Ask the Stars 11 – Kevin DuBrow from Quiet Riot

 

with…

Quiet Riot’s KEVIN DUBROW!

Dear Star,

I am a 28 year old dude and I have a problem. I haven’t had a serious relationship for almost 4 years. I recently met the perfect girl and we have been dating. The problem is that when ever we play hide the kubasa I can’t hold back and blow my load in like a minute. I have had many, many one night stands in the last few years that have been marathon sex sessions. But it’s like because I totally dig this girl I have no control. I don’t wany her to think I am the one minute wonder!(even though with her I am) Why is this happening to me!?

Cumming quick in Canada

Dear Mr. Cummings-

This is a common problem for all men (except me!) at one time or another. Many men try to distract themselves and think about something else. For example if you were nutting too fast all you would have to do is think about Jani Lane naked, but that would make you lose your hard on! Try running what I call a ‘nuisance batch’ meaning jack off prior to doing her and you’ll be hard all night! There are many desensitizing creams available in the stores that work well. Have a few cocktails. That will numb the area!

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My mother-in-law is driving me nuts!!

My wife and I got married less than a year ago. Everything was fine while we dated for over 3 years. Every family gathering was great, I even considered my wife?s mother to be almost like my own, since my mother lives on the other side of the country. But then, once we tied the not, her mother has become so invasive that it?s made me sometimes regret getting hitched in the first place. She is over at our place all the time, she moves my stuff around, moves our furniture around, redecorates, plants flowers in front of the house that I would never plant, oversees us managing our finances, helps us balance our checkbooks, looks over our credit card statements, tells us what to buy at the store, blah blah blah. I know she?s trying to be involved and helpful, but it?s really getting on my nerves. Especially when she tells me how to act, what time to come home, how I need to talk to my wife, what to buy, etc. And of course I can?t say anything, when I try, my wife gets very defensive because it?s her mother and they?re very close. I love my wife and respect my mother in law, but something has to change. I?m at my wit?s end. How should I handle this without getting a divorce?

Will
Oakland, CA

Dear Will-

Is your mother in law good looking? If so, throw her the high hard one and she’ll have a lot more trouble telling you what to do with your cock in her mouth! If she’s not hot, have a sit down with everyone involved and get it out in the open. It can only get worse if you let it continue.

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Dear Sludge Star,

I love to bang my girlfriend either by Doggystyle, or on her back with her “Legs at 10 n 2″(from Skids Physcho Love haha)….My cock is rather large, and that is not a problem at all of course, I just love it when my girl “Quiffs” for me, you know, a Pussy Fart…She gets so embarrassed, but I keep telling her its Ok, and I egg her on to give me one, and I keep sliding it in n out completely on purpose just so she will get one….I love the way it feels on my Beanbag when she does it, it turns me on alot, and I want to ask you, what can I do to my girl to give her an even more intense Quiff??…If you cannot answer this for me, perhaps maybe Donna Anderson can throw her 2 cents in…Thanks for all your help, I really appreciate it…

Sincerely,
Quiffed n Miffed

Dear Quiffed-

This is an easy one. Take your girlfriend out for BBQ, get her a double order of baked beans and a side of brussel sprouts and a big order of ice cream. Go home have her drink a Metamucil cocktail and wait an hour. After you start pumping her she will be farting like it’s the 4th of July. Does it really make a difference what hole it comes out of?

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ok, there is this band called TESLA and I just think Tesla ROXX!! I met them not too long ago and got to shake HANDZ with them!!! That ROXX too! I just wanted to say that HAIR METAL ROXX and should be embraced by everybody! I don’t understand why people make fun of me for loving Winger, XYZ, and these other bands! XYZ ROXX! I just wanted to know if it is common for a guy like me to kind of maybe fantasize about some of these musicianz. Cuz I have before, but didn’t tell my girlfriend yet. TESLA ROXX!

Signed, Anonymous3D

Dear 3D-

What’s normal for you might not be normal for someone else. Do you get aroused when Jm J. Bullock is on TV? Does Christopher Lowell turn you on? Is Richard Simmons your kinda guy? Does 3D stand for three dicks? If you are letting your girlfriend do you with a strap-on I think you have issues. As far as the hair metal thing goes, a good thing is always a good thing and fuck those that don’t get it.

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Hi There

I am looking for some help. I am a metal vocalist here in Australia and I am coming over the States for a holiday mid next year but I want to check out the metal scene not interested in buildings just the music I love and grew up on. This is a dream of mine.

Can you give me some major shows that you may know of around June ? Sept 2005 – anything anything from hardcore bands thru to AOR if you like. I am looking to go to LA, Chicago (love Blues) Las Vegas – if you can tell me of anything else that would be fantastic.

I have never been out of Australia so I am dying to see some bands before they finish up altogether.

Love, Liz

Hi Liz-

Go to the Pollstar.com site. They list all shows throughout the world.

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whats the one thing fans do that bother you the most? we ask so we don?t do this if we ever meet any ?stars?.

joely and ricky

Joely and Ricky-

I really like the fans but you know the saying never pet a dog when it’s eating? Well woof! woof!

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Dear Star :

I like to masturbate a lot, I do it every day and I also enjoy watching porn. I’ve always been able to fuck and I’ve never had erection problems. However, recently I started dating this chick and I’ve tried to fuck her twice and I have not been able to get it up. I really want to fuck her that’s not the problem but I just can’t do it!!! I don’t know what to do!! I’m afraid it’s going to happen again and I can’t stop thinking about it! When I masturbate my dick is rock hard so I don’t know what causes my stiffness when I am with her, Should I stop watching porn? Should I stop masturbating and hope that when I’ll try to fuck her again I’ll be so fucking hard because of not having masturbated in the past few days??? I don’t think Viagra is an option… so you have to help me!!!

The Spark.

Hey Sparky-

Easy on the Jacking there fella! If you can keep your hands off yourself for a while you should be able to give her the Blue Steel. If you send a photo of you girlfriend and she’s good looking I might offer my services as a surrogate stunt cock.

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Hi.

I seem to have developed some kind of wart on my thumb. It is a small, round, discolored bump and is hard, like a callous. First question: How do I get rid of it? Second: Should I refrain from touching my ?private? parts with the hand that the wart is growing on? I don?t want to get warts on my schlong or anything. That would suck.

Jack in Jacksonville

Hey Jack-

I wouldn’t Jack anything until I removed that sucker! Try Compound W. Try gloves. Try a Doctor.

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hi there, my name is TUFFMUFFHIPPOTAILZ i am writing you with a question about my brother, his name is TYGER… you see, TYGERTAILZ spends toooooo much time online and espeshully in chat roomz… if you are a female and find him in chat, it is very likely that he is going to hit on you exsessively, offer for you to sleep in his bed, and lick his toe jam, and take care of him… he really iz like a fat baby, becuz he really hasn’t been in luv before, so i think he does this becuz he is looking for attention or validation… please tell him where to find the best prostitutez in TN…

luvvv,
TUFFMUFFHIPPOTAILZ

Hello TUFF-

In Tennessee I would go to any truck stop and get your brother a “Lot Lizard” Or you can send him to Cracker Barrel and get him a big piece of Salt Ham and he can fuck that and then eat it! 2 for the price of one!

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I hear good things about the powers of the prostate gland.

How do I find mine so I can explore it further?

R.J./Colorado Springs

Hi RJ-

My area of expertise is in Gynecology not Proctology which most Lawyers double in. I can advise that you to be well manicured before you start playing “Probing for Prostate”

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Hello Star,

Not long ago I moved into a new apartment that is both close to work and to the college where I take night classes. It?s a great location, but I?ve also noticed that it?s a slightly ?rougher? neighborhood. Nothing?s happened to me (yet), but there have been a few break-ins within blocks of my pad, the occasional mugging, etc. I don?t have a lot of cash to spend, but can you recommend a good home defense system? I just want to protect my shit.

Thank you,

Harry in the ?Hood

Harry-

There are many good systems for this sort of thing. Look in the phone book. Also think about getting a large dog. This way you are protected and you can have sex if you get lonely.

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hello star(s), The other week i was watching the paris hilton porno and began to masturbate. this isn’t a big deal because i masturbate daily, but i couldn’t stop. i kept masturbating and had to use my dirty socks, bedsheet, paper towel, and even a dryer sheet to clean myself up. i masturbated 37 times yesterday and keep doing it. will i be going blind soon? i hope not.

love, Steelheart-Fan-Guy

Dear Steelheart-

37 times huh? Did you know the last Slaughter album sold 10 million copies? No, for real! At least if you used a dryer sheet to clean with, your pecker was spring time fresh.

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How much is too much?

Vaughn

Vaughn-

Too much is never enough!

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DeAr StAr, YoU eVeR gEt A pApErCuT oN tHe PeEhOlE oF yOuR pEnIs??? i JuSt DiD aNd It Is LiKe A bAd CoLoR? i SpOsE iF yOu ArE a ChIcK iT wOuLd Be LiKe A pApErCuT oN tHe VaGiNa, BuT tHiS iS wAyYyYyYyY wOrSe! HeLp!!!!!!!!1111111

JoJo BaLoNeY

Hi Joe-

What are doing with paper on your penis? Is your penis reading the sports page? Try Neosporin and don’t touch it anymore!

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Dear random celebrity,

Here is my question.

I really want to try anal sex, but my fianc? has one of those ?exit only? policies and won?t let me anywhere near there. Not that I?m obsessed with it or anything, but I would like to try it once. That?s the problem ? we?re engaged to be married just before Christmas, so there isn?t much time left if I?m going to make this happen. I checked into hookers but those who do cater to that ?specialty? are cost-prohibitive. I can?t drop $500 or so bucks on this little fantasy of mine. Nor can I go to Brazil or Thailand or something where that shit is way cheaper. But my chick has made it clear to me that ain?t happening, and once we?re married, I have ever intention of being faithfull. So if I?m going to go out on a binge and get this desire out of my system, what should I do? It?s not like you can just walk around at a club and ask random chicks to take it that way. Well, I could, but I wouldn?t get very far. What do you recommend I do? Forget about it? Or is there another alternative?

Best,

Dustin W.
Minneapolis, MN

Dear Dustin-

Even porno chicks don’t like to do this unless they are getting paid. It’s been my experience that alcohol really helps change this exit only attitude. As a matter of fact, she can’t complain if she’s passed out! Tell her that if she let’s you do it to her, she can do it to you. Then after you’re finished tell her you just ate a big bowl of Texas chili and she may want to reconsider!

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I?m bored.

What should I do?

Thanks,

Scott

Hello Scott-

A wise person told me long ago that if I’m bored maybe I’m just being boring. Think about it……..

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Question:

Howard Stern announced that he will be making the move to Sirrius Satillite Radio in 2006. Given that, his core audience is “the working man” or “blue collar” households, and they will have to pay to hear him, will this back fire on him & Sirrius? Do you think this was a move to get “free from the FCC?” Or was it a move to cash in what is left of his career?

Thanks,
SIXXSWINE

I don’t think he needs to cash in. He has more money than he’ll ever need and sooner or later everyone will have the Satellite system because radio sucks so hard today.

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Dear “Star”, Do you think that the Blue Meanie dyes his pubic hair blue?

Signed, Edge Hardy von Golddust

I have no idea who the Blue Meanie is.

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i have this recurring dream that i die and am reincarnated as roseanne’s tampon……………… what does this mean? oh yes, my palms are very hairy too.
:o( signed, virgil q

Oh Virgil-

This is what it means-You are a sick fuck.

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Greetings Metal Sludge Star,

My hairline is receding at a rapid pace. It is starting to become very noticeable. I don?t want to go for the bald look, I?m only 24. I?m afraid if I got a wig people would make fun of me. For now, I wear hats a lot. I have money but don?t want to spend thousands on transplants and shit like that. Any suggestions?

Lascivious Luke

Hi Luke-

Sorry, I have no real experience on this subject.

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Help! I am one payment behind on my car payment, and they just upped my interest rate. I had some medical bills and legal fees from another incident earlier this year, so I spent most of my meager savings. The bank isn?t very helpful or understanding. I?m totally living paycheck to paycheck. Basically I need to make several hundred bucks really quick, and I have nothing I can pawn or sell. Any advice? Please help!

Broke in Birmingham

Dear Broke-

Hide.

www.kevindubrow.com

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Got problems? We all do, but do you want a random Metal Sludge-sanctioned celebrity to help you sort out your worries, concerns, and fucked-up feelings? Then send your questions to AskTheStars@metalsludge.tv and we’ll see if we can’t find someone to make you feel all better.