Random Thoughts On The Alice Cooper Pay-Per View! 10/31/00

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON THE ALICE COOPER PAY-PER VIEW

Last Saturday night, Alice Copper had a pay per view so I’m posting my Random Thoughts on it on Halloween. That’s fitting, right? I came up with everything listed below while I was watching it which is why this is RANDOM thought. They might not necessarily be funny thoughts, or even good thoughts, but they are random thoughts. And I couldn’t come up with a drinking game for this PPV because I was already drunk when I ordered it. So I’ll use the “I was drunk” excuse if this is post is gay.

By the way, I need a new Ozzy Stillbourne banner. Something that’s fitting. Get to work on it.

Let’s start.

The following program is rated TV PG. There is something wrong with a rock concert that is rated PG. That just doesn’t sound right.

This is called Alice Cooper Brutally Live. Well at least he’s being honest. If this sucks, he can always say, “I told you this was brutally live.”

Some sort of thing gets wheeled out and it’s half skeleton and have person. Kind of like Chris Robinson from the Black Crowes. The creature is talking and he basically says to leave now before it starts… before it’s too late! I think this half skeleton, half human creature needs to tour with Warrant and Slaughter so he can warn people to leave those shows too.

Brutal Planet is the first song.

Alice comes up from behind the stage carrying some long ass cane. One thing with Alice shows is that there is no spontaneity. Every move is the same from night to night and totally thought out. His voice sounds ok, but Brutal Planet doesn’t sound as heavy as it does on the album.

The set looks cool. There is a car on it’s side, skeletons, all sorts of fucked up shit. At least Alice comes up with new stage sets and doesn’t rely on the same sets that he used years ago.

Is that Mick Mars? Nope, it’s just a skeleton. Nevermind.

Half way through Brutal Planet, they show the first shot of Eric “I’m afraid to do 20 Questions” Singer. I could be wrong, but I could have sworn I saw him sitting on some phone books in order to reach his drum kit.

Another new song called Gimme is up next.

Go To Hell follows that.

A bondage chick come out on stage with a whip! Somebody told me that was his daughter, but what the fuck do I know? Alice kicks her off her platform and comes down with the whip.

Why does Ryan Roxie have ski goggles on his head. Was it snowing outside?

Alice hardly ever speaks to the crowd. He goes from one song to the next.

Blow Me A Kiss is next. Unlike Kiss, Alice is playing new tracks off his album instead of strictly relying on 20 year old songs. I’ll have to hand it to him for not living in the past and trying to stay current.

Eighteen is the next song, which is funny, because Alice hasn’t seen 18 since Grant was President. Alice grabs a crutch and swings it around while walking with it. In a few years, he’s probably going to use that crutch not as a prop, but because he needs it to walk.

During the solo, Alice walks up behind the guitarists and puts the crutch in their ass, or close to it. I thought this was a PG rated show?

Another new Alice song is played which is Pick Up The Bones. Alice has some bones in his hands and during the solo he walks around the stage and picks up bones in a pillow case.

Feed My Frankenstein is up next and Alice walks around like Frankenstein. That looks kind of gay. Ok Alice, you don’t have to totally reenact every song.

During the solo he tried to build a Frankenstein, otherwise known as a “Gerri Miller” in some circles.

Wicked Young Man is next.

Now a nurse brings out baby carriage. Alice grabs the nurse and throws her away. He stalks the baby carriage as he sings Dead Babies. I’ve seen this bit before. He reaches in the carriage and brings out a 2 headed baby, part wolf and park human. Pretty cheesy. Alice stabs them with his sword and holds them up.

Oh gee, a bunch of guys in white coats (roadies) tie up Alice in a straight jacket. How come none of Alice’s band ever helps him out? It happens every show, so you’d think they’d be prepared. Alice is getting beaten down and his band just plays on!! Ungrateful bastards.

He now goes into the Ballad Of Dwight Fry.

I will say that nurse ain’t bad.

Now he chokes out the nurse but he’s grabbed again. He needs better security.

It looks like they are going to decapitate him. Maybe 20 years ago this was a neat trick, but now it’s the year 2000, so Alice needs to come up with some new shit. We all know how this trick works. He needs to do something new, like explode. I would be impressed if Alice was standing there and he just exploded. That would be the shit. But this decapitation shit is played out.

Well what do you know, Alice got his head cut off. How shocking….

Then they carry around a decapitated Alice head that is all bloody. The decapitated head actually looks better than Alice’s real head. The nurse takes Alice’s head, puts onto the Frankenstein thing and Marilyn Manson comes out.

Just seeing if you are paying attention.

No More Mr. Nice Guy is next.

It’s Hot Tonight is next. That song sucks.

Caught In A Dream follows.

Alice says after that last song: I woke up today with a migraine headache, I had a tooth ache, I had a ear ache, and that’s all right. Shit like that happens when you are 82. I came all the way from Phoenix, Arizona, to my second home in London, England. And there is some guy in the front row who insits on spitting on me all night. Well Alice, that ain’t too bad. It could be worse. I mean, Jacob Bunton could be in the back pissing in your wine. I can deal with that. He is also wearing a Marilyn Manson T-shirt. And he’s wearing an Ozzy Osbourne T-shirt. And he’s wearing a Kiss T-shirt. And he’s wearing a Metal Sludge shirt! All of my disobedient children. And that really pisses me off. Because it’s the little things that drive me wild. If he gets pissed off at little things, Eric Singer really must piss him off then.

Now he goes into Little Things. Not a bad stage rap.

Now it’s time for Poison as Bret & Rikki hit the stage!

Take It Like A Woman goes right into Only Bitches Bleed

You Drive Me Nervous is up next.

Alice introduces his hacks.
He says, “One of the greatest drummers in all of rock n roll Eric Singer.”
What he really means: “One of the shortest drummers in all of rock n roll Eric Singer. He’s so sort you can see his feet in his driver’s license photo.”
His keyboard player Teddy ZigZag, and the guy looks like a goof. Alice likes to be theatrical but his keyboard player looks like he should be working the lobby bar at a Holiday Inn. The guy stands out like a black guy in a room full of marshmellows.
The Nurse comes out looking for some credit but Alice cases her way.

Under My Wheels follows.

Alice does jumping jacking during the solo, shadow boxes, and jumps around trying to show everybody how good of shape he’s in.

Eric throws Alice his cane and hat, kind of like he use to throw Gene & Paul’s luggage into the tour bus.

School’s Out is next.

NOTE TO ALICE: School’s been out for you for at least 100 years.

Ballons fly around that Alice pops them with sword and then confetti comes out. That’s pretty cheap ass pyro.

Alice throws his hat and Eric catches it on his drum stick. He must have gotten practice catching stuff when Gene would throw him a few dimes every now and then.

Cooper comes out in a shirt that says Britney Wants Me, and on the back it says Dead. Like Britney has a clue who Alice Cooper is. Ok, I’ll play along.

Billion Dollar Babies is next as Alice has pole with fake money on it. It’s probably the same money he pays his band with.

Elected ends the show.

Alice introduces the President Of The United States. No, no the band but people wearing Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton & Al Gore masks. Let me remind you that this was filmed in London, so I’m sure the crowd could give a fuck. Hell, I’m American and I don’t give a fuck.

He waves the US and UK flag and it all ends.

Then it says the Home Video & DVD will be in stores in December.

Alice did 22 songs in 90 minutes, with 7 new songs off Brutal Planet for, uh, I don’t even know what I paid for this.
Kiss did 15 songs in 90 minutes for $24.00.

I’d have to say that overall this was cool because I dig Alice playing new songs with a new stage set. He does put on a show and tries to give the crowd their money. Not exactly that shocking anymore, but I can back this.

I’m out like Alice’s back in a few years,

OZZY STILLBOURNE