Metal Sludge The Power and the Glory
SLUDGEAHOLIC OF THE MONTH
Evel Dick
If you’ve ever spent any amount of time on the Metal Sludge Gossip Boards, then this month’s Sludgeholic of the Month should seem pretty familiar to you. It’s none other than Evel Dick, who’s been a hardcore Sludgeaholic for years now and his earning the status of “Sludgeaholic of the Month” is long overdue. Plus, he enjoys Halloween more than any other holiday, and likes to come up with some downright disturbing costumes (as evidenced by the photo above). So we thought it would be quite fitting to bestow Evel Dick with the prestigious title of Sludgeaholic of the Month for October 2004. Let’s find out more about Mr. Dick! Here we go.
1. Where are you from and how old are you?
My Mother?s vagina?. That happened to be in Brooklyn at the time
Forty one
2. Ambitions:
To continue to live my life however the fuck I want to, not having to kiss anyone?s ass in my personal or business life.
To be able to continue fucking hot young girls until I die. And I hope I die while fucking a hot young girl. I wanna die with a hard on so they have to drill a fuckin hole in the top of my casket to close the fuckin lid.
3. Turn ons:
Small waists, hot asses, pouty lips and when a girl whispers in your ear ?I wanna suck your dick right here and now? ?.. always kinda does it for me.
4. Turn offs:
Fish twat. A smelly, stinky pussy is the fastest way for a chick to find her way out of my bed, my house, my phone book, and my memory? (delete, delete, delete)
Shit breath, nothing worse than getting all close with a chick and her breath curls your nose hairs.
B.O. if a chick has fucking B.O. you know she is gonna have fish twat as well, so I steer clear.
5. How long have you been coming to Metal Sludge?
Long enough to have been in some kind of argument, shit slinging contest or bukkake discussion with about everyone on the boards.
Three or four years, time flies when you are having fun. I read the site for about six months before even realizing there was a message board.
Evel hanging with his pals Jani, Keff, and some other guy.
Say, isn’t that a Barbed Wire Metal Sludge shirt that Evel Dick’s wearing?
6. Favorite bands:
Beatles, Stones (yes, I like them both, so fuck off), GnR, Marilyn Manson, Van Halen the Diamond David Lee Roth years, Led Zeppelin (the Swan Song logo was my first tattoo), Motley Crue, Ramones, Early Chili Peppers, Sex Pistols, Ozzy (solo), Black Sabbath (Dio years)
7. Least favorite bands:
STRYPER?. I hate fake phony Christians in general and they are the epitome of fake and phony. They would throw bibles out during the show and snort coke off groupies asses while they fucked them after the show. And their music just flat out sucks sweaty, hairy donkey balls.
8. What do you do for a living?
Fuck off mostly.
But I have run all kinds of restaurants (from 5 star to dinner house), bars, clubs and done nightclub promotions for years. I just started running a small live venue bar/club in Hermosa Beach about a half block from the beach. It fucking ROCKS!
9. We heard you?ve lived all over the place. What are some of the far-off locales you?ve resided in, and what made you finally settle on Los Angeles?
I was born in Brooklyn, raised on Long Island, NY, then Long Beach, Ca.
I have lived in Vancouver, Canada?Lahina, Maui?. Dania, Florida? Cologne, Germany?. Paphos, Cyprus (Greece), Miami, Fla and all over OC, Ca .
The LA area has always been ?home base? to me, my kids are here?
10. What?s up with your nickname ?Evel Dick?? Are you a big fan of Evel Knievel, are you simply a dick, or both?
When I was growing up, Evel Knievel fucking RULED! So, partly yes?. Combine that with the fact that I totally dug the Body Count, Cop Killer CD (there is a track on it called Evil dick.) And the fact that my name is Richard?. But I have gone by Dick for close to twenty years now? I had to come up with a screen name/email when I got on the computer?. and there you have it, EvelDick. Funny thing is that most of my friends call me EvelDick now as well.
But yeah, I?m a Dick
11. When was the last time you got laid and how was it?
I blew my load, is that ever bad? Last week, she swallowed? of course it was good.
12. Approximately how many cumulative hours per day do you spend on the Gossip Boards?
I have an extremely short attention span, so I tend to watch TV and be online at the same time, all the time. And I spend a lot of that online time on Sludge?. So, I?d guess about 2 to 3 hours a day give or take 2 or 3 hours?. Fuck, I don?t know. I guess it depends what argument I am in, or who I am flirting with, or what deep philosophical discussion about farting and its repercussions I am involved in at the time.
13. How has Metal Sludge most affected your life?
I have met so many cool mother fuckers through this site, a lot of people I consider my good friends now. The friendships are the things that have most affected my real life.
coughAnnaTheQueefIsACuntcough I have also met have of Bellevue?s mental ward here too coughHollywoodPoserIsAnEscapedMentalPatientcough. I won?t name names, coughMattbroIsABigHomocough because most people know what I think of them coughESGisAFuckingMentalCasecough, and what category they fall into coughCrimsonQueenIsAFuckingRetardcough.
People come up to me ALL THE TIME when I am out and about in Hollywood introducing themselves to me, recognizing me from random pictures on the boards.
14. What message board poster would you smack in the mouth and why?
Mattley Crue, Anna the Queef, and a few others?
15. When should a band call it a day?
If their groupies weigh more than their equipment.
If there is the sound of crashing pins in the background.
If the timing for the band is kept by a tennis shoe in the dryer at the laundry mat they are playing.
If there are more replacement players then original.
If the replacement players have been replaced 10 times.
If they go on stage wearing polyester pants.
Give it the fuck up and get a fucking real job already.
16. What are you going to be for Halloween this year?
Halloween fucking kicks ass! Fuck Christmas and all that bullshit, Halloween is where it is at! Most people from the boards and in Hollywood will remember my costume a couple years ago. I was a pedophile priest. I had a blow up fuck doll dressed as an alter boy, on his knees, with a big dildo sticking out of my pants and in his mouth.
That costume was loosely based on my costume a couple years before that, when the Clinton/Lewinski drama was all over. I had a Clinton mask and a suit on, with a huge dildo sticking out of my pants. I had the fuck doll dressed in a blue dress, with a big white jizz stain on it. She had a blue beret on and a cigar sticking out of her ass with the dress hiked over it.
Last year, the infamous bloody tampon costume. I got polyester quilt batting and wrapped in into the shape of a huge tampon with a fat string between my legs. Problem was I used clothing dye, not paint, to make the costume red. It never dried, it was SOAKING wet all night. Everything I touched or came into any kind of contact with had red dye all over it. And it rained like hell in Hollywood that night, which just made it worse. The Key Club looked like a fucking murder scene at the end of the night. But it was fun. Chicks would look at me sideways trying to figure out what I was, I?d grab the string from between my legs and twirl it around and say?. ?I visit you every month? and they would get a look of disgust and tell me I was a pig. Fun night!
This year, not sure yet? And people are gonna steal my shit now? but, unless something happens in the news, I am leaning towards dressing as a lesbian marine, and dragging a naked Iraqi around by a leash all night. So, don?t fucking steal my costume and be in Hollywood with it all you fuckers reading this right now.
Or I might just be a big fucking dick that shoots jizz out the top?.
17. How does it feel to be our October 2004 Sludgeaholic of the Month?
I?m so happy I could shit
18. Personal motto:
Fart jokes are always funny?.. (I fart in elevators and during romantic scenes in movies)
Thanks for the opportunity to be SOTM??.
Now, fuck off???.
Hey, wait a second… we think Evel added a few questions of his own in there, and then answered them! Oh well, we’re too lazy to make a big deal about it today, so deal with it.
Congratulations to Evel Dick for being our October 2004 Sludgeaholic of the Month!
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