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20 Questions with Paul Gargano, 9/1/99

 

20 QUESTIONS WITH…

Paul Gargano

Metal Edge Editor Paul Gargano!

That’s right, after 4 weeks of clues, speculation, and rumor, our Huge Ass Mystery Interview is none other than the current and reigning Editor Of Metal Edge, Paul Gargano!  What better person to interview on our birthday than the Editor of Metal Edge.  When we started this lame attempt at a website, our basic goal was to show people how much then current Editor Gerri Miller sucked.  Now it’s a year later, she’s history, and we got the new editor with us.  Paul had no hangups about doing 20 Questions with us, and by coming forward and saying he’s a fan of the page, well that takes huge balls.  Super Balls!  That’s why we are giving Paul the very first Super Balls Award!

Super Balls Award!
THE SUPER BALLS AWARD!

We are occasionally going to give out the Super Balls Award to people we feel deserve it.  So our first winner is Paul Gargano, and we’ll be sending Paul a Beautiful Flying Nutsack Trophy that he can proudly display in his humble abode.  

Paul was a great sport and even went so far as to tell us we could use some of his personal photos!  So we sent bastard boy floyd over to Paul’s crib and he went through all of Paul’s photos albums to bring you Sludgeaholics some very rare and personal photos from the Paul Gargano Archives.  We hope you enjoy this interview as much as we enjoy presenting it you!

1.  What are you currently up to?  This is your only chance to plug your magazine, website, personal life, homosexual tendencies, etc…?
PAUL GARGANO:  I saw the South Park movie last night, and upon realizing that I’m not the only person in the world who hasn’t been able to find “the clitoris,” have felt a lot better about my manhood. Other than that, same shit different month?I live in a perpetual cycle of trying to infiltrate Metal Edge into the American psyche, and illustrating to the readers of our illustrious magazine that Lita Ford hasn’t been musically active for the better half of the decade, so they should stop voting her Best Female Performer year after year.

2.  What the hell did you do before you worked at Metal Edge? What’s your background?

Paul receiving a chokeslam from
Paul receiving a chokeslam from “The Big Show” when Paul wrestled in the W.W.F.

PAUL:  Believe it or not, I’ve actually got a background in journalism (I know, that’s almost as shocking as finding out that Jizzy Pearl survived the whole Poison tour as the LA Guns frontman).  I graduated from Marquette University, and was hired as an Editor for the Associated Press, based out of Milwaukee.  I’ve interviewed Bill Clinton (which explains my penchant for bullshit), and was responsible for a lot of the national newspaper coverage when Jeffrey Dahmer was killed in jail (which explains my kinship with Marilyn Manson)…  Blah blah blah, it’s all truly fascinating, I know, but all that really matters is, after covering politicians for as long as I did, I stopped believing that there was any such thing as “real” journalism, and decided I’d rather spend my time doing something that provides some sort of pleasure and entertainment for people. Touching, huh? Did I mention the beer?
There’s always beer backstage at concerts…

3.  For $50,000:  There is a red button in front of you.  If you push it, Gerri Miller will lose two of her toes in a random accident.  Life will go on as usual without the two toes, and, of course, Gerri will have no idea you had anything to do with it.  Would you do it?
PAUL:  For $50,000 I’d cut off my own toe, so I’d have to answer yes to that one…

4.   What current hard rock/heavy metal band should give it up and call it a day?
PAUL:  Manowar… Because then maybe they’ll give me their furry boots.

5.  How have sales/distribution been at Metal Edge since you took over?  Are sales/distribution up, or did they decrease?
PAUL:  Honestly, we don’t know… It takes a few months for us to get accurate reads, but the preliminary numbers haven’t showed a drastic rise or fall. I’m expecting it to take a few months for any real change to be evident, as people need time to recognize that the magazine has undergone a change. Get back to me in six months…

Paul with Poison
Paul with Poison (before C.C.) 1986

6.  Was the reason Gerri Miller left Metal Edge because the bands of today can relate better to you than her?  And isn?t true that she was somewhat ?forced? to leave because the magazine felt someone younger and hipper would be better suited for Metal Edge?
PAUL:  I really don’t know the behind the scenes politics that led to the decision, as it was obviously in my best interest to stay uninvolved. It basically happened like this: I called her one day for a typical work related issue, and she told me she had quit. Honesty, we’ve had nothing to say to each other beyond that, and from there I stayed out of it. Her reasons for leaving weren’t my problem, producing the best possible magazine was…

Mini Gargano
Dr. Evil and Mini Gargano, Spring 1999

7.  What rock band do you think should have a lot more success than they currently do?
PAUL:  L.A. Guns, Type O Negative, Stuck Mojo, Sister Machine Gun, Gravity Kills…. Oh yeah, and Manowar, only because I love those boots.

8.  For $500,000 would you:  Whip out your penis in front of your mother, tell her you want her to watch as you ?work the shaft,? begin to whack off, and if she?s still in the room at this point, ask her to lick the underside of your balls to help you achieve orgasm.  You may never tell her you got paid, and if you do, you will never be able to have an orgasm as long as you live.
PAUL:  No, but can I chop off two of my toes for another $50,000?

9.  A few months back, you mentioned in your Editor?s Column that a band?s manager had you kicked out of a concert because Metal Edge didn?t cover the band enough.  So we want to know who the band was?  Spit it out!
PAUL:  Manowar, but don’t worry, furry boots don’t hurt when they kick you in the ass

10.  Please rate the following chicks on a scale of 1 to 10.  1 being a bucket, and 10 being a hot piece of ass

Lita Ford = Now?7, Then?8
Gerri Miller =6.66
Courtney Love = 0 (which can be read as “zero” or “A-hole”)
Rayna Foss = She’s married to a friend of mine, I’ll respectfully pass…
Pamela Anderson = 9 (she was only a 7 with the boobs)
Traci Lords = 2
Bobbi Brown = He ain’t all that, but I’d give Whitney Houston an 8
Sable = 8 (-1 because she can kick my ass)
Shania Twain = 9.5 (deduct .5 for marrying Mutt)
Mindy McCready = 3.5 (I’m deducting 4 because she reminds me of an ex)

Paula Gargano Does Playboy
Paula Gargano does Playboy, June 1998

11. Which one of the following people is more full of shit;
A:  O.J. Simpson for saying he didn?t kill Ron & Nicole
B:  President Clinton for saying Monica didn?t blow him
C:  Dana Strum for saying he actually cares about the fans
D:  Gerri Miller
PAUL:  That depends how you define “full of shit,” because Clinton never said he wasn’t blown, he just said he never had sex… As much as I want to say O.J., my fundamental loathing for Clinton will not allow it. Bill’s an ass, hence, definitely full of shit. Can I chop off two of his toes?

Paul & Bobbi Gargano
Paul when he married Bobbi Brown in a drunken stupor, 1991.

12.  Being the editor of Metal Edge, do you get any groupies?  Do the bands
you interview ever give you their leftovers or anything like that?
PAUL:  I once had a girl at the Birch Hill tell me, “Oh my God, you’re the hottest guy here.” She’s still trying to get me to leave her apartment…
Other than that, I woke up in Tracii Guns’ bunk once, but everything leading
up to that is kind of a blur…

13.  What rock singer sings out of key the most?
PAUL:  Come on, this is Metal Edge, since when does singing in key matter for anything?

14.  This is like the SAT?s except a little more graphic?you MUST CHOOSE AN
ANSWER.  No if?s, and?s, or but?s.
A.  Pinch a uniformed policemen?s ass
B.  Pinch Pamela Anderson?s ass in front of a pissed off Tommy Lee
C.  Pinch Gerri Miller?s ass
PAUL:  B. Given the options, I’m sure Tommy wouldn’t mind…

15.  Remember poor little Baby Jessica, trapped in the bottom of that well
as the world watched, praying for her safe return?  Well let?s go back in
time to when she was in that well.  Would you:
A.  Let things happen exactly as they did, with Baby Jessica getting saved;
OR
B.  Or have the Prize Patrol pull up to your door during the Superbowl and
give you a check for 10,000,000, but poor Baby Jessica never gets saved.
PAUL:  If I’d cut off my own toes for $50,000, why would I stop and think twice about a damn baby I never met? For $10 million, I’d crawl down the well and cut off her toes…

Paul with Motley Crue
Mick Gargano with Motley Crue, 1984

16.  You must pick one of the following:
A.  Have your anal glands squeezed by a competent veterinarian, causing
immediate full release.
B.  Lose a fingernail by closing a car door on it.
C.  Stick your arm up a cow?s ass to the elbow (assuming the cow doesn?t
resist)
PAUL:  A. I pity the fool that’s squeezing my ass though… For $50,000, can I cut off his toes?

17.  Let?s say, hypothetically speaking, you didn?t like a particular rock band (like maybe Nelson, David Lee Roth, WASP, Vinnie Vincent, etc.)  Would you still cover those bands, or would you ignore them and hope they break up and rot in hell.

Britney Gargano, March 1999.
Britney Gargano, March 1999


PAUL:  I think I’ve proven that I bear no grudges… For example, Eric Brittingham made the statement that he “doesn’t care if he never sees my face at another Cinderella show” because I told him backstage that I thought they were “one of the best bands from their era.” He thought it was a backhanded insult, referring to them as an ’80s band, while in reality I’ve always loved the band (though I’m hard pressed to care now). If they do something worthy of coverage, I’ll pay someone else to cover them–I’m not doing my job if I omit them from the magazine, I’ll just choose to focus my personal attention on bands whose members don’t require that I tip-toe around their egos.
18.  Don?t you feel it?s time to chill out with the Roundup Question?  How many more times can Metal Edge ask, ?What Is Your Favorite Childhood Toy??
or ?What?s Your Most Embarrassing Moment??
PAUL:  Personally, I’m not a fan of thinking of the questions, or asking them, but the ugly truth is, a lot of people really like that department and it’s one of the first things they open to (including the bands). I don’t require bands to answer, and I don’t penalize the bands that don’t. Fact is, we’ll keep them in there as long as there are bands that are interested in
answering them.

Paul In Limp Bizkit
Paul when he was in Limp Bizkit, Sept. 99 Issue

19.  How did you first find out about Metal Sludge and do you enjoy our site?  Do you visit our Godforsaken site often?
PAUL:  I don’t remember how I first heard about it, but I’ve been a fan of Metal Sludge since its inception. I think it’s important people realize that Metal Edge is entertainment, and in the end, music should be fun. Metal Sludge takes that to the next level. I visit the sight a couple times a month–the monthly criticisms of the new issues have become anticipated reading throughout the office.

20.  Word Association.  We’re sure you can figure out what you have to do here.

Gerri Miller = Manowar
Andy Secher = Owes me money… I keep finding band bios I’ve written reprinted in Hit Parader and given fake bylines.
Jonathan Davis = Takes himself too seriously–Axl wore a kilt first
Dana Strum = Gene Simmons, Jr.
Jani Lane = THE down boy
David Lee Roth = The man, the myth, the legend… Dave rules, don’t try arguing with me, or I’ll have to kill you
LA Guns = Great band, one of the all-time most underated… They’re playing “Sex Action” at my wedding
Bret Michaels = Amazing frontman, a great person, and one of the most sincere people I’ve become friends with in this business (that goes for the whole band, actually). Oh yeah, Bandana!
Marilyn Manson = Genius. Love him or hate him, his Antichrist Superstar breathed new life into metal, It made people passionate again.
Lonn Friend = R.I.P…. RIP was the only metal mag I ever read, until they started covering Green Day (now there’s a band that has absolutely NOTHING worthwhile to contribute to music). Believe it or not, I had never read Metal Edge before Gerri asked me to write for the magazine!

So there you have it.  Who would have thought a year ago that Metal Sludge would be interviewing the Editor of Metal Edge?  We certainly didn’t!  

Paul also does some interviewers and DJ work for
METAL MASTERS – Florida’s Premier Rock & Roll Video/Interview Show.  They have a huge ass collection of shows and videos you probably aren’t going to find anywhere else.  So go order some videos from them, and tell them Metal Sludge sent you.  Props go out to Libby for making the initial contact to Paul and seeing if he’d do 20 Questions. Also, Libby mentioned us in the August issue of the CVC Report (Which is to video what the Gavin report is to Radio), so we salute Metal Masters and give Libby an honorary Super Balls Award as well!

Oh yea, we’re sure you all know this already, but Metal Edge has a website you can visit which is at www.mtledge.com.  However, Paul doesn’t have much to do with the website, and it’s run by Gerri Miller, so be warned! 

Thanks again to our first Super Balls Award Winner Paul Gargano!

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