20 Questions With Charlee Johnsson, 10/23/01

Halfcocked Drummer Charlee Johnsson

Now you’re probably saying, “Who the fuck is Charlee Johnsson?” Duh, he’s the drummer for Halfcocked! Hello!

Here’s the story…. they’re signed to Megatronic Records, the imprint of Powerman 5000 frontman Spider One, and DreamWorks Records. Their bio says, ?This band sounds like AC/DC and ABBA having a bar fight,? explains Halfcocked drummer and founding member Charlee Johnsson. ?Basically, we make music for people with Attention Deficit Disorder, and we?re eager to accept blame for attempting to resurrect the glory days of arena rock. I mean, if you?re going to bother getting onstage, you should make a conscious effort to thoroughly entertain whoever comes out to see you.? And they have 3 chicks in the band! Plus, if they are good enough to be interviewed by Paul Gargano in the October issue of Metal Edge, they’re good enough for us to do 20 Questions with!

Charlee is a Sludgeaholic and has a good sense of humor, so we thought we’d throw them a bone. That way if they blow up, we’ll take full credit for it. And if you don’t enjoy these 20 Questions, we’ll figure out a way to blame Paul Gargano.

Enjoy!

1. What are you currently up to? This is your only chance to plug your shit?
I am currently up to an 18-pack of Coors Light a day, thank you very much. This pretty much IS the only chance I have at plugging anything or anyone.

2. How did we get stuck talking to you instead of one of the hot chicks in the band?
Call it karma. Just pretend I’m one of the hot chicks with dicks in the band. Feel better yet?

3. Do you have a real job and if so what do you do?
No, because I know I’d get halfway through the employment orientation questionaire and probably have something or someone ask “How come you applied for this job instead of one of the hot chicks in your band”?

4. What hard rock/heavy metal band should give it up and call it a day?
All of them. Every single last fucking one them, except for Halfcocked. It’d make it much more easier for us and everyone else if they had no other choice.

5. Rate the following drummers on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being a hack and 10 being a drum god.
Tommy Lee = 10
Bobby Blotzer = 8
Blas Elias = 10 (for his name alone)
Lars Ulrich = Never heard of him.
Peter Criss = 10 (back in the 1970s)
Joey Kramer = 10
Eric Singer = 8
Rikki Rockett = 8
John Otto from Limp Bizkit = 8
Nicko McBrain = 10

6. Have you seen any of the chicks in the band naked at all? Any glimpses of any of the goods?
I got it all on videotape. Send $5000 per VHS tape order to halfcocked@totaldeath.com for your personalized copy. Coming soon: dirty panties from “The Last Star” recording sessions…

7. The album has been out for over a month now. Why aren’t you guys out touring to promote it?
You know, the five of us made hundreds of dollars this year. We’re set for life, but you still might want to go to www.dreamworksrecords.com and ask them.

8. Hypothetical question: You have saved up your whole life to buy your dream home. Once you’ve moved in, we offer you the following: give us your house and walk away with nothing, or keep the house but one of your closest friends will be tortured to death within the next three months. What will it be?
Keep the house, dudes. My best friend is a martial arts expert that likes to beat on himself with bats and shit. I think I’d take my chances braving the elements, versus dealing with Young Grasshopper Daniel-san once he got free of the torture, thank you very much.

9. How high maintenance are the other 3 chicks in the band?
Surprsingly, they’re okay; however, though I don’t encourage domestic violence, I do know how Mr. Hand can become Mr. Fist!

10. Rate the following chicks on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being a mess and 10 being a hottie.
Gwen Stefani = 10
Jennifer Lopez = There’s far less plastic in a Porsche, you know.
Mandy Moore = Sorry, I’m not into child pornography.
Gena Lee Nolin = Who the HELL is this?
Lita Ford = I’d rather rate her husband; the dude was in Nitro!
Themla from Scoopy Doo = I’d fuck her AND the dog.
Tara Reid = 10
Heather Locklear = 10 for her role in the “Swamp Thing” movie.
Jaime Richter = Highest bidder wins E-bay auction.
Sarah Reitkopp = Batteries not included, some assembly required.

11. When Spider from Powerman 5000 produced your record, did he ever ask for any “private time” with Sarah or any of the other female band members?
Johnny and I actually were the objects of his desire, but we had to decline. All three of us couldn’t fit into his space suit.

12. Who’s the most overrated band today?
The one that gets more attention than mine.

13. Is it hard playing the drums and looking out at Sarah’s ass?
You make it sound like it covers the whole front of the stage…now you are NEVER going to get a date with her. Way to go, buck tooth! She’ll be less than thrilled to hear an inquiry about THE ASS ECLIPSE that you’ve mentioned in this question.

14. Have you ever seen the inside of a tour bus?
No, I usually blow the bands backstage. You can also knock out the road crew in one swift chow as well.

15. Which do you prefer?
Manowar or Krokus = MANOWAR FUCKING RULES
Gary Cherone or Nuno Bettnencourt = Doug Marks, Metal Method instructor.
Penthouse or Hustler = Barely Legal
Jenna Jameson or Janine = Jenna Jameson
Boston Red Sox or Boston Bruins = Bruins all the fuckin’ way.
Vince McMahon or Vince Neil = McMahon can drink more. Cheers!
The Donnas or Kittie = That’s not fair, fuckers.
Purple hair or Pink hair = Pubes of both colors, please!
Marilyn Manson or Marilyn Monroe = Marilyn Manson.
Poison or Warrant = Poison.

16. What rock star deserves a smack in the mouth and why?
I’ll start talking shit after I sell 10 million records. That seems to be the trend, ya know….

17. Who has the worst case of PMS in the band and how do you deal with that?
Well, since I’m the biggest bitch in the band, that would probably be me. I just cry, cry, cry, cry, cry!

18. For $25,000 would you: Suck on Sarah’s nipple for 5 minutes with her full knowledge that you are getting paid and with her full compliance.
I don’t think she’d let me clamp on to that bad boy for five seconds, but I’m the jerk-off that will pretty much do anything for $25 at this fuckin’ point in my career. Boobies are fun. With the way I’ve been drinking these last few months, I’m gonna have a hot rack of my own in no time at all! Then I can suck my OWN tits! Yippie!

19. Has anybody ever asked for your autograph?
Why, you want one?

20. Time for Metal Sludge’s Word Association. We mention a name and you give us your thoughts.
Spider = Duracell
Nikki Sixx = Rehab
Slaughter = Cheetos
Ozzy Osbourne = Nicotine
Fred Durst = Wes Borland
Warrant = Alice In Chains
Steven Tyler = Rock Power
Howard Stern = Pookie!
Sebastian Bach = Muscle shirts
Rob Zombie = Sassy

There you go kids. Feel free to rip me a new asshole.

Love you fuckers!

Charlee and (yes, they send some sugar) The Halfcocked girls.

We have to give props to Charlee for mentioning Doug Marks Metal Method tape as well as Nitro and Krokus. That just goes to show you he’s up on his metal!

For more info on Halfcocked, you can check out their website at www.halfcocked.com