whoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Did everyone have a good time watching the Superbowl yesterday? Well even if you didn’t watch it, there were parties everywhere, so if you stayed at home and stared at the floor the whole time, you definitely missed out.

You may have noticed that we haven’t updated the page in the last few days. That’s because we’ve been busy doing absolutely nothing! Everyone on the staff took it easy the whole weekend, and most of us went to some kind of Super Bowl party yesterday. Not everyone watched the game, but everyone basically wasted the entire weekend, and most of us drank the whole time. Including myself! But drinks or no drinks, we couldn’t leave you hanging, so we’re back to work to deliver the high-quality entertainment you’ve come to expect from Metal Sludge.

What does that mean, exactly? Well, numb nuts, that means it’s time for the Metal Sludge Mailbag!!

Believe it or not, it’s been fucking forever since I last did one of these. I went back and checked, and I haven’t posted a Mailbag since Halloween! But I did save up all the more interesting e-mails we got over the last few months. There’s always a few worth sharing, so here they are for your enjoyment.

We’ll start with some feedback we got about the recently resurrected Metal Sludge feature, the Rotten Roundup:

Hey that was fucking cool seeing ridiculous comments from people like Alice Cooper, Dave Ellefson, Mike Tramp and Wednesday 13 all in one place. I barely remember that column, but it was cool seeing it again. Thanks for bringing that back from the dead.

I never saw the Rotten Roundup at Sludge before, but those rock star e-mails about all the bad restaurants was a pleasant surprise. Hope you keep doing it.

The Rotten Roundup was some funny shit. Do you think anyone from the Crue will ever chime in?

Hector/San Diego

Well, hombre, you’ll just have to check at the end of the month to see who’s joining in the fun. We plan to mix it up a bit, so you may see different people from time to time. You just never know who will be participating in the Rotten Roundup, so be sure to come back at the end of February to see who’s along for the ride next time. And luckily for you, February’s a short month! What can I say? We aim to please.

I was reading about worst restaurant experiences…when low and behold…. JOEL ELLIS!!! MEEEEOOOOOW!!!!

What about a 20 questions with HIM!!!!??? Just the old pics you would post would be well worth the read! YUMMMY!

Where in the world is JOEL these days!??

Donna heard that Joel recently moved back to LA after being in exile in Ohio for who knows how long. As for 20 Questions with Joel, we’ll be happy to post them whenver he sends back his interview. He’s had them for months! But he’s assured us that he’s working on them, and we’re pretty sure he won’t end up on the Pussy List… even if he was in a band called Cats In Boots.

Speaking of the Pussy List, we need to update that soon. There’s been more than a few people who have wimped out over the past year or so, so the time will soon come when we have to give them their due.

What’s up with Rikki Rockets response in the rotten roundup. All you asked was what was the worst restaurant you ate at and he goes off on some hippy tangent. Sounds like he needs to go onto Oprah and let his feelings out then maybe he could get some patchouli oil and go on tour with the Grateful Dead. I thought this site was called METAL SLUDGE not HIPPY BULLSHIT, damn dirty hippies. Peace, Larry Garcia

Hey fuckwit, we’re not trying to swing from Rikki’s nutsack here, but the whole point of the Rotten Roundup is that people can answer the question any way they want. It’s not an interview, and whomever we send the question to can say anything they wish. That’s how it works. If you don’t like what someone has to say, there’s a ton of other responses to read, so move along. Thanks.

Here?s some Crue-related e-mail, starting with a message from a really excited Eskimo:

Heys guys…. anyhoo, just letting you know that the Motley Crue tour in Canada has done better than expected….I’m from a little province (not a state) called Alberta (the size of Texas), but our two biggest cities are Edmonton and Calgary and they sold out the Crue show in one hour and fifteen minutes each…….. Hilary Duff took three hours…….. don’t believe, check out ticketmaster.ca… and to think the fuckers thought about not coming here!!!! We’re deprived for fucks sakes… igloos, snowforts, barenaked ladies, alanis morrisette, jason priestley and thank god for nickelback or we’d be fucked …. (they’re from alberta so suck an ass) thanks

So, i’m flipping channels late one night, and i happen to stop at my favorite of the greasy truck stop channels of cable…… VH1 ! And they’re doing this remaking vince Neil show. I was horrified! Not cuz they were making vince get off his fat ass, thats totally cool, he needs it, i’m happy for him, but who’s that chick he’s got? Holy Fuck! Bitch looks like “Blonde of the Dead”! i mean seriously what graveyard did he did her up from?? Was it like, the morticians first day or what?

Poor Vince, how the fucks he gonna stay sober after the first time he sees her without makeup? is he gonna call Nikki, and be like “Hey man that was funny, now what’d ya do with my real girlfriend?” or just take a few shots to make everything blurry again?

Yeah, i’m probably a shallow bastard, but hey, this chicks the poster child for reasons not to let surgeons work on you like my uncle works on his 68 chevy. (It never has run right, and its still half bondo) Just wondering if i was the only one to think they were showing creature features again.

Later kids!
~Axl Van Lawless

Well that was a lovely way of congratulating the newlyweds. Don’t forget to congratulate yourself on that masterful display of the social graces!

General e-mail. This one?s about our Exposed section.

Metalsludge,

Love your site. One major complaint . . . why is Avril Lavigne included in your list of bands under the “Metal Sludge Exposed” section? It’s bad enough we metalheads allow Dana Strum from Slaughter to be included, but putting that no-talent anorexic ho on it is just insulting. It hurt enough when MTV included her in the Metallica tribute show.

Metal Head from Way Back,
Jason in Cincinnati

Hey Jason in Cincy. When you’re done doing the Chicken Dance, feel free to browse the remainder of our Exposed gallery. We’ve got another Exposed update coming soon, so there will be even more Exposed photos to enjoy later this month! Thanks for writing.

Wow, You guys really uncovered the dirt on Pantera! They had big hair and looked girly! Sure, it was the look being promoted by mags such as yours during the 80s, but things have changed so lets fuck?em for being 80s metal. Forget about all they achieved in the 90?s, forging a very original, hard sound.

You guys are gutless fucks for promoting dirt on a band that gave so much to metal. Given recent tragic events have some fucken respect for the familys concerned.

While im ranting, get a fucken decent web site, it looks early 90s ?my mum built my site?. We wouldn?t want to look dated?

Positive or negative, we always appreciate feedback! Even if you are a jackass in real life.

Here?s some friendly constructive criticism.

I’m done W/ you dipshits!!! What a bunch of shit that worst of 2004 was!! Funny how Mick Mars made it on there and he didn’t even play in 04. You assholes are just a bunch of losers trying to maintain a career off of 100% bullshit you’ve made up off the top of your empty heads. If you weren’t such pussy ass bitches you’d use your real names. You people aren’t Rock N Roll in the least because Rock N Roll is not being fucking cowards as you are!!! BITCHES!

Dave (motley1984)

We assume our good friend Dave is referring to the results of the 2004 Sludgeaholic Choice Awards, but we’re not too sure. Dave sometimes forgets to take his meds and goes off on tangents like that. He never hurts anyone, but spouts a string of obscenities and gets very confrontational. Sad.

Here?s some feedback on various interviews we did, starting with Pauly Shore?s recent 20 Questions.

I’ve always loved the sludge. Right up until you interviewed Pauly Shore. Why not Dinah Shore, for fuck’s sake? At least she wouldn’t annoy the living shit out of people. My world is shattered. The Sludge no longer rocks. Godamnit… Pat Boone has more to do with rock/metal than Pauly “pussy” Shore. Sorry about the insults to Pauly, since he’s apparently a friend to some dumbass there at the site.

Actually nobody here knows Pauly personally. Pauly wanted to do 20 Questions with us, so we set him up. Who are we to say no?

I think Stevo 32 is a total dick head. in the 20 questions part he said he’d choose anyone over helix. Helix kicks ass!! sum 41 suck shit i dont know anyone who actually likes them like who the hell is he Stevo 32 anyway.

That’s great, considering Stevo 32’s interview went up well over a year ago. Way to keep up with Sludge.

Here’s some feedback about some more recent 20 Questions we’ve done.

Todays interview with that Punky guy was friggin hysterical! His response to question 3 had me rolling. The whole interview was enjoyable and I have no idea who he is!! Sometimes you find a diamond in the rough like that and it makes the 20 Qs we wait for that much more fun. Good job!

I thought Zinny Zan from Shotgun did a good 20 Questions. Great way to start the year. Where else but Sludge are you going to see an interview with the original Shotgun Messiah singer in 2005?

Thanx for doing 20 Questions with Andi Deris, that was quite a surprise. I’m surprised you guys knew enough about Pink Cream 69 to ask him all that you did, they’re pretty obscure, especially the Andi era. He’s great in Helloween, but I’m a total PC69 fan and it was awesome to see that on Sludge. Thanx again!

I just got through reading the Barry Sparks 20 Questions and I still don’t know who he is.

Really kewl page. The article on Jeff Scott Soto was happening.

peace

Ricky Byrum

www.rickybyrum.com

WHATS WITH THE SORRY ASS WASHED OUT MUSICIANS YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN INTERVIEWING ON YOUR 20 QUESTIONS?

YOU USED TO HAVE COOL PEOPLE THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY KNEW, BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN THE PAST MONTH OR TWO, YOU GUY SHAVE THESE PIECES OF CRAP MUSICIANS NO ONE HAS HEARD ABOUT, IF THEY WERE ONCE BIG….. COOL!!!! BUT THESE GUYS YOU INTERVIEWED NEVER HAVE BEEN BIG AND MAJORITY OF THEM HAVE BEEN IN BANDS I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF OR MAYBE HEARD A SONG OR TWO 15 YEARS AGO.

GET WITH THE PROGRAM

We’re glad you mentioned our program! It’s called Metal Sludge Radio, and it can be heard every Sunday night at 9 PM Eastern/6 PM West on XM Satellite Radio channel 41 — The Boneyard. We’ve recently expanded to two hours, and we even had Kevin DuBrow and Michael Lardie guest host our program last night. Thanks for bringing that up! We’ll have even more guest hosts in the very near future.

Here?s some feedback on some recent 10 Questions interviews we did.

I liked the 10 Questions with The OneEyedJacks. I especially liked the Word Association. Couldn’t have said it any better myself. Well done.

Lawrence

I met Archie from Popjoy at Sludgin’ in Vegas last year. Good guy. It was nice to see him interviewed on Sludge.

The Maladaptive 10 Q’s was a good read, it’s cool to see unsigned bands from other countries get some exposure on Sludge. Keep it up.

These next few are about that silly Bret Michaels Sings About Fried Chicken post we did back in early January.

Just a quick note regarding the Brett Michaels Sings About Chicken update on the 7th… At the end comments, they said “Forty5 South sounds more like a state highway in Kentucky… than a band..” Well, it is a state highway. It’s in TN… might go into KY… not sure.

James

As if anyone really cares, but in case they do…. as for Bret Michaels’ new protegee band’s name ….there actually is a highway 45 South that runs through Jackson, TN, and on southward, about an hour, through my hometown, Tupelo, Mississippi. Imagine that…. redneck, white trash metalheads. We exist; I’m living proof.

Rock on,
Jenn

Here?s some weird shit that doesn?t make any sense at all.

hey thanx alot.music hates you, constanty its nothing personal were all victims.

thanx

I don’t even know how to respond to that. Next…

Shrieking frogs unnerve Hawaiian island.

I saw this in the headlines and my first thought was: They cloned Jani Lane!?!

Is that an attempt to try and be funny? Well, it didn’t work.

But speaking of Jani Lane, here?s some reports we got about him playing shows way back in December. This one?s about a show in Des Moines, Iowa on 12/18/04.

Never in my life have I seen anything this bad. Jani came out to do the first song, which was down boys and forgot the words. Got done with the song, and then told the band that it had been 20 years since he had forgot the words to that song and wanted to do it again. Then guess what, he forgot the freakin’ words again.

When they sang Machine Gun, a guy in the front row sang the song and Jani held the mic for him. The entire song. The place was absolutely packed when he started. but by the end of the third song, about a third of the people had left, a couple more song and over half had left. The crowd started shouting and booing at him, then they started chanting the name of a singer of a local band that was there. Brian Burgett(of Cold Filtered) got up on stage and sang part of Hole in My Wall and showed Jani up so bad that Jani told him to get off of the stage. When Jani took a break, the band Played Highway to Hell and Billy Morris sang and this was by far the best part of the show. The band sounded very good and at times looked very frustrated. I have always been a huge fan of Jani and Warrant but this just plain sucked. After the show, I was talking to Jani and all he could talk about was how tired he was and that when you have a bad night it gets talked about on the internet. I guess that is where I come in!!! He talked about how the next night they were playing in Minneapolis and the show would be much better there because he will be rested. I don’t know which is worse the fact that I went him saw him the first time or the fact that I am curious if it was any better the next night?????

Dear Sludge,

Don’t know if you heard this yet or not but Jani Lane was supposed to play at a bar named Keesters here in Des Moines, Iowa on Monday December 20th but he was a no-show. Not really sure why but I’ve heard that the owner of the bar was on a local radio station, KGGO, apologising and saying some nasty things about Jani. Didn’t hear the excuse, I’m sure he was either Drunk or Eating and couldn’t be disturbed. I did not have tickets, I would rather poke toothpicks smeared with fecal matter under my toenails than go to that show. Anyway, just wanted to let you know so you can let the Sludge-Dogs out and find out about his No-Show Ass!

Shoot you full of Sludge,
Scottie Too Hottie
(Rocking in the DSM)

Well it’s nice to see somethings in life never change. Jani Lane played here in Des Moines Iowa at a bar this past Saturday night and did he make a total ass of himself !!! First of all the local radio station (that by the way was TOTALLY embarrased) that pimped the show had an on phone interview with Jani a week before the show and he stated in the interview that he had been sober for 4+ months and was in the best shape he’s been in in a long time. So with that I was pretty excited thinking that he might put on a good show. Well I guess that’s what I get for thinking. First of all, he comes on stage about 40 minutes later than he was supposed to and when he did come on stage he was totally fucked up !!! He starts out with “Down Boys” and he is so wasted that he can’t even sing the words. He goes over to Billy Morris and just about has to lean on him cuz he is ready to fall over. After being able to only to slur a few words out Billy decides to try and help him and basically sings the rest of the song for him. After he is done with that and the roar of the “boos” from the crowd die down the band starts to go into another song and Jani proceedes to stop the band and has them do “Down Boys” again……yes again…….And he STILL couldn’t sing cuz he was so fucked up !!! When he tried to start playing “Heaven” on his acuostic guitar he had to stop and start that about 3 times and the same thing happened when he started playing “I Saw Red”. It was just horrible…….The only bright spot of the whole show was when Billy Morris went into his solo and the crowd was cheering big time for him….so he proceeded to play AC/DC’s “Highway To Hell” with the band. Oh yea, the whole time this is going on Jani was at the bar doing shots. I was waiting for him to throw up but no luck. He just plain looked like about 10 miles of bad road, he is still fat, but he did have all of his hair and not that stupid fuckin’ mohawk so I guess he’s got that going for him. You know the sad part of all of this is that the band sounded excellent and Billy was KILLER on guitar !!! I just can’t believe that the band could put up with this kind of shit night after night. I have never seen anyone clear out a bar as fast as he did. By the 4th or 5th song over half the bar had cleared out. It really kind of pissed me off because there were a lot of hot chics in there !!! I just stuck around to see if he would do anything else really stupid but no luck there either. Hell, he even cut his set short and barely played an hour long. Well I guess I’ve spent $10 on worse things in life and it was pretty comical so all in all it wasn’t a total loss……..

I’m out of here like Jani’s sobriety

David Van Hagar

Well Jani contradicted what he was saying to a local radio station (KGGO) that he was sober and doing better. After waiting for 20 minutes in a freezing hallway to do a meet and greet, it was called off and the band was hitting the stage allready. It took Jani just a while just to unrap a piece of gum. After the first line he sang I went “Holyshit!” Sure nuff it got worse, he couldnt remember the words to Down Boys, so when the song was over, he told them to start it up again! Down Boys twice in a row! It didnt get any better the crowd knew the lyrics better than him. He said some shit on stage that he getting divorced and he’s upset with Dimebag dying. He was not a professional that night. We went to a Jani Lane concert and a Vince Neil concert broke out.Thanks to the band for putting up with him and not giving up, especially to Billy Morris, a Big Thanks!

Great to see Jani was up to his old tricks. He just wouldn’t be the same if he weren’t staggering on stage and bumming smokes from the audience. We like Jani being consistent.

We’re almost done with this edition of the Metal Sludge Mailbag, but before we go, here?s some notes from Sludgeaholics who miss Iann Robinson and his ?Thirsty and Miserable? column:

Iann -

Suck it up goddammit and get back to writing the goddamn column. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – your column is one of the main reasons that I keep coming back to Metal Sludge. Do I give a fuck about any of the bands doing 10 Questions? Hell, do I give a fuck about most of the bands doing 20 Questions? Fuck no. Do I care about the characteristics of some of rock’s greatest penises? OK… perhaps there’s one other reason I come to the Sludge. For the most part though, I come back to read your witty banter and scathing critiques of the 45 out of 50 new releases that are absolute shit and not worth a single listen. So, quit your goddamn crying and come back to entertain me you fuck!

Ummm, might want to go by Iann’s house and check on him. His last post sounded like a freaking suicide note.

Yo Sludge-

Thats’s sad about Iann. I hope you guys can try and keep in touch with him, he’s one of the few guys in metal that has his head on straight and truly understands what it’s all about. I think we all wish him the best and somehow hope this isn;t truly the last we hear from him -d2

Of course it wasn’t the last time we’ll hear from Iann Robinson. In fact, he e-mailed us this picture earlier today!

Looks like Iann’s been out enjoying the snow! We’re glad he’s making the most of his time off.

And with that, we’re done with the Metal Sludge Mailbag. Thanks for playing at home! We’ll try not to let so much mail stack up next time.

I’m out like a bookie on today’s collection route,

bastard boy floyd

Bad joke of the week: There’s two fish in a tank. One says to the other, “Hey! How do you drive this thing?”