WISH YOU WERE QUEER: MY WILD AFTERNOON WITH THE COCKS, “AMERICA’S FAVORITE GAY PUNK BAND”
By: Richard V. Long
MS NEWS / May 17th 2026 — Some of you may have heard of THE COCKS and some of you likely have not!
If you haven’t, you will soon enough, but be advised, you might want to put on a prophylactic before reading further.
Why?
Why not… you never know… you might catch a laugh or something else… that you cannot unsee, or unread.
However, we encourage you to open your mind (not necessarily your mouth) and proceed with caution as these guys don’t edit much, so those with a faint heart or if you’re uptight in life, perhaps visiting another option right now is better for you.
We’re pretty sure, once you sample their insane brand of glitter-punk-pop with a twist of ding-dong, you’ll find yourself evangelizing on any available street corner.
With songs like “It’s Better Being Gay,” “Brotein” and “Anaphylactic Cock,” the band is exactly what you think it’ll be, but with a couple of twists.
First, it’s not some joke band. These guys have serious songwriting chops, and their newest album, Endless Hummer, features twelve back-to-back ding-a-ling filled anthems that even the most hetero hard rocker will find himself singing in the shower.
Second, they’ve produced some of the most hilarious and inventive music videos I’ve seen since the halcyon days of MTV (when they actually played music videos) — part Ramones, part Monkees, part David Lee Roth razzmatazz, THE COCKS are carving their own path on the Highway To Hell.
I (Richard V. Long, my middle name rhymes with Berry by the way) recently met up with the band — vocalist Zsa (no relation to Gabor that I know of), guitarist Tchad Drats (formerly of that Hair Boy Floyd band), bassist Jason Halogen and drummer Mike McCormick — at the Rainbow Bar & Grill patio for a rollicking two-hour bull session.
All I had to do was ask an occasional question and stop Tchad from stealing my drinks.
Ready, Set, Suck!
RICHARD V. LONG: Guys, let’s talk about Endless Hummer. Why that title?
Zsa: It just says everything about the songs. It’s our glitter-dusted love letter to the So Cal rock ethos. Glam-Punk filtered through the Wrecking Crew. It’s punk, it’s Beach Boys, it’s Zappa. It’s anthemic, bawdy, and funny. It rocks like a beast. And of course, it’s very gay.
Halo: Define “very gay.”
Zsa: A dick in each hand.
LONG: Okay, can we address the elephant in the room…?
Zsa: You mean Halo’s dong?
Mike: Speaking of the Wrecking Crew…
Tchad: Penis chart material. (Do NOT Click This >>>>)
Halo: It’s not that big.
Zsa: Honey, you can see it from space.
LONG: No comment. But seriously, The Cocks play gay punk rock, but only one of you is actually gay, right?
Zsa: (raises his hand): That’d be me, Mr. Long.
Mike: That is correct, we are only one-quarter homo.
Halo: Well, Tchad…
Tchad: I’m not gay, but I can be convinced. And rent is rent.
Mike: I had sex with a woman the other night.
Halo: How many limbs?
Mike: Most of ‘em.
LONG: You ever get push-back from crowds when playing live?
Zsa: Nah, not really, people have kind of gotten it from Day One, especially straight rock audiences. A hook’s a hook. Plus, I’m so damn pretty to look at.
Halo: When Zsa is singing “I Love Dick” everyone gets what that means, except some people’s dick is va-jay-jay…
Mike: We actually need more gay fans.
Zsa: Well the leather queens love us…
Mike: Oh yeah, big hairy bears have been super-supportive, so is the drag crowd that
loves punk rock.
Zsa: There’s always one dude at every show that starts off looking like he’s wearing a dirty diaper, and by the end he’s right there with everyone else singing “IT’S BETTER BEING GAY.” To me, that’s success.
Mike: We grow on you.
Tchad: Like herpes.
LONG: What are your influences? I hear a lot of different stuff in there…
Zsa: Anything catchy and hook driven. The Ramones, Turbonegro, Alice Cooper, Cheap Trick, The Runaways, KISS. I was in a real Beach Boys bag when writing for this record, so that definitely comes through. Slade, Gary Glitter…
Tchad: Ix-nay on the Ary-itter Glay…
LONG: I notice that all of your songs are pretty short too. Is that intentional?
Zsa: Absolutely. Don’t bore us, get to the chorus.
Halo: Anything over 2 minutes is prog-rock.
<<< Zsa – Lead Singer of The Cocks – Pictured at Left
LONG: How do you know when you’ve written a good one?
Zsa: When it only takes two minutes to write the whole thing. That whole Keith Richards “you’re just a transmitter” notion. You’re just walking down the street and a verse-chorus just pops into your head full — excuse the expression — blown.
Halo: Except Zsa’s transmitter has only one setting—my way or the highway.
Zsa: As long as it’s the Hershey highway. And then we throw it together in the room until it comes out sounding like The Cocks.
Halo: Which is whatever Zsa says it is.
Zsa: Eat a bag of dicks.
LONG: Can I get all OG Playboy magazine for a sec? What are your signs?
Tchad: Vaggitarius…
Zsa: I’m a Gemini-Leo. Which means I have multiple personalities, all of them gay.
Halo: Zsa’s sign is actually “Dictator.”
Mike: Mine is whichever one is prone to stress-related ulcers.
LONG: Mike, that’s definitely your persona in the music videos. How much of that is really you?
Mike: All of it. You try being in a band with these knuckleheads for 8 years and see what it does for your sanity.
Zsa: We’re four very unique—
Tchad: Damaged…
Zsa: …personalities. What you see in the videos is just an extension of our real personas but blown up larger-than-life.
Halo: Except for the part about you being a dictator—that’s totally true-to-life.
LONG: Let’s talk about your videos for a minute, because they’re hilarious. You guys have battled drag queens in an interstellar gay bar, you’ve been AI-generated carnies hawking a jizz-infused energy drink called Brotein…
Zsa: Yay, jizz!
Mike: Yeah, that’s been intentional. We don’t want our videos to be the same old performance BS, more like early MTV where there’s performance and concept like “Hot For Teacher.”
Tchad: Zsa is Gayvid Lee Roth.
Halo: We’re going to prison in our next video. It’s gonna be “Jailhouse Cock.”
LONG: I like the world you guys have created in your content, it’s kind of a twisted version of The Monkees — four idiots living in a dump in Reseda, trying to be “America’s Favorite Gay Punk Band.”
[Band looks confused]
Zsa: … We are four idiots livening in a dump in Reseda trying to be to be “America’s Favorite Gay Punk Band.”
LONG: Okay. Rapid fire time. Who wins in a cage match between Rob Halford, Sebastian Bach, Nikki Sixx and Paul Stanley?
Zsa: My money’s on Halford. He’d apply a secret MMA move known only to leather daddies called “The Prostate Pulverizer.” Game over, bitch.
Mike: If he talks, Sebastian takes it in the first ten seconds. The others will tap out immediately.
Tchad: Paul. Because KISS invented the rock star cage match. They did it first and they’ll always do it for the right reason — for the fans.
Halo: Nikki’s out of the running, but only because it’s not Nikki, it’s Matthew Trippe the “fake” Nikki Sixx.
Mike: Wow. That’s a deep cut.
LONG: Tommy Lee vs. Halo in a dick whip-out. Who takes the prize?
Zsa: Halo, DUH! He’d only need to take out enough to win.
LONG: Best straight 80s Hair Band?
Tchad: Tuff
LONG: I said straight!
Tchad: Oops, my bad…
Mike: Rhino Bucket if the Young Brothers had never been born.
Zsa: Cinderella. Because Tom Keifer has blowjob lips. Yum!
Tchad: Okay… I’m calling The Great Kat.
Mike: The Great Kat is a solo artist, not a hair band, snapperhead.
Tchad: She has hair and she’s in a band.
Zsa: I always thought she might actually be Blackie Lawless’s drag alter ego.
Halo: So by process of elimination, W.A.S.P. is the best 80s metal hair band.
The Cocks: Tchad / Guitar – Mike / Drums – Halo / Bass & Zsa / Vocals (Pictured Above in the Red)
LONG: Anything you want to close with?
Zsa: Yeah. The music on the new album kicks ass, but the thing we’re most stoked about is that we beat Van Halen “Diver Down” on shortest rock album ever…
Mike: Twelve songs in twenty-seven minutes, so you can listen to the whole thing in the time it takes you to drive from here to the Fatburger on Santa Monica Boulevard.
LONG: That’s impressive.
Halo: Did I mention that Zsa is a dictator?
We’d like to say Thank You to The Cocks for being… so… ummm… fun to work with!
To all of you still reading, check out a few video clips above and below, these guys are an awesome band, a unique band and most of all… a very friendly and fun band.
Also, check out our article; “<<< WORLD PREMIERE MUSIC >>> The Cocks unload their brand new full-length “Endless Hummer” out now!” from back in early April 2026.
The Cocks @ Linktr.ee – Facebook – Instagram – Spotify – Apple Music – YouTube –
Stay tuned to Metal Sludge for more Breaking News, Updates and Features along with both New Interviews and Classic 20 Questions.
