Our June 2005 Sludgeaholic of the Month comes to us from a branch of the U.S. Government — the Immigrations & Customs branch, to be specific. He’s working hard to keep America safe from illegal weapons, radioactive materials, terrorists, and bad 80s European hairbands. Add to that, he’s a more than frequent contributor to our Metal Sludge Gossip Boards. Plus he looks like he could disclocate our necks with one flick of his pinky finger! We wouldn’t want to be on his bad side, so what better way to ensure that doesn’t happen than to make him our Sludgeaholic of the Month! Let’s meet him now.

1. Who are you, where are you from, and how old are you?

Well a lot of my friends call me Willy, but some do actually call me Magilla. I?m originally from Niagara Falls, NY, but now I?m in sunny (hurricane alley) Florida. First day of hurricane season today! Woohoo

Oh, and I?m 33 years young (almost 34), and a former paratrooper with the 82nd Airborne.

2. Ambitions: How can I have any more ambitions now that I?m a SOTM. Oh wait, my daughter. Can?t forget about her. She?ll be 3 soon. So my ambition is to be the best Dad I can be, and to get her into rock and roll (already has a starter drum kit as you can see). But I guess my other ambition right now is to move. I?m hoping to be moving from the Ft. Lauderdale area over to Tampa in the next few months. After that it?s to learn how to play my bass (finally), put more chrome on my harley, get my Guinness kegerator going, and continue flirting with a lot of these sludgettes, and continuing to meet other sludgers to party with them.

3: Turn-ons: Big tits, nice asses, long legs. A chick that likes rock n roll, and is down to earth. Just be yourself and let me be myself, and things will be good. A good sense of humor always helps too, as does a love for Harleys.

4. Turnoffs: Chicks with attitudes or who are snobs. Just be real, be yourself. I?m not talking about appearances (I?m down with breast enhancements, plastic surgery, etc if it makes you feel better). I?m talking more about their overall attitude.

5. How long have you been coming to Metal Sludge?

Got my first computer in November 1999, and this is one of the first sites I found when I did a search on Motley. Been hooked ever since. I first registered on the gossip boards back around 2001, but didn?t really start posting until sometime in 2002 I believe.

6. Favorite bands:

Zeppelin, Motley, VH (DLR era of course), Faster Pussycat, GNR, BLS (used to think I didn?t like them, now I have this quirky fascination with them. Must be the whole biker image thing), The Who, LA Guns, Allman Brothers. Shit, most of the 80?s stuff, and a lot of 60?s & 70?s rock bands. I?m also a HUGE fan of Lush, the Sundays, 10,000 Maniacs. And of course there is the ultimate?.Neil Diamond.

7. Least favorite bands:

Limp shitstain and bands like them. I don?t like 95% of the music that has been put out since like 1995.

8: What do you do for a living?

Believe it or not, I actually enforce laws for a living. I was an Immigration officer, but now I do both Immigration and Customs enforcement, since the INS & Customs merged in March 2003.

9: Any formal education?

School of hard(on) knocks. Actually, I have a bachelor of science in criminal justice.

10. What?s with your nickname ?Magilla Van Zeppelin?? Are you a big Led Zeppelin fan? Or are you really a gorilla?

A friend of mine, and my daughters Godfather, said that I look like a big dumb ape, so he started calling me Magilla. I initially registered on the boards as just Magilla, but then my account on ez-board got screwed up, so when I re-registered I added the Van Zeppelin on to it, cause I thought it sounded cool. Besides, back in 1985 in high school I was called Zeppelin by quite a few guys because I was such a huge fan.

Magilla and some other people

11. Yes or no, have you ever:

Been sold on the black market = that pretty much sums up what marriage is, so yes I have
Pole-vaulted across a lava flow = did it naked too. Cinged the hair on my balls. That?s why I always shave them now.
Wielded a lightsaber = I like to strap glow in the dark condoms on and swing them around at night. That?s my lightsaber
Been to France = my wife is born and raised in Paris. Her parents and sister still live in Toullouse, south France. But no, I?ve never been. Was supposed to this summer, but our plans got cancelled because of the possible move. But I need to get over there because my friend and I have a competition going to see who can shit in more countries. He?s soooo kicking my ass right now because his girlfriend lives in Germany, so he has a lot of Europe covered. But I have Saudi Arabia and Iraq, so I figured those are good strongholds.
Met a former member of Led Zeppelin = saw Plant in concert in Toronto when I lived there, but fucking missed him coming through the airport the next day. I figured the next gig was in Detroit so they?d most likely drive, since it?s only 3 ? hours. I was wrong. He flew, and he had to clear through us first (Immigration & Customs). My friends got to meet him though.
Eaten at a McDonald?s and Burger King in the same day = Probably. I prefer Burger King though. The double whopper is the best burger out there.
Been chased by hoards of screaming fans = no, but I?ve been chased with an axe before when I was a kid
Jacked off while looking at the Gossip Boards = you have seen some of the sludgettes, haven?t you?
Barfed in a kiddie pool = if it weren?t pouring rain outside right now, I?d go barf in the kiddie pool in my backyard. But I haven?t done it yet. I?m pretty good at holding my liquor
Shaved your head = I was in the army, so yes. I actually have a picture of me with a Mohawk over in Saudi Arabia.

What’s this, the lost member of the A-Team? Fuck no, it’s Magilla Van Zeppelin serving the USA in Saudi Arabia!

12. 5 CDs I can?t live without:

I don?t know if I could possibly pick 5, but I?ll try:

Zeppelin ? Physical Graffiti
VH ? Fair Warning
GNR ? Appetite for Destruction
Motley ? Red, White and Crue
BLS ? The Blessed Hellride

13. If you could bang any one of our past Sludgettes of the Month, who would it be and why?

I don?t think it?s possible to choose. They all fucking rocked. I?m going to go with December 2004, Tamar and Sharon because at least it would be a three-some then. But fuck, if I could have them all I would.

14. The Last of Magilla Van Zeppelin:

Last CD you purchased = BLS Hangover Music Volume 6
Last fast food drive-thru you hit = McDonalds (my daughter loves the french fries there)
Last famous person or celebrity you met = It?s been a while. Used to meet them all the time in Toronto. Down here in Florida though I don?t really meet any. I guess it was when I talked to the guys from GWAR in December. Other than that, either Jason Taylor from the Miami Dolphins or Robert Downey Jr. (yeah, he was drunk off his ass too)
Last present someone gave you = The Motley Crue McFarlane set
Last wake or viewing you went to = shit, my family had about 8 deaths in a 5 year period back in the early ? mid 90?s. But since I haven?t had many. I think it was a co-workers father about 5 years ago.
Last concert you attended = Velvet Revolver last week (you missed it Tawny)
Last sporting event you sat through = Dolphins/Browns, Sunday night game in January
Last Sludgeaholic you met in real life = I drank with Bowanna (June 2003) last year. And I hung out with ArielPlath at a GWAR show before she moved back to Chi-town
Last time you laughed at something on Metal Sludge = this morning
Last time you got butt-wasted = It takes a lot to get me butt wasted. St. Patty?s day this year I was pretty gone.

15. How do you feel about being our June 2005 Sludgeaholic of the Month?

Fucking awesome. It?s better than being queen for a day even! Now I?m right on par with my twin brother Attorney John & I don?t have to bow down to Geetarboy anymore.

And btw, if anybody wants to celebrate with me, June 29th at Stone?s Place on Queen St. West in Toronto. My buddy Dunk?s band is playing a breast cancer benefit there. Automan.ca, check them out. Then July 2nd in Detroit we?ll be going out drinking after the Tigers kick the Yankees ass. Also, any Buffalo area sludgers wanting to party, let me know. I?ll be in town for a few weeks around then. Check the Metal Sludge Extravaganza board on the gossip boards.

And be prepared to drink??..

Unkle Dunk (aka Killer Dwarfs drummer Darrell Millar) hands Magilla the keys to the Eliminator.

16. Personal Motto: An Irish man is never really drunk as long as he can hold on to two blades of grass, and not fall off of the face of this earth.

And musically, it?s ?Led Zeppelin is the greatest rock n roll band to have ever walked the face of this earth?

Congratulations to Magilla Van Zeppelin for being our Sludgeaholic of the Month for June 2005!