LAS VEGAS, Nevada — FUCK. It’s been awhile!

Just realized I haven’t done a review in years! Not that anyone gives a fuck why, but basically listening to new music has fallen below Motorcycles and Martial Arts in my list of priorities, and since I’m not a high paid professional journalist like ‘Sludge Editor Gerry Gittleson, I have to actually work for a living!

It took a new Dee Snider record to bring me out of my cave, so let’s see if it was worth it.

First of all, I’m a tried-and-true (and tattooed) S.M.F., and even wrote Dee’s theme song when he had a morning radio show in Hartford Ct.

So does that mean I’ll be biased and gush about how everything Dee does is spectacular and he could shit on a record and it would be all amazing like Rainbows and Unicorns coming out his ass??

FUCK. NO.

In fact, I wrote a scathing review of Dee’s 1^st solo album “Never Let the Bastards Wear You Down” under the 2000 era ‘Sludge pseudonym “Axl Bundy” and DESTROYED it (enjoy it on ‘Sludge somewhere) as it was total crap.

Being that Twisted Sister was such a huge influence on my teenage years, I hold Dee to a higher standard than most, so if I think it sucks, I’m going to say it fucking sucks, and I don’t give a fuck if it pisses anyone off!

 

Artist: Dee Snider
Record: “We Are The Ones”
Label: Do record labels even exist anymore??

CD’s are for old people, I BOUGHT (no free promo bullshit) the record on iTunes. I’m sure a CD version does exist, but I don’t have it, so we’ll stick to the songs.

The image:

From the promo shots I’ve seen Dee’s like 90 years old and in better shape than most people 30+ years younger. And he straightened his hair, which probably would have kicked ass in the sad “Love is for Suckers” era “pretty boy” Twisted Sister phase, but I guess better late than never!

The Songs:

This is where shits gonna get real. I actually listened to every song (even the crappy ones) multiple times, so this is as close as it’s going to get to scientific fucking review accuracy.

We Are the Ones: This is the 1^st song off the record I heard a few months ago after fellow S.M.F. Chris from The Mistakes text me that Dee’s new song was pretty good. I was honestly blown away by this track! It’s a fucking ANTHEM the likes Dee hasn’t released since the also great “Heroes are Hard to Find” off the Strangeland soundtrack. It’s not “modern” per say, but more straight-up punk rock. I always considered Twisted Sister to be more punk than metal (much to the dismay of the “poseur” punks out there!) and this song could easily have been released by a band like Rise Against. Perfect fucking anthem as the lead-off track, hope the rest of the record doesn’t disappoint!Over Again: Uh-Oh, Never a good sign when a Dee Snider song starts with Bon Jovi style “whoa ohhs”! Not a bad song, but not great. Songs about “lovin’” need to be left to bands like Firehouse!

Close to You: This one is a mid-tempo (aka boring) track that again seems to be about getting “close” to a woman, which is fine if you’re a 30 year old stalker that lives in your moms basement, BUT Dee’s had a kick-ass wife for like 50 years, so ANY songs about chicks just seem like fake bullshit to me. I’m also beginning to see a pattern here, and it’s making me think Dee didn’t actually write these songs. I guess I should have bought the CD so I could read the credits! Is Tower Records still around to get one??

Rule The World: Ahhh… my faith has been restored by another great anthem! Very polished and slightly generic (Katy Perry would KILL this song in like an AT&T or Geico commercial) but it’s a fucking ANTHEM, and that’s what Dee does best!

We’re Not Gonna Take it: Oh FUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK! I had to take a break while listening to this… to cry like a fucking baby. This song invokes so many memories for me, and the pure emotion in this version is just fucking gut-wrenching. I saw the video Dee did for Chriss Angels’ children’s charity, fucking amazing. I’m blessed to have a healthy son (who has known the lyrics to this song since he was like 2) so it’s great to see Dee use this song to help kids that know what a REAL fight is. This song inspires me as much as it did in 1984, if not more-so today. Note to ALL musicians on the planet: You will NEVER write a song this good, so don’t even bother trying!

Crazy for Nothing: Nothing can compare to the previous song, and this one isn’t terrible, BUT it reminds me of the kind of “pop-rock” track that Maroon 5 would have rejected. Too nice and cheery for a Dee Snider song! Dee’s best songs make me want to raise my fist and fight, this one makes me want to punch myself in the ears!

Believe: A slower “kinda anthem” that’s not bad. Has a modern vibe but keeps enough of a rebellious spirit to not be crap. It may take a few extra listens to get into, but fucking iTunes keeps skipping past it half way through so I guess I’ll move on.

Head Like A Hole: OH CHRIST… SERIOUSLY??? Now I’m not one of those ”old school” purists, and I can actually appreciate Nine Inch Nails’ contribution and influence on 90’s music BUT… I was never a fan. Trent Reznor just always seemed like a self absorbed douche bag, and every NIN video just made me want to punch him in the throat. Dee kills this version (because he can actually sing, unlike overrated douche-bag reznor) but that doesn’t make it right! This song doesn’t deserve a cover by Dee, let’s just forget it ever existed!

Superhero: Another “popthem” (my new word for a modern ‘pop anthem’) that I can’t imagine Dee wrote. I can totally see Justin Beiber singing this in a Special Olympics montage commercial, which would be totally fine, as the Special Olympics rule, but I’m not sure how I feel about Dee singing it.

So What: Now we’re talking! Great acoustic anthem to close the record with! Fucking haunting  putting strings behind lyrics like “middle fingers in the air, singing we don’t fucking care”! I don’t even fucking care if Dee wrote this one, he fucking OWNS it!

3 songs to listen to while telling your boss, teacher, parents etc… to FUCK OFF!: “We Are the Ones”, “We’re Not Gonna Take it” & “So What”.

Dee Snider and t. Odd at “Hammerjacks” 1992 

Dee’s “Bastards” album REALLY had me apprehensive about listening to any of his follow-up solo material. Hell, even the mighty Twisted Sister let me down with that HORRIBLE lame-ass re-recording of “We’re Not Gonna Take It” they did in the early 2000’s! After that I came to terms with the fact that “Heroes are hard to find” was probably the last great Dee song I would ever hear, and moved on with my life. The question is then, did “We Are the Ones” make me change my mind about writing-off Dee’s “Anthem Ability” for good??? 2 words… FUCK YES!

This record has renewed my faith in Dee, as he has obviously re-invented himself… as DEE FUCKING SNIDER again! Dee’s 2016 era’ anthems on this record far overshadow the few weak pop-rock turds in-between, and even as he nears 100 his voice DESTROYS the much younger bloated shells of 80’s “rock stars” still disgracing stages these days (Axl, Sebastian etc..). I can once again be proud of my Twisted Sister tattoo! Now if Dee (who also lives in Vegas) would just hit me up for a motorcycle ride up to Mt Charleston I MIGHT even give the “Bastards” record a fresh listen… but probably not!