Random Thoughts On Metallica's Press Release! 2/6/03

 

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON METALLICA’S PRESS RELEASE!

 

Before I do my random thought, I want you to read the following comments.

“Fred Durst sits there and says, “I believe Napster is a great company and we want to go against the record companies…” Who paid for your Nookie video? Who spent $600,000 so you could have a video on MTV that made you sell $8 million dollars? You didn’t pay for it yourself.” – Lars Ulrich, The Charlie Rose Show, May 12, 2000

Question: Why the hatred of Limp Bizkit?
“Why not? Limp Bizkit are a Motley Crue for the 90’s. That is just a fucking fact and people need to know that. I think the guy’s so fucking contrived and I hate people who are contrived. Although I will have to say that they do some quite infectious things musically, it still seems very swallow to me.” – Lars Ulrich, So What – The Metallica Club Magazine, Volume 6, Issue 5. 1999

“I find myself feeling a tremendous amount of hatred towards Limp Bizkit and wanting to shove them back where they came from….All I gotta think of is Fred Dursts’ red baseball cap and I get very hostile.” – Lars Ulrich, Metallica, So What – The Metallica Club Magazine, Volume 6, Issue 5. 1999

So if you’re Lars Ulrich and you have a new album coming out in the Summer, what do you do? You fucking tour with Limp Bizkit, the Motley Crue of the 90’s!!!!

I always knew Lars was a poser, but I never thought it was this bad!

I love press releases because 9 times out of 10 they are overly wordy and just filled with bullshit. Metallica is no different. They released a press release yesterday and I’ve added my thoughts. You know how this works.

FOR IMMEDATE RELEASE No shit. Has anybody ever released a press release and put FOR DELAYED RELEASE! DON’T ANNOUNCE THIS! If it’s a fucking press release, we kind of figure you want it known.
February 5th, 2003

METALLICA, LIMP BIZKIT and LINKIN PARK COMMITTED to the SANITARIUM

Rock fans rejoice! Why, did Fred Durst go down in a plane crash? Three of the music world’s greatest, most vital bands are joining forces for one of the most compelling tours in rock history, the Summer Sanitarium Tour 2003. I’m assuming by that statement it’s not going to be Warrant, Dokken, and Pretty Boy Floyd. Metallica, Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park come together for this once-in-a-lifetime live extravaganza This is all PR bullshit that means nothing. “Once-in-a-lifetime” implies that it’s only happening once, but it’s a fucking tour, so it’s happening over and over again all across the US. You could see the tour multiple times, which means it’s not a “once-in-a-lifetime” chance. Plus, what’s up with saying “live extravganza?” No fucking shit, it’s a tour!! I would hope that it’s live. that will kick off this coming summer, with all 3 bands playing headline length sets. The 3 groups are also delivering new albums to coincide with this unprecedented juggernaut throughout the U.S. More exaggerated bullshit to make you think this type of thing has never been done before. Metallica has been doing Stadium tours with huge bands since 1988. This ain’t nothing new. The Summer Sanitarium Tour is slated to officially begin on July 4th. The bands begin shit talking each other on July 5th. Metallica’s inaugural Summer Sanitarium tour – which trekked across the U.S. in a series of sold out shows in the summer of 2000 – was one of the most successful concert events of that year, and featured some of the biggest names in rock, including Metallica, Hey, Metallica’s Summer Tour actually included Metallica! Who knew? Thanks for being redundant. Korn, Kid Rock and System Of A Down.

For Metallica, who will be delivering their first studio album in more than five years this summer, and still have no bass player in sight the tour will mark their first appearance on American stages since 2000’s Summer Sanitarium run. And… With more than 85 million albums sold worldwide, more unneccesary bragging and holding down gold or platinum certifications in more than 40 countries, They sold 85 million records AND they have gold and platinum records too??? Wow, I would never have guessed. (sarcasm mode turned off) Metallica enters their third decade at the top of their game, They haven’t released a record in 5 years. How exactly are they on top of their game? largely regarded as one of the most influential groups in music history. Since their inception in 1981 the group has broken countless records, garnered numerous awards including 6 Grammys and engaged in several history-charting performances, including a groundbreaking appearance with the San Francisco Symphony in 1999. Their much anticipated new disc – their 8th studio album – entitled St. Anger, will be in stores on June 10th and is their first studio release since 1997’s Re-Load, which debuted at #1 in 12 countries around the world and has sold more than 12 million albums worldwide to date. I think we all know Metallica’s accomplishments so listing every album sale is over doing it. We all know Metallica already because if they could they would sue all of us for downloading their music.

Limp Bizkit, led by multi-talented frontman Fred Durst multi-talents? Changing the color of your baseball hat doesn’t mean you’re talented. burst on to the rock scene in 1997 with their masterpiece, Three Dollar Bill, Y’all$, If Three Dollar Bill is a masterpiece, what does that make Led Zeppelin’s catalog? and are credited with single-handedly re-invigorating the rock genre by changing the face of alternative and rock radio. Re-invigorating the rock genre by launching a million clone bands that clogged up the airways and watered down the entire scene. Thanks. Having sold 28 million albums worldwide with just 3 studio releases, their last studio album Chocolate Starfish and The Hot Dog Flavored Water, sold 13 million copies worldwide and is certified platinum in 33 countries. Going platinum in foreign countries is a joke. I’ve been over this before. It is the only rock record in the history of Sound Scan to sell over 1 million copies in its first week of sales. Too bad their fan base is onto the next fad. The band’s long awaited follow up, Lessismore is tentatively set to be released May of 2003. It’ll hit discount bins the 2nd week of June.

Linkin Park became the biggest selling band of 2001 with more than 8 million albums sold for their acclaimed album Hybrid Theory. Hailed by critics and fans alike as one of rock’s most important new forces, the band refuses to be pigeonholed as ‘just’ a rock band, describing their sound as a ‘cross-section of many genres’, including alternative rock, hip hop and electronic. Imagine the horror of being pigeonholed as ‘just’ a rock band. How horrible….For the past eighteen months Linkin Park has been hard at work on Meteora, their new album on Warner Bros. Records due March 25th, 2003. 18 months to record a new album nowadays is something you might want to keep to yourself. Sounds more like “massively over-budget” to me. Produced by Don Gilmore and Linkin Park, Meteora features Linkin Park’s new single ‘Somewhere I Belong,’ which will be released to radio in late February.

In addition, Summer Sanitarium Tour 2003 is proud to announce Deftones and Mudvayne to the line-up. The other 3 bands need a few bands they can shit on and treat like shit. Deftones are currently putting the finishing touches on their as yet untitled 4th record once again produced by Terry Date. The record will be released this June. Mudvayne, The Peoria, Illinois, quartet are supporting their second album, When they’re not getting their picture taken with The Indigo Girls. The End of All Things To Come following the gold success of their debut L.D. 50..

In no particular order, here are the confirmed cities for Summer Sanitarium Tour 2003. They are also the same cities Fred Durst will take the stage and bitch about one thing or another. Specific dates to be confirmed later. Most of these shows will go on sale February 22nd. Stay tuned!

Minneapolis
St. Louis
Orlando
Philadelphia
New York
Boston
Columbus
Montreal
Dallas
Houston
Seattle
Denver
San Francisco
Los Angeles
Detroit
Toronto
Washington /Baltimore
Chicago

I remember at one time Metallica did what they wanted to do. They didn’t follow the bandwagon. But for most of the 90s that’s all they’ve done. They’re not leading the pack anymore, they’re just doing what everybody else is doing. Lars says that Fred Durst is contrived and he hates contrived people, but Metallica is just as contrived as Fred ever was. They actually belong together.

I can understand why Metallica is doing this tour. They need to hit up the young kids who listen to Linkin Park and Limp Bizkit so they can look trendy and hip. Even if a lot of metal fans don’t like it, the entire run will probably sell out. I would love for it to fail and for both Metallica and Limp Bizkit to have CDs that don’t sell, but I know better. Unless the fans of the world prove me wrong, this will go over huge. Oh well.

I’d write more but it’s hard for me to really care.

I’m out like Lars’ hairline,

OZZY STILLBOURNE