DON DOKKEN TALKS SHIT ABOUT METAL SLUDGE…. AGAIN!

  

 I’ve been working on this post since I first read it because it contains quotes that are so stupid, my brain couldn’t even comprehend them. I couldn’t grasp that somebody could be so delusional. Now I’ve been known to drink a few, oh, million times in my life, and I’ve never been drunk enough to say things as stupid as what you are going to read.

This interview is one of the most biased interviews I’ve ever read, and that even including the interviews we do! The “interviewer” is a poser named Jeff Kerby, who I bitch slapped last Spring, which can be found right here: http://www.metal-sludge.com/RandomNews5-5-02.htm. He had a column on KNAC that was a ripoff of Metal Sludge. He had a gimmick that he lived in a trailer, and was drunk, and tried to jock our writing style. That’s fine and all, but obviously Mr. Kerby is still holding a grudge because he eggs Don on to keep talking shit about us.

KNAC put up this interview with Don on Friday, February 21st, the day after the Great White tragedy. I don’t exactly think that was good timing on their part, because who gives a shit about Don Dokken crying about trivial things at a time like that? Oh well, what do I know?

With that in mind, here is the interview along with my reality check.

KNAC.COM: We?ve talked before about the whole Don Dokken love him or hate him syndrome before, and after this summer there was a lot of negative sentiment directed towards you after the cancellation of the Hollywood date of the Rockfest Tour. Is there anything you want to say about that?

DOKKEN: The bottom line is I originally offered to do the gig. I told the guy we?d do it. At the time I just thought, what the hell? Let?s play.

KNAC.COM: It was supposed to be the climax of the tour, right?

DOKKEN: It was going to be a culmination of the tour, but then they told us that we were going to have to play for free and lose our money, and that?s when we said no.

You did LA a great favor Don. Thank you.

KNAC.COM: So there?s no truth to any of the reports that there were personality conflicts between you and some of the members of the other bands?

DOKKEN: No, I just had a problem with what time we were going on?I didn?t like going on at 1 AM. I just think that it was disrespectful to the band Dokken. When the band before us is dragging out their set playing ZZ Top covers for twenty minutes, yeah, I take offense to that. It was unprofessional and amateur, and I put up with it for three months. I will never do that again.

Well, maybe if you hadn’t insisted on going on last, you wouldn’t have had that problem. You’re the one who wanted to “headline” and go on last. Speaking of that, when Poison goes out with other bands each Summer, they don’t have that problem. Poison has toured with all the bands that were on Rock Fest, and their tours go off ok. You don’t see Bret Michaels running out during Warrant’s set and bitching to them. So why did this happen to Dokken? Hmmm….

KNAC.COM: I just hope you never have to tour with another metal musician who goes on stage sporting a Mohawk and a New Found Glory t-shirt. As you stated though, this situation where you were put in a position to go on late was something that had occurred throughout the entire tour, it wasn?t a one-time occurrence as it was initially reported, right?

DOKKEN: No, it was an ongoing thing every single night.

No leading the subject with that question. That was professional. Hey Jeff, why don’t you have some balls and just mention the name Warrant instead of dancing around it. And by the way, when people click on a Dokken interview, they want to read about Dokken. Nobody gives a shit about your opinion. You are the interviewer, and Dokken is the interviewee. Quit trying to get yourself over.

KNAC.COM: You do realize though that all the reports were slanted to make you look like the bad guy. It was something like, ?Unreasonable Don went off again??

DOKKEN: Look, I never lie. The truth is that they consistently went nearly a half hour over time.

That’s right, we’re all out to get Don Dokken, which includes the other bands on the Rock Fest tour, us, and even the fans. If you must know, we all get together every other Tuesday and discuss how we can fuck over Dokken. Sometimes we gather at Jani Lane’s place, and sometimes it’s Jizzy’s. One time it was Bobby Blotzer’s house, but he just wanted to talk about golf the whole time.

What type of bullshit is this? Don has had a reputation for being an asshole long before the internet was even around. The stuff that was reported last Summer is nothing new. It’s not like Don Dokken was thought of as this great, wonderful human, and then Metal Sludge came along and now everybody thinks he’s a dick. He was a dick 15 years ago!

I also think George Lynch and Jeff Pilson would disagree with the “I never lie” line. Even if Warrant went over their time, then why didn’t you deal with their tour manager? Why does something like this only happen to Dokken? I mean, if Dokken is such a big act, they shouldn’t have to deal with something like this, right? You don’t see Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, or Poison having this problem, do you?

KNAC.COM: And that was enough?

DOKKEN: Yeah, and they were going to fine me $5000 for it. Basically I was going to get fined because they went over. It was either that or our set was going to get cut by fifteen minutes.

KNAC.COM: Other reports also had you fighting within the band and that Mick had actually quit at one point. What happened there?

DOKKEN: He?s here, right? All that crap about he quit, we got in a fight—it?s just not true.

I thought you just said you never lie, Don? There are so many witnesses that said it did happen, I guess they all got together and made up a story just to fuck with you, right?

KNAC.COM: So you?re telling me that there was never any fight that could have been misconstrued or misinterpreted as part of a larger incident?

DOKKEN: No, what happened was that he dislocated his rotator cuff, and I think he actually made it on the tour longer than he should have. He was in a lot of pain the last ten shows, and finally he said, ?Why are we doing this tour? Why are we going on at one in the morning? Why are we playing with bad production every night?? Everyone was trying to save money, and we weren?t able to put on a proper production, and it all fell down on Dokken. We?re not a club band, and we don?t want to be perceived as a club band. If the other bands aren?t comfortable with that and think it?s just about getting drunk and chasing women, that?s not why we?re doing this. Mick had just had enough.

I can’t believe Don set me up so easily. Is this Christmas? Did he just say Dokken is not a club band? Tell me he just didn’t say that. Dokken can’t even sell out clubs on their own, or with other bands!!!!

Time to contact Lita Love and get some stats.

For example:

On March 10, 2002, Dokken played Atlanta, GA, at The Riviera with L.A. Guns opening.

They drew 480 people out of a possible 800. Not exactly arena numbers.

Here’s more:

February 7, 2002, Sacramento, CA, The Roadhouse. Dokken drew a whopping 240 people out of 400. If you can’t sell out a 400 seat venue, you are a club band, not an arena band. Next.

January 16, 2002, Ft. Wayne, IN. Piere’s. 657 out of 1,636.

January 12, 2002, Royal Oak, MI. (suburb of Detroit). 762 people out of 1,000. Not bad, but not an arena act number by any means.

November 30, 2000. San Diego, CA. Canes Bar & Grill. 300 people out of 800.

I could go on for days, but you get the idea.Those are club band numbers. Sorry Don. You are a club band, and you are perceived as a club band. Repeat after me, Dokken is a club band.

End of fucking story.

KNAC.COM: Basically, you just don?t feel like they capitalized on the opportunity you gave them? I mean, where was Warrant before that tour?

DOKKEN: Yeah, they could have been playing bars. I put them in an arena situation, and gave them lots of money, and this is what happens.

Now I don’t want to come off like I’m defending Warrant, but this statement is fucking stupid. Hey Kerby, please try to have some small idea of what in the hell you’re talking about before you speak again.

Where was Warrant before that tour? The Summer before Rock Fest they were out with Poison playing in front of crowds that were a lot bigger. In 1998, they were on the Rock Never Stops tour and played the same venues the Rock Fest tour played. In the Summer of 1997, they were out with Alice Cooper and Dokken and played the same venues again. So how did Don put them in an arena situation when Dokken can’t even play arenas on their fucking own!! Has everybody gone insane????? I think there must be some chemical terrorist attacks going on and Don has been affected by them, because there is no way somebody could say such stupid shit without having some sort of brain damage.

Don didn’t give Warrant lots of money. The reason Warrant gets paid is because of “Cherry Pie,” “Heaven” and all those other songs Jani is embarrassed he wrote.

Here’s another silly fact. According to the RIAA, Warrant and Ratt both sold more albums than Dokken! Go figure. Ratt sold 8 million, Warrant sold 4 million, and Dokken sold 3.5 million. Now I don’t know about you, but the band that sells the most CDs usually ends up pulling in the people. Call me crazy, but I think more people know the songs “Round And Round” and “Cherry Pie” than “In My Dreams.”

Let me post those figures again for Don so maybe he can grasp them this time:

Ratt = 8 million

Warrant = 4 million, plus a Gold record for the “Heaven” single

Dokken = 3.5 million.

KNAC.COM: So the problem with you headlining had more to do in your eyes with who you tapped to be the supporting bands?

DOKKEN: That and there were just too many bands.

The problem is Dokken isn’t a big enough band to be headlining the venues they played.

KNAC.COM: Ideally, what would you like to see?

DOKKEN: Three bands. I mean we had about five hours of music on that tour. Who can listen to five hours of music? Then there were just little things like other bands abusing the P.A. A lot of tours will do a thing called sandbagging where each band gets more power than the band that goes on before it, but we didn?t do that?instead, we gave everybody full P.A., full everything, and they abused it.

You gave everybody full P.A? Don, you are several dozen IQ points short of being an idiot. When bands tour with Metallica or even Poison, then those bands can do that type of shit since it’s their tours. The Rock Fest tour was all you guys together and you just went on last because you wanted to be perceived as the “headliner.” Don’t try and take credit for shit you had nothing to do with.

KNAC.COM: In comparison, how is your situation on this tour? I know you are currently performing about seven songs.

DOKKEN: Yeah, seven, but the Scorpions have given us full lights, full P.A. Basically, we could do whatever we want, but we don?t take advantage of their good will. We play as long as we should, and we never go over. We are exactly on time. We?re on at exactly 7 o?clock and we?re off stage at exactly 7:40, and we clear the stage in ten flat. That?s the way it has to be. That?s why this tour is going on so smoothly. The RockFest was probably the worst thing I ever did.

Other than trying to fool people into thinking that was your real hair.

KNAC.COM: So you needed this type of experience after the bad one this summer?

DOKKEN: Yeah, otherwise I wasn?t motivated to come back to the ?our careers are over anyway, let?s just get some money and have fun? type of attitude that some of these bands had. I just didn?t want any part of it.

NOTE TO DON: Your career is over. You are doing this to get some money and have fun, providing it’s possible for a bitter person like you to have fun.

KNAC.COM: Wouldn?t you think you could expect a little more maturity from a group of guys at this stage of their lives? You certainly wouldn?t expect their poor behavior or performance to come at your expense either, correct?

Wow Kerby, could you teabag Don a little bit more? I mean, his left nut sack isn’t fully in your mouth. The right is in there, but the left is hanging out a bit. Open your mouth more so you can get both his balls in there.

DOKKEN: I was shocked. Yeah, it was at my expense?people wanted to know why Dokken was going on so late as if I was pulling an Axl Rose or something. An opening act who causes us to go on late or doesn?t even show up to a couple of gigs isn?t being fair to the group going on afterward.

Axl’s smart enough to know it’s not cool to walk out during another band’s set and cry about them running long. Axl might be fucking nuts, but he’s smart enough to know that.

KNAC.COM: I?m sure your frustration was made worse knowing that if something around you is getting screwed up, you are going to be the scapegoat.

DOKKEN: And that?s after like twenty years of this perception of either you love me or hate me. There are people who just love to do nothing more than bash on Don Dokken, and those people aren?t my fans. All I care about are Dokken fans and putting on a good show. I?m not interested in the 10-15 people on the Internet who have no life. If you go to Bon Jovi?s site, Metallica?s site or Aerosmith?s site, they don?t even allow people to post. Actually, Bon Jovi and Metallica both have message boards on their sites, but who am I to point out the obvious? Metallica’s has been down since they announced they’re touring with Limp Bizkit, but they’ve had a message board up until then.It?s outgoing only with no incoming messages, and here I go trying to create an open forum, and people abused it. I kept putting up with it, and then finally I just said told them if they didn?t have anything good to say, then they shouldn?t say anything. I just shut it down. Freedom of speech at it’s finest!There was just always someone saying something, and then there was my fans having to defend me. I just thought that they shouldn?t have to defend me. It?s just the same people talking shit every single day. Sometimes, even people who are your fans see something on your site, they think it has to be true?

It’s called having an opinion. You might want to look into it.

KNAC.COM: The whole idea that if it?s printed it has to be accurate.

DOKKEN: Yeah, it?s the same thing where people see something in the paper they think its real. The first to start that thing was the Herald Examiner, and they bashed on movie stars and they bashed on everybody because it?s that National Enquirer mentality?that Metal Sludge mentality, and I said I wouldn?t be a part of it.

Oh Don, but you were a part of it. Don’t you remember your 20 Questions?

KNAC.COM: Of course that site was the source of many of those reports about the RockFest tour. It?s no secret that they?ve had issues in the past with you either.

Actually, we had no problem with Don Dokken. He did 20 Questions, talked shit, and that was that. It wasn’t until later he started talking shit about us. See, it appears Don was a fan at one time. He even sent us an email on January 13, 2000, that said, “I’ve been looking at the Metal Sludge site and find it VERY COOL.” He was down with the page and knew what we were about.

But somewhere along the way we must have made a joke about him, and God forbid you do that! It’s all fun and games until the joke is on you, then it’s a different story.

DOKKEN: Look who owns Metal Sludge. It was people on that tour who are involved with that site. A couple of guys on RockFest are heavily involved in Metal Sludge. It was like they would come up to you and go, ?how?s it goin? bro?? and then turn around and bash you on the site.

You wouldn’t be talking about Jizzy’s Ratt Tour Diary, would you? Hey, Jizzy didn’t give you nearly as much shit as you had coming. It could’ve been much worse. He went easy on you.

KNAC.COM: That?s the ironic part about them?they want to sit around and bash the very people that they need in order to perpetuate their very existence.

No jackass, it’s called entertainment, and once we took off the bands started coming to us! Like it or not, we’re the biggest rock site for this genre of music.

DOKKEN: Yeah, you know, if they want to make a satire out of me, then fine. Thank you, that is what we do! They want to know all kinds of things like: Is Don?s hair real? No. How old is he? You’re so old, the key on Ben Franklin’s kite was to your apartment.Is he sixty? I don’t think you’re that young!Are you really as big an asshole as people think you are? Yes. Did Mick sleep with Jeff?s wife? Yes, and both Jeff and Mick talked about it on the page. They had no problem with that. Then it starts to get taken too far because it?s nobody?s business to know about other people?s sexual habits?you know, whether they?re gay or whether or not they have small penis?I just decided I didn?t want to be involved in that. If you look at any of the pro bands like Aerosmith, AC/DC and Van Halen, they don?t get involved in that. You don?t even see them acknowledge such a low I.Q. type of gene pool mentality. I just asked myself, ?why should I?? I won?t do it. If people think it?s arrogance on my part, then fine. Do I feel that Dokken is a great band that?s legendary and should be respected like a Whitesnake and the Scorpions? Then yeah, I do.

You also don’t see those bands spend an entire interview discussing a website that supposedly doesn’t matter. Donnie, you say you don’t want to be a part of it but you’re spending the entire time talking about us and dissing other bands. Don, you are Metal Sludge! What makes you so better than us? The only thing Dokken will be remembered for is having some of the gayest videos in the history of rock. Oh yea, and that you have a wig that’s more noticeable than Kevin DuBrow’s.

KNAC.COM: People always want to do comparisons, and one of the TV stations who does a million different types of countdowns that rate bands is VH-1 who is also sponsoring this tour. During their Hair Metal countdown, you guys were rated higher than either Whitesnake or the Scorpions. Is it weird to open for them or is there something wrong with the criteria used to assess the groups?

NOTE TO KERBY: Seriously, how stupid are you? What you lack in intelligence, you more than make up for in stupidity. Whitesnake and Scorpions sold MORE records than Dokken and have had way more success, so that is what matters. Not some countdown that is totally subjective. Lack of album sales and success is why Dokken is opening the bill.

DOKKEN: Well, I don?t know. Wasn?t Poison number one? Yeah, they were, and when you toured with them you went on after Slaughter and before Cinderella. You weren’t even support for that tour. All I know is that after RockFest, Mick just said, ?let?s stop touring here and go to Europe where people have respect for us. We don?t need this anymore. We?ve got the money to live on.? Then they offered us this tour, and we had to decide where we belonged. Yeah, the Scorpions are long time friends of ours, and Whitesnake with Coverdale and of course Reb used to be in the band, so everyone feels comfortable. There?s just that respect. You?ll see in the show tonight that we?re kicking ass. The promoters have all told us that they weren?t sure what to expect with us on this tour, and that the strangest thing is that the opening band usually plays to nobody, but every night it has been almost a full house by the time we hit the stage. There were ten thousand out there when we played in San Antonio the other night. The promoter said, ?you guys have a huge draw still.? I don?t think people realized the hard core fans that would come out to see Dokken. The problem was that they just didn?t want to come out and see Dokken on the RockFest tour because they didn?t like any of the other groups. It wasn?t that they were bad bands?it was just that they were a different type of music. We are a metal band. Even on this tour we are kinda the heaviest band. On that tour though, we just didn?t fit.

Megadeth is a metal band. Old school Metallica is a metal band. Anthrax is a metal band. Slayer is a metal band. Dokken is hair band, sorry. You guys are no more higher on the hair band foodchain than Warrant, Ratt or Motley Crue. You played melodic hard rock just like the rest of the bands on the bill. You say you didn’t fit in on that bill, but I didn’t hear you bitch about going on tour with Poison, Cinderella, and Slaughter in 2000. Did you fit on that bill? Aren’t you too heavy for Poison? Shut the fuck up Don.

As for the Whitesnake/Scorpions/Dokken tour, it’s doing ok, but nothing too crazy. Here’s a quick rundown:

Las Vegas = 5,500 out of 7,900

Austin, TX = 4,400 out of 7,000

Pensacola, FL = 2,800 out of 9,300

Jacksonville, FL = 1,750 out of 6,900

Grand Prairie, TX = 4,800 out of 6,300

Those are decent numbers, but if Dokken wasn’t on the bill, I think they’d still be decent since Whitesnake hasn’t toured in eons. Whitesnake and the Scorpions are the draw, not Dokken.

KNAC.COM: How does that feel to play in an arena to an audience the size of the ones that have been showing up to these shows after all this time?

DOKKEN: A lot better than it did going on at 1 AM after four hours of nonsense. I used to get really upset about it, and I know that it is a trite thing to say, but the music should do the talking.

Then shut your fucking mouth and quit bitching.

KNAC.COM: But you know that even if you put up a flawless performance night after night, it wouldn?t matter to certain members of the Internet community?they are still going to write negative statements no matter what you do.

There you go Jeff, you finally got both of Don’s balls in your mouth. Good boy!

DOKKEN: All I know is that if I sing it perfectly and it?s a great show and it sounds amazing, they should shut their mouths. I could be the second coming of Christ on stage and it wouldn?t make any difference. Because we all know Christ could get a better rug on his head than what you have. I read where one guys said, ?I?ve seen Dokken four times on this tour and they?ve just been awful.? I?m like, why the hell did you come four times then? Maybe because they wanted to see the other bands and had to sit through your boring ass set each time?The Internet is an interesting media though because people can remain anonymous and say anything they want about anyone without having anything come back on them.

What Don is saying is that it’s ok if you have an opinion, just so long as it agrees with his.

KNAC.COM: Any you don?t have the same luxury. They get to discuss you specifically, but when it comes time to dispute anything, you are responding to some anonymous 98 pound chronic masturbator who still lives at home and goes by the chat room moniker of Badass.

Or pretends he’s a writer at KNAC who lives in a trailer and drinks 40’s all day.

DOKKEN: Or Knucklehead, and I just think that?s pretty interesting because if you?ve got any balls or you?re a man and you have beliefs or an opinion on somebody, you should back it up.KNAC.COM: Put your name down.

DOKKEN: Yep, put your name down. If you?ve got something to say to me, say it and tell me who you are. That?s the thing with Metal Sludge. How ludicrous it that they go around with these fake names which give them this vehicle to go around and say whatever they want about anybody? That wouldn?t be allowed in a magazine or on television. Does a newscaster have an imaginary name? If you?ve got something to say, say it, and stand up for what you believe. The Internet just allows cowards a place to go and hide.

People who bitch about this should be drowned in huge vessels filled with cats’ piss. I have decided to begin breeding cats especially for this purpose.

Boo fucking hooo. “You have a fake name, so whatever you say doesn’t matter!!” Obviously Sunshine, what I say does matter or you wouldn’t be spending so much time talking about it.

KNAC.COM: At the same time though, they want something from you?whether it?s 20 Questions or an explanation or something like that.

DOKKEN: They need something to keep their thing going. The people who owned Metal Sludge just sold it, and they made lots of money. They made money off of t-shirts and merchandise.

Glad you are paying attention, Don. We didn’t sell Metal Sludge, we just fucking bought it! We bought www.metalsludge.com because we didn’t own it. So how the fuck did WE make any money when we paid for it?

The reason we started selling merch in the first place was to pay for our fucking site. And just because you’ll find more people in your crowd wearing Metal Sludge shirts than Dokken shirts is no reason to be bitter.

And we need Don Dokken like I need Tiger Woods to repeatedly swing a golf club into my head.

KNAC.COM: In a sense they made money off Don Dokken.

DOKKEN: They made money off Don Dokken. In a sense that?s pretty funny. I found out who one of the guys who started that site was, and as it turns out that he was just some singer who never made it. He was in a band who was like one of the laughing stocks of the ?80s such as yourselfand only cut about one record. Then he started Metal Sludge.

Make up your mind, Donnie. In January of 2001, you said the following about us, “it’s just a couple of teenage girls that work out of their basement.” Now we’re a failed singer who never made it. But I thought up above you said we were part of the Rock Fest tour? Either way, at least we’re not teenage girls in the basement anymore! We grew up, left the basement, and joined a band!!! WhoooHooo!!

KNAC.COM: What better way to get back at people who were better than you?

DOKKEN: Yeah, he just made a stab at it, failed and started Metal Sludge because he was upset with Metal Edge because they would never give him the credit that was due him. It was just his way of getting back at the people who actually did something. It just got out of hand. You?ve got Jizzy and other guys posting things on the tour and telling their own versions of things to paint them in a good light. Basically, it?s just not legitimate journalism.

I have several things to say about this part.

First of all, Metal Sludge NEVER said we were legit journalists. We didn’t go to school for this. We’re not writers. Metal Sludge started as a parody site. It’s entertainment. We’re not a news outlet. We’re not CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, or even Animal Planet. We report some of the latest happenings and then give our opinions about it. We don’t make stuff up. We don’t say that Nikki Sixx gave birth to a 3 headed baby. We don’t say Bret Micheals has been abducted by aliens. We either report facts or our OPINIONS!!!!

But if you want to talk about journalism, then this is what Lonn Friend had to say about us, who is a respected journalist and was the editor for Rip Magazine. Many say Rip was one of the best metal magazines ever. Lonn said, “Why did I do Metal Sludge’s 20 Questions? Why not? Their website is hilarious. They don’t take themselves seriously and despite being kooks, their editorial is damn good.” Lonn, who once worked for KNAC, admits that our editorials are damn good. Even my long time, personal friend, Metal Edge Editor Paul Gargano said, “Some love it, others find it vile and offensive. Personally, I think it’s pretty damn funny (even when they’re picking on me).”

Maybe Don’s idea of legit journalism is when you kiss his ass through an entire interview.

KNAC.COM: No, you?re right. If you want to be taken seriously, don?t use a pseudonym?bottom line.

Well Jeff Kerby from KNAC.com, am I supposed to take you seriously when your column had the following intro: “Welcome to the dump where Jeff Kerby lives in his Pinto and swills mind numbing alcohol case after battered case. I have been assured that every couple of weeks I will receive a column from him undoubtedly written on one of the torn up bags which he uses to house his malt liquor. It seems this poor guy lives with all that society throws away only to find solace in a bottle of fire. Here it is, Kerby?s 40 Oz. Of Hell. Be glad you only get to visit — he has to live there. ? Ed.”

Am I supposed to take you seriously when you write a CD review for the band Noise Therapy and say, “I fucking hate therapy of any kind. Honestly, the last time I went in to the head shrinkers was about three years ago when I tried to burn down my geriatric neighbor?s trailer with three cans of gasoline and a book of battered matches. What can I say? The jackass pissed me off, and I hated his little poodle because it never EVER shut the hell up either. In retrospect, the redundancy of the barking probably did contribute to my desire to smite my elderly enemy with a hellish vengeance. Even though the whole scenario seemed perfectly understandable to me, the battery of tests and questions I had to undergo seemed focused on me analyzing and identifying my antisocial behavior so that I could improve myself in my dealings with others.”

You don’t live in a pinto, you’re not drunk 24/7, and you didn’t burn down your neighbor’s trailer. You’re a gimmick, dude. If you’re so legit, why do you need a gimmick? You rip on people who post on message boards, meanwhile you make up fake stories when you should be reviewing a CD. Does the guy who writes reviews for Blender or Rolling Stone rely on a fake image? I don’t think so. I might have a “fake name” so to speak, but the stuff I write on the page is a lot more real than anything you write. Also, legit journalists don’t swing from somebody’s balls as much as you do.

Hey Jeff, when Rolling Stone, or Spin, or MTV, or VH-1 want to talk about you on the air, send us an email. Face it dude, I’m better than you and always will be. It’s not my fault, just a matter of natural selection.

 

As for using a fake name, we’ve had magazines editors (no names mentioned but you can figure out who they are) say they wish they could write under fake names and wish they could say what we say. I don’t write as Ozzy Stillbourne because I’m afraid I’m going to get my ass kicked. I write as Ozzy Stillbourne so I can stand 3 feet behind Don Dokken and stare at his bald head and he has no fucking clue I’m there. It’s so I can see how people really act, because if they know Ozzy Stillbourne is in the room, they’ll kiss my ass. I don’t want free tickets. I don’t want backstage passes. I don’t want people telling me they love the page and how great it is. I want to hang out like a typical fan and take it all in without being treated differently. I can be on Sebastian Bach’s bus and smoke a joint with him and listen to him bitch about Metal Sludge and he’s none the wiser. And you know what? It works. We’ve been doing this for 5 years and have accomplished things that nobody thought was possible, so we must be doing something right.

DOKKEN: I just don?t care what they say because it has nothing to say about the real fans. We get something like 10,000 hits a week on the Dokken site, and it?s about 90% good, but the same seven guys or so ruin it for everyone. People loved the open forum on the Dokken site, but others screwed it up. It?s a shame to give them that power. Then you go to ban them, and they just come back as someone else. I had to stop it.

10,000 hits a week? Dude, we get 10,000 hits by noon every day! If only seven people fucked up your forum, then that’s pretty pathetic if that’s all it took to close it down. Metal Sludge’s Gossip Board is the biggest rock message board on the web, and we have no problem controlling it. How hard is it to control a fucking Dokken message board?

KNAC.COM: Internet reports aside, have you found the print and television media to be mostly positive? Have you talked to different publications that you haven?t in awhile?

DOKKEN: Yeah, but this tour I haven?t read one review or one interview. All I heard the other night was that every review so far has been great. It was stuff like, ?Don?s singing great, and he?s singing like he did in the eighties.? I?m thinking, yeah, I?ve got the proper P.A.?s and monitors. I can hear myself, and I?m not having to scream at the top of my lungs because everyone in the audience is drunk and hung over. It’s always good to insult fans (sarcasm mode turned off). So you think the fans who go see you on the Whitesnake/Scorpions tour are that different from the fans on the Rock Fest tour? Your ignorance is an inspiration to idiots everywhere. I hate to break it to you Don, but there are just as many drunks at Whitesnake/Scorpions/Dokken shows as the Rock Fest tour. The only reason you might not be seeing them is cause you are going on 1st and people haven’t gotten their full buzz on yet. Let?s go out in proper arenas with a proper P.A. That?s all I asked of the Scorpions was that they give me the tools to go out and do a proper show. Give me lights. Give me a stage. Give me a drum riser. Give me a sound check. I will kick ass. So if you don’t have lights and a drum riser, you can’t kick ass?We?re doing it. On RockFest every day it was fighting and screaming and yelling. People wouldn?t pay us. Promoters were stealing from us. Bands were drunk and breaking equipment. It was just insane.

KNAC.COM: Did you feel like you had gone completely back to square one with that tour?

DOKKEN: It was worse than that. I?d rather be headlining the Midnight Rodeo in Albuquerque or the House of Blues in Los Angeles and putting on a great show rather than be a part of that travesty. They should have called it the Has Been Tour. Actually, that would have been perfect since you were the “headliners!”I didn?t want to be a part of it. At the beginning of this interview you said you wanted to be. Make up your mind. There were bands on that tour though who were great. Firehouse took the stage every day on time and put on a great show and sounded amazing. I had never seen them before. I didn?t know who they were before or was even that aware of their music, but they had quite a few hits. They were always on time and never gave anyone problems?they were absolutely professional. There were members of some of the other bands that were professional like Warren DeMartini, but there were also other key members of each of the other bands that just couldn?t get it together. I tried to talk to them like the father figure and say, ?look you can?t lock yourselves in a hotel room with a bag of cocaine and not play the shows.? What Don meant to say was, “look you can’t lock yourself in a hotel room with a bag of cocaine and not invite me.” After reading this interview, I think Don is the one locked away in a room doing cocaine. I?m not going to say which band it was, but they missed some shows basically because they were too high to perform. You wouldn’t happen to be talking about Warrant?

KNAC.COM: Yet, uh?that?s the reason you?re on tour.

DOKKEN: I went, ?Oh my God. What do you mean you?re too high? You?re cheating your children. You?re not cheating yourselves. You have a family?think about them.? You can?t just not play because you?re too drunk or too high or too hung over. It?s not fair. Right, and you’ve never done blow before, right Don?Those people paid the money to hear you play, and you need to play and be 100%. It?s different if you are really sick or something. I mean, I get sick. People get sick. That?s unavoidable. This is different.

KNAC.COM: You also close the door on future opportunity when you burn bridges like that too.

DOKKEN: Yeah, I don?t see us going out on the road with any of those bands any time in the future?actually, I love L.A. Guns. They were great. I?d tour with them again. I?d tour with Firehouse again too. So what you are saying is that everybody was great except Warrant and Ratt. I don’t think either one of those bands are going to be losing any sleep over it.

KNAC.COM: Basically the whole idea of being a professional was lost primarily on the other two bands then?

Alright, you not only have both his balls in your mouth you now have his dick!

DOKKEN: It?s like I?ve seen Tommy Aldridge who is one of the greatest and most famous drummers out there, and he?s got hearing loss and severe shoulder pain, but you?d never know it when he gets behind that kit. He still plays like a monster. He doesn?t sit up there and tap his drums and say, ?ouch.? He does his job, and I respect him for it. David Coverdale sings one hundred percent every night. I have never seen the Scorpions do a bad show ever. Something goes wrong, and they just get past it and act like it didn?t happen. I tried to do that on RockFest, but there is a difference between ten percent of the shows being bad and eighty percent of the shows being awful. Dude, don’t be so hard on yourself. Yeah, you guys suck, but don’t beat yourself up so bad. You can’t help it.It?s just bullshit and Mick and I had enough.

KNAC.COM: So if anything you and Mick were totally on the same page about the tour?

DOKKEN: Yeah, he said that after twenty-two years he had never seen me so angry that it affected an entire tour where everyone was just afraid to be around me. He just saw how upset and frustrated that I was that it had come to this embarrassing level as it had in Phoenix. He realized that we weren?t playing good. We weren?t sounding good, and it was a nightmare. If you weren’t playing good or sounding good, then you have nobody to blame but yourself. If you’re trying to say that Warrant and Ratt stressed you out so much that you couldn’t put on a good show, then you shouldn’t even be allowed on stage.We had decided that we?d rather retire than let Dokken sink to that kind of level. You should have retired after George and Jeff left the band.We don?t have to do this for a living. We could do other things or just sit our butts at home, and we both realized that it was time to stop. I felt obligated to keep going for the fans though, so I was kind of caught. As early as about midway though the tour though, people kept coming up to us going, ?don?t quit the tour.? The thing is, we blew off an entire headlining run of Europe to do that tour.

KNAC.COM: If you guys had left that tour, there wouldn?t have been a tour anymore, would there?

There’s an unbiased question. (sarcasm mode turned off)

DOKKEN: No, there wouldn?t have been, but nobody saw it that way. We were told that we were only closing the show but that we weren?t headliners. I thought that was fine, but then every time there was a financial hit to be taken, it came out of our pockets. If the PA is out, it was our problem. If the lights went out, it was our problem.

When it suited Dokken, you were the headliners and it was your show. After all, you let all the bands have full PA! But when it didn’t suit Dokken, then you were “going on last.” For somebody who “never lies” you certainly have a fucked up sense of honesty.

KNAC.COM: It?s that whole situation where if you win, it?s everybody?s win, but if you lose, then it?s your fault.

DOKKEN: Yeah, nobody wanted to accept responsibility. Including yourself.Stupid things would happen every night. Such as your headlining set.If one of the bands had all the audience members come down to the front and the fire martials go crazy, you?d think that band would have to be the one to pay the consequences. Instead they would come to us and say they were keeping our money. They would say that because we were headlining, it was our show. I was like, ?we?re just closing it, why don?t you go and talk to them?? If you asked the other bands, they?d say we?re just closing the show too, but whenever there was a five thousand dollar fire marshal fine, they took it out of Dokken?s money.

KNAC.COM: So you?re telling me that there was a perception within the other bands that you all were of equal value to the tour?

DOKKEN: That?s right.

KNAC.COM: You?re also telling me that you actually shared the revenue equally with those other bands except when you were getting fined or paying for equipment?

Kerby, can you lead the interview anymore? Why even ask Don the question since you obviously already know the answer.

DOKKEN: Yeah. We made no more money than anybody else. That was the hysterical part of the whole thing. We ended up losing over fifty thousand dollars.

That’s something you might want to keep to yourself.

KNAC.COM: When you did finally make it to the stage, did you play for a longer amount of time?

DOKKEN: Well, we carried the tour. I mean, I?m not trying to be arrogant, but everybody knows that we carried RockFest. You carried Rock Fest right into the shit house.If there wouldn?t have been a Dokken on that tour, there wouldn?t have been a tour. And that’s a bad thing?They wouldn?t have had eleven thousand people in Detroit.

Just when I think, “Surely, Dokken has obtained and encapsulates the limits of human stupidity”, you go and push the boundary even further.

Don, let me give you a few more facts.

On August 11, 2000, Ratt & Warrant played Detroit at the same venue they played on the Rock Fest Tour last Summer with Dokken, the DTE Energy Center (Pine Knob). Somehow, both Warrant and Ratt played this venue without the help of Dokken! They drew 9,627 people out of 15,274. Two years later they play the place with Dokken and they get 11,000. So if it wasn’t for Dokken last Summer, they wouldn’t have gotten the extra 1,500 people!!! See how much Dokken helped them out!!!

It’s Detroit, any 80s band can do well there. When Dokken was on the bill two years later the number went up another 1,500. It’s a good number, but it’s not the type of number a band who “carries the tour” would pull in. So yes, Don is right when he says they wouldn’t have had 11,000 people in Detroit. They probably would have had only 9,600. How horrible. Wow Don, you really saved the day.

It was hard on my band and it was hard on the crew. We actually played a strip joint parking lot at one point. It was a gig out in a cornfield with a plywood stage and a PA that should have been burned twenty years ago. There were only about eight or nine lights on the stage. It was humiliating. If you’re such a great band though, it shouldn’t matter, should it? Like David Lee Roth once said, “if you can’t do it under one light bulb, get off the stage.” That might not be the exact quote, but he said something like that.

KNAC.COM: How did you react?

DOKKEN: I said, ?this is ridiculous, but what do we do?? We just played and tried to keep the honor and do it for the fans. Then we realized though that the fans were getting screwed. It was just about money and greed and everybody was just trying to cheap out so that they could make as much as they could off of us.

I forgot, what is that drug that makes a person paranoid???

KNAC.COM: The worst part though is that you ended up getting blamed by some of the very people you thought you were trying not to disappoint.

DOKKEN: Everybody blamed Don Dokken. He?s an asshole and a prima donna. Finally, you agree with the rest of us! Yeah, I heard all of it. It all fell on me. Then, they asked me to defend myself, and I didn?t make one comment in the press. Except for now when you keep bitching about it over and over.

KNAC.COM: Why?

DOKKEN: Because it would have just been a waste of time. Whatever I say would have just been misconstrued. I have to take the high road with my spiritual beliefs. I love that line. Don’s been talking shit this entire time, but remember, he’s taking the higher road because of his spiritual beliefs. People with large egos like Don shouldn’t be religious. They don’t have enough room to humble themselves to a deity.Why should I lower myself to the level of some guy with an imaginary name? You’ve done a pretty good job so far during this interview. He hasn?t even got the balls to say who he is. I won?t respond to an imaginary person who is so spineless that he won?t even use his name. Don, do you realize you’ve responded to an imaginary person who is spineless throughout this entire interview, over and over and over again?You know, you put your own name. You put your money where your mouth is, so I?ll talk. Anything else is just a waste of time. I?m above it all now though. There are other things to do.

And that’s where it ends. What a great piece of journalism, huh?

This interview is one of the most slanted and biased pieces I’ve ever seen on KNAC, who are supposed to be “legit” unlike us. I like how this is put up on the KNAC site, yet KNAC emails us last week about, “putting together an ad network that would allow you to run your existing advertising as well as get a check from us every month for running our network ad tags.”Basically, they want Metal Sludge to join their ad network so they can use our name to get advertisers. Well kids, we’re doing fine on our own. Why would KNAC want us when their “legit contributors” like Jeff Kerby think so little of us? In a way, by putting this up, KNAC is talking shit on Warrant and Ratt too, since Jeff Kerby, who represents KNAC, was basically teabagging Don during the entire interview. He agreed with everything Don said so it makes it look like KNAC agrees too.

I’d give Kerby and Don an FU Award but they’d be too stupid to understand it.

Ok, I’m done using Don’s ego as a urinal.

I’m out like the follicles on Don Dokken’s scalp,

OZZY STILLBOURNE