BIG JOHN SPEAKS LOUDLY
The rockstar bodyguard unloads about his drinking problem, the night he put a gun in his mouth, being addicted to fame, doing cocaine with Kid Rock and Bret Michaels’ hair
“Big John” Murray, who appeared in two seasons of VH1’s “Rock Of Love” with Poison front man Bret Michaels in 2008 and 2009, appeared on the November 18th edition of “Another FN Podcast With Izzy Presley” and made a startling confession. On May 28th, 2010, he nearly committed suicide.
While talking about the extent of his drug and alcohol use, he admitted this publicly for the first time ever:
I sat in a dark room about three in the morning and I put a pistol in my mouth. I cocked it and said, “OK dad”. I sat there for a minute contemplating, contemplating.
I had seen and done it all. The “Rock Of Love” and everything was already done; THAT made it even worst, because then everybody wanted to party with ya, and I got into such a hole that I was just like, “I’m done. I’m done with this, I don’t want it anymore”.
I put a pistol in my mouth and I sat there and thought about it and said, “OK Dad, you’ve got 24 hours to prove to me or give me a sign, or something, to show my why I’m here”.
I’ll be damned that the next day I didn’t meet the woman that is now my wife.
When asked what stopped him, he replied, “It was almost like there was something pushing on my hand to get it back out of my mouth.”
He went on to say that veterans (which he is) are killing themselves at a rate of 22 a day, so he is not afraid to talk about what happened to him and share his story. “I have a story where I was a hair pull away of a trigger of ending it all to turning it around and living…I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.”
Throughout the interview, he talked about how the fame from the TV show combined with the drugs and alcohol turned him into someone he wasn’t and how fame in itself is a drug. At one point he was up to a half gallon of Jim Beam a day.
Big John and Bret Michaels
Murray also told stories about his days as a professional wrester in ECW, working with bands like RATT, Cinderella, and Saliva, and doing cocaine with Kid Rock. He also ended the long argument about Bret Michaels hair. “It’s the most expensive hair extensions you can buy”.
Big John is currently residing in Cincinnati and spending time with his mother who is aging. He will be back on theMonsters Of Rock Cruise in 2015.