METAL SLUDGE 3-WIND with…

IANN ROBINSON!

If you’ve been a Sludgeaholic for any length of time, then you know damn well who Iann Robinson is. And if you’re new to Metal Sludge, then you should go back and read his 20 Questions and Rewind interviews first so you get a better sense of Iann’s background and musical tastes.

We last talked to Iann Robinson just over a year ago, and since then, he’s been writing “Thirsty and Miserable,” his very own column for us, which has to be seen to be believed. Iann’s opinions often cause quite a stir, especially on our very own Metal Sludge Gossip Boards. But love him or hate him, he always gets people talking, and we back that.

Iann’s taken a little respite from his column over the past few months, so we wanted to check in to see what he’s been up to and to see why he’s been kind of quiet. He’s also doesn’t seem to be quite as angry as he used to be, but that doesn’t mean he’s any less brutal when something calls for it (like when he takes on people bitching about him on our Gossip Boards). Is Iann in a happier place these days? Judge for yourself after you read our latest 3-Wind with the one and only Iann Robinson.

1. What are you currently up to? This is your one and only chance to plug your shit.

Wow, there’s actually a lot going on right now, which is cool for me. I’ve started a small press comic book company called Isolation Disorder with my friend Brian and we have one book (titled Recur) out in Boston, NY and LA, and three more coming out by the end of summer. I’ve been writing for a long time but I’d never written comic books, so it was a new challenge. I’m trying to get started doing some Dj’ing around Boston and a friend of mine is starting up an internet radio station which I’ll be doing a show on. Right now is a great time for me, I’ve been able to do away with the character I was forced to portray on MTV and concentrate on things I’m really interested in. I’ve cut people out of my life that were just baggage, I’ve sliced away a lot of my anger that had no real direction and I’m focused on doing shit I really want to do.

Brian the comic book guy and Iann, producers of Recur

2. When we talked to you last year, you had been contemplating filming an 8-part documentary about the NYC metal scene. That actually sounds like it could be cool. Are you still thinking about it, or have you actually gotten something started?

Oh I’m definitely still thinking about it, the main thing is interest and money. Some of the people I’ve spoken to want to focus on the metal that’s gone on in the last ten years which has been pretty dull for the most part, or nobody has any cash. Once I find the right people I’d love to start it up, really focus on how we got from Black Sabbath to where we are now, all the off shoots, all the new styles, even ones I don’t like. Bands like Disturbed, Godsmack, a lot of the new and very dull hardcore stuff I will never be a fan of, but it’s important to somebody so it should be looked at in a film, not just glossed over because I personally don’t care for it. We’ll see what happens.

3. What exactly do you do all day? Now that you’re not on MTV anymore, how do you spend your time?

I spend most of my time writing for various magazines, writing for Isolation Disorder, going to shows and working when I can. I’m pretty much done with TV, I just can’t stand those people. I’m good at it but it comes with too much shit to ever really be a good time. Don’t get me wrong, if somebody offers me something amazing I’ll do it in a second, but it’s not a focus of mine right now.

4. Let’s not beat around the bush. You used to be the drummer for the band Puny Human, but you aren’t anymore. We heard your departure wasn’t necessarily very amicable. What happened?

I considered the guys in Puny Human to be my friends, which was stupid on my part. I don’t see a need to go too far into it, they know what they did and so do I. I will say this, what they did hurt and if either of them come near me, they’ll find out just how much it hurt.

5. You do realize, of course, that the only reason we’re doing this 3-Wind with you right now is because we have no other 3-Wind interviews lined up and we’re desperate to get that pic of Phil Varone off our front page? Not that we don’t like Phil or anything, but he’s been up there since March and we’re kind of sick of looking at him. How does that make you feel?

Metal Sludge is a funny place because on the one hand you guys want to make sure I stay around and write my column but on the other you slap me around for being a has-been. Either way I think it’s great that you take the piss out of people cause anybody who can’t laugh at themselves and have some humor to them is in for a really long haul. Phil has way more fans then I do, so I’m honored to be the replacement.

6. We had a lot of fun with this question last time around, so let’s do it again! Rank the following CDs on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being not worthy to be used as a beer coaster, and 10 being something that you would hold in the highest regard.

Judas Priest “Angel of Retribution” =5?The new Judas Priest album is half good and half crap, so I put it in the middle. Oddly enough I prefer Halford’s solo stuff to the new album but I’m sure I’m in the minority there

Velvet Revolver “Contraband” = -0?These fucking cunts need to be lined up and shot in front of people they care about. What a joke, what a bunch of narcissistic morons who really think they’re doing something new. They’re so insipid they remind me of an SNL skit about a “rock band” more than anything else. When will that loser from STP learn that the “act” he’s playing was already perfected by Bob Geldof in The Wall, and the rest of them?stop with the super macho, leather pants, “Bro we’re rockin!!!!” bullshit. It’s lame, and maybe if they focused as much on writing songs as they do on their image they might not suck as much.

Slipknot “Vol. 3 ? The Subliminal Verses” = 7?It’s hard to judge this one because while I think that the song writing is first rate, it’s lost some of the brutal nature of the last two. I think it was a tense time in the band’s existence and they were feeling each other out, seeing if the magic was still there. I fully 100% believe Slipknot have a classic metal album in them and even if they break up right now (please don’t) in 10 years the bands that are changing the metal scene will site them as a big influence. I know people talk shit on them but those guys are world class musicians, human beings and song writers, and one day they’ll shut the naysayers up, I know they will.

Green Day “American Idiot” = 4?I don’t hate this record but I just don’t care. I won’t resort back to making fun of them because, truth be told, they are great songwriters, but coming up on Discharge, Black Flag, Minor Threat, VOID and the like, I just can’t call this a punk album. As a fast pop record it’s an 8, as a punk album it’s just a 4.

System of a Down “Mezmerize” = 8?I’m sure people will scoff at this, especially metal purists, but this record kicks ass. System have their own way of doing things and it’s always interesting and inventive. I dig the fact that it sounds like a mix of improvisation and written material.

Hoobastank “The Reason” = 0?Gimmie a fucking break, does anybody still care about this shit? I mean really!!

Used “In Love & Death” =0?The Used are garbage, just a bad band trying to make it on attitude and connections. It’s not that I don’t get it, I get it, they just suck!!

Perfect Circle “Emotive” = I can’t really say, I haven’t heard that much of this album, but I was never a huge Perfect Circle fan to begin with.

Enslaved “Isa” = 8?A lot of people didn’t like this record but I really did. Any band can be fast but to be fast and really good is not easy. Like Nile, Premonitions Of War, Unearth, Black Dahlia Murder and so on, these bands make metal interesting, which is always better than just aligning yourself with a trend.

Jet “Get Born” = 0?I have all the AC/DC and Beatles I need, thanks very much.

7. What advice would you give to a new, heavier band that actually gets a video into rotation on MTV2? What do you think their next step should be, and how should they responsibly handle their success?

First and foremost DO NOT put any weight on MTV or MTV2 because they don’t care at all–on any level–about music, that’s not sour grapes, that’s just the truth. You want to be a successful metal band, write a great record, put it out and tour until you think you’re gonna die. Build up a fan base, pack venues from word of mouth and because your live show kicks ass. Don’t think about cars, houses, cash and all that, think about making music your job, to pay your bills and have a good time. Neurosis, Today Is The Day, Eyehategod and so many other bands have won on their own terms, whether MTV is in the picture or not.

8. Of the following, which do you prefer and why?

The Sex Pistols or the Clash =The Clash without even thinking. I know the Sex Pistols have their place in rock history and I don’t begrudge them that but they were a punk boy-band, put together by a manager to fit a new trend. I fully believe Johnny Rotten meant everything he was saying but as a band I never thought much of them.

Battery Park or Washington Square =Neither, I hate New York.

Law & Order: Special Victim’s Unit or Law & Order: Trial By Jury = SVU because they deal with some truly evil shit and the stories are much more compelling. To be honest I always watched Numbers instead of Trial By Jury.

Enrique Iglesias or Ricky Martin =Give me Julio Iglesias over these two hacks any day!!

The Motley Crue Reunion or the Judas Priest Reunion = Judas Priest because the record is better, the reunion comes from an honest place and they don’t bitch about each other like a gaggle of whining children.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High or The Last American Virgin = Fast Times without question!! One of my favorite movies of all time. Wow could anyone even compare Damone, Spicoli and Rat to that other run-of-the-mill teen sex movie!!!

Faith Hill or Shania Twain = I’d fuck either of them but as for music, give me a fucking break. Modern country is as laughable as modern R&B. Hank Williams SR, Johnny Cash and The Carter Family must be rolling in their graves.

Heroin addicts or crack whores = Heroin addicts don’t smell as bad and they pass out quicker so you can just sneak away. I have little sympathy for drug addicts so fuck ‘em both.

REO Speedwagon or Foreigner = Foreigner, if you’re gonna go lame, go lame BIG!!!

Clams or lobsters = Lobsters ‘cause clams make me shit too much and GODDAMN does it smell.

9. Metal Sludge is predominantly known to cover the late-80s hairband/sleazy glam rock genre. Your tastes and interests seem to focus more on underground metal and hardcore stuff. Do you ever get any shit from hardcore metal fans who learn that you have a column on a Web site that gives a lot of coverage to Poison, Warrant, Danger Danger, and their ilk?

Oddly enough I get more shit from idiots who don’t like that I talk “too much about the underground”. Most underground kids seem to dig Metalsludge and like that I give some exposure to great bands that aren’t huge in the public eye. As for the people that talk shit, I don’t give a fuck, I do what I do because that’s what I love. You don’t like it, fuck off. It’s like Rollins said on here, the only time I care what you think is if you’re physically in my way, then it’s fucking ON!!

10. We heard that you had some trepidations about continuing your column “Thirsty and Miserable,” which can be read right here at Metal Sludge. What was so bad that you’ve actually considered ceasing your contributions?

I got tired of the message boards, which I realized is a lame reason to stop what you’re doing. I learned a long time ago that people who are smart enough to understand and see what I’m doing have too much going on in their lives to waste time on message boards. Only the cunts with nothing really want to rage about somebody they don’t even know. It’s easy to hide behind an email address and fake name and talk shit, try doing it like I did it, in front of 85 million people daily, with my face out there on things like Metal Sludge, Decibel and so on, that separates the men from the boys. I got a letter from some kid on here and he left a phone number so I called it and it was disconnected, oohhhh what bravery. Few, if any, of these morons would say any of this shit to my face and if they did it wouldn’t be an intelligent discussion of why our points differ, it’d be some fucking cunt screaming that I’m fat or I don’t know metal or I’m just a whining loser blah blah blah. I said once that I was gonna stop and went back on my word, getting shit for that was deserved and I felt really stupid for ever saying it. I’ll never stop writing, or doing what I do and certainly not for a bunch of sexless losers on a message board. I’m sure the shitheels of the universe will unite to talk shit on my 3-Wind but I don’t care. Try writing for magazines, starting a zine, a band, doing something worthwhile with your energy instead of wasting it taking shots at me. Those who can, DO, those who can’t talk shit on message boards.

11. What do you think about the recent hullabaloo surrounding the “metal horns” sign being flashed by such non-metal entities as Paris Hilton, Ashlee Simpson, and the Bush twins? Is it that wrong for them to flash the horns from time to time? Why the big stink?

I think it’s just like anything else in the world, the mainstream folks see or hear of something going on in the underground and they take it and exploit it to make themselves look cool. Paris Hilton couldn’t spell “Metal Horns” much less know what they are about and if you asked Ashlee Simpson who Dio was she’d stare at you like a deer in the headlights. Personally I think the metal horns are dead, it’s time for a new hand symbol?or no hand symbol at all–but when I wrote about that some started telling me that I was insulting metal and degrading what metal is all about. I’m assuming these are the same brain trusts that think burning the flag is unpatriotic. If metal is about hand symbols, certain clothes and trends to you, then you’ve missed the point so your point is meaningless.

12. How bad is your hairline that you felt the need to shave your head?

My hairline is amazing, if I grew it out I’d have a serious hair helmet, I just don’t look good with long hair.

13. Yes or No, has Iann Robinson ever:

Panned for gold = No

Licked a toad = Yes

Punched someone in the throat = Yes

Received sexual favors in exchange for reviewing someone’s CD = NO, but with some of the new female singers in metal bands I wish I could’ve.

Gone more than a week without showering = Yes

Thought about getting your own weekly radio show on XM Satellite Radio = Yes

Considered relocating to Canada =Yes

Jacked off with Elmer’s School Glue = No

Pissed on a lemonade stand = No

Shit in a toolbox = No

Drove drunk = No

Iann laying down a smooth groove

14. Do you think Anakin burnt his weener in the lava?

I’d hope so, imagine still having a sex drive but having to ride with all that shit on, that would suck!!

15. Did MTV have an office gym, and if so, did you ever use it?

Of course it did, how do you think I got so fucking buff!!

16. Rate the following music critics on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being someone who has no business telling people what they think, and 10 being the ultimate music critic.

Dave Marsh =

Greil Marcus =

Jim DeRogatis =

Jason Gross =

Greg Shaw =

Anthony DeCurtis =

John Mendelssohn =

Tom Beaujour =

Jani Bon Neil =

Yourself =

I think rock critics are overly praised and overly criticized in the world. We’re there to give you our opinion on a record as a guideline, not a rule. Don’t ever not buy a CD or not go to a movie because of what critics say, what the fuck do we know? Most of these guys I’ve never heard of because I rarely read reviews, I will say that Jani is a great human being and has always been amazing to me. Tom Beajour of Revolver, well that guy was riding the dick for me to do shit with Revolver during my MTV days and once that was over he blew me off, shows you what kind of a guy he is. Then again, look at Revolver, not exactly a great magazine. Give me Metal Maniacs or Terrorizor any day.

As for me, I’m just as big a blowhard as anybody else, my opinion isn’t the end all be all to anything, even if it’s something I know a lot about. It’s an opinion, what I think of a band or an album or a movie or whatever. All I can do is tell you what I think and then you have to go out and make up your own mind.

17. Name one good thing about:

Girls =Chicks are like 90% of the people you consider your good friends, as soon as you start to count on them, they vanish.

Pizza = Look at me dude, what isn’t great about pizza.

Chia Pets = They never work and yet they always sell.

Jessica Simpson = Unless she shows up naked with a rose in her teeth, there’s very little positive I can say about Jessica Simpson.

Marijuana = The Pot makes things nicer, especially in the right atmosphere and for some reason when you get into bed stoned, the sheets feel amazing.

Satellite Radio = I like that they play everything and that various channels can carry only stuff you’d want to hear, instead of wading through shit to get to the gold.

Hair bands =That they went away.

Gerbils = I’d have to ask Richard Gere about that.

The Seventies = Great music, great TV, great movies, it was an awesome time for art.

MTV =The only good thing MTV ever did was give Kurt Loder a wider audience.

18. For $5,000 in unmarked bills: Go to a gay bar and sit at the bar by yourself from 6:00 p.m. until closing, pretending that you’re gay the entire time. Would you do it?

For 5gs? No sweat, I’ll even thrown in some open mouth kissing!

19. Time for a walk down memory lane! Give us your fondest memory from the following years:

1980 = Empire Strikes Back

1984 =Got laid for the first time

1987 = Got thrown out of Dwight High School

1990 = Nirvana

1993 = Got thrown out of Hunter College

1995 = Started Monkey Butt Sex on cable TV

1998 = Started my own business

2000 = Got hired on MTV, thought I would make a difference

2002 =Met George Lucas

2004 = Finally got out of MTV

20. Do chicks dig fat guys who are into underground metal? Some of our lonely Sludgeaholics want to know.

I view myself like the Millennium Falcon, I may not look like much but I got it where it counts. I’ve never had a problem with the ladies, probably not the luck of the pretty boy set, but my girth was never an issue. I think a lot of it is confidence and not giving a fuck. If you think you’re too heavy for chicks to dig you, they pick up on it and you get stuck in the friend zone.

21. Here’s your chance to ask yourself your own question! Make up any question you want and then answer it. Have at it!

?Are you still the angry guy??

Nah, I’ve pretty much hung up that belt, it just got to be too taxing. Over the last year I’ve discovered that I used to do things so people would think I was cool or like me or whatever and now I don’t. I have no malice towards the friends in my life I’ve cut out, nor MTV, nor the really sadly awful music scene. I have my opinions, I have my reasons but I don’t need to shout it in anybody’s face. Limp Bizkit taught me a lot on that. I used to rage and rage and rage on how much of a loser, hack, cunt Durst was and how bad his band sucked. It took way too much of my time up and then, without me even being around to talk shit, his band failed and he became a joke. The fates have a way of evening things out if you can wait long enough. I don’t even hold a grudge against MTV anymore because being angry at them for not being about music is like getting angry at kids in the Special Olympics for not being professional athletes. MTV is a machine, it’s devoid of soul, artistic merit and heart but people still watch it and they make enough money to keep creating this vacuum of stupidity hour after hour. If people really wanted MTV to change, they’d turn the channel, ratings would drop and then MTV would be forced to change. I don’t begrudge them doing what works, I’m just glad I’m not in it anymore.

22. The Last of Iann Robinson:

Last concert you paid to see = New Order

Last movie you saw in the theatre = Batman Begins

Last song you heard on the radio you dug = I don’t listen to the radio

Last thing you really, really, really hated = People turning the death of Dimebag into a way to get back into the spotlight by commenting on it.

Last place you went on vacation = Alaska

Last time you wore a Metal Sludge shirt = Been a long time, I lost mine.

Last time you jacked off = What time is it?

Last time you were on television = They still rerun my cribs, so I guess I’m still on

Last time you watched Headbanger’s Ball = I never watched that show, all respect to Jamey, that show is just not something I care about.

Last time you barfed = Wow, I don’t even know.

23. What do we have to do to get you to keep writing a column for us? As many people who bitch about it, there are tons more that love it! You can’t let your fans down. What can we do?

Don’t worry, I made the mistake of claiming I was leaving once and I won’t again. If there’s only two people that read the column because they want to hear about new bands or new music then I’m stoked.

24. Time for Metal Sludge’s Word Association! We mention a name, and you give us your thoughts.

Marilyn Manson = Interesting guy but boring music

Geezer Butler = A God

Eddie Trunk = ???

Dee Snider = His son is dick

David Lee Roth = THE MACK

Henry Rollins = Real Deal

Jerry Orbach = THE MACK

Pauly Shore = loser

Bruce Dickinson = A God

Peter Steele = A Bad Ass Motherfucker!!

Iann didn’t get enough of the questions we sent him, so he added a bonus entry all of his own! It’s not really a question, but fuck it… pay attention and you might learn something.

25. Here are some bands people should check into:

Raw Radar War

Bury The Needle

We’re All Gonna Die

Waltham

Ichabod

Cursed

Rwake

Dove

Torche

Doom Riders

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head.

Now there you have it! Taking on the music industry, the entertainment world, and the hatas on the Metal Sludge Gossip Board in one interview is no easy task, but Iann pulled it off yet again! Thanks to Iann for coming back and doing this a 3rd time.

We love Iann because he pisses as many people off as we do, and birds of a feather shit together… or however that saying goes.

Iann doesn’t have a Web site that we know of (though he probably should), but you can always read his world famous column “Thirsty and Miserable” right here at Metal Sludge! And if you still haven’t had enough, you can also read his old bio page, still archived here at MTV.com.