REWIND with…

JOE LYNN TURNER!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! And in keeping with the Irish tradition, we have a special Rewind today with none other than Joe Lynn Turner! (Actually, Joe’s not Irish, nor does he have a thing to do with St. Patty’s Day, but that’s besides the point.)

For those of you not in the know, Joe Lynn Turner is a vocal legend unto himself. He’s sang with Rainbow, Yngwie Malmsteen, Deep Purple, Brazen Abbot, and released a few albums as the Hughes-Turner project with another legendary vocalist, Glenn Hughes. There’s probably some other shit we’re forgetting about, but those are the big ones.

Joe Lynn Turner first stepped up to the plate and did 20 Questions with us way back on January 25, 2000. Can you believe it’s been over 5 years since we first talked to him? Thus, we had quite a bit of catching up to do with Mr. Turner. So without further ado, here’s our special St. Patrick’s Day Rewind with none other than Joe Lynn Turner. Enjoy!

1. What are you currently up to? This is your one and only chance to plug your shit.

I have so much going on that I can barely keep track of it all. Go to joelynnturner.com and read all about it! And if you are too fucking lazy to keep checking the site you can subscribe to our RSS feed. My new CD, “The Usual Suspects,” is out in Japan and Europe. It should be out in the USA at some point also so look for it! Journalists from all over the world are telling me it is one of the best solo albums I have put out to date. Are they full of shit? I guess you’ll have to listen to decide for yourself. I recorded “Still Got The Blues” for Stuart Smith’s re-release of “Heaven and Earth” and that’s getting some airplay in the USA and I have done a bit of promo for that as well. There is some discussion about Mother?s Army getting back together. I am also working on a rock opera called “Stargazer” about Galileo. The people who are planning to produce the rock opera are the same people who brought the world the ?We Will Rock You? show. I am also having a blast playing with Hit Squad, recently did some more tracks with Brazen Abbot. Check out the website!

2. It?s been 5 years since we last talked to you. How do you feel the musical landscape is these days for bands that play hard rock and classic metal? Is it better or worse, or is it pretty much the same as it was in 2000? Don?t hesitate to expound on this topic all you?d like.

Whoa… you guys come out of the gate with an intelligent question?!? Do you want a somewhat intelligent answer? Ok… I actually think it is getting better. From the feedback I am getting from Europe and Japan about my new CD and the vibe in the USA about the classic rock sound returning to popularity things are looking up. People seem to want quality music and are finally tired of the pre-fab bullshit bands.

3. Name the three highest points and the three lowest points of your musical career to date:

This is another normal question… what’s up with you guys? Has Metal Sludge succumbed to this trend in the States now to be overly politically correct after media’s knee jerk reaction to the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction at last year’s Superbowl?! High-est points? I don’t remember. Fondest memory… probably my time with Rainbow. The lowest I try and learn from.

4. Rank the following singers on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being someone who sounds like they gargle battery acid, and 10 being someone who has mastered the art of voice.

I hate this ranking shit so here’s my comments without the numbers…

Phil Mogg = he can sing he’s good… fits perfectly with UFO

Brian Johnson = great even though he sounds like he gargles razor-blades. It fits into what ACDC is about

Ozzy Osbourne = surprisingly not bad when he sings the ballads especially. He started that whole monotone thing but it works for him

Don Dokken = He’s got a certain tone. I like Don’s voice

Jeff Scott Soto =He has incredible technique.

Kevin DuBrow = Kevin has a better voice than the one he uses on the Quiet Riot songs.

Graham Bonnet = He’s the razor blade meister but incredibly powerful.

Alice Cooper = More of a stylist than singer but he does what he does so well. An incredible interpreter… more theatric

Glenn Hughes = Amazing he is the… voice of ROCK! A Funkmeister but he

also connects emotionally

Kip Winger =Tremendous writer and singer. He has it all going on.

5. Does it bother you that 2003?s ?JLT? and your new CD ?The Usual Suspects,? arguably the two best records in your catalog, have been widely ignored in the USA?

Thanks for saying you like the CDs. As far as The Usual Suspects, you are putting the cart before the horse here because that album is not even out in the USA yet. As for “JLT,” my media relations person will think I am an asshole if I did not tell you that it did receive more press and media attention than any of my previous solo CDs since “Rescue You.” But it was NOT pushed heavily to radio and retail by the record company perhaps due to lack of budget.

6. We heard that you?re quite the porn connoisseur. Alright, so name for us your top 5 favorite porn flicks, and give us a reason why you like each one of them so much.

I am not so much into the movies themselves… I am more into the stars. I do not remember the titles of the films I like the best. I do follow my fave stars. Sylvia Saint is at the top of the list of course. Then there is Jill Kelly, Jenna Jameson, Brittany Andrews, Briana Banks. I love it when they are doing oral and have a Jesus cross on! Profane!

7. Every artist with an extensive history always seems to feel the need to do a covers album to pay tribute to their influences. But was there really a need for both ?Undercover 1? and ?Undercover 2??

A need? Well yeah when I am commissioned and I am contracted to do 2 cover CDs I would be in legal hot water if I did not deliver the goods. Hello? In case you did not notice they are both completely different in their approach.

8. Of the following, which do you prefer and why:

Filet of Soul or Ezra = I’ll pick Filet… because it was completely different from the music I am known for making. There were horns and the band had a real Sly and the Family Stone sound.

Bobby Kimball or Michael Bolton = Bobby because he is more wild and stretches out. He has more passion.

The Commodores or Kool and the Gang =Kool because half of Filet of Soul ended up in Kool. A little nepotism among friends.

The Lincoln Tunnel or the George Washington Bridge = The Tunnel because it is closer

The Taming of the Shrew or A Midsummer Night?s Dream = Dream = The Shrew… Nes pas?

Marshall Tucker or Greg Allman = Greg Allman… he’s a very soulful singer

Danger Danger or Trixter = Whoa…now you are getting into serious friend territory… I have to take the 5th!!

Hand jobs or rim jobs = Can’t I have both at the same time?

Shabu Shabu or sushi =Shabu… it’s just too good

Botox or facelifts = Botox… I like needles!

9. Back in the mid-80s, you had said in an interview that you were thinking of calling your first post-Rainbow project ?JOLT? as kind of a play on your initials, but then you ended up not using it. Did that have anything to do with the emergence of Jolt Cola around the same time, or did someone tell you it just sounded gay?

Lets put it this way… The cola company’s lawyers beat up my lawyers and I had my logo out first. They had vast resources that I did not have and it was not worth fighting. Basically they ended up sending me a cease and desist. I still call my production company, JOLT and we have a different logo.

10. Rate the following chicks on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being a bucket of pig intestines, and 10 being a bonafide hottie.

Bea Arthur = 8 she does it for me… she has that motherly thing going on

Betty White = 7 cause she is so sweet

Liza Minelli = well she used to be an 8 and now she?s like a 0…. that girl has a lot of trouble

Tipper Gore = Not bad but I did not like that PMRC censorship thing she had going on in the 80s so let’s give her a 6

Lauren Bacall = 10! I love her. I grew up watching her movies. She is extremely sexy, sensuous and I love her voice.

Oprah Winfrey = Gotta love Oprah! I give her a 10 as a person. She exudes what every person should be. She is everything you guys aren’t… kind, benevolent, rich, powerful and cute.

Florence Henderson =Didn’t she have ann affair with one of the Brady kids? Was it Greg or Peter? I give her a kinky 10 for that!

Elizabeth Taylor =The old Liz gets a 10 (National Velvet)! A face to die for! The new Liz gets a 5.

Hillary Clinton = She has a bit of sex appeal but too school marmish for me… a 6.

Martha Stewart = She has that maternal loving kind of feeling. She used to be a model in her old days and had that all American good look so… for the old Martha a 7!

11. Give us your fondest memory about touring or being in the following cities:

Most of the fondest memories I do not remember… I had too good a time! But I will give you some stand out moments here…

Miami =At a major radio convention in the 80s. I was at the hotel pool and this one radio program director was being an asshole so I pee-ed on him in the pool.

Stockholm = Lots of Swedish porn chicks… easy picking!

Philadelphia = I was at the 4 seasons Hotel at some Bonjovi party. Some girl stole my leather jacket. Sambora and I looked all over for it all night … we eventually found the girl!

Houston = KLOL…the legendary radio station in Houston would hold these rock auctions and all the rockers would go. It was a huge event. One night Vince Neil and I are leaving this strip club with a limo full of strippers. We went back to the hotel and we both had adjoining rooms. Mark Goodman of MTV prank called us and said we were going to be thrown out of the hotel because we had all these naked women running around.

Chicago = Seka… the porn star!! I went to an adult club and we ended up hooking up.

Munich = Me and Roger Taylor of Queen left the Sugar Shack to cavort with a bunch of girls. This one had a long braid down past her ass and I remember it wrapped around my feet. It was fake and I ended up pulling it off

Denver = The Mile High Club… my version!! I was doing this big stadium show with Rainbow and it was like a Felini movie. We went back to the hotel and all the bands that played the show were there. It was one of the biggest parties ever with all the shenanigans that go along with it.

San Francisco = Fuzzy Morning Star… she was one of the celebrated groupies of the time. She did the buzz on us.

St. Petersburg = I’m thinking you mean Russia? Svetlana Blue. She was acommunist and I was abused for being a capitalistic rock star. But oh what a night!

Tokyo = Let’s not go there!! When I first played there with Rainbow let’s just say the band arranged for me to be taken care of… very well!

12. In your opinion, which of the following Yngwie vocalists has the best hair:

Michael Vescera, Doogie White, Graham Bonnet, Jeff Scott Soto, Mark Boals, or yourself?

Like I give a shit? Why don’t you ask the Queer Eye for the Straight Guys that question.

13. Yes or No, has Joe Lynn Turner ever done the following:

Prank called Ian Gillan = no but Ritchie did

Arm wrestled Jon Bon Jovi = no… just mud wrestling!

Gave a massage to Glenn Hughes = only once and I needed the money

Dropped acid with Desmond Child = you do not have to drop acid with him ? he is already on a trip

Jacked off in the Nutley Park Shop-Rite = no but I had sex in the back seat

Considered joining Blackmore?s Night = Haven’t you heard? I am the new background singer!

Been stalked by a fan = no.. I stalk fans who stalk me

Barfed on stage = never onstage.. just offstage to the side

Shit in a well = not a wishing well

Drove drunk = all the time? but? I do not remember

14. A lot of people find it remarkable that you never seem to show any facial hair, 5 o?clock shadow, stubble or anything of the sort. Do you wax your face or something? What?s your secret?

I did have a beard and mustache once and I thought I looked too much like Freddie Prinze (who was popular at the time). see the cover of “rescue you” Never again. I like to be clean shaven and shave twice a day. I use an electric so its easy! besides… the clean look works for me!… otherwise it?s “greybeard”!

Joe Lynn Turner with facial hair! He’s 2nd from left in this pic of his old band Fandango

15. What do you remember most about writing or recording the following songs:

Stone Cold = That song was actually recorded in the middle of a blizzard. We were in a studio in Montreal…one wall of the studio was a window and overlooked a frozen lake.

Street of Dreams =I got the message in a dream, woke up and wrote the lyrics. It’s about reincarnation.

Losing You = Roy Thomas Baker said it was one of his favorite songs on “Rescue You”

Heaven Tonight = Yngwie’s first AOR hit

King of Dreams = a personal story about Ritchie and I…Ritchie is the chorus and I am the verse

Bad Blood =Love that song… and I would like to re-record it. A moment of social universal conciousnesss..it applies today!

Eye of the Storm =a methaphor…one of the first things I did with Nik Kotsev

Holy Man = I was sick and tired of evangelists ripping people off It was very personal for me in that it expresses my opinion on organized religion

Jump Start = True story! I came home one night and that’s what happen. I figured most people can relate to this and if not they are an unlucky bastard or they need ot get another wife or girlfriend

Losing My Head = great song… we were channeling The Beatles when this happened. One of the better HTP songs.

16. Does it bother you that the more casual listener can?t tell the difference between your voice and the voice of Jeff Scott Soto?

Then they have no ears! Like I said earlier, Jeff is great but I do not even hear a similarity between us at all.the tone and delivery is completely individual!

17. Name one good thing about:

Girls =breasts

Pizza = complete food

Drugs = something for the pain

New Jersey =what exit?

Shakespeare = Francis Bacon…do you know what I mean?

Satellite radio = no commercials

Tapeworms = weight loss

Pubic hair = razor blades

Hookers = I pay them to leave, not to come

Wigs = never a bad hair day

18. Did Yngwie ever unleash the fucking fury on you? If so, tell us about it.

I have seen the fury unleashed but never on me. It needs to be put in a cage. I recently heard a soundbyte from the time we were on-board a JAL flight and yngwie threatened to unleash the fury on the stewardess… it was an indelible moment!

19. For an easy tax-free $10,000 in unmarked bills: There is a red button in front of you. If you press it, some random homeless person, unrelated to you or anyone you know, will explode right on the street in broad daylight, showering all passers-by with a bloody mess of gore, bone fragments, and little bits of flesh. No one else will be physically hurt, but they?ll probably need a good deal of counseling after witnessing something like that. You, however, get to keep all that cash. Would you do it?

Stupid fucking question!

20. The Last of Joe Lynn Tuner:

Last movie you saw in the theatre = The 10 Commandments or Ben Hur

Last concert you watched from the audience =TSO…

Last rock star with whom you shared a hug = Glenn Hughes… but I left his room early… I did not stay the night

Last gift you received from a fan = clothing

Last commercial jingle you recorded =Ford Trucks

Last porn movie you watched = Bouncing the Czeck

Last time you ate at the Park Diner = a month ago

Last time you ?witnessed? at a hotel bar = The Rev is on vacation! I’ll get back to you.

Last time you wore underwear = maybe 1979?

Last time you shit yourself = What time is it now?

21. Time for Metal Sludge?s Word Association! We mention a name, and you give us your thoughts.

I just love this (sarcasm). You guys are so inventive! Could you be any more original?!?

Roger Glover = philosopher

Steve Vai = gr wizard/nice guy

Gene Simmons = super tongue

Bob Daisley =Bad Boy Bubby!

Charlie Logan = radio icon

J.T. Taylor = original soul brother

Tony Iommi =original metal riffer

Al Pitrelli = goomba

Lita Ford = happily married with children

Nikki Sixx = NDE… near death experience

Damn, Joe’s hard to please! He thought a few of our questions were too ‘softball’ yet he didn’t like some of our more fucked-up questions either. Oh well, we’ll be sure to put the screws to him good when we hit him up for a 3-Wind in a few years!

For more information about Joe Lynn Turner and his various ongoing projects, drop on by his official Web site at joelynnturner.com.

Special thanks to Lisa from To The Max! for all her help in coordinating this interview. She rules!