Metal Sludge The Power and the Glory
SLUDGEAHOLICS INVADE TED POLEY CONCERT!
by C.C. Banana
On Saturday night, November 27th, 2004, Sludgeaholic of the Year C.C. Banana broke out his trademark brand of yellow lunacy for a rare live appearance at the Double D’s rock club in Morristown, NJ! Read on, faithful Sludgeaholics, and devour the delicious details of the Turkey Day debauchery!
The occasion was NJ’s Homegrown Voices of Rock, featuring an evening of music and mayhem by Def Leppard tribute band Adrenalize, Rocco Fury’s American Angel and Ted Poley of Danger Danger! Ted is a new but true Banana fan, who claims to have laughed his ass off while watching the hilarious BACKSTAGE BANANA video. And speaking of losing his ass, Ted wants all the Sludgeaholics to know that he’s dropped 30 lbs. since his recent reunion with Danger Danger: "They can still say I suck, but at least now they can’t say I’m fat!"
Ted’s not kidding about losing the weight! Look at his legs, you can actually see his bones through his skin! Talk about dedication! Maybe one of these days Ted could give a few pointers to fellow frontman Jani Lane. Anyhoo…
As honorary badwill ambassador to the hard rock community, it is C.C. Banana’s obligation to keep my fellow fans informed regarding the realm of spandex & steel. So in the grand tradition of such late night icons as Letterman and Leno, Conan and Kimmel, I came prepared with a genuine opening monologue! A metal monologue, if you will, embellishing the latest rock news with a bit of banana bite.
"Bon Jovi just released a new box set, a 5-disc, career-spanning retrospective called ‘100 Million Bon Jovi Fans Can’t Be Wrong.’ Which is actually much better than its original title: ‘200 Million Think We Suck.’"
"Vince Neil recently played a sold-out performance in Los Angeles, at a benefit concert to promote alcohol responsibility. Vince Neil promoting alcohol responsibility? Isn’t that a bit like Living Colour playing at a Ku Klux Klan rally?"
"There have been a lot of rock & roll reunions recently. Judas Priest, Van Halen, Motley Crue… all getting back together. Personally, I’d be impressed if they could reunite Bret Michaels with his original hair."
"Is this thing on?"
Naturally, there were more than a few Sludgaholics in the audience that night. In fact, one of the most enjoyable aspects of the evening was an unexpected reunion with my former MSX Tour co-host, the legendary Jim Bob Dwarf! For an Indiana local, that boy really gets around! Jim Bob was apparently in town visiting family during the Thanksgiving weekend and had decided to stop by to surprise his old pal C.C. Banana. If I’m not mistaken, this was actually the very first time two Sludgeaholics of the Year have ever been in the same place at the same time! That’s an even bigger risk to national security than the President and Vice President traveling in the same limousine! Nevertheless, the next time we do something like this we’ll need to find a way of importing fellow and final Sludgeaholic of the Year Soichi Masuda from the Land of the Rising Sun.
Our 2003 Sludgeaholic of the Year, C.C. Banana, and our 2001 Sludgeaholic of the Year, Jim Bob Dwarf!! Too bad our 2002 Sludgeaholic of the Year Soichi Masuda wasn’t there, or they could’ve had a circle jerk.
Jim Bob finds it hard to contain himself in the presence of the magnanimous C.C. Banana
The bands on the bill were bombastic and brazen. One after another, Adrenalize and American Angel delivered their AAA assault to the Double D’s denizens. Yet still on tap was more music and merriment, from the man in the suit made of fruit!
Finally, after serenading the Sludgeaholics and other spectators with my fractured rendition of the Archie Bunker classic "Those Were the Days," it was time to introduce the evening’s Ted-liner! Though Danger Danger somehow slipped through my rock & roll radar during their MTV heyday, I am now discovering their catalog to be chock full of catchy tunes, especially those on their recently unearthed "Cockroach" album. Accompanying D2 vocalist Ted Poley for this solo performance were bassist Joe Slattery of Norway, keyboardist Charlie Calv of Shotgun Symphony, longtime guitarist Steve Massa and drummer Vic Rivera. Vic is a bona fide Sludgeaholic who actually bowed down upon beholding Jim Bob Dwarf! He is also a driving force behind Jamie Rowe’s Adriangale project. All in all, a qualified quintet who ripped through the requisite Danger Danger classics alongside some terrific tunes from Ted’s solo career.
Ted Poley, C.C. Banana, Vic Rivera, and Jim Bob Dwarf.
Ted Poley keeps stage rushers at bay with his mike stand. Getting hit with that thing would fucking hurt! Don’t mess with Ted!
Judging by the tracers, either Ted just moves that fast on stage, or the photographer’s tanked.
In a surprise maneuver, C.C. Banana dashed onstage at the end of the night to accompany Ted and friends during their encore of the Journey sing-along staple "Any Way You Want It!" I didn’t exactly ask their permission, mind you, but I was hoping they wouldn’t object. Honestly, what better way to end an encore than with a bodacious banana belting out a beloved ballad?
Ted spots C.C. Banana invading the stage uninvited!
Ted tries to topple the yellow intruder, but to no avail!
Ted and the band have no choice but to let C.C. Banana sing with them!
Ted banishes C.C. Banana to the side of the stage during the guitar solo
C.C. Banana and Ted fruitfully harmonize together (does that sound gay?)
Ted Poley encourages the crowd to drown out C.C. Banana’s voice by singing along
Ted finally tells the Banana to get the fuck off his stage.
In closing, my thanks go out to the helpful staff at Double D’s for being so accommodating that evening, as well as to the whole Poley posse for tolerating their fruity freeloader. I’d also like to thank Ted himself for sponsoring a great show and for being such a good sport about our miniature Metal Sludge invasion. Ted’s voice is still in top form and I encourage everyone to check him out when he’s playing in your area, either on his own or with the reunited Danger Danger. Thanks also to Sludgettes DefLepChick and Laura for providing many of the wonderful photos in this very article. And of course, a big bundle of banana love to my old buddy Jim Bob Dwarf!
C.C. Banana and Sludgeaholics not wearing Sludgendise. The shame!
2 out of 3 Sludgeaholics wearing Sludgendise! That’s a little better. We’d harp on the guy in the BLS shirt, but he looks like he could beat someone’s ass, so we’ll let it slide… this time.
Last but not least, thanks to all the dedicated Sludgeaholics who continue to support my ongoing banana adventures! I hope you enjoyed this latest inane installment and I look forward to bringing you more in future! As ever, if you have an additional appetite for further banana shenanigans, all my previous adventures are archived at the all-new CCBanana.com! Slip inside and enjoy the ride!
Bananimalize!
C.C. Banana
Sludgeaholic of the Year
