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RANDOM THOUGHTS ON THE KISS PAY PER VIEW Kiss had a Pay Per View on Saturday night which started at 8PM, so before I went to the bar with some friends, we thought we’d have a laugh and buy it. It would also give me a chance to post something for the page since things have been slow lately. I’ve also decided that we were going to have a little drinking game during this Kiss concert. So bring out the Jack Daniels and play along at home! Here’s how it works: Every time Ace fucks up, you do a shot. Every time Paul sucks his finger or grabs his ass, you do a shot Every time Gene rolls his eyes back into his head, you do a shot As for Peter, who really cares about Peter anyways? So the chance of me being in an alcoholic induced coma by the end of this show is very good. However, this concert was filmed June 27, 2000, in East Rutherford, New Jersey, so they’ve had over 3 months to fix or edit out any major fuckups. But if this post starts sucking towards the end, I’ll blame it on my drinking. Detroit Rock City starts things off and they come down from the ceiling on a platform. Kind of cool. Hey, is that Bernard Edwards in the front row!!? Nope, it’s just some other guy with Gene Simmons makeup on. Nevermind. I wonder how much of this was redone in the studio? I’ve never seen anybody hit the drums harder than Peter. HA HA HA HA HA!! Now that was funny! Towards the end of Detroit Rock City, the big screen has a piss poor graphic of a car spinning around with no driver on a bridge. What the fuck? When was the last time you saw a car driving around in a circle with no driver? I’ve seen them use that before and I’ve always thought that was gay. At least have somebody driving the car! If I’m paying $75 a ticket, I want a fucking driver for that car. Deuce is up next and Paul puts the guitar between his legs and plays. It’s probably not the first time Paul has stuck something between his legs, but who am I to speculate? Paul says if you wanna little rock n roll, all you have to do is Shout It Out Loud. Or go to Spencer’s Gifts and buy some $100 full figure Kiss Busts. Take your pick. Firehouse is the next song. There is a bra on Paul’s mic stand…I wonder if that’s Paul’s? Kiss probably pays somebody to go in the crowd and throw bras up on stage. I notice Ace’s guitar sounds a little low in the mix. Gee, I wonder why? Here’s another stupid thing that Kiss has on their big screen. During Firehouse, they have a skeleton climbing a ladder with a fireman’s hat one, but the ladder doesn’t go anywhere. Where is the skeleton climbing? Can anybody answer that? At least have the fucker climbing up a building or something. It makes no sense. You’d think Kiss would at least have some cool shit to look at. Gene comes out at the end of Firehouse and breaths fire. Paul says the following: What Paul is really saying: You probably think I’m joking about the Kiss baby bottle, but I’m not! You can buy a Kiss baby bottle and bib set right here, http://www.signaturessuperstars.com/artists/rock/kiss/detail.html?KIS99132. I think that speaks for itself. Now it goes into a history recap and goes over each Kiss album. It’s basically all the same clips they’ve shown a million times. I don’t know of any other band that lives in the past as much as these guys. Maybe that’s because they haven’t done anything good since. The little recap goes over Peter quitting and Eric Carr joining, Ace quits and Vinnie Vincent joins, Vinnie gets fired and Bruce joins. They kind of blow through the 80s albums pretty fast. That’s probably because they sucked. They talk about Eric Carr’s death, but they give no mention that Eric Singer replaced him. They mentioned the other replacements except him. Now that’s funny! That’s probably because Eric didn’t do 20 Questions. I’d also like to say that the Revenge album was the last album that had any good Gene songs. They history recap goes through the reunion and shit like that. After the recap of shit we already know, Heaven’s On Fire is the next song. I like how Paul’s all sweaty but his hair is dry. And speaking of Paul’s hair, it’s looking really fake. I mean Kevin DuBrow probably laughs at Paul. Ahh fuck, Paul sucks on his finger – do a shot! I will say the flames they have during Heaven’s On Fire are pretty cool. Now that’s pyro! I wonder how many fans in the audience think all those amps are plugged in? Probably only the Slaughter fans. Let Me Go Rock N Roll is next. There’s a chick in the front row sticking her tongue out at Gene. I wonder if she’s going to be kicked out? Peter looks like he’s drumming pretty good. They must have him all jacked up on pain killers. Oh no, Shock Me. Ace singing out of key – do a shot. We’ll just do one shot here because if we do a shot for every time Ace hits a sour note, we’ll be dead by the time this song is through. Fuck, that was a brutal couple of minutes. Time for Ace’s solo. Ace’s guitar is already smoking, so they must have edited his solo down. I guess there is a God. Now he’s shooting out the lights and the one falls to the stage. So that was about a 3 minute Ace solo, which is still probably 2 minutes too long, but it could have been worse. Paul comes out and says the following: What Paul really means: That intro of course leads into Psycho Circus. During this song they show on the screen some of the Psycho Circus 3D graphics they used, except that they aren’t in 3D now. You know what? The 3D graphics sucked when they were in 3D, so showing them now certainly isn’t going to impress anyone. Gene says something into Ace’s ear, probably “your per diem is only $15 today.” Gene does his bass solo. I will say this is pretty cool. Gene’s eyes roll back – do a shot. Gene cups his hand to his ear ala Hulk Hogan. That’s fitting since they are both the same age and just as played out. Naturally, God Of Thunder is next. Somebody hits a sour note right after Gene says “God Of Thunder” during the second chorus. We’ll blame Ace – do a shot. 100,000 Years come next. During the solo of 100,000 Years, they give the video a tracing effect, which is probably what Ace is seeing anyways. Now we go into Peter’s solo. It’s about a one minute solo, so it’s not that painful. Usually after the Peter’s little drum thing and before they kick back into 100,000 Years, Paul does the thing where he spins the mic around, but they cut that out. It seems like they are editing out a lot of shit. More comments from Paul: What Paul really means: Paul’s wig looks really fake. I’ve seen more realistic wigs at the Halloween store. I enjoy this part. Paul says that all night they’ve been measuring the crowd with a sound meter, and if the crowd can make the meter go into the red, he’ll fly out into the crowd. Yeah. Ok. It’s more likely some guy in the back that fucks with the level, but who am I to ruin the trick. Well at least he doesn’t bum any smokes off the fans like some balding lead singers and is in better shape at 49 than Vince & Jani. I’ll give that to him. So Paul flies out into the crowd for Love Gun. That’s something you won’t see Vince Neil do because there isn’t equipment that would be able to hold his weight. Wow, look at the intensity Peter drums with! Ace sounds a little sloppy on the Love Gun solo – do a shot. Actually, I’m not even sure of that, but I’ll do a shot anyways. Paul flies back and does a little bit of I Still Love You, which they edit down. He only did the first verse and didn’t go into the chorus. What’s the rush people? Fuck. Black Diamond is next. They then say good night, but of course we know it’s not over yet. Peter comes back out to do Beth, and says, “I just moved here and it’s great to be one of you.” Do I have to guess what’s next? The 8 millionth time they’ve played Rock And Roll All Nite. I wonder if they are going to fuck it up like they did on the MTV Awards a few years back. That was pretty funny, especially since they should be able to play that song in their sleep. Paul says the following: What Paul really means: I will say nobody does confetti better than Kiss. This entire Pay Per View is almost over and I haven’t seen any tits in the crowd? How lame. Gene rolls eyes – do a shot. By the way, Paul’s guitars are precut, meaning that they are already cut a bit so when he smashes them they break apart easier. Paul says the following: What Paul really means: During the credits they show the band going back to their dressing room. I also notice in the credits that it says Dave Sabo is the assistant editor. Is that the same Dave Sabo that’s in Skid Row? The total time of the Pay Per View was 1 hour and 24 minutes. Almost an hour and a half, and about 10 minutes of that was a Kiss history recap. Kiss plays for 2 hours, so they definitely shorten it up. I don’t know why they didn’t just have a 2 hour Pay Per View? I think I paid $24 for this, while the typical wrestling pay per view is 3 hours for $29. I already heard that their is a bootleg out of the entire concert, so maybe I’ll have to find that to see what they edited out. All in all that was sort of weak. Well at least it’s only 9:30 so it didn’t waste my entire night. I’m out like Ace’s licks, OZZY STILLBOURNE
“People of New Jersey! I gotta tell ya something. You got so much to be proud of you don’t know, let me tell ya. 27 years ago when we first got together, the critics said nobody would ever listen to us. New Jersey, you showed them they were wrong!”
“People of New Jersey! I gotta tell ya something. You got so much to be ashamed of you don’t know, let me tell ya. 27 years ago when we first got together, the critics said nobody would ever buy Kiss lunchboxes, Kiss dolls, Kiss wine goblets, Kiss full figured busts, Kiss coins, Kiss throw rugs, Kiss Kiss teddy bears, Kiss phones, Kiss door mats, Kiss clocks, Kiss baby bottles, and spend $100 for a ticket. New Jersey, you showed them they were wrong!”
Gene rolls his eyes – do a shot.
Gene rolls his eyes again – do a shot.
“Now in 1997 when we finished the reunion tour we went into the studio to do an album. That album wound up being called Psycho Circus.”
“Now in 1997 when we finished the reunion tour we went into the studio with some session players to do an album. That piece of shit wound up being called Psycho Circus.”
Gene’s eyes are rolled back – do a shot.
“When we first started out 27 years ago we had this dream about being in a band that did the type of show we always wanted to see. We wanted to become the band we never saw. We wanted to play on a stage like this, for people like you, New Jersey you made our dreams come true and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts!”
“When we first started out 27 years ago we had this dream about being in a band that did the type of show we always wanted to see. We wanted to become the band we never saw. A band who pimped and whored themselves out like no other! A band who released live albums recorded in the studio! We wanted to play on a stage like this, for people like you, way past our prime! New Jersey you made our dreams come true and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts!”
Peter doesn’t really sound bad here.
Who THE FUCK moves to New Jersey????
“Maybe in the future when you are here on one of those nights you don’t quite know why you came here, you will remember June 27th of the year 2000 when it was real! When there was a band here that tried for 27 years to give you what you deserve, because we know we would never be here, we would be nothing with out. We are glad and proud to say you are the Kiss Army! And remember, everybody deserves a time to Rock And Roll All Nite And Party Everyday!”
“Maybe in the future when you are here on one of those nights you don’t quite know why you came here, you will remember June 27th of the year 2000 when on that night you also didn’t know why you were here! When there was a band here that tried for 27 years to give you what you deserve, Kiss Lunchboxes! Because we know we would never be have the bank accounts that we have if it wasn’t for you! We are glad and proud to say you are the gullible Kiss Army! And remember, everybody deserves a time to Rock And Roll All Nite And Party Everyday, but only after they’ve purchased our brand new Kiss Hockey Jersey for only $125!”
“People, never forget us! We will never forget you people. Goodnight, thank you!”
“People, you can’t forget us because we are never going away. We will never forget you people, especially when we look at our bank statements! Goodnight, thank you!”
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