Metal Sludge The Power and the Glory
SLUDGETTE OF THE MONTH
Helena Handbasket
This month’s Sludgette Of The Month first came to our attention when she captured SR-71 a few months back. She’s a total hottie and we proudly present this month’s Sludgette Of The Month, Helena!
Helena’s Data Sheet
1. Age: 30
2. Height: 5’1″ without shoes, usually around 5’6″ though. 
3. Weight: 100 lbs.
4. Measurements: 34C-23-33 (I’m a size 1 if that helps.)
5. Where are you from?
NashVegas TN
6. Ambitions: Love, Love, Love.
7. Turn-ons: Yummy, clean, skinny rock boys! Eyeliner & black or silver nails. I like a pretty, shaven face…and cool hair…a free spirit…positive attitude…sexy “guitar faces”… Mmmm…I looove watching a hot guy’s ESSENCE come out onstage… (Too bad there are only like, 2 or 3 that are my type!) There’s something about the way they stand and hold their guitars…I think it’s all in the shoulders and (lack of) butt. Another thing that works for me is eating fresh strawberries after smoking a little pot. Sometimes I do this and lay on the floor and think about Bastard Boy Floyd…
8. Turn-offs: When a person acts like they NEED a drink or drugs. People who are full of shit. Materialistic people. Body hair. (EEEEWWW!!!) I also get turned off when a guy comes right out and says, “Ooh, I LIKE you! Are you attracted to me at all?” Or, “Would you mind if I kissed you?” Dude, if it was happening, you wouldn’t have to ask! (Don’t be so blunt…use those SKILLS! And have a SENSE of what’s going on, would you?!) Other turn-offs are lack of communication, lack of adequate attention (I’m a Leo!) and I HATE to hear a guy peeing in the bathroom.
9. Favorite bands: Stones, Manic Street Preachers, Dandy Warhols, SR-71, Nina Gordon, American Hi-Fi, Grand Theft Audio, Beautiful Creatures, R. Kelly, Jellyfish, Redd Kross, Sly & the Family Stone, Hanoi Rocks, Sam Cooke
10. What do you do for a living?
I’m a self-made millionaire. Basically I wake up, play a little guitar, take a nap, lay in the sun awhile, make a few calls, play a little more guitar, then go to bed. Whew!!!
11. What age did you lose your virginity and how was it?
I was 17 and I ROCKED HIS WORLD.
12. Is Handbasket your real last name and what nationality is it?
I’m a zesty blend of Italian, English, Indian, Irish, German, and Welsh. (Swear to God!) So I guess that makes me an All-American Girl…the name, though, is just funny.
13. How long have you been coming to Metal Sludge?
Since like, Summer of ’98. Oooh, you guys can be so mean! But where else could I get such valuable Rock Info with such uh, colorful editorial commentary?! Right?!
14. How many boyfriends have you had and what’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?
2 or 3 … My worst date went a little something like this… after a PERFECT, romantic dinner — then a stroll hand-in-hand downtown just talking and cuddling, we went back to his place…while he was in the kitchen pouring us some wine, I was singing and jumping on the bed, and I hit my head on the ceiling fan and almost knocked myself out! Ha Ha Haaaa!!! Kinda killed the mood … he came running back to the bedroom like, “what was that?!” and I just did my famous, “Huh?”
15. If I had more time, I would: …not be so late all the time!
16. If you could have sex with any rock star, who would it be?
Can’t say, because I AM actually fucking my rock star of choice! Just kidding, it would be Stanley from Life, Sex, & Death.
17. The way to my heart is: Oh Baby…be sweet to me! And just be your beautiful self. Show me what’s inside there! I’m a very open person, and I love when a person returns that. I can’t stand it when someone stays guarded and keeps everything inside. Oh yeah, and cheesecake. Oooh, and chocolate. And one more thing, have a trampoline in a room with a domed ceiling…
18. How do you feel about being our April Sludgette Of The Month?
Hmmm, can I get back to you on this one, once I see how much trouble this gets me into? I was going to say how proud I was, and how I looked forward to bringing some integrity, credibility, and decency back to the title…but then I thought, wait a minute, WAS there ever any to begin with?! (Sigh!) Nevermind…
19. Personal Motto: I love this — it’s from a Manic Street Preachers song…”Hold me she said…Love me to death…”
Congratulations to Helena!
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