9/1/98 – 5/4/99

1st Letter, Sent 3/5/99

>>”Regarding Donna’s email about me having a small dick and being a bad lay, number one, I ain’t gonna be fuckin’ no inbreds in the midwest with no teeth.<< comments from the *devastatingly brilliant* Stefan Adika.

Dear Donna,
I was having a hard time seeing all of the Sludge on Stefan Adika, and holding my tongue. Everyone else in L.A. Guns is cool as hell, and I didn’t want to run the risk of possibly offending them…BUT….Who the hell does this guy think he IS? I’m sure this is the most press he has ever had and all, but it is apparently going straight to his head. His 20 questions session and his retarted posts on the Gossip board pretty much killed any chance of him being “accepted” by L.A. Guns fans. Regarding his “20 Questions” it is blatantly apparent he had someone “help” him with it, I assure you he is nowhere near as witty as his awnsers suggest. He was definatly coached. ..Are we really to believe that he did this on his own? No fucking way! Just take a look at his responses to the questions, and then compare it to the verbal nonsense emanating from his keyboard on the Gossip Board. The discrepancies in spelling, grammar and punctuation are more than apparent. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to deduce that. He is one step below a Slaughter fan in the smarts department. Damn I.P. numbers! Haha!!
I wonder who turns his computer on for him. Anyway..all this talk about him loving his wife is making me want to puke. Funny when meeting girls out of town he not only “forgets” he is married, he lies about it. And since no one has ever HEARD of him…..they are none the wiser. I deserve to be wearing the “dunce cap” for even letting that dork kiss me, let alone giving him my phone number. Whew! When the alcohol wore off, and he was calling me collect from god knows where every day and night for awhile…I was never so glad I owned an answering machine! He SAID he wanted to “stir things up”, so I didn’t figure he’d mind another spoon in the pot….All in fun, right Stefan? Here’s a picture of myself and Stefan. Not bad for an “inbred”, huh?”

HEY, THAT’S ME!! Just kidding. This is great, an actual picture! I need more of this. Lets get some more pictures on here! If you have a picture of yourself kissing or having sex with a rock dude, send it to me. Maybe I’ll start a photo section.
So it looks like Stefan was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Well, he is married to an ex-porn star, so maybe she doesn’t care if he cheats. Who knows, but the picture is dated 11-6-98. I applaud you for coming forward and submitting a picture. But rumor has it that Stefan is really kissing TRACII GUNS! That’s Tracii in a blond wig! Once again, Tracii Guns has been exposed wearing a wig, and this time, he’s making out with Stefan Adika. I bet he fooled Johnny Crypt into quiting the band so he could get his “boy” Stefan in the band. Now I don’t have proof of this yet, but if I discover this to be true, you’ll hear it here first.
You are correct about Stefan not typing the answers to the 20 Questions. Gideon, that guy that runs the Electronic Gypsy, typed up Stefan’s answers, and now I see why! He said he typed it word for word as Stefan told it to him. We told Gideon not to help him with any of the questions or bastard boy floyd would stalk him down. Gideon says he didn’t, but this also remains a mystery. This is getting to be like the Kennedy assassination. One day, the answers will come out.

Here’s the first email in defense of Stefan.

2nd Letter, Sent 3/7/99

“Donna,
My name is H Cherryhomes. I am writing in defense of Stefan Adika. You see, I was the tour manager for Gilby Clarke and Stefan was playing bass on that tour which billed Gilby and L.A. Guns. I would first like to preface my comments regarding the photo you printed of Stefan kissing the ‘Jenny McCarthy’ look alike from the midwest: Stefan and I far from got along famously. In fact, we were often at one another’s throats for various reasons, mostly due to Stefan’s excess of personality. So my reason for comment on this matter is not based on any loyalties one may assume I have, because I have none.
Okay, having said that, I would like to impart some truths and attempt to dispel some outright lies. First of all, I was constantly around our band members, as it was my responsibility to do so. Stefan constantly talked about his wife and child, to us, the member’s of the band and it’s staff, and to fans; constantly. I remember this cute, yet functionally illiterate girl (note the misspellings in her letter) from somewhere in the east [it’s all east to me, an L.A. native] and that is our bus she is being kissed on.
Believe it or not, but here goes: Stefan very likely did dictate his ‘twenty questions’ answers. He is indeed one of the wittiest people I have ever come across, though quite an annoyance much of the time. Next, fans often would ask for a photo or even a kiss from some of the band members, but I can attest, things went no further with the attached members of the group (Gilby and Stefan) If in fact Stefan wanted things to escalate beyond a simple kiss of a fan, which was never the case, I would not have allowed it, as our tour schedule was so busy, we had no time for trysts. Also, I remember this girl well, as I had mentioned she bore a striking resemblance to Jenny McCarthy. I was discussing this very point as we were driving shortly after this photo was taken. Further proof that this whole thing is a ‘fallacy’, is her comments on Stefan’s penis size. I am sure Stef’s wife knows he is not small, and those of us on tour with him were constantly reminded of this fact. Stefan, almost daily masturbated on our bus while looking at the back of MY head while we were driving. He would get my attention and say “Hey H, you think I have a big cock, it’s not bad, uh?” He knew I was repulsed by this, adding to my earlier statement that he was a continuous source of annoyance to me. He would just laugh at my disgust.
What Stefan does or does not in his spare time, I have no clue, but in this particular instance, I know for a fact that the photo certainly implies more than what had occurred. What motive this girl had for writing this slanderous letter, I have no educated guess, but I feel sorry for her. I hope you can print this response promptly.
Thank you,

H Cherryhomes”

Actually, the girl who said Stefan has a small cock IS NOT the same girl who sent us the picture below. It’s a totally different girl. The Jenny clone mentioned nothing about Stefan’s dick. She just said he was a dick. Also, the part of your letter that says, “If in fact Stefan wanted things to escalate beyond a simple kiss of a fan, which was never the case, I would not have allowed it, as our tour schedule was so busy, we had no time for trysts.” My answer to that is, How long does it take to get a blowjob in a bathroom? Most rock dudes can be finished and zipped back up in their pants in under a two minutes! Hopefully what you say is true, cause if it isn’t, I’m sure I’ll be sent a ton of letters saying just the opposite.
By the way, what’s up with Stefan masturbating daily to the back of this guys head? That’s a pretty picture. If Eric Turner is “Tissue Boy”, than Stef can be “Tissue Boy #2.”

Here’s the Jenny lookalike reply to the tour manager’s claims.

3rd Letter, Sent 3/7/99

“Stefan constantly talked about his wife and child, to us, the member’s of the band and it’s staff, and to fans; constantly. I remember this cute, yet functionally illiterate girl (note the misspellings in her letter) from somewhere in the east [it’s all east to me, an L.A. native] and that is our bus she is being kissed on.” – from H. Cherryhomes
OUR bus? Bahahaha! Try L.A. Guns’ Bus. Gilby’s band was traveling in a R.V. Also, I already said when pointblank asked about a significant other, did he have one?..his reply was “NO.” Misspellings or not…the “inbred” got her point across didn’t she? And if you want “illiterate” refer to Stefan’s posts on “Gossip Board” Oh…and Congratulations on purchasing and using “Spell check”

“if in fact Stefan wanted things to escalate beyond a simple kiss of a fan,” – from H. Cherryhomes
Who said “fan”? I hadn’t ever heard of this guy before. He was just some dude hanging out on L.A. Guns bus!

“What Stefan does or does not in his spare time, I have no clue, but in this particular instance, I know for a fact that the photo certainly implies more than what had occurred. What motive this girl had for writing this slanderous letter, I have no educated guess” – from H. Cherryhomes
You’ll notice my letter says nothing about anything “occurring.” If you think MY letter is slanderous, check out the posts on the “Gossip Board” from your boy Stefan. At least mine contains the truth, and I had the “balls” to submit my letter as myself, and not hide behind false names and posts as he did on the “Gossip Board” Like I said before…”Damn I.P. Numbers!” Hahaha!

My message for Stefan would be: Notes from “mommy” are unacceptable. Be a man and defend YOURSELF, or LET IT DROP. Either is acceptable.”

Yeah, if Stefan had a problem with this, he should be the one responding. Here’s another letter on the situation from another girl.

4th Letter, Sent 3/7/99

“Regarding Mr. Cherryhomes’ letter,
I can’t attest to the truth of the other statements he made, but I can tell you for certain that Gilby and company didn’t even -have- a tour bus on the last tour. I met the tour manager in Kansas City, who at the time told me his name was “Kenny,” (not “H”) who invited me on the vehicle they were really touring in, a motorhome. That’s right, an RV. I don’t know who this H Cherryhomes is, as like I said, the man who identified himself to me as the manager was named Kenny. And the band also kept calling him Kenny, so I never doubted his legitimacy as he was wearing a laminate and Mag Lite around his neck identifying himself with the band. I also saw him tuning some guitars before the show. There was no doubt then, or now, that this man was the manager. He is a tall, thin, dark-short-haired man. Very well dressed, as I remember he was wearing black leather pants and looked quite sharp. He was very nice to me and was extremely hospitable. Cute butt too! But I’m getting sidetracked…
Anyway Stefan himself told me this Kenny was their manager. And like I said, they definitely toured in a motorhome, not a bus. My friend also was invited in the motorhome after the show and she can email you also if you have any doubts. I even used the bathroom in the motorhome and it had a hand-held shower on a hose in the bathroom, like most RV’s do, just to prove I was in there. So with regard to Metal Sludge’s statement that how does the manager know blowjobs don’t take place in the bathroom – having been in there myself, I can affirm that while it’s a tiny room, there is still plenty of room for two people to get it on. I really can’t believe how this Stefan thing has gotten out of control. All the other guys in the band were very nice to us. Stefan sure has another side to him – the asshole side. Hope this clears things up!

Like it was said before, this is the most press Stefan has ever gotten! Welcome to the world of Rock N Roll Stefan! I would suggest that he drops this cause it seems like everytime he or somebody else tries to defend him, they just make the hole that much deeper for him. Let it rest and next time be a little more careful of what your doing. And especially don’t let somebody take your photograph doing it!

5th Letter, sent 3/8/99

Hello again Donna and readers, again this is H Cherryhomes, from Seattle, WA. This is hopefully my last correspondence on the subject of Stefan Adika. I had no idea how big an issue was with some of your readers. I am writing to attempt to clear some ambiguities from my first letter, and to comment on some of the responses it received.
Okay, first off, I didn’t purchase a spell check, it was provided by the Email program and I suggest you try using it Jenny, as good grammar would only lend credence to your references regarding another’s intellectual capacities. It was apparent you were going way off the board using words beyond your vernacular to impress readers while attempting to abase Stefan; It only made you look insecure. Hey, but you really looked great, and you did have all of your teeth. Secondly, yes, it was an R.V. rather than a bus. We elected to take an R.V. on the road rather than a bus so we could get hotel rooms as well. If we had gone out with a bus, we would not have gotten hotel rooms and I personally like to sleep in a bed and shower daily, I don’t know about you all. It was convenient to refer to our ride as a ‘Bus’ so readers could relate, and I really had no idea it would become such an issue. Semantics. Finally, to the girl from Kansas City: Nice letter! Very well communicated. Yes, Kenny and ‘H’, one in the same. At some point during that tour I was “Invented” by Mike ‘The Sack’ Fassano, and the name stuck. Thank you for your kind words regarding my butt, it was a nice sidetrack. We loved Kansas City. It was my personal favorite stop on our tour and I look forward to returning, perhaps with Gilby (he is currently discussing a spring tour) or hopefully sometime soon on a tour of my own.
Oh, and Donna, sorry I had assumed it was Jenny who made the “Stefan’s small cock” reference in previous letter, I stand corrected. And hey, it takes me a hell of a lot longer than two minutes to get off, so again I let my assumptions speak for me rather than supposed fact.

Sincerely,
H Cherryhomes
HC1727@aol.com

Well, if anybody is insecure, it’s Stefan. Word has it that he wants that picture taken down ASAP. Yet he never emailed us about. He had his “people” do it for him. Look dude, if you can’t stand the heat, stay the fuck out of the kitchen. By making a big fuss out of this, your only making yourself look worse. I suggest you chill with the 6th grade threats to “Jenny.” Your tour manager said, “fans often would ask for a photo or even a kiss from some of the band members.” If that’s true, than you have nothing to worry about, right? What’s worse, a picture of you kissing a girl, or making physical threats to someone? Let it drop dude and move on.

“Dear Donna,
I have some interesting info on Jani Lane, Jerry Dixon, and Eric Turner. Let me start off with their nick names given by my two friends and myself. Jani Lane (frog boy), Jerry Dixon (butt boy), and Eric Turner (tissue boy). This was during the RNS tour. Jani’s nick name is pretty obvious and yes my one friend did fuck the shit out of him, as well as blow him. She said that it was average in size. Jerry Dixon’s nick name comes from a time when she was blowing him. She decided to stick her little finger in his asshole. She said that it made him cum within seconds and that he told her that no one had ever done that to him before. Now for Eric Turner, and I would have to say this is the funniest of them all. My friend told me that her and two other friends of her’s were on the bus. She was blowing Jani and her other friends were fucking Jerry. Anyhow, apparently Eric decided not to join in the actual fun, but decided to jackoff when my friend was blowing Jani. The next thing she knows , she hears Eric say “Anyone have a tissue?” She looks back and Eric had cum all over himself. So during the rest of the tour, whenever Eric would walk by, my other friend and I would yell out, “hey Eric, need a tissue.”
P.S. I just love all the juicy info on here. Thanks a bunch.”

That’s funny. Those are the stories I enjoy most! Guys will jackoff to anything remotely sexual. Eric supposedly doesn’t cheat on his wife, so that’s why he didn’t join in, though some may argue that what he did is cheating. As I’ve said before, if your hooking up with somebody from Warrant, chances are another band member will ask to join in or at least watch.
Since Jerry is usually drunk or popping pills and can’t remember names, he sometimes calls his girls pet names. Like if your wearing white, he’ll call you snowflake. He has all sorts of silly names he calls people since he probably can’t remember shit. When he was banging one chick, he called her his wife’s name, Susan, by mistake! He’s also passed out on a chick a time or two and has had to be pulled off a poor nude groupie by roadies or other members of the band.

“I love your Dick Chart and have someone to add, who not only has a dick but IS a dick, Stephan Adika. I could have easily pleasured myself with my little finger as it would have been about the same size. He was nice and sweet at first but immediately afterward tossed me out like yesterday’s news. No foreplay or after-glow whatsoever! And the next day I talked to TWO of my girlfriends who said he had asked THEM for sex before I fell for his lines. Stephan also has that quickshooter affliction if you know what I mean. Anyway chalked it up to experience and thanks for giving me opportunity to write about it!”

Since we recently interviewed Stefan, we asked him if he had a small dick because a girl wrote in and told us he did. Here is Stefan’s reply:

“Regarding Donna’s email about me having a small dick and being a bad lay, number one, I ain’t gonna be fuckin’ no inbreds in the midwest with no teeth. If the fans could see how my wife is, why would I wanna fuck some girl with missing teeth in the midwest? About me having a small dick, that’s bullshit. I might be Jewish, by I ain’t no Tiny Tim. To my inbred fans, take that one to heart. Now go back to fucking your uncle.”

Maybe Stefan should write for us! Of course a rock dude like Stefan isn’t going to admit he has a small cock! That’s not good for business. Well, if you have a Stefan story, you know where to send it. I’ll get to the bottom of this!

“Diva Donna,
Robbie Crane is the biggest slut around. (However, that’s the only *BIG* thing about him… In my book, he’s got a teeny weenie….) Last I knew, and I haven’t been *friends* with him for over two years, he’s cut himself down to five girls a night. (How many he was doing a night before that, I can’t even imagine!) Oh, and the biggest hoot? His girlfriend thinks he’s faithful… ”

“Hey Donna! Since Blas and Robbie Crane “get around” a lot, where’s all the stories about them?
Just curious……..”

As you can see, I got one letter on Robbie, and yes, Robbie is a slut. The only difference between him and Blas is that Robbie can count to 10 without using his fingers! As for Blas, there should be a million stories on him. Getting stuff on him won’t be a problem. I know last Summer in Florida that Blas was with at least 2 different chicks in one day.

“hey donna — just wondered if anyone has info on John Corabi–i was noticing on the gossip board that some girl supposedly had him recently…..guess he’s not all that faithful!! however if those tight ass leather pants are telling the truth, then lord help us!!! he is very gorgeous…..any info is always appreciated!! lol!!”

Yes, I saw that and asked for details, but so far I haven’t gotten any. I’m curious about that myself. I know his girlfriend Layla visits this site, so John better watch himself! If I get any info on it, I’ll be sure to let everyone know.

“Dear Donna,
Let me begin by saying that not only do you provide pretty dandy info, you’re also pretty darn witty and articulate—hats off to you babe!! I thought I’d share some info with you: Rowanne, Jani’s wife, also dated the singer of an old band called Child’s Play from Baltimore (I hung out with her at one of the band’s shows), as well as (hold onto your lunch!!) Vanilla Ice. There was a pic in People mag of her feeding him honey to him in the back of a limo. Also, you talked about Peter Steele already, but let me stress this: the man is not merely well-hung, he’s humongous—–and very very kinky. He’s got LOTS of fetishes. And if you listen to his music, you’ll discover them all. He’s also very romantic, but has a girlfriend. I have no idea, however, if he’s actually romantic WITH his girlfriend.”

“Donna,i love your section of metal sludge–what happened with that taime downe question?? I have to know about his sexual behaviour –is he really bi==
U gotta help me donna”

Well I’ve always heard that he swings both ways. Now have I ever seen him suck a cock? No. But he did invite yours truly to his hotel room back in 95 when I went to a Slash’s Snakepit show (I declined by the way, I had other “things” to do). I do know that he has hooked up with other girls, so I’m not sure of the amount of ball juggling he has done in the past. I do know that back when him and Riki Ratchman ran the Cathouse, they lived together and rumor has it they screwed around, but who knows. Maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe it was more than that. But if you have what it takes, give it a shot yourself!

“Hi Donna,
Since you are THE DIVA of slut patrol, could you please try to find someone that has bagged Jay Gordon from Orgy. They just played The Roxy in West Hollywood on Friday and live in the Hollywood area. Maybe one of your friends has a story (or two) to share? Thanks in advance for any juice you may be able to come up with.”
The DIVA, I like that. I’m sorry to say, I’m not familiar with Jay Gordon. I did find out that the first time he ever performed on stage was on the Family Values tour with Orgy. He’s been around the L.A. scene for a while, but was never in any bands. But I don’t even know what he looks like. If anybody knows anything, get off your ass and send it in!.

“Donna:
Here’s another inquiry for ya: You probably didn’t see this cause I doubt you watch VH1, but about 2 1/2 weeks ago, they premiered a Behind The Music on Leif Garrett, an old 70`s teen idol, he did cover tunes and stuff. Well, in the beginning they showed some close ups of his, uh…..and he said that there was no sock, it was “All me baby!!!” Ever since then I have been wondering…the guy pretty much was a slut among other things. He’s cool tho, I love his music. I know, this is Metal Sludge, not 70`s something, but hey, it all deals with music. So, SOME old hag out there has to know about him. This was over 20 years back now, but I KNOW that someone has to know about him. So, tell us the usual; how big, how good, ect……Thanx!!! =)”

I watch VH-1, it’s much better than MTV. Those Behind The Scenes and Where Are They Now Specials are cool. The only thing I saw of the Leif Garrett special was something about his friend being in a wheelchair because Leif fucked up and crashed a car or something. Well, if anybody is really old school and has some info on Leif, let me know.

“Hello Donna. Well, let me add to your RICK STEIER info (Not like you have enough)! Don’t let his marriage fool you ladies. He was only married less than a month and was already sleeping around. After one of their shows, he was hitting on my friend really hard and one thing lead to another, and, well, you know the rest of the story. I have another friend that lives in a different state and she told me that when she went on the Warrant tour bus, Rick was all over another girl and that girl was bragging later how they have been having sex earlier. And that was in November. I don’t think Rick knows the meaning of faithfulness.”

I don’t think anybody in Warrant knows the meaning of faithfulness. When I asked for Rick Steier info, I never thought I’d get so much! Now if I could only get this much info on Mick Mars….Just kidding.

“Hey there!!!
I was wondering if you could did up some info on Jon Bon Jovi for your Penis Chart.
Thanx!!!”

Alright girls, let’s see if we can get some Bon Jovi info now. I do know that he has cheated on his wife, but how many rock stars don’t do that? So let’s get some info on Jon and find out what’s underneath those Versace clothes.

“This is for Donna-
I just wanted to add a little to all this Rick Steier info that’s going around! Do with this info what you may….Rick has the softest, moistest lips, and he is a very gentle guy. He would never pressure a girl into doing anything she didn’t want to do, and he takes rejection very well. If he rejected, he does tend to whine a little but he doesn’t get mad. And as the other two girls before me have mentioned, Rick is very sweet to his former bedmates and he does have a good memory with names.”

“Donna,
Well, I guess I’m a little late – but I thought I’d add some about Rick Steier. Yes, he is average in the length department – but he is a lot of fun in bed. He goes out of his way to make sure you’re having a good time – and will do anything you want him to. Always a plus to have an agreeable man asking you what you want! As said before – he does do those little extras – such as taking off the shoes and rubbing your back. Also, he’ll be as nice the day after as he was to begin with and he has a knack for remembering names!. There’s something to be said for that!
Have a Merry Christmas!”

My god, one person asked for Rick Steier stuff and we got a ton of stuff! Thanks everyone! Even if somebody has sent me something already, feel free to send in your own story. The more the merrier. It’s good to hear the Rick is cool. But now that he is married, I guess Rick will have to behave. It’s not like the guys in Warrant have been known to cheat or anything!

“Donna,
“I just went to see Taime Downe’s new band in LA last week and i must say he is looking better than ever. I haven’t heard too much info on him on here, im curious as in how he his in bed, basically anything about him?”

I do know that Taime supposedly plays for both teams, if you know what I mean. So if there are any girls, or guys, with any info on Taime, you know where to send it!

“Donna,
I love your site. I laughed for hours. I have got to know about Mike Tramp. Is he big, small, bad or good? I dont care about his music cause it sucks. But I gotta know about him, cause he’s pretty damn sexy. Thanks for all the laughs.”

Well somebody, probably the same girl, asked that question on the Gossip Board. Here is one person’s reply on Mike. It doesn’t sound positive!

“So, you wanted to know about Mike’s endowment? Well, it is the same size as his compassion, his understanding, his generousity of spirit and his talent for singing.
It is not anywhere near the size of his ego, his attitude, or his head. Ask his girlfriend, the one he has not married after over 10 years and one kid. Oh and as for you Dying to sleep with him, I bet you could think of better things to do with your free time.”

“Considering how prolific Rick is, I’m amazed someone hasn’t gotten to you with the “goods” yet. Rick is genuinely a nice guy. He is a slut, no doubt about it, and is with a different woman every night, but he’s always friendly to his former bed mates. Rick is very complimentary and does little things, like take your shoes off for you. He is a “safety guy” and brings his own stash of condoms. He also doesn’t get irate if a woman doesn’t want to be with him, unlike some others that I know. He wears boxers, which look slightly amusing because he’s got these chicken legs and knobby knees. Hardly a turn-on, but endearing none-the-less. In all honesty, his package is average, and the earth didn’t move, but it wasn’t an unpleasant experience. He is a very nice guy, and you don’t have to worry about him being an ass after the fact, which is always very comforting.
A friend of mine was with Jerry Dixon, and believe it or not, he was able to get it up! She reports that it is on the large end of average, more than adaquate, but that he was fairly selfish in his gratification. He didn’t do a whole lot to make sure she walked away happy!
I guess I can throw a bit in about Danny too. Danny is a spectacular kisser. This is a guy who, when he makes up his mind that he is into you, he is so focused it is unreal. He is VERY good with his mouth and tongue, and is extemely concerned about making sure his partner is satisfied. The fact that he can’t get enough of you is extremely sexy, if you know what I mean. I know another woman who has been with him also, and she reports the same thing. I don’t know who your original source was, but she must’ve gotten him on a bad night!”

Now that’s what I call good info! I like it when I get stuff with details. I agree with you about Jerry being selfish. All he cares about is a blowjob. If he gets a blowjob, he could care less about pleasing you, that is providing he can get it up. But most of the time Jerry’s a drunk mess. I feel sorry for his wife Susan. But when Jerry has gotten it up, I don’t think there is much to talk about. Now lets find some stuff on Jani. I know there are at least a couple thousand of you with Jani stories, especially when he was drinking.  Jani could be violent went he was drunk. I also heard that back around 94, he told a girl I know to meet him back at his room. When she showed up a little while later, Jani was passed out on the floor and was practically laying in his vomit. Yummy! There are a million Warrant stories. So if you have any Jani sex stories, send them in!

“I wanted to add Rowanne also went out with (or was possibly engaged to) Donald Trump. This is 100% true, I even saw she and him holding hands once in TIME magazine. Check it out.”

You are correct, however, the magazine was People. That was back in 91/92. I had forgotten about that one. Thanks!

“OK here is my latest edition to your penis chart. Do you remember Keel. I barely remember anyway kuz Im kind of young but I met their old guitar player Mark Ferrari at a bar last week and he was really shmoozzing me saying “oh I used to be in Keel and we toured hte world, etx” so I thought, why not. Well he is a decent lay but again not overley special. One thing kind of nasty though [I know you like these detail!) is he had hair like,, growing OUT of it. Thats a new one. Also he shavess his upper arms! A Steve (Summers) flash back there. Anyway thats all for now.”

“Yo Donna….just thought you should know: Jizzy Pearl WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK of doing it in any other postition than MISSIONARY…and WOULDN’T EVEN DREAM OF GOING DOWN ON A GIRL….and doesn’t EVER cum….because he thinks it’ll make him look “old” if he releases his god damn CHI. (He’s a thai chi weirdo) And if you’re looking forward to a nice, juicy kiss…..forget about it….he’s not into kissing or hugging…or anything affectionate for that matter………just thought you should know…..”

Wow, Jizzy sounds like a lot of fun! Talk about a dead fuck. And isn’t it ironic his name is Jizzy, yet he won’t cum. So let’s see, he’s not into kissing, hugging, cumming, going down on a girl, or any other position than missonary. Tibetan monks are more exciting!

” Hey Donna! I have a good friend who’s nuts about Glenn Danzig. Any “sludge ” on him? “Sizes”, etc…… She’s crazy about the guy!!
Thanks and Happy Thanksgiving! “

All right, here’s a letter I just go on the very subject. Here’s all you wanted to know about Glen Danzig!

“First of all, let me say that Glen is a very unpredictable, and strange guy. Most of us don’t know this, but the guy is like pushing 45. Yep that’s right. He was born into my FATHER’S generation. Maybe that’s why he has such strange quirks.
Glen doesn’t drink alcohol, do any sort of drugs, or smoke. (he doesn’t let anyone smoke on the tour bus either, but Chuck Biscuts and I ignored that rule). But Glen does indulge in Chocolate. TONS of it. On his bar, instead of liquor bottles, he has bowls of chocolate candy. Pretty strange for a guy who constantly works out!
Also, the majority of the groupies that he takes on the bus are old, droopy, half dressed hags!! I’m not shitting you. These chicks are like pro’s from the Rolling Stone days. You know what I mean? Yeah, he gets a nice looking one once in a while, but he does have his regular assortment of hags in the big cities he tours to. Judging from his height and girth, Glen probably has a 5 incher in his pants, and 2 inches wide. I was in a band with a chick who had a friend who had him once. She was one of the type of girls that never had an orgasm in her life. My friend was in the next room while Glen and the girl were getting it on. The girl still had to fake it. And it didn’t last much longer than 10, to 15 minutes anyway.
Not to mention, Glen is a total party pooper! God forbid one of the other guys in his band (John Christ, and Eeire Von) have a hotel room party. If people are smoking cigarettes, he’s outta there in two minutes. Pouting and frowning all the way. This is all I can remember for now. Sorry it wasn’t more lusty. If I remember more, or get more info, i’ll write ya’. Hope some of this helps.”

“Hey Donna,
Saw some comments about Phil Lewis and wanted to add my own: Phil is a true gentleman. He is articulate, well-read, and very funny. On LA Guns first ever club tour, my friend and I stayed in the same room with Phil (w/ her and Phil in one bed and me in another). Let’s just say that the following day she had a big smile on her face all the way home (it was a 5 hour drive). Even though he wasn’t interested in me, he still gave me lots of compliments and treated me with respect. In fact he was even nicer to me than her the next morning. VIVA PHIL”

“Nothing really exciting, but you guys might be able to use this. I’m not sure if this is true or not, but Kim Hooker (lead singer from Tygertailz) would refuse to go on stage until some chick would blow him. BTW I have to add my 2 cents in about Phil Lewis, he is great with his tongue!”

“hmmm I have some juicy gossip for anyone interested in L.A. Guns…I know for a fact Johnny is a good lay..he’s very hot and has a great looking ass as well as hmmm a nice sized prick(he definately knows how to use it) and i know he isn’t exactly faithful either…as for Tracii and Jizzy they’re pretty good too in the sack(but nothing compared to the bassist) i never knew anyone to have any complaints about them…well if i decide to part with more gossip you guys will be the first to know….”

“Dear Donna,
You asked about what musicians were faithful to their spouses……well, I don’t know him personally, but I do know someone who does. I think it’s a pretty safe bet that Warren DeMartini (Ratt) is a faithful guy. He seems to be one of the few. Also, I’ll bet Aerosmith members are pretty faithful too. Present day, of course. ( The 70’s don’t count anymore.) I don’t know them, but it just seems that way.”

Your probably correct about Warren, yet I don’t know for sure. I can probably find out. Robbie Crane is definitely the slut of the band, yet he isn’t married, so he’s allowed. I’d figure Aerosmith is pretty loyal now. However, I can see Steven possibly fooling around, but for the most part I’d agree. I haven’t heard any stories saying otherwise. I’m sure my friends will email me if that isn’t the case!

“For Donna…

“hi. Metal Sludge is the best thing that ever happened.
As for Blas being a great lover, no. He’s huge, yeah but hes also pretty selfish and pretty lethargic. his old girlfriend is not great, but shes OK. Shes had her moments of psychosis and can be realy possessive if she wants.
Fred coury’s married to a pretty girl that is cool but he cheats. SURPRISE”

Well so far, Blas has gotten high reviews from everyone I’ve heard from. But it is good to hear other points of view. I guess I might just have to get into the saddle and find out for myself!

About 95% of all guys in touring bands cheat. There are a few loyal guys around, but they are really few and far between. Hey, if you know somebody in a band who is supposedly loyal, let me know! Lets see if we can find a rocker out there who is a good boy.