20 Questions With Alex Kane, 12/24/02

20 QUESTIONS WITH…

Ex-Life, Sex & Death Guitarist And

Current Anti-Product Singer Alex Kane

It’s almost Christmas, and what says Christmas better ex-LSD guitarist Alex Kane? Actually, he has nothing to do with Christmas, but we have to write something here. Fuck off. Anyway, Alex used to be in Life, Sex & Death and their singer was named Stanley and looked and smelled worse than most bums. He ruled. Unfortunately, we’re not doing 20 Questions with Stanley, so Alex will have to do. He also played with Enuff Z’Nuff way back in the day, but don’t hold that against him. Currently, Alex is over in England with his band AntiProduct. Enjoy!

1. What are you currently up to? This is your only chance to promote your websites, tours, CD, etc.

Well, I’m currently selling fecal matter, used tampons, band body fluids and scabs, t-shirts and some music on our award winning website, www.antiproduct.com. When not doing that, I entertain thoughts of suicide about 4 times a day. So I guess I’m promoting mental health and free commerce. Thanks for asking.

2. Seriously, what was up with Stanley? Was it all a gimmick or was he really that fucking nuts? Did you guys ever sit down and plan that shit out or did it just happen?

Interesting question and you’re only the 1,208,986,001th person to ask. It’s weird. In a way, whatever Stanley was/is, there was a real guy, a real fucked special guy, who was actually doing all that shit, literally. Make no bones about it, he was a genius who was just stupid enough to think he could pull it off. It’s kinda too personal and convoluted to really go into maybe.

3. What hard rock/heavy metal band should give it up and call it a day?

All of them

4. AntiProduct was just ripped off by their manager. How did you let that happen and what’s next?

Hopefully, we’ll all be raped by 25 escaped mental patients in a cage. I should have seen it coming. I really should have. All the signs, flashing lights, neon arrows and EVERYTHING were there for miles for me to see. I was just blinded by all the lies and promises like anyone who has ever believed in a somehting.

5. Rate the following guitarists on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being somebody who sucks and 10 being a virtuoso.

Brent Woods = don’t know him

C.C. DeVille = 4 but interesting in a desperate way

Derek Frigo = peaked too early

Mick Mars = 2-8

Steve Vai = generally pompous shit

Ace Frehley = 1-10

Ginger = 7

Dimebag Darrell = 10

Scott Ian = 10

Rick Neilsen = The one true God among mortals. He’s actually my father. Yes, that’s right. My mother fucked Rick Nielsen and I’m his love child. He can’t play in tune for shit though.

6. What’s the most bizarre thing you ever saw Stanley do?

Well there was the time we were all convinced he’s sold his soul to the devil or when he would sit outside of clubs jerking himself off as the rock patrons were filing in, cumming all over himself and his clothes and then going to hug people (you remember THOSE hugs?). Shitting on the street for days and NEVER wiping. Seeing my whole arm covered in his vomit. Watching this one tour manager we had while he was towering over Stan and grinning as he was naked in the bath tub bathing himself. You sure you wanna hear this shit?

7. Life, Sex, & Death were supposed to tour with Poison, Damn Yankess, and Firehouse back in 1993 but it never happened. Why didn’t you guys end up doing that tour?

Wow! What are you, a stalker? At the time, because everyone knew how huge we were inevitably gonna be, we had the same management as Poison, which we thought was pretty funny, too. The tour started tanking and no one wanted to pay for us anymore. Either that or someone heard about that stinky fuckin’ suit.

8. Tell us your story about meeting Sebastian Bach at Electric Ladyland.

God, do I have to? So AntiProduct had just gotten to NYC where we were recording “Made In USA” with Anthony Esposito, who you guys surely know and probably taunt, at his place in Manhattan, Schoolhouse. The Misfits were recording before us and the session went late. So we got to Electric Ladyland later to pick up some stuff we’re gonna need for our session. We walk in and there’s fuckin “Baz” (and remember, if you were in a band in Chicago in the 80’s after Skid Row came out, any girl who you’d ever had sex with or wished would have sex with you, had with this guy, basically).

So anyway, swear to God, he’s watching a NEW David Lee Roth Band live video, which is just stinking up the place. Baz is being loud, defensive, drunk, throwing around his stupid cellphone, yelling and generally acting out so I begin being a cuntish dick to him. Just ’cause, who knows why. I ask him to sing on the album (and I couldn’t beat this for self-parody shit, which is a part of our trip) and he says he needs $3,000. Now, I’ve just got in from England and I have a chunk of cash on me to pay Anthony anyway. So I pull out the $3,000 and say “Let’s go!” Suddenly, he starts being actually very down to earth and normal. This guy smokes huge joints, incidentally, like you’ve never seen. I guess after we left he turned into an idiot again, trashed some shit in the lounge and got arrested.

9. Way back in the day you played with Enuff Z’Nuff. What do you remember about those years and what do you think of Enuff Z’Nuff today?

Puberty and getting hair in strange places. At least they’re trying…

10. Give us a touring memory from the following cities:

This question is boring, but…

Chicago = suddenly becoming attractive to strippers when we got on MTV via the Beavis show thingy.

Phoenix = picking up a girl who was wearing long sleeves in the middle of summer and finding out back at the hotel room she had these huge, open pussy sores and rashes underneath. Never shoulda gotten head from her.

Dallas = uh…sex with strippers

New York = sex with strippers in a men’s room.

Milwaukee = went to a strip club and picked up some strippers

Los Angeles = pretty much the same but less body hair

Cleveland = getting booed off stage opening for Lynch Mob on Bill E’s birthday.

Tampa = probably sex with a stripper

Minneapolis = cockroaches in Brian’s Bed

Denver = picking up two girls, having sex with both (independently of each other at the venue, of course) and actually getting away with it until they both showed up at our hotel wearing only overcoats (still independently) as a special surprise. Oh, you shoulda seen my genius level bullshit. How I got away with it was..

11. What’s your take on the whole 80s revival and reunion tours that have attacked us from out of nowhere? Uh, a guy’s gotta earn a living but I couldn’t do it. I’m pathetic enough to be doing this for the love of music and the hopes of expanding the language of song. Now if Abba did tour, that’s a different kettle of ballgames.

AntiProduct

12. What rock star deserves a smack in the mouth and why?

Obviously me, if I may make such a bold assumption. ‘Cause I’m a fuckin’ dick.

13. The last of Alex:

Last time you talked to Stanley = year and a half ago. He’s a jet-set, playboy painter real estate guy now. Funny.

Last memory you have of the Thristy Whale = head in the parking lot after Kix played there, of course.

Last rock star you shook hands with = what’s a rock star?

Last time you had an STD check up = Fuck off

Last band you thought was gonna be huge = Life Sex & Death

Last person you wanted to punch in the face = as in “Last person to hurt a fly” or as in “out of all the people I want to punch in the face, you’re the most recent.” Former would be my Mom, latter would be the manager fuck head.

Last time you looked at Metal Sludge = coupla weeks, I guess

Last CD you purchased = New Shania Twain

Last book you read = The Dancing Wu Li Masters

Last time you were back in the States = May

14. Name the 3 high points and the 3 lowest points of your musical career to date?

today, yesterday and tommorrow

15. Which do you prefer and why?

Warrant or Cinderella = that’s not one for me to answer

Blow jobs or rim jobs = giving or getting?

The Strokes or Sum 41 = I violently loathe the Strokes and everything about them. Rock ‘n’ roll (which, incidentally, is actually a very cool and MORE important than ever thing to scream in public) was never meant to be about The Groovy Peeps. It’s about the geeks. Sum 41, whatever. “Punk” has become a sad joke that’s been told too often.

The UK or The USA = I really don’t know. It is different here, though.

LSD the band or LSD the drug = Did you think of these questions yourself

Rainbow pizza or Rainbow pussy = no comprende

Andrew W.K or N’Sync = Andy cause he sounds more like Abba

Being signed or Being dropped = I haven’t actually, not to sound too pompous, experienced being dropped. Not working REALLY sucks though.

Stanley before the transition or Stanley after = Good question. Uh, probably before but there was more pathos after.

Nikki Sixx or Lars Ulrich = Nikki

16. You realize Kiss did the whole makeup thing long before you, right?

I think you’ll find the ancient Aztecs were first.

17. Yes or no, has Alex Kane ever:

Seen the chicks in your band naked = oh yeah, baby. I’m not totally stupid

Tasted a girl’s piss = yea, both on purpose and by accident

Tried to suck your cock = yes

Shoplifted within the last 5 years = yes

Bought a Kid Rock CD = NO!

Barfed while asleep from drinking = yes, how pathetic, though.

Hitchhiked as a kid = yes

Seen Ginger throw-up = no

Hung out with Lemmy = yes

Seen Stanley take a bath = see above

18. If 17 groupies are standing outside the bus and all but 8 get on their knees to start sucking some roadies’ cocks, how many groupies are still standing?

All but eight. A plane leaves from Italy flying to France and crashes on French soil. On board are 15 Italians and 15 Frenchies, where will they bury all the survivors?

NOTE: Alex is the first person to do 20 Questions to actually get this question right! Props to him.

19. You live in England. Do you ever get depressed about living on that dismal, rainy island?

Constantly, but it’s more the BO and general laziness that drives me nuts. Stay well clear of here, guys. “Shoulder to shoulder…” What a fuckin’ wuss! 85% of the men here are gay, by the way. It wasn’t just the chocolates and stalkings the ladies were giving it up for after WE won the war. Us, the U.S. gung ho American men actually enjoyed having sex with women, which the fair dames of Bonny old never understood before. Us, with our bristling manhood, gleaming as the night stars shone their shimmering whiteness over our two heaving bodies as we lay…

20. Time for Metal Sludge’s Word Association. We mention a name and you give us your thoughts.

Ginger = interesting

Marilyn Manson = a guy

Gene Simmons = Ginger wanna be

Murderdolls = nice

Ozzy Osbourne = too weird

David Lee Roth = see above

Vince Neil = Elvis

Rob Halford = Udo Dirkschneider

Tommy Lee = sexy

Fred Durst = Donald Trump

Donnie Vie = if he goes before his time, which he won’t, everyone slagging him off will be singing his praises. Aside from that he’s a crack head and all his girlfriends have always been hookers.

For more info on Alex and AntiProduct, you can go to www.AntiProduct.com