Sludgette of the Month – August 2002, Tina Lu

 

SLUDGETTE OF THE MONTH

Now that photo up above says it all! Sludgettes are classy chicks that come from all walks of life.

It’s our August Sludgette Of The Month, Tina Lu, sporting our White Metal Sludge Baby Doll and ready to hit the town! (Cane and top hat sold seperately)

You might remember Tina Lu as the Sludgette who won our “White Trash Dream Date” with Rikki Rockett and Mike Fasano. Now she’s our August 2002 Sludgette Of The Month and sent along a few photos of her in a variety of settings!

Tina’s Data Sheet

1. Name: Tina a.k.a. “TinaLu” and with some thanks to you guys, “Queen Tina.”

2. Age: 27

3. Height: 5’8″

4. Weight: 135 lbs.

5. Measurements: Aren’t these already in the Sludge files somewhere?? Like… right about “http://www.metal-sludge.com/WhiteTrashContestWinner.htm” here. 6. Where are you from? Southeast Missouri 7. Ambitions: Funny you should ask… I WAS working toward the ultimate goal of unemployed millionaire, but it’s taking a little longer than I had originally expected. So in the meantime, I’m formally requesting employment at your **cough** prestigious **cough** establishment. (I’ve gotta do SOMETHING to support this pesky heroin habit.) I wanna work for Sludge dammit, so consider this my resume’.

Ready to hit the beach with a Metal Sludge hat!

8. Turn-ons: Obese men in Speedos, especially those of the hairy-backed variety. Mmmmm, now THAT’S hot! Ok, really… muscular builds, muscular builds in boxer briefs, the ability to laugh at one’s self, honesty, the ability to express emotions freely and in a manner conducive to a relationship, that tiny area of skin between one’s sideburn and ear, the ability to partake in PDA’s, confidence without conceit, men with earrings (that was plural, there had better be at least a hoop in each ear, none of this one stud, homo vs. straight bullshit), reciprocal trust, late night communication sessions incorporated with extensive displays of spoonabilty,

a comprehensive knowledge of the wonderful world of sarcasm, and most importantly… chivalry. (NOTE: There is no opening for the position of “Tina’s Gorgeous Love Slave,” it’s been filled.)

9. Turn-offs: Fake people or those that take themselves too seriously, narcissism, liars, those who hold others’ accountable for their own happiness/livelihood, visibly unclean hands (or the rest of your nasty ass for that matter), racism, perpetual pessimism, body odor, irresponsibility, jealousy, and dumbfucks (which would be those of you who are breaking out dictionaries right now in an attempt to comprehend what I’ve just said,

please… don’t bother).

10. Favorite bands: Guns n Roses, Poison, Cinderella, Motley Crue (told ya Motdog!), Old Skid Row, Meatloaf (stop laughing!), Disturbed, Tesla, Ozzy, Godsmack, early Billy Idol, Davie Bowie, Ratt… I’m blanking… If they played in the 80’s, had loud guitars, and big hair… I love them. ‘Nuff said.

11. You’re a nurse. Have you ever given a guy a sponge bath and had him get an erection?

Only once, when I worked at a nursing home. I doubt there were many folks there who could still rise to the occasion. And if they could have, I sure as hell didn’t want to be the one responsible for it, OR in close proximity. Now I work for a walk-in, urgent care/family practice office. We seem to attract more lively victims, er uh… patients there. “Drop ‘em and bend over the table, Sir. This will only hurt for a second.” **snapping glove** I’m also a known drug dealer, but only if you’ve got a prescription.

12. You won our “White Trash Dream Date” with Rikki Rockett and Mike Fasano last Summer. Did Rikki try to get fresh with you and when was the last time you talked to him?

Did dude get a Dell?!? I was on that shit like Zippy on Fasano. KIDDING! Rikki’s a really neato kinda guy, but conquests of that sort really aren’t my thing. We email occasionally, and I’ve caught up with him a couple of times during this tour so far. To anyone who was at the Houston show… did anyone notice what good ol’ Rikki was sportin’ during the encore?? A “Queen Tina ’01” Metal-Sludge Cotton Jersey with pink lettering which can be purchased http://www.metal-sludge.com/Sludgendise.htm. And Rikki, can ya stop with the endless phone calls and emails already? Not only is the answer still no, the judge finally granted my request for a restraining order.

What about Fasano and did you get to see his “Sack?”

Mike and I discussed his rather odd party trick at lunch that day. I was like, “So, is this a ‘it’s end of the night, I’m way drunk, and over here in this dark corner’ kinda trick?” He said, “Not really.” “So you just do this anytime and anywhere?” “Pretty much.” And still SOMEHOW I managed to leave that night without getting to see Mikey play Now Ya See It, Now Ya Don’t with that can. Ya got me, Mike? You owe me!

13. When did you lose your virginity and how was it?

Is this type of personal information really THAT pertinent? Where’s my “How long have you been coming to Sludge?” Where’s my “If I came with a warning label, it would read: blah blah blah”? You couldn’t just ask who my choices for the “Pick three people, past or present, to join you for dinner” scenario would be? Fuck you guys! I don’t answer to such vulgar, stigma-bearing, degrading, gender-biased rubbish! I absolutely refuse to participate in this sort of public debauchery! Furthermore, I’ve got something you jerks can jot down in

your damn Sludge record books…

I swallow.

14. My friends know that I’m: …very simple really. I’m just a plain, mashed potato loving, boxers and T-shirt wearing, play in the creek with my kids, crank the stereo and enjoy some Bud Light, Tetris playing kinda gal. On the other hand, my metal-loving alter ego Sophia Siren is a bit wild, but I’M a good girl… honest. 15. If you had to nurse one WWE wrestler back to health, who would it be? You can rest assured that The Rock would smell what I’d be cookin’. Of course, me being the caring soul that I am, if Jericho (he’s like soup… Mmmm, mmmm good!), or any of them other wrasslin’ fellas found themselves in need of assistance, I’m sure I could muster some skills. A girl’s gotta do whatta girl’s gotta do! 16. The most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done was: Spontaneity scares the b’geebers out of me. I’ve got a tongue piercing, but it only came about after three weeks of maniacal research and contemplation. Other than the occasional squat in the bushes, I try not to wander too far from my beaten path. I’m probably the most unspontaneous person to ever live.

Our official Sludge receptionist

17. We were shocked to find out you had two sons. Do their friends ever come over just to stare at you? I’ve never caught any of them staring. But any kiddos at my house can usually be found fixated on a television screen while this little Game Cube contraption sucks the intelligence right out of them. I DID have something happen this last Halloween that made me feel a little odd though. I showed up at their school to see if any help was needed at their parties. I was dressed as Wonder Woman and THOUGHT that the elementary school-aged kids might enjoy having a super hero stop by their classrooms for a visit. All I heard was “ooooh” and “ahhhh” as I walked into my oldest son’s classroom. As soon as he realized that the Amazonian princess standing before him was his dear, sweet mama, he jumped to his feet and blurted out, “Stop it! That’s my mom!”

18. The way to my heart is: Firstly, study and become one with the above mentioned Turn Ons. Then offer a wide variety of Denny’s breakfasts smothered in obscene amounts of artery hardening white gravy.

19. How do you feel about being our August 2002 Sludgette Of The Month?

This is only the first step in my quest for world domination. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

20. Personal Motto: “Pee all you can pee.”

THIS PART HAS BEEN ADDED FOR THE ENLIGHTENMENT OF ALL YOU GRUMPY FUCKERS OUT

THERE. You know who you are… the Sludgaholics who love to bitch and moan about the Sludgettes on a monthly basis. I’ve taken my favorite, pansy-assed complaints from the Gossip Board, rebutted, and posted the

results below for your viewing pleasure.

1) “What has she done for Sludge?” Jack shit. The fact that I live in southeast Missouri, the entertainment capital of the world, means absolutely nothing; I’m just a lazy bitch. If any of you Gossip Board assholes suddenly become someone important, send me the memo and maybe I’ll kiss your asses then. Wait… probably not. But go ahead, it can’t hurt to try. 2) “There’s no way her weight and/or measurements are accurate, she’s a fucking cow!” I’m sorry, 135 pounds was a mistype. I meant 1,350 pounds. I also forgot to mention that I’m moving to Samoa, where I’ll finally be worshiped for the beast that I am. If I’m a heifer, then I’m a happy heifer. Moo jerkoffs. MOO! 3) “She’s a hag, I bet she sucks dick for beer money.” Maybe. But you said that was just between us. Now you’ve done it; see if it ever happens again asshole. References: Rikki Rockett can be reached at www.rikkirockett.com Mike Fasano can be reached at www.totalposer.com

Her alter ego Sophia Siren

So Sludge… if you should ever find yourself in need of a receptionist, or a pool girl (even if it IS for the little, round, blue one on the back deck of the trailer), I’m game. Someday you may need a Sludgette Rockette, and when you do, I’m your gal. You sure Sludge doesn’t need a nurse?? I bet Sophia would be willing to pose as your roving Backstage Sludge Reporter. How about a Sludge Cheerleader for that next extravaganza? Oh! I’ve got it… how about a Sludge Beer Bitch? I love Sludge AND beer, it’s meant to be!

I mean it. I’ll be waiting by the phone…

Sludgenly yours,

Tina… Your White Trash Sludgette Dream Queen

 

Congratulations to Tina for being our August 2002 Sludgette Of The Month!