STUART SMITH

We last did 20 Questions with Stuart on October 19th, 1999. Since then, he’s been trying to get his Sister-In-Law Heather Locklear to do 20 Questions with us but she’s avoided the bullet, so far. Recently, he just released a new CD with his band Heaven & Earth. He was also reported to be the new guitarist in The Eagles. Word has also been going around that Stuart Smith has joined them as their new guitarist. Don Henley even announced it on MTV Europe. People were signing Stuart’s guestbook congratulating him. Then we put up a post saying Stuart Smith joined The Eagles. Well Stuart Smith did join The Eagles, but not OUR Stuart Smith. It was some other guy with the same name. Don’t ya hate it when that happens?

So we thought it was time to catch up with the real Stuart Smith and find out exactly what he has been up to. Stuart put a lot of effort into his answers and was very honest as usual. Enjoy!

1. What are you currently up to?
Well, apart from joining The Eagles, I’ve quit drinking and have been totally sober for over a year now!!!! Oh who am I kidding?? You guys are never going to believe that.

It’s been pretty busy just lately though. We’ve just finished the new Heaven & Earth album, “Windows to the World” which got released throughout Europe and Japan in January this year. Doing a ton of interviews, promotion and looking for the right company to license the album for the States, which is tough because we don’t exactly follow the latest musical trends. We’ve started rehearsing to get out and play live and we’re going to do a live web broadcast concert on www.knac.com in about a month then I’m going to disappear off to Hawaii for about 10 days just to relax before all the madness and fun begins, (Hopefully I won’t come back to find I’ve joined Aerosmith or someone else while I’m away). Heaven & Earth has just started an MP3 site up so if you want to check out Heaven & Earth without paying for it then go there and download some music.

2. How close were we to getting Heather Locklear to do 20 Questions and what do we have to do to make it happen?
I’d say you were pretty close, I haven’t given up yet. What do you have to do? Try offering money, she can be bribed you know.

3. Since we last talked to you, you are no longer married to Colleen Locklear. What happened?
Basically it just didn’t work out although we are still technically married. After about a year and a half, although nobody did anything wrong, we just fell out of love with each other. It was a pretty confusing time as our friendship was very strong which is why we got married in the first place, so we continued living together for another 2 years as friends. In August last year I was travelling a lot everyday to record the new album and it was time to move on, so I moved out of our house in the Hollywood Hills and moved to a house in Woodland Hills. Colleen & I are still the best of friends and talk every couple of days. She came over a few weeks ago to do a photo shoot for the band and still writes great lyrics, some of which we used on the new album. We count ourselves lucky that we made it through with our friendship intact, not many people do.

4. What are your expectations for your new CD?
Well I’d love it if it was the album which becomes the one to bring real rock back which I feel sure someone’s going to do one of these days but at the moment the whole music scene is very stagnant. Most people I speak to at the major labels feel things are going to change very soon but no one wants to be the first to take the financial risk. The majors are having to put so much money into promotion and hype of the current bands that they’re relying on their back catalog to keep financially afloat. I think that what’s going to signal the change is when radio stations like KLOS, that have turned to the “Classic Rock” format, wake up and stop playing the same tired old songs and add some new music that will become “Classic Rock” further on down the road. If I turn that station on one more time and hear Boston’s “More than a feeling” again I’m going to go Postal.

5. Rate the following guitarists on a scale of 1 to 10. You know how this works. 1 sucks and 10 is great.
Jeff Blando = To be totally honest I’ve never heard him play.
Agnus Young = 10 Nobody does it better.
Warren DeMartini = 8
Joe Perry = 9 Saw him live at Blockbuster Pavillion and he kicked ass. Great sound.
Richie Sambora = 10 + Great person, singer and guitarist. I think with Richie’s voice and playing ability if he concentrated on his own stuff he could be the next Clapton, I’d call him the most soulful white man alive. Ted Nugent = 6 but minus 2 for slagging Rikki Rocket. Don’t screw with the Sludge Jungle Boy!!!
Jake E. Lee = 10 I heard him in the studio last night on Michael Guy’s new project, Borgeoius Pigs and he still kicks ass.
Zakk Wylde = 8
Wes Borland = I refuse to even consider this, I thought I’m meant to be rating guitarists.
Yngwie Malmsteen = 10 for technique, 5 for inventiveness and minus 2 for keeping a band together.
Keri Kelli = Never heard him play.

6. What’s your take on Napster?
I think it’s a double edged sword. At first I was in total agreement with Lars but then I found out some people had bought our album because they’d heard some tracks on Napster so it helps a band like us who doesn’t have the massive exposure that Metallica does. It’s a bit like the old question of bootlegs where bands were complaining about losing money but anyone who’s shelled out $30.00 for a bootleg is a big enough fan that they’ve already bought everything the band had legitimately put out. I think MP3 has the right idea. They charge people to advertise on their site and then pay the bands a royalty every time someone downloads a song.

7. Do you prefer having sex with woman from LA or New York.
Oh this is going to be good!!! Definitely New York, they’re much more direct. 90% of women in LA are completely screwed up, (OK, women stop reading here, guys carry on). This information is worth your visiting Metal Sludge for even if you had to pay big bucks to sign in. What really sucks is when you invite a woman in LA out to dinner and after they’ve downed a few drinks and ordered the most expensive items on the menu, they proceed to jabber on about some guy they’re “sort of seeing” and how they really appreciate you as a “friend”, blah, blah, blah. A woman has made up her mind within in the first few minutes of meeting you as to whether or not she is interested in you and I’m not saying we expect to get laid in the restaurant parking lot after dinner, (That’s not our attitude, right Guys?), but it would be nice to know that they have a basic interest in pursuing some kind of relationship with us as opposed to them looking at us as a walking wallet and emotional tampon that has to take them out to listen to how badly the guy that’s currently banging them is treating them. All we’re asking for is a little honesty. If they’re “sort of seeing someone,” (What the hell does that mean, how do you “sort of” see someone?), they can TELL US BEFORE we take them out then we can make a rational decision as to whether or not we want to spend $150.00 to make a new “friend.”

I know you’ve all been there guys and you work hard for your money so this is what you do. The next time you get stuck with one of these little free loaders is agree with them. Yes, that’s right guys, you agree with them!!! Smile sweetly and tell them how much you appreciate being their friend. Then when the check comes, hand it to them and tell them, “You of course will be picking up your half of the tab like the rest of my “friends.” It’s amazing how most of them suddenly don’t want to be “friends” anymore. It takes a bit of balls to do it but believe me you’ll end up walking out of the restaurant with your head held high and not feeling like you’ve just been castrated.

8. What degree do you hold in Karate and when was the last time you used it in a real fight?
I’m actually a white belt again right now as I just started learning Tae Kwon Do about 2 weeks ago but I still hold a black belt in Shodokan. Tae Kwon Do is a lot more taxing as it’s 75% feet and 25% hands whereas Shodakan is 50/50 hands and feet. I’ve also been practicing Yoga for the last few years, don’t laugh, I know it sounds really gay but believe me I can kick a foot higher than I could before I started and with a lot more force plus I don’t feel like a Pretzel every time I get out of the car after a long drive. Martial Arts are a great way to stay in shape, especially on the road and the discipline is incredible for the mind, (Read “Zen in the Martial Arts” by Joe Hyams). I’d like to study Aikido if I could find the right teacher.

The last time I used Karate was that infamous fight at the Rainbow but it was a bit blown out of proportion, I didn’t even have to use a closed fist. The guy was a bit drunk so I just helped him to the floor. The deeper study of Martial Arts really has it’s own built in safeguards against using it for anything other than self defense and teaches you to use the minimum amount of force necessary to achieve your objective. However I will make an exception to this rule the next time I use it, which will be when I don’t get more than a lousy 29 Newcastle’s out of 40 from a certain reviewer.

9. Your album is called “Windows To The World.” Isn’t it safe to say that Metal Sludge is a “Window To The World.”
I don’t think it’s “safe” to say anything around you guys but yes, Metal Sludge is certainly a window to to how twisted this business is and at least give me something to laugh about everyday.

10. Rate the following birds on a scale of 1 to 10. Blah blah blah, you know the routine.
Rebecca Gayheart = 10 +
Heather Graham = 9
Gerri Miller = 10 for keeping the rock flame alive.
Kendra Jade = 10 + I met her at the Metal Sludge Night at Paladinos and she’s a total sweetheart as well as a cutie.
Gwen Stefani = 9
Alyssa Milano = 10
Rebecca Romijn-Stamos = 10
Jennifer Love Hewitt = 10
Christina Aquilera = 10 Great voice.
Baby Spice = 7

11. What’s the best joke you’ve ever pulled on somebody? Probably getting Ritchie Blackmore “arrested.” Back in 84 he placed an ad in the local Penny Saver which listed my house in Northport, Long Island up for rent, for some ridiculously low price, with instructions to call “Mr Smith before 8.00 am.” I was inundated with calls so I had to get him back for that. A few months before, he’d given me the Strat he used on “Stone Cold” as a birthday present and then after this “Penny Saver” joke went out on tour with Rainbow and asked me to keep an eye on his house. I got to know the local cops pretty well during that time so when Ritch came back from tour and he invited me over to dinner, I met up with one of the cops up the road from his house. We put the Strat he’d given me in the trunk with me in the back seat of the cop car and drove into his driveway. The cop rang the bell and when Ritch answered it he told him that he’d stopped me up the road and found this guitar in my car and that I claimed he’d given it to me. When Ritch confirmed this the cop said, “Well, I’m sorry Mr Blackmore but it’s on our hot sheet as a stolen guitar so you’re under arrest.” He obviously didn’t have a receipt so the cop made him sweat for about 5 minutes during which time he tried everything to get out of it. Ritch said, “Look Stuart, you go down to the station and I’ll get my manager on the phone and sort this out” to which the cop replied, “No, you don’t understand Mr Blackmore. Mr Smith is free to go, you’re under arrest.” After we’d freaked him out enough the cop finally said, “You’ve the right to remain silent, you’ve the right to an attorney, anything you say will be taken down in writing and “Advertised in the Penny Saver against you.” It took a few seconds for the penny to drop so to speak but the look on his face was priceless. Ritchie was always the one to pull the practical jokes so it blew him away that I’d got him. We called a truce on each other after that and concentrated on nailing other people which is a whole other book of stories.

12. If you could use your karate and beat the hell out of anybody famous, who would it be?
Probably Steven Segal for inflicting his awful guitar playing on us.

13. What’s your 5 best & 5 worst memories of your music career?
BEST.
1. Touring round England and Europe with my first band Sidewinder when I was 17. There was five band members, two crew, all the gear including a Hammond organ and drum riser crammed into a double wheelbase Ford Transit van and we’d only make enough money to get to the next gig, eat and buy some drinks but they were some of the best times of my life.
2. Getting the record deal with Samsung to record the first Heaven & Earth album.
3. Recording the latest Heaven & Earth album, “Windows to the World.”
4. Playing on the same stage with Ritchie Blackmore.
5. Coming home from a trip to find I’m the new guitarist in The Eagles.
WORST
1. Typing up this damn Rewind for you Jani when I should be laying on a beach in Hawaii with some exotic drink in my hand.
2. Watching Jeff Beck at the Universal Amphitheater and wondering why I bother continuing playing guitar at all.
3. Coming to the realization that most people on the business end of music are full of crap.
4. Getting only 29 Newcastles for “Windows to the World” on the latest Metal Sludge review.
5. Finding out I’m not the new guitarist in The Eagles.

14. Approximately how many CDs did you sell of your last CD, “Heaven & Earth.”
About 30,000 that I know about but Samsung were flooding the market with it for over a year and then closed the entertainment division down so I’ll never know the true figure.

15. Yes or no, have you done any of the following:
Made fun of the Queen = No, never. I’m a loyal Brit.
Seen any other Locklear other than Colleen naked = Yes, Ava when she was born and Heather flashed us when Colleen and I got married, (I’ve got that on video).
Ate sushi with a member of Guns N Roses = No, but I’ve had a few drinks with Slash a number of times.
Been to the Playboy Mansion = No, not yet but I’m working on it, (Do you really think I’d be sat here wasting my time typing up these answers if I could be hanging out there?)
Jacked off while in traffic = No, not personally but someone has done it for me amongst other things.
Looked at Metal Sludge with another rock star (and if so, who) = Yes, Howard Leese, Joe Lynn Turner, Steve Priest and Carmine Appice.
Gotten plastic surgery = Yes, on my chin for a scar I got in a bar fight.
Done acid = Yes, a few times when I was in my teens.
Been arrested = Yes, for pot in England, (Dismissed due to lack of evidence), for fighting in England, (Dismissed due to self defense), Reckless driving in Germany, (Paid fine), one DUI in the States, (Hired a good lawyer and got out of it).
Had somebody ask for your autograph this week = Only on checks to pay bills.

16. What was the worst concert you ever saw?
Phil Lewis at the Metal Sludge Night at Paladinos.

17. Which do you prefer:
Cinderella or Tesla = Tesla.
Kelly Hansen or Kelly Keeling = They’re both great singers and great friends.
Tower Records or Virgin Megastore = Tower Records, (I got a blow job in there late at night by a Penthouse Pet once).
FHM or Maxim = Maxim.
Silicone or Saline = Hooters are hooters, I don’t care.
Eric Clapton or Jimmy Page = In his younger days I would have said Eric but he seems to have lost the fire lately. Jimmy’s still kicking ass.
Pounds or Dollars = I’ll take either.
Giving oral or getting oral = Both, I like to give as well as receive.
Sebastian Bach or a pile of dog shit = Sebastian Bach, great voice but he doesn’t do himself any favors with the fans or the press.
Rikki Rockett or Jizzy Pearl = Both great guys, I met Rikki at the Metal Sludge Night and Jizzy e-mailed me a few times. Thought his articles were entertaining, let’s get him back on Sludge.

18. Now that you are out of the Locklear family, does Heather even acknowledge your existence?
Only as long as I keep paying her. Seriously it’s really as if nothings changed as far as the family goes. I just got invited to the annual Locklear Easter bash, Richie came with me a few weeks ago to see Jeff Beck and Heather and I talked today to swap dirty jokes.

19. Do you have gray pubic hair?
I wouldn’t know, it’s all shaved down there.

20. Time for Metal Sludge’s Word Association. We mention a name and you give us your thoughts.
President Bush = Are you guys really going to let him get away with this?
Jon Bon Jovi = Still rocking.
Kid Rock = Where does he get the “Rock” part?
Billy Sheehan = Great bass player but not one of my favorite people.
Korn = Boring.
AOL = Sucks. They’re a rip off. Has ANYBODY received that mythical refund they were ordered to give everybody by the courts after that class action law suit against them a few years back?
Gene Simmons = Good business man but stayed way too long at the party.
Howard Leese = Great guy, great producer, great guitarist, very underrated. One of my best friends in this business.
Chuck Wright = If you can’t say anything nice don’t say…. you know the rest.
Elton John = Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting.
Joe Lynn Turner = Called me “Self promoting”??? That’s the pot calling the kettle black. One of my best friends and definitely one of the best singers out there.

Check out Stuart to your left wearing our Metal Sludge Fancy Ass shirt! You need to know Karate if you go around town wearing our Sludgendise!

Let’s recap some things we learned during this entertaining Rewind:
90% of the chicks in L.A. are nuts
The worst show Stuart saw was Phil “Sleepy Time” Lewis at our Metal Sludge Night.
He once got a blowjob at Tower Records by a Penthouse Pet
He’s been arrested numerous times but basically got off every time
And of course the biggest news we found out is that Heather Locklear flashed him and it’s on video! Hey Stuart, how about a nice, new, Metal Sludge shirt in exchange for the video? That’s fair, right?

For more info on Stuart, you can go to www.stuartsmith.com!