody written by Allyson Forsythe is a violation of applicable copyright laws. You are hereby advised to remove the offending material(s) from your website immediately, or risk prosecution to the fullest extend of the law.

And that was it. Nothing else mentioned. Nobody signed it, nobody mentioned where this “violation of applicable copyright laws” took place. So Jani Bon Neil had no clue as to what this whacko was talking about, so he replied that we don’t have any parodies on our site and we have no idea what she is talking about. This was her reply:

“the song parody from which the line “Markus says he loves you and you know it’s a lie; Now he says he’s sterile but there’s two kids in sight…” was quoted on your site. It was also taken grossly out of context and published to imply Mark Slaughter’s son(s) are not his own. This is a gross injustice to Mr Slaughter’s children — who are definitely his own offspring. It is also an infringment on the copyright registered to Allyson Forsythe, who wrote the spoof lyrics and did not, in any way, grant you permission to re-print them in any form. Kindly remove the quote from your site, effective immediately.

I hate these little abbreviations, but in this case, I have no choice. LMFAO, which means Laughing My Fucking Ass Off. I’ll even throw in an OMG for good mesaure. Now we still had no clue as to what she was talking about until Jani discovered that it was about a post on our Gossip Board. That’s right, the Gossip Board, otherwise known as a Message Board, where anybody can post anything. So right away we knew this was the most ridiculous email we have ever gotten.
First off all, your precious quote was “Markus says he loves you and you know it’s a lie; Now he says he’s sterile but there’s two kids in sight…” Absolutely brillant! John Lennon has nothing on you.
But the quote that somebody put on the Gossip Board was “Mark says he’s sterile but there’s two kids in site.” As you can see, it wasn’t a direct quote, and the person put it in their own words. So this chick writes us and doesn’t even know what was said. She probably heard something about it and wanted her 15 minutes of fame at Metal Sludge’s expense. Sorry. Wrong.
I like this line, “your blatant and intentional misquoting.” Like we all sat around and said, “Let’s blatantly and intentionally misquote this chick’s parody.” Why would we do that, it’s a STUPID FUCKING QUOTE! It’s wasn’t even on our main site, it was on the MESSAGE BOARD. IT’S A MESSAGE BOARD!!!!!!!!!! People are allowed to post whatever the fuck they want. You know how many newsgroups and message boards are on the internet? Millions! If I quoted a line from a Poison song and posted it in a AOL folder or a newsgroup, do you think Bret Michaels is going to come after me? For what? There is no case. And besides, what were you going to do had it been a direct quote of your precious lyric. Sue us? For what? What are you going to do, call a lawyer and say, “Yes, I posted a parody song in the AOL Slaughter folder, and somebody took a line from that and posted it on another message board. I’d like to sue for damages.” Yeah, I can see it now:

Judge Ed Koch: You’ve both been sworn in and I have read your complaints. So tell me fat Slaughter fan, what is the problem?

Fat Slaughter Fan: Well your honor, I made a parody of a song, and it was about Slaughter, and I posted it in an AOL folder for everyone to see. I guess somebody saw it and a quote from it was posted on another message board. By the way, Blas is my favorite! He’s such a hottie! One time I was in Denny’s and….

Judge Ed Koch: Ok, that’s enough fatty. Mr. Stillbourne, would you like to address the court at this time?

Ozzy Stillbourne: Sure, I’d like a Bud and an order of potato skins.

Judge Ed Koch: Excuse me?

Ozzy Stillbourne: Isn’t this a bar?

Judge Ed Koch: No, it’s a court of law.

Ozzy Stillbourne: Then why are there two bouncers over there?

Judge Ed Koch: Those aren’t bouncers, those are bailiffs.

Ozzy Stillbourne: Oh. So does that mean I’m not getting my beer and potato skins?

Judge Ed Koch: Ok, I think if heard enought to render a decision. I’m not even going to go back to my chambers to decide this case cause it’s stupid as fuck. My verdict goes in favor of the defendant since the plaintiff reminds me of an algebra book – she’s got a lot of problems, easy to open, and hard to figure out. Courts adjourned!

That’s basically what would happen. By the way Sunshine, did you get permission from the band that you parodied to do a parody of their song? Did you ask them if you could change around their lyrics? Does their publishing company know you did that? Of course not. And if you even think about writing us and saying that we just printed your quote without permission, go fuck yourself. It says on our main page that all the E-mail we get will get posted, so by emailing us, you just gave us permission, biiiitchhhhhh!
So once Jani notified her that it wasn’t a direct quote and he called her a stupid fat Slaughter fan, here is what our Rhodes Scholar sent back to us.

“Well, you should be more careful…. What you’re allowing someone to say about Mark Slaughter and his children on your website is called slander. Think twice. And, I may be a Slaughter fan/friend…. but I also have an I have an IQ over 145 and a 24″ waistline — know whom you’re dealing with before you call anyone fat or stupid.”

Nobody said they weren’t his kids, people were asking questions if what they heard is true. It’s called freedom of speech. It’s called giving an opinion. People were expressing their thoughts, and nobody said for a fact they weren’t his kids. Besides, IT’S A FUCKING GOSSIP BOARD! THE NAME SAYS IT ALL. GOSSIP! What are you, a communist!? Don’t you believe in free speech? Why should any of us regulate what somebody says on a fucking gossip board? You don’t see anybody regulating what’s being said in all those newsgroups. Besides, we have a disclaimer at the bottom of our page saying our whole site is a joke and a parody, and that nothing on our pages should be believed. So fuck off.

And like I said before, Slaughter fans always want to prove they are smart, so she made sure to let us know she has an IQ over 145 and a 24″ waistline. Well, Slaughter fans are also dsylexic, so what she meant to say is that she has an IQ of 24 and she weighs 145. But if you think about it, what does a 24″ waistline represent? That doesn’t mean you have all your teeth. That doesn’t mean your breath isn’t so bad it smells like a bag of armpits. Or that doesn’t mean your not so crossed eyed that when you sit on your front porch in your trailer park, you can count the chickens in the back yard.

And people tell us we have too much time on our hands! This girl is stressed over the fact that somebody NOT ASSOCIATED with us posted a quote from her song parody, which wasn’t even the case. If you have nothing better to do than get stressed about that, just shoot yourself now and get it over with.

By the way, if anybody has this chick’s full parody, send it to us. I’d love to see her copyrighted parody. But of course, only copy it with her permission. You wouldn’t want her to sue you!

Ozzy Stillbourne
Slaughter fans were not made to climb the tree of knowledge.

THE PEOPLE’S COURT.
The Case Of The Blatant And Intentional Misquoting Of The Lyrics To A Slaughter Song Parody Written By Allyson Forsythe