INSIDE GERRI MILLER’S MIND

Volume 2

This is the second volume of Inside Gerri Miller’s Mind. Volume 1 has a lot of shit in it, so I decided to start Volume 2. That way everytime I update this you don’t have to go through all that old shit. And if your looking for Volume 1, it is now posted under Regular Sludge Features. You people know how this works, somebody asks Gerri a question, she answers on her little Metal Edge board, and I tell you what Gerri really meant to say. So let’s get it on…

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Is Warrent really going to be putting out a brand new album?!! My sister said she read it online somewhere… Help me!! I gotta know!
GERRI’S ANSWER: Not any time soon. They’re on the road through December, they have no deal yet, and it’s still not decided which members will record
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: What the fuck do I look like, Nostradomis? How the hell do I know? They haven’t decided who will be sober enough to record yet and not even John Kalodner wants to sign them. Jani should go back to being a waiter on Sunset.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Hi Gerri,
Aerosmith is set to rock Huntington, West Virginia in December. However, many fans here didn’t get tickets since the show sold out in less than 5 hours. If myself and a friend went down to the coliseum around 2 PM or 3 PM, do you think we would be able to say “hi” to the guys before soundcheck? I know this is a silly question, but I generally wish to know if they’d be “fan-friendly” around such time? Or do you think they’d be simply too busy? Thanks.
GERRI’S ANSWER: I highly doubt it. The band has in the past done organized meet-and-greets but it’s usually with radio winners and retailers only
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Don’t make me laugh! Aerosmith wouldn’t waste their time talking to a trailer park reject like yourself. In fact, consider yourself lucky I even answered your question. Why don’t you go play hide and go fuck yourself!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: In the Jan issue of Metal Edge it says there will be more on WASP in the next issue. I just got the Feb issue and there isn’t anything on them. What happened? Please feature them soon.
GERRI’S ANSWER: Best laid plans…Paul thought he’d be able to get a hold of Blackie. Tried and failed–the guy doesn’t return phone calls. It’s his loss I guess.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I hate Blackie Lawless with every giant scary bone in my body! Blackie didn’t realize that Paul worked with me, so once he found that out, he denied us faster than I lose hair on my head.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: I’m sure you remember about a year back there was all this talk of the big Warrant reunion with the original members. Well…..whatever happened to that. Never heard another word. And also, I heard through very reliable sources that the reason Steven Sweet left the band right around the time Jani divorced Bobby Brown was NO coincidence….rather Steven was kicked out, and some reports say Jani put him in the hospital…when he found out they were messing around behind his back. Jusy thought this friction may be whats keeping the reunion from happening and I was really looking forward to it. At least seeing Joey Allen back on guitar. Anything you know’d be great. Jay. PS…..not here to start rumors about good bands…….only reporting what I’ve heard.
GERRI’S ANSWER: I don’t think Steven’s ouster had anything to do with Bobbie whatsoever. It was between him and the band, specifically Jani, and there’s still resentment on Steven’s part because the band has tried to invite him back and he has repeatedly said no. So it’s not 100% decided who will record the next record, although Erik is back and Joey is interested
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: While Bobbie Brown has seen more dick than a urinal at LAX, she didn’t fuck Steven Sweet. Give her some credit. However, if your interested in seeing Steven, he might just drop by your house one day. He now works for UPS. Now you know where the Down Boys go, they go deliver the mail! Ask him how it feels to go from playing arenas to delievering your Christmas packages.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: DO YOU HAVE ANY INFO ON A POSSIBLE STRYPER REUNION
GERRI’S ANSWER: nope
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: What fucking planet are you from? Stryper? Yeah, I have some info: They are going out with Marilyn Manson and WASP you stupid ass. Leave me alone.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: when can we expect a new bulletboys c.d.?
GERRI’S ANSWER: I don’t know, sorry
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I could find out, but why would I want to do that? I’m such a lazy bitch, I never go looking for the answers that anybody asks me. It’s either “nope”, or “I don’t know”. Shit, bands like Jackyl have released albums that I didn’t even know where out. As far as I know, the BulletBoys could have released a Box Set and been opening for Janet Jackson, and I would have no idea about it.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: what ever happened to stevie rachelle from tuff? how come there is never any info in metal edge about his solo stuff?
GERRI’S ANSWER: Stevie went solo, and the direction he took is not in the Metal Edge vein. What I heard sounded like Neil Diamond! That’s why we’re not covering it. We did cover his rap/metal novelty thing CWA, but this is too far afield.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I hate Stevie, how’s that you zit faced bitch! Of course, showing photos of Ice Cube is in the Metal Edge vein, and printing pictures of lame ass weddings is in the Metal Edge vein, but giving info about my former poster boys isn’t. To be honest, I never even listened to his album. It’s now a coaster on my coffee table.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: is it ture that you hate bands and they arent in metal edge because of that. my friend says you dont like wasp and faster pussycat and gidd moondi and thats why there not in thier thats not fair
GERRI’S ANSWER: That’s ridiculous. It’s true that I don’t personally care for Blackie Lawless but Wasp is still in the magazine–Paul writes about them. Faster Pussycat broke up years ago. And who the hell is Gidd Moondi?
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Yes, that is correct. I hate many bands that don’t kiss my white ass. Your friend is absolutely correct. Thank you for your question!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Any news on when/if A LETTER FROM DEATH ROW will be in theatres or straight to video?
GERRI’S ANSWER: at this point it looks like video
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Where do you live? You most likely live in a trailer somewhere far removed from society because if you think A Letter From Death Row will ever be a theater, than you must think I have a full head of hair! So if your like the typical Metal Edge reader, you don’t have a VCR and it looks like your shit out of luck! Have a nice day!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Since John Kalonder signed Whitesnake has there been anything heard about a new release?
GERRI’S ANSWER: No. The first release from Kalodner’s label will be Great White’s You Can’t Get There From Here, in March. That’s the only one scheduled so far.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: The Great White record is the first release expected to bomb on Kalodner’s label. The Whitesnake record will bomb later in the year. And I won’t cover either one of them.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Hello Gerri- Would love to hear Something-ANYthing about AC/DC- what’s going on with their new album- album title, tracklistings, producer, release date, etc.??????
GERRI’S ANSWER: No, sorry. No info yet
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Even though I’m suppose to be a reporter and find out things for you piss ants, I’m too lazy to find them out. However, I do have this exclusive news: Bon Scott died while choking on his vomit!!! This story just came to my attention and I’m going to get to the bottom of it!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: I was wondering if there was anything new going on with Mike Tramp or any possibility of a reunion of White Lion?
GERRI’S ANSWER: I don’t know any updates but I highly doubt any reunion will happen. Vito’s out of the business and there’s bad blood between Mike and Greg D’Angelo
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: If I had a quarter for everytime I didn’t have an update, I be able to buy 15 more Salvation Army black dresses!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: do you know if Dangerous Toys are still togheter?
GERRI’S ANSWER: Yes as far as I know
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Yeah, they could be, or they might not be. What the fuck do I know? Find out yourself ya lazy prick!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: nikki has stated in the last 2 days that they will be taping(audio and video)3 texas shows next month for a future live video and album–(but a studio album will be first)—will you guys be at these 3 texas shows to cover it?
GERRI’S ANSWER: Nope
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: A – The days of Metal Edge traveling to cover things is deader than Kurt Cobain. B – Nikki probably wouldn’t give my white pasty ass passes anyways. C. – I didn’t even know Motley was on tour. Is Vince back in the band???

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Any idea when MArq (Torien) is supposed to go to court? I know it is somewhere in Tx. but do you know where??
GERRI’S ANSWER: nope, sorry
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Even though Marq goes to every show in LA, I’m too lazy to ask him what’s going on. Get off your ass and fly to LA and ask him yourself!

QUESTIONS FOR GERRI: Gerri, I have a couple questions?????
Who replaced Tim Kelly in Slaughter?
Did warrent release a album called “Jabberwacky”
Did Poision get back together and put out a record?
Did Queensryche replace Chris Degarmo or break up?
And finnaly…….What is the current update on Axl Rose?????
Sorry so many questions I havent heard much lately I would apprecite any help you could give me
Thanks!!!
GERRI’S ANSWER: 1) Jeff Blando 2) No, Jabberwocky is Jani Lane’s side project, which doesn’t have a deal 3) Poison announced that they were back together (that C.C. was back) over two years ago, but they have never recorded and at this point aren’t planning to–at least until after touring. That is the plan now, to tour first 4) Kelly Gray is the new guitarist 5) he’s on about the fifth producer now, and God-knows-how-many players. If we see an album before 2000 I will be amazed
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Where the hell have you been, Tibet? Poison’s been back together for over two years and are getting ready to tour next Summer in front of 500-1000 people a night. Who cares about Queensryche, really? The only deal Jani can possibly get is with the Betty Ford Center. Nobody really knows the name of the guy who replaced Tim, and nobody could give a monkey’s ass either. Axl Rose never really existed and was just a rumor. I can’t believe you didn’t know that. Stupid idiot.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: gerri, thanks for always answering my annoying questions. here’s one more, what happened to jim gillette from nitro? has he released anything since his nitro days?
GERRI’S ANSWER: Jim married Lita Ford and moved to Florida, where he builds houses. He hasn’t released anything lately
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I have even a better question, Why Do You Ask Me Annoying Questions? Don’t you have anything better to do like feed the ducks that are wandering around your trailer park? But I’ll answer your annoying question anyways. Jim Gillette married Lita Ford and sucked any talent out of her that she had left. Thus, neither one is doing shit. Lita sells hotdogs on the beach and Jim builds outhouses.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: OK,I hear that Jon has an album called “Sex Sells” coming out. Then I hear that Bon Jovi has a double live album coming out. Then I hear that Bon Jovi is working on a new studio album due out next spring.
What’s the real story?????????????
GERRI’S ANSWER: Management told me Friday that the band will work on a new album in ’99, but there’s no studio or release timetable. Anything else–solo albums, live, whatever–has been tabled till after that.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: The real story is that Bon Jovi is more washed up then a 5000 pound whale on the beach. I talked to their management Friday and they said, “Gerri who?” We then unfortunately got disconnected! Damn phones, must have been because of El Nino.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Gerri, Do you know what the guys from Trixter are up to? Also, is Metallica or any other big band schedule to play on New Year’s 1999? Has anything been announced yet? Thanks a lot.
GERRI’S ANSWER: PJ and Steve are in a band in NJ called Soaked. Pete moved to Phoenix, where he works for a company that markets environmental products, but is still keeping his hand in music and has recorded a demo. Mark left the business several years ago.
Part two of your answer:
Metallica is not playing New Year’s. The biggest show by far is Black Sabbath, Pantera, Slayer, Megadeth, and Soulfly in Phoenix
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I’m a stupid ass. You asked me about Metallica playing on New Year’s 1999, and I told you who was playing in 1998. However, Metal Sludge reported the Metallica is playing out in Detroit on New Year’s 1999.
Part two of your fucking gay question:
Pete from Trixter realized that there 15 minutes of fame was long over and moved to Phoenix where is manufactures crack in a basement. PJ & Steve are still delusional and think they can get a record deal. Feel free to laugh and mock them when they play out. Mark left Trixter while the gettin’ was good and hasn’t been seen since.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Eric Martin of Mr. Big has recently played some shows here in Northern California. Do you know who/where to contact in order to find out when/if he will be playing again. The shows he did play went virtually unannounced-
GERRI’S ANSWER: Sorry, I have no information
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I have no information on that or anything else. I probably could find out, but why would I want to do that. You and Eric Martin can go take a long walk off a short pier.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Gerri…I know of a wicked awesome up and coming hard rock band called “Loud Sunshine” they are from Florida and I was wondering if you have any idea if you would be doing an article on them anytime in the near future…would love to see a color poster of their lead singer Michael Nagy!!!
GERRI’S ANSWER: If you know the band encourage them to send a package in for Rock on the Rise. Local bands are featured there and aren’t given posters or pinups.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Have you been fucked by alligators down there in Florida? We hardly put up posters of signed bands, you think I’m going to put a poster of some backwater hick that nobody gives a used tampon about? Take the swamp water out of your panties and get a clue!!!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Why did you ban Nelson from Metal Edge?
GERRI’S ANSWER: (not signed but from MtlEdge IP Address)NOW THATS A STUPID QUESTION!!!
GERRI’S ANSWER: (after various people yell at her for being rude-and from the same IP Address) Tiff, whoever replied to your original post, saying it was stupid, it wasn’t me! It wasn’t even signed! This is the first response I’m giving you. However, you are correct in quoting that I said I wouldn’t cover the band. They aren’t appropriate–they went country, first of all. They also exhibited some very obnoxious and ungrateful behavior that led me to that decision after I opted not to write about the acoustic record they did several years back. We’ve all seen how their career has gone of late so maybe it’s karma.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: That is a stupid question you trouble causing bitch!! Nelson sucks and talked shit about me so they are banished to hell!! And we’ve all seen how their career has gone of late, so I take full responsibility for ruining their career. Fuck them and fuck you!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Is it true that you are leaving Metal Edge? If so, will Paul be taking over?
GERRI’S ANSWER: (nothing)
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Yes, I’m leaving Metal Edge but people aren’t suppose to know about it yet. I’ve been doing Metal Edge since Mick Mars first came on the scene back in 1947, so it’s time for me to go back to working for Ringling Brothers. The real reason I’m leaving is cause of those bastards at Metal Sludge! They’ve exposed me for what I am, but I’ll never admit that. I’ll just say it’s time to move on, some whack ass shit like that.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: I’ve been visiting this message board for a couple weeks now, and already Gerri seems like a big asshole. Pouting over certain messages, Being a real JERK to lots of fans. Why does gerri even deserve to be here? I dont see how anybody can like you gerri, you were a jackass to me earlier for no reason except you dont know how to cope with people and i didnt do anything to you before to be treated the way I was, and if theres a message you dont like and take it off, it makes people think that whatever that message said was true and you didnt want people to know, and if there is something we should know your being an asshole whos lying to us about something, and if the message was not true, your just a moron
GERRI’S ANSWER: Why don’t you sign your message or at least be specific about what post you think I replied to you in a nasty manner? Perhaps someone else replied FOR me, as has happened frequently here, and (example, post regarding Tiffany’s Nelson question). Lashing out without substantiating or identifying your comments is rather cowardly.
And by the way, I don’t delete anything. The site managers remove posts that deserve to be.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: You hit the nail on the head buddy! I’m more of a phony than Milli Vanilli. I’ve been getting exposed left and right on this board. In fact, I haven’t seen such a beating since Rodney King! But I deserve it. It won’t be long before Paul replaces me.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Half the questions people ask Gerri she answers the same way, with “I don’t know”, and “sorry, don’t know.” What type of reporter is that? I can understand some questions she might not know, but if somebody asks about the BulletBoys, Sebastian Bach, or when Jackyl is going to release a new album, that’s stuff she should know or at least be able to find out. Somebody asked her about Sebastian’s new CD, and she just said “I need a CD first before I cover it!” What type of reply is that? Begging for a CD. She could have just said when the CD was coming out and basic info like that, instead she wines that she needs a CD. The fact is that she is lazy and rude. Somebody asked about Nelson, and regardless of if they play country music or not now, she said the question was stupid. That wasn’t an insulting question, it was just a question. I don’t care if it was a stupid question, she shouldn’t respond that way and treat her readers like shit. She also deleted all posts asking her if she was leaving Metal Edge. Why? If she isn’t, then just say so. If she is, admit it. Instead, she deletes it. No answers from her yet again. This board just goes to show all of you how Gerri really is. She’ll be gone soon.
GERRI’S ANSWER: Another person who won’t sign their post! First of all, the question about Sebastian’s CD was NOT when it was coming out, but would it be covered–and I answered that I needed to have it to cover it. Logical response. Not angling for freebies. I get more free records than I can handle. Just that one needs to hear something to write about it. Standard procedure. And AGAIN, that was NOT me calling Tiffany’s question stupid! I read it and responded today, DECEMBER 1, for the first time. Look at the date on the first response, and note that it is NOT signed by me. Think before you post.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I should take my own advice and think before I post. I’ve never angled for freebies. I don’t need too since I just kick back and let people send me their shit. And if I don’t get your shit, your shit out of luck, no coverage in my rag. And even though the IP address of the unsigned post and my post are the same, that uh, uh, doesn’t mean anything!! I, uh, uh, I, I know what happened. Uh, I, er, well you see, I, my computer, I mean, I, aw fuck it. Go fuck yourself!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Did you have a nice ThanksGiving??? I hope you did!!!
GERRI’S ANSWER: Yes, and thanks for asking. Hope yours was cool too
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: My Thanksgiving was great! I got down to the soup kitchen really early and got double helpings of peas! I then went to my favorite dumpster behind Gil Turner’s on Sunset and spent the rest of the day sleeping. Thanks for your question!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Somewhere on this board I had read a message from someone asking when the vh1 Motley Crue special is going to be aired. I want to make sure that I get the correct info. so I am going right to the top, you. If you know I would really appreciate the info. Thanks Gerri, love your mag……
GERRI’S ANSWER: I asked VH1 and was told they’re still waiting to schedule it
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I called VH1 and told them I was Gerri and wanted to know about the Motley VH1 special. They said, “Jerry, we love your movie Ringmaster. We watch you everyday.” I then said I wasn’t Jerry Springer, I was Gerri Miller, and then for some reason we got disconnected. That always happends to me. I need to get a better phone.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: gerri, let me get this straight, from what i understand, john kalodner has signed ratt, great white, cinderella, poison and dokken, as well as having made an offer to tesla? this man rules.
GERRI’S ANSWER: John Kalodner has signed Ratt, Great White, and Cinderella. Dokken is still with CMC (they were with John BEFORE CMC), and Poison is only talking stages at this point.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: John Kalodner made an offer to Tesla to never get back together. Dokken is still with CMC, which is basically the same thing as not having a deal at all. While John Kalodner was responsible for giving a lot of bands some big breaks back in the day, the only thing he breaks now is a sweat. That ZZ Top reject couldn’t discover Pamela Anderson in a room full of Nation Of Islam members. Now go jackoff on my latest pinup of Marilyn Manson and leave me alone!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Hi Gerri, I was wondering if you had any news about Type O Negative, are they still working on their new album? Will you interview them in the future? Thanks!!
GERRI’S ANSWER: yes, and they’ve really got a ways to go–there’s no ETA on completion or release. You’ll find mini-reports on TON in the year-end (Mar.) and ’99 preview (Apr.)
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I won’t be interviewing them anytime soon, but I will be going on some other interviews. I’m going for an interview at the Hollywood Wax Museum as a janitor. Keep your figures crossed, I think I might get the gig!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Gerri, Is it true that you’re resigning from Metal Edge? I’m not asking this to be rude, but I’ve been hearing it repeatedly. I hope it’s not, as you do a great job on the magazine.
GERRI’S ANSWER: It is true. I am leaving after this issue in production (Apr.). However, I will–at least for the time being–provide the news items at this website and answer questions about bands here (not specific what-will-be-in-the-magazine questions, for obvious reasons).
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: It is true. Damn Metal Sludge & Ozzy Stillbourne. If Ozzy didn’t reveal to all them monkey assed Sludgeaholics that I have the personality of a dead moth, I’d still be running Metal Edge. And fuck that full haired hippy Paul Gargano. I took him under my giant freaky wings and showed him the ropes. He never listened to me though! I told him to be a good editor, you need to wear giant fly like glasses. You need to wear only one outfit, and it HAS to be black. But that ungrateful cock never learned. Next thing you know, that bastard had all the locks changed at the Metal Edge offices and they had all my shit out in the dumpster! I created rock! I’m the show stopper, the headliner!! I broke all these bands!! Now I can’t even get an A&R guy to give me a promo cassette. Damn you Metal Sludge!!! Damn you all to hell!!!!!!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: All these people are talking about the new AC/DC album. Is there one coming out? Does Angus sing on this one? Is it let there be rock style? When will it come out? Thanks…….PS, I hope you aren’t really leaving, you deserve a lot of credit for sticking with metal. Thanks again for the info.
GERRI’S ANSWER: As far as I’ve been told there is no AC/DC album yet. Hasn’t been recorded so there’s no release date.
And yes I’m leaving, but the Metal Sludge idiots had nothing to do with it.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: You think I give two shits and a piss what AC/DC is doing? What type of style do you think their new album is going to be? Rap? Wake the fuck up acne princess! It’s going to be the exact same record they’ve released since 1973, so fuck off! And yes, I am leaving. Ozzy Stillbourne and his god damn ‘Inside Gerri Miller’s Mind’ have ruined everything for me. However, I’m never going to let any of you know the real reason. I’m just going to say I’m “moving on to accomplish other goals”, or some stupid ass shit like that. Maybe I’ll go for the sympathy thing and say I have a disease, or I got a good gig with a traveling carny taking care of the corn dog booths. Or, I’ll really talk shit and say I’m going to work for a record label, but who on God’s green Earth would ever believe that shit? So in other words, I’m fucked. Thanks for your question you trouble causing skank.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: gerri,
i’ve read your magazine since 87…hate to see you go..you’ve put in a lot of hard work for that magazine. what are your plans?
GERRI’S ANSWER: I will still be doing the news updates and answering questions here at the website. I will also be working on a KISS special magazine about the Detroit Rock City movie (April release and on sale). I will also be doing freelance writing
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I’m a glutten for punishment. Instead of disappearing with Ringling Brothers, I’m going to continue to answer your stupid, worthless, inane questions here at the website. I wouldn’t want Ozzy Stillbourne’s most famous column to have to end! Since Metal Edge basically forced me to resign, I have nothing to do. Maybe Metal Sludge is hiring?

QUESTION FOR GERRI: I must have missed something, but why are you leaving, Gerri? If it’s too personal of a reason, I understand. In any event, I would like to publicly thank you for all your hard rock over the years. Since I was a kid, my favorite day of the month has always been the day the new issue of Metal Edge comes out. I devour every issue, absorbing every little detail I can about my favorite bands. It has always been a dream of mine for my band to appear in your magazine. I have no doubt that it will happen one day, but it just won’t be the same. I wish the best of luck in whatever it is you decide to do. You have kept the heart of rock n’roll beating all these years, and for that I salute you.
GERRI’S ANSWER: Thanks for the nice comments. I am leaving because after 14 years I wanted to do something else. I’ve actually been at the company for nearly 18 years! Paul Gargano has inherited it. I can’t say how much will stay the same or change as I’m not involved in that now.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Thanks for buying my shit and putting money in my pocket so I can shop at the Salvation Army. I didn’t really want to leave Metal Edge, but I wasn’t given much of a choice. The “powers that be” gave Paul more work than me, and I got so fed up with everything I turned in my resignation. After all, I’ve been with the company since 1943! Paul has inherited it and it will probably go on to become a bigger magazine than Time now. I will go on to do what I know best, and that is failure. By the way, I posted that question myself.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: I heard from somebody that you have the disease Lupus. I’ve never heard that before and was wondering if that is true and possibly the reason why you are leaving Metal Edge. Hope your well.
GERRI’S ANSWER: Yes, it’s true I have lupus. But I’ve had it since 1987 and it hasn’t really affected my ability to work. It hasn’t played a part in my decision to leave. Thanks for your concern, however.
WHAT OZZY SAYS: How dare Gerri have Lupus! I demand she return him immediately to the Bloodhound Gang so they can finish their album! What is that you say, it’s not Lupus the guitarist but lupus the disease? Oh shit, I’m sorry. Well at least she didn’t use that as an excuse for leaving. But hey, who would ask Gerri such a question as if she has lupus or not? The common Metal Edge schmuck you asks questions wouldn’t know that. Let’s see, who could it be? Who would know that…

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Why?????
GERRI’S ANSWER: As I stated in previous posts, I decided that after 14 years it was time to move on and do some other things. I will still be involved here at the website.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: For the love of God you stupid Jerry Springer reject, I’ve already stated my reasons 3654 times! How many times are you fucks going to be asking me “Why Gerri why?” You want to know why? It’s cause I don’t like any of you!! I hate every single one of you and hope you all die a slow painful death! All those years of you little ass goblins sending me your photos of you and Slaughter, or you and Warrant, asking me what shampoo Vince Neil uses and what condoms Paul Stanley uses on young boys, well I’ve had enough! Leave me alone! I was on Jeopardy at one time, and now for the last 14 years I’ve been in my own private hell dealing with the biggest bunch of gullible mongoloids I’ve ever seen. I have more respect for Star Trek fans who go to those faggot ass Star Trek conventions. And for the last time, buy a Metal Edge hat and shut your fucking mouth!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Hey Gerri, Is there gonna be a new feature on LAG from the NJ show that I saw Paul G at…He was taking photos so I kinda figured there’d be another feature spread soon…Thanx.
GERRI’S ANSWER: There’s something in the Apr. issue
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: There’s something in the April issue, but they changed all the locks at the Metal Edge office, so I couldn’t tell you anymore than that.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: IS PAUL GARGANO TAKING OVER? Just wondering. I’m glad Gerri is still going to be involved, but I also enjoy Paul’s interviews.
GERRI’S ANSWER: yes
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Who do you think would take over, Larry Flynt? Can you fuckers read at all? How many times has it been said Paul is taking over??? Sea Monkeys have more of a clue than you people.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: I’ve throughly enjoyed reading Metal Edge since its enception, especially in recent years as it established itself as the only resource for us hard rock fans. I truly appreciate the magazine, and the hard work Gerri has put forth. I desperately hope that it remains a home base for hard rock. More than anything, I hope the genre continues to survive. As long as the few musicians, the few fans, and a magazine/web site such as Metal Edge persevere, we can ensure it’s survival. We should be very proud. We are an elite group. Persecuted by society, yet we hang in there, unfazed. We will never bow down. We will never give up, and we will never forget. Long live hard rock. Long live Metal Edge.
GERRI’S ANSWER: you’re welcome–thanks for the kind words
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: You need to be removed from the gene pool. The only thing you should be proud of is that fact that you have electricity, indoor plumbing, and only one car up on blocks at your house. Do the world a favor and punch yourself in the nuts until you sterilize yourself. Thank you.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: fearless prediction: the mag will go into one of the aforementioned directions and fall quicker than KISS/Psycho Circus did on the charts!!!!!
GERRI’S ANSWER: Since his computer freezes on him when he tries to get on AOL, much less the Web, I don’t believe Paul has any read any of your posts. My best suggestion is to e-mail him your comments, suggestions, and concerns at Pgarg@aol.com, and if you wish, also e-mail the publisher, Allen Tuller, at MetalMail@aol.com
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Please send Paul a computer virus to his email account. That’ll teach him for booting my pasty white ass to the curb.

A POST ABOUT EVERYONE COMPLAINING ABOUT PAUL: As a great man once said, you need to know your role and shut your mouth. Paul will do fine. He isn’t going to abandone the people who read Metal Edge, but you do need to change with the times. Shit, you can’t cover Warrant, Slaughter and Poison every month! What have any of those bands done in the last few years. And besides, Gerri was no better. She had her favorites and those she didn’t like didn’t get mentioned. Hopefully Paul will be more open minded. If he starts changing the magazine, then you can bitch. But for now, shut up and relax. Paul taking over will be the best thing that ever happened to the magazine. And if he does get out of line, Metal Sludge will run him out of town like they did Gerri!!
GERRI’S ANSWER: What Paul does or does not do with the magazine remains to be seen. But I must reiterate that Metal Sludge had not one iota of anything to do with my decision to leave. They are ZERO. Repeat, ZERO on the scale of what matters, and they flatter themselves to think they ‘ran me off’ or anything of the kind!!
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Hey, I just found my cap lock KEY! ANYWAYS, If Metal Sludge is ZERO on the scale of what matters, than that must make me SUB-ZERO. And even though I say I don’t even go to Metal Sludge, for some reason I know everything they do.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: First of all I am sorry to hear you are leaving, you will be missed in the Mag. What is Whitesnake doing these days. Rumors a couple of months ago were that they were going to release a CD of Remixes and B-sides before the end of the year (Looks like that wont happen). And then a LIVE CD later. Is that true? And are they ever going to do another Album? Thanks Gerri
GERRI’S ANSWER: the only thing I know of is a possible deal with John Kalodner’s label at Sony, but it’s not definite by any means. The band was supposed to tour here last summer but that never happened obviously, and though there have been rumors of it happening this summer I wouldn’t hold my breath on that either.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: If you want to know if Whitesnake is gong to do another album, then fucking call the Psychic Friends Network ya fuck! What do I look like, 411? How the hell do I know? And I wouldn’t hold my breath on the fact that you DON’T live in a trailer. It’s 1999, not 1989, so get your head out of your ass and leave me alone!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Does anyone know what White Lion is up to these days???
GERRI’S ANSWER: White Lion as a band has not existed for years. Vito Bratta has been out of the business since its demise, and Mike Tramp is now a solo artist. However, Deadline/Cleopatra plans to issue Greatest and Latest, a remixed greatest hits record that will include several previously unreleased songs, somewhere between March and May
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Well, White Lion made too many children cry and got dropped on their ass. Vito Bratta was never in the business to begin with, and Mike Tramp has some solo shit out, but I ain’t gonna cover his acoustic rock ass.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Do you know what ever happened to Tigertailz? And I just wanted to say, thank you for all you have done, and you will DEFINATELY be missed!!!
GERRI’S ANSWER: Sorry, I don’t know what happened to Tigertailz
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Your right, I will be missed by all of you! You all will miss laughing at me, you evil pricks! What the hell is Tigertailz, a breakfast ceral?? I know about Tony The Tiger, but I don’t know nothing about this Tigertailz band you speak of. Stop making up fake bands just to make me look stupid. I’m onto you bastards!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Gerri, Was wondering if ELF w/RJD will be a reality and if they will do any live shows…also any new on DIO is appreciated. Paul
GERRI’S ANSWER: While Ronnie expressed plans to do something with Elf, it’s too early to say when/in what form that will take place. He’s planning to do a Dio concept record for release late ’99
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Paul, I see you’ve just taken over the magazine and already you need my help! I knew you’d fail without me! Anyways, I love ALF! I watched it whenever I could and I hope there is an ALF reunion. I never knew Dio played the part of ALF, but I guess it is possible. ALF was only like 4 feet tall, so I guess you could be right. I hope I helped you out. Thanks for your question.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Gerri, do you have the web address for Deadline/cleopatra? thank you.
GERRI’S ANSWER: I don’t but I’ll try to get it (can’t call till Monday)
JANI BON NEIL ANSWERS THE POST: Of course Gerri doesn’t have your info, but I do. It’s http://www.hallucinet.com/cleopatra/cleopatra.html Their mailing address and other info can be found at that site. The email address is cleopatra@tunanet.com
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I’m much too lazy of a bitch to find that shit out for you. Even though all I would have to do is go to UBL.com or use a search engine to find out the info, that is too much effort for me. I guess Jani at Metal Sludge is a little more “on the ball” then my played out, past my prime, sent out to pasture, wrinkled old ass.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: I was at the show and CC’s band didn’t open. Do you know why? Is there problems with him again?? Is it gonna screw up the POISON reunion?? Thanks!
GERRI’S ANSWER: I don’t think CC was planning to open in the first place, and I don’t believe it has any bearing on whether or not Poison tours or not. A friend of mine ran into Rikki the other day and was told the tour plans are moving forward.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Rikki won’t even talk to me anymore now that I’m not running Metal Edge, so I have to find out my info now from friends who actually have connections. CC didn’t open or even show up at the show cause he realized that Bret’s solo gigs are a joke and he’d have a bigger crowd opening up for a Tyketto reunion show.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: I have several questions about Dokken. First, what’s their status concerning their record deal. I read that they’re releasing another album, but also heard that they lost their deal at CMC. Second, how many guitarists have been in the band since George Lynch left? Thanks!
GERRI’S ANSWER: As far as they’ve told me CMC will be releasing their new record, IX. John Norum did some touring with them, and they had a friend fill in for some dates last year (I don’t have the name) before Reb Beach came aboard.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: A lot of people don’t know this, but my new sources say that Dokken has had 10 guitarist since Lynch left. For a while, they had Eddie Van Halen play with them, but they didn’t ever play out with him. Steve Vai played with them a few times when Dokken did that big Asian tour. Joe Perry also was in Dokken, so I’m told, but they only played once or twice with him in Haiti. Other guitarists Dokken had included Donald Drinkwater and Jack MeSilly. So even though I’m not running Metal Edge anymore, as you can see, my sources are all still legit.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: are TNT still together? and if so, are they gonna release another album anytime soon? oh, and Machine Head SUKKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
GERRI’S ANSWER: Not as far as I know, so I doubt it!
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Not as far as I know, yet I didn’t know that having the same hair style for the past 15 years isn’t cool either, so why the fuck are you asking me?

QUESTION FOR GERRI: I heard that Chris Holmes has left the band (WASP). Is this true?
GERRI’S ANSWER: I haven’t heard a thing about this
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Yet I haven’t had a single person return any of my calls since I left Metal Edge either.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: How many records do you think Skid Row has sold. I heard they sold 22 million, but that number seems a little too high. Do you have any idea?
GERRI’S ANSWER: That figure is indeed too high. According to my Billboard Top 40 Albums book, the debut album sold 3 million copies in the US and Slave to the Grind sold one million. (Subhuman Race and the other releases are not included.) You can add to that for international sales but I still would figure under 10 million total
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: For once, I actually did some research on this and am somewhat correct. Baz is full of shit by saying they sold 22 million records. Either that or he’s smoked one to many joints.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: How many albums have bon jovi sold?
GERRI’S ANSWER: In the States, close to 30 million
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I like these questions cause they are easy to answer and they make me look like I know stuff. Actually, I’m just reading my Billboard Top 40 Albums book, which basically any 1st grader could do.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: How many albums have Warrant sold to date..??
Can you break it down by album….??
GERRI’S ANSWER: The only figures (U.S.) I have are for the following albums: Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich, two million, Cherry Pie, two million, and Dog Eat Dog, 500,000.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: What the fuck is this? One person asks me about album sales, and now everyone of you Oxy 10 Poster Boys has to ask me about everyone’s album sales! Go buy your own damn Billboard Top 40 Album book! Also, the reason I didn’t mention Warrant’s last 3 records is because Billboard didn’t acknowledge those releases as albums since they only sold 14 copies combined.

QUESTION FOR GERRI:Was wondering the following:
Does VAST, Rowan Robertson’s new group, have a CD out?? Any release dates for Ratt, Cinderella & warrant CD’s by Cleopatra?
Album sales of Rainbow, Black Sabbath & DIO CD’s in which RJD was a member.
Any news on what happened at the Q-ryche’s fan club only show?
Thanks for any answers!!
Paul
GERRI’S ANSWER: Yes, VAST CD has been out for several months (Elektra Records). I don’t have dates for the Cleoptatra releases but they’ll should all be out between February and May. Try RIAA.com for any tallies (only applicable for gold and platinum levels). I haven’t gotten any word on the Queensryche show, but their site might have something.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Do I look like I work at Cleopatra records? Go find 30 cents and make a phone call to Cleopatra instead of asking me stupid questions. Also, do I look like I work for the RIAA. Another stupid ass asking for record sales. Fuck Off. You ain’t in the band, so don’t worry about how many albums they sold. And Q-ryche cancelled their fan club only show cause they found out you were in the fan club. Have a nice day!

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Do you have any idea how many records Orgy has sold to date?
GERRI’S ANSWER: No, but according to Billboard they’re not gold yet.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Is this all I’m good for now? At one time I was the editor of a major music magazine, and now I’m basically answering questions from a book. Go fuck yourself. According to Billboard, your mom sucks a good dick. Leave me alone.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Is it true that Warrant will be touring with Motley Crue this year???
GERRI’S ANSWER: No. That rumor got started when Hard Radio/BWBK news mistakenly took two separate items I posted in the news at this site and combined them, and attributed the wrong information to me. I wrote them back to clarify but by then I think the false information had spread to other boards.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I’m passing the blame onto Hard Radio/BWBK. Since I lack quality writing skills, people easily misunderstand what I write. Motley wouldn’t tour with Warrant if it meant that Vince Neil could weigh 150.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Whatever happened to the movie that was to feature Slaughter and I think Sebastian Bach? I think it was to be called Final Rinse? And also a few issues back you did a story on another movie Sebastian was going to be in. Any release date for it?
GERRI’S ANSWER: Neither has come out, nor has there been a release announced. I have a feeling both might end up straight-to-video.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: I have a feeling both movies will end up in the Blockbuster bargin bin for $5.99 along side A Letter From Death Row.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Who won AMA awards in the hard rock/metal categories??
Paul
GERRI’S ANSWER: No one, because those categories weren’t included. Aerosmith won in the Favorite Pop/Rock Group category.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Did you see a hard rock/metal category on TV? Did you see it listed in TV Guide? No, you didn’t. Thus, they didn’t have those categories you stupid bastard. By the way, I hope your not Paul Gargano. I know Paul’s stupid, but I hope he’s not that stupid.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Is there truth to this rumor and any details…it was on Hard Radio’s news section. Thanks,
Paul
PS Any DIO news??
GERRI’S ANSWER: NOT TRUE! Though I would love it, Bruce was mis quoted during an interview.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Paul, don’t you have anything better to do than ask me fucking questions? Should you be in the unemployment line right about now picking up your welfare check? Bruce was misquoted, and it was probably by me. Who the fuck knows? I like Bruce though cause he looks like me. And yeah, I got some Dio news for you. Ready? He’s a balding midget. There you have it.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Any truth to this rumor. That Ronnie James Dio may do a reunion with Ritchie Blackmore in Rainbow??
Paul
GERRI’S ANSWER: I haven’t heard anything about it. The only reunion Ronnie mentioned to me was a plan to do something with Elf
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: Look dude, first I was asked 40 times about album sales, and now your asking me all sorts of worthless time consuming questions. You really must be Paul Gargano. And what’s up with you asking all sorts of Dio questions? Fag. Anyways, Dio is going to do a reunion episode of ALF since he actually played ALF in the TV series. Look for it next fall.

QUESTION FOR GERRI: Gerri,
Where is SLAUGHTER playing in Lancaster, Cal. Any other Cali dates??
Paul
GERRI’S ANSWER: I asked Blas, and he says it’s the only California date. The club is Schooners.
WHAT GERRI REALLY MEANS: At one time I had several different people a day ask me questions. But since I’ve been given the boot from Metal Edge, all I have now is one dude asking me questions. And his name is Paul, so he’s probably just rubbing it in my concrete looking face. So what was your question? Oh yea, I asked Blas about the show and Blas said, “What? I’m in a band?”

More questions to come!