Sludgette of the Month – November 2002, Zippy

 

SLUDGETTE OF THE MONTH

Zippy

Zippy needs no introduction to those of you on the Gossip Board. She’s also sent in a variety of Captures including a goat and a construction truck! Not only that, but she has the 1st, but not only, Metal Sludge Tattoo!! If you’re willing to deface your body with our name, that’s good enough for us to make you a Sludgette Of The Month!! She also sent us chocolate and a birthday card for our 4th Anniversary! It’s safe to say that Zippy is one of a kind!

Congratulations to Zippy for being our November 2002 Sludgette Of The Month!

Zippy’s Data Sheet

1. Name and age:

Zippy! (Actually that depends where I am. If I am at work, they call me “Rock And Roll” and one client calls me “Mike.” We are not sure why… I have scoured her files to see if there is any connection, but no… All the other staff get called by their real names. So ya, I answer to Mike. “Sexy Mike” in fact. If I am at the bar I am “Hey drunk naked chick!”

I am 28 years old going on 18.

2. Height, Weight, and Measurements, please:

Height: Helena with heels.

Weight: Between Ette and Stephanie Pierce.(Mmm… Steph!)

Measurements: Christine – Tina Lu – Amber.

3. Where are you from?

How about we play a game! You have to guess! A 36 hour, 29 minute drive from Metal Sludge HQ!!!(That’s one hell of a bootie call, eh? Hint, hint, JBN.) (Original)Home of Michael J. Fox, Expo ’86 and Joe Sackic!!! And my cash is worth shit.

4. Ambitions: Well, besides become the ultimate Sludgeaholic and be granted a blood transfusion from Jani Bon Neil? Well, normal stuff… like marry a rock star and move into a 4 bedroom house, get a few dogs, 10 cats, 2 cows, some ducks, 4 Guinea Pigs and adopt a few BBF Jr‘s, I am sure there are a few on the loose… I want the same as every other chick… and a pink picket fence, glass walls, with pictures of Fasano, DuBrow, Varone, Boy George and Paul Stanley (I have elite taste.) enlarged (Mmm…enlarged.) as ceiling murals.

Oh and I want one of those fridges that makes 4 styles of ice and has a magic water fountain inside it.(Those are cool.) I’d get a Crown Royale fountain put in too. A big revolving round bed. And hire Jeffanova to be my “pool boy”, in case my rock star goes away on tour. The last thing I want to do is figure shit like… cleaning pools out. Basically, I just want to be happy, get laid and not be cheated on. So ya, that would make me “insane.”

5. Turn-ons: Tribute bands, especially if they are in town when I am ovulating! Chicks with big hooters. Chick strippers. (Guy stippers are ALWAYS good for an ab crunching laugh.) Guys with big hooters. (Just seeing if you are paying attention.) Guys in braces. Cops, especially if they have their dark blue water proof coat on.(So?) Tattoos. Drag Queens.(Even if they have small tits.)(I am an equal opportunity Ho.) Big beds. OH!!! *Guys with chick names.*(Leslie, Jani, Nikki, Rachel, and Jamie, ect.) Purdy’s chocolates. When a guy wearing a burgendy or gray sweatshirt gives me a hug that makes me feel like the most special chick in the world. Good timing. Announcing that “Yes… Zippy is my girlfriend.“ Big trucks. Yanno… dump trucks, construction vehicles, Engineering trucks, cop cars…. Oh god ya… PADDY WAGONS… I have only been in the FRONT of one… with a CHICK cop.) Phone calls just to say you love me. My guy fluffing my pillow for me. The statement “Hi…I post at Sludge… wanna be my friend?”

Oh… and playing KISS will get me naked and U2 will get you laid.

6. Turn-offs: Unnecessary stinkiness. Not having a big enough bowl of Corn Flakes to cry in. Chewing tobacco. The statement: “I’m getting my braces removed next week.” People that don’t realize your not as dumb as they may think. Early mornings. College instructors that start off the term saying “Half of you will fail.” A guy begging me to get my tubes untied.(Drunk dude… what were you thinking???) 2 pump chumps.(I am just going to start saying “I gave at the office…on my 10 minute coffee break.”) Dead beat dads. A full grown guy wearing a pair of velcro runners.

7. Favorite bands: Chances are… if the Sludge Mafia thinks it’s “GAY”, I’ll love it. So that would mean almost all bands that wear makeup and the guys you cover in your 20 Questions. My top 5 faves are Quiet Riot, KISS, Van Halen, Motley Crue and Aerosmith. But some others I dig are Bob Marley, Stevie Wonder, Dixieland tunes, and in case you mighta not noticed… Boy George. He’s not all that gay, really. When he met me… he said I had “Beautiful breasts.” I’d say that’s progress! I love all the classic rock. And I’ll always have a special place in my heart for 2 Live Crew and the Beastie Boys.

8. What exactly do you do for a living?

Well I most certainly don’t work undercover for the CIA!! I am a Mental Health Care Worker. (Yes I even drive a short bus, Electric Snow Gorrilla!) No I don’t work with Rock Stars. I work with their wives and girlfriends!!!! Ok. Maybe not. I work at a group home for mentally ill and developmentally delayed adults. I have a really good time most of the time. There is one client that has tried to kill me 4 times in the last year though. You’d think I’d humped her boyfriend or something!

I have one client that is a 60 year old version of me if ya can believe it! We even have matching dresses.(Insert laughing emoticon here.) She is great though. If I had to choose an Aunt it would be her! She is a major Shop-aholic and before I started working there… she used to run away to go to the mall and the police would come drop her off later or 911 would call to say she is at the Psych ward. Now I just take her out early in the shift and nip that whole running away thing in the bud. I love hanging with her. I guess each client clicks with a certain staff person and I am her click~ee. I’ve taken her to my family functions and to meet up with friends of mine or whatever. We actually were getting hit on at the local pub a few weeks ago!!!(She’s like… “Let’s go party!”) It was so touching to see her face light up when some drunk dude bought us a round of Ginger Ales. She has like 60 bras and 100 of pairs of panties and she is the ultimate pack rat. Her room is tidy and organized… but boxes and bags and piles of stuff everywhere. I learn something new every day.

And tonight I learned that I should try to be the kinder one in a sticky situation. The chick that wants to kill me… actually asked me how I was… without telling me I was a shitty bitch and should die and fuck off. If she can be nice… anyone can. (Right Bach?) So I guess that was her way of making peace. (I accepted, btw.) So the lesson for me was, when you least expect it you’ll get something nice. Right, Floyd?

9. You got a Metal Sludge tattoo. Are you insane?

Sure. I actually have been begging my family Doctor to diagnose me for the last 9 years. He says I am normal though. But what does he know? The way I look at it is… I have made some beautiful sweet friends through Metal Sludge. I marvel at the connections Sludge has done for thousands of people. That is true Rock and Roll… Getting people to where they want to be either emotionally, physically or musically.

So if you guys were to shut up shop tomorrow, I’d still have the world’s most special tattoo. I had actually got my other tattoo touched up last Spring, and was going to get “Metal Sludge” written underneath in plain black, but I am glad I did not. Sludge deserved it’s own tattoo. But holy fucking price tag!!! I can put that towards my blood transfusion, right? And no… it has not got me laid yet! Warrant… come to Vancouver!!!

10. When did you lose your virginity and how was it?

First of all, it’s not lost, I know exactly where I deposit-ed it! It was with a very special guy I had been dating for 9 months. I was 16.5. years old. He wasn’t. (Laughing emoticon again.) But he really did care about me and I’ll never regret I was with him. I even had braces! Oh ya I was hot to trot. We were watching a hockey game when we ended up humping. (How Canadian is THAT?) Then he paid my $60.oo cab fare home. I never gave him a hickey though.

11. You sent us a photo of Steve “Sex” Summers with your nipple in hismouth. Are you insane?

Not certifiably, but I see what you are heading towards. He’s fucking hot ok? Plus he gave me lot’s of money for that. (I’m lying.) Well… whatever, he had a lot of sexy eyeliner on. If he was not dating “Spanish-Kopita” at the time, we very well might have humped or something. I had some very great conversation with him and he is a very entertaining, sexy guy. My advice is he ditch the girlfriend and book a flight to Vancouver with JBN. They can stay at my house even. Well, I mean, ‘I suppose.’ Could you imagine if a U2 tribute band were in town?

12. If you could spend one night with any rock star, who would it be and why?

The exact same Rock Star every other chick wants to spend a night with! Mike Fasano!!! Because big balls rule!!! He is completely adorable. I have a few pics of him in my bedroom from some “Unidentified Sources.” (Thank you I love you. ;)) Sometimes I take “him” to dinner with me, even. Usually if I am drunk or hung over though. I’m sure if we met we’d be madly in love. But until then, he’s allowed to date. I don’t want no rookie husband! He has great big muscular arms and I hope he has room for me… If it’d make a difference to him I would swallow. But don’t tell him that. He might try taking advantage of that. He’a hot like Mexico. Show me the burritto!

If Fasano’s unavailable I’ll take Sheryl Crowe though, she‘s hot.

13. You did some nude modeling before. Did you ever appear in anything that we should know about?

Hell no.

No… But thanks for reminding me, assholes! Ok… actually… I did try out for Playboy a super long time ago and they did 2 photo shoots then ditched me. I guess saying I am a Playboy reject is better than saying I never even tried out.

Oh but wait… Now I am a SOTM @ the sexiest site…Sludge!!! Take that Playboy! If Hustler ever wanted to do a “Washed up Ho edition.” I’d go for it.

14. In the pictures you’ve sent us, you have your son pimped out in our swag. Tell us what it’s like for him to have Princess Zippy as his mom?

Ok… This is Zippy’s kid, Gino here… Don’tcha be talking about my Mama! Your right… I am a Sludgeaholic… ever since I saw Donna’s hooter’s displayed on the Ho Board. (That whole breast feeding thing I think.)

You know that Sesame Street thing… where they ask like… “What one of these things is not like the other’s?” That’s my mom. Get it?

I won’t say I am allowed to swear or anything… but my mom nearly pissed her pants laughing 2 weeks ago.

We were at the mall. Mom takes me every Friday, if I don’t freak her out so much she commits herself to the place she works at… Like an allowance yanno? This line up musta been a record breaker cuz it was FOREVER. The cashier says to me… “Gino! You are so patient! Thanks for waiting in line so well.” (Like I had a choice!) And I just look up at her with all my 5 year old~ness and say ”This line sure took it’s slow ass time.” Mom had a panic attack and the Dollar store lady laughed. My mom high fived me and all is cool. But then the other night mom asked asked me what I thought of Halloween… I said “I’ll get shit loafs of candy!” Mom was like… “Ok… no more Jay and Silent Bob for you, kid.” I love my mom and then thank god Social Services does not think otherwise. No really I am happy and functional.

My mom comes in and reads to my kindergarten class most days of the week. She also takes an embarrassing amount of pics at my “Beavers” meetings. Which is the younger version of Boy Scouts. But you know what? Having a single mom is cool. Sure the downside is I know how to comparison shop for tampons, but I also get cuddling 24/7. Mama Zip loves me OVERDRIVE. G Man out.

15. The most spontaneous thing I ever did was: I guess going to Amsterdam was really nuts. It was Thursday when I decided to go. I was there buying amazing blue boots by Saturday afternoon.

16. How long have you been coming to Metal Sludge and how often do youvisit our site?

Back in March of 2001, I was hunting for info on Quiet Riot… I was like…”Is DuBrow single???” Some chick on their web site gave me Sludge’s addy and I never left.(I’m sorry.) I usually try to stay tune all through out the day… if I am off work, I will go clean my hamster cage then come check Sludge to make sure none of my favorites got married while I was doing the necessities, or whatever.

17. The way to my heart is: Just be the one and only one that can say this: “Hi I am Mike Fasano and yes I love you.”

Or bring me roses with the little plastic water bottles on the end. That means they are expensive. Or just be a really kind, loving guy with a great sense of humor and a radiant smile.

18. How do you feel about being our November 2002 Sludgette Of The Month?

Kinda like PMS but not quite so bloated. Oh gosh… Sludge is my very favorite site in the whole world… so of course this is an absolute honor.

I’d like to say hello and thank you to all the Ho’s on the Ho Board, and all the Gossip Board guys. The Sludge Mafia for making me believe, Santa for giving me a pardon and PBF for ALMOST making my dream come true. C’mon now… three to a bed…

Thank you to my mom with the big hooters… for making shit possible plus babysitting my kid. My son for thinking I am a hot babe no matter what. My Sister for not asking too many questions… and for local promoters knowing I am harmless. {PLEASE HOOK ME UP.)

Ok… Not only does November suck… but it’s all official and stuff.

But for sure God bless all the veterns and current Armed Forces over seas. You truly made/make a difference and you are integral to our(Global) Armed Forces. Please people… remember your veterns on Rememberance Day. I used to be a Royal Canadian Sea Cadet and we always took part in November 11th Ceremonies. My wonderful Grandpa, bless his soul, was in the Canadian Air Force, too. an honest moment of silence this year.

19. Personal Motto: Chin up. Titties out. Panties on the ceiling fan!

If all else fails, embrace the wine bottle(s).

What happens on the road stays on the road… Unless you fall in love…

You only live once… you may as well do it your way.

You cannot judge someone untill your stagger through a concert in their stilletoes.

And always give everything your best “(Lesbian) College try!”

Thank you Sludge for making me a part of your craziness. I love you.

Forever Yours, Zippy

The family that Sludges together stays together! Congratulations to Zippy once again!