Welcome to Metal Sludge’s Rotten Roundup for March 2005!

Each month, we ask one ridiculous question to a random assortment of ‘rock stars’ and Metal Sludge celebrities, and then we’ll post all their answers here in one spot. We’ll ask the same question to people who have done 20 Questions with us, people who haven’t done 20 Questions with us, our past Sludgeaholics and Sludgettes of the Year, and all kinds of other friends of Metal Sludge. Some answers are short, and some go on and on. Some are funny, some are not. You never know what kind of answers we’ll get from people, so it’ll always be a surprise. Now you have Metal Sludge’s Rotten Roundup to look forward to at the end of each month. Hooray!

This month’s question is:

“What’s the weirdest thing that’s ever come out of your body?”

Mitch Allen, SR-71:

EVERYTHING I ATE IN PERU! Last December, some friends and I decided to hike the ancient Inca Trail though the Andes mountains, into the lost city of Machu Piccu. We were in Peru for a total of 13 days. Wouldn’t you know it, I got Montezuma’s Revenge on day 9, the same day we started across the Mountains. If you don’t know, Montezuma’s is code for the “Worst Diarrhea of your Life”! Now, There are no bathrooms on the Inca Trail, you basically squat over a hole in the ground to shit. Well, I must of lost 15 pounds on that hike because as soon as I ate something, it swam the 50 miles of my intestines and then came shooting out the other side. It got so I didn’t want to eat because I knew I’d be squatting over the hole all night. Looking back, it turned out to be the best trip I’ve ever had!

August, Killingbird:

A screwdriver (after it was stabbed in to my leg that is). Long story, but let’s just say that it hurt like a son of a bitch.

Frankie Banali, Quiet Riot:

About six and a half feet of my lower intestine during an operation in 1991.

C.C. Banana, 2003 Sludgeaholic of the Year:

Once, many years ago, my dear ol’ mum Nana Banana prepared dinner while she was ill with a stomach virus. Unaware of her contagious condition, I enjoyed the meal without concern. However, about 20 minutes later, the entire contents of my stomach came shooting out both ends of my body simultaneously. So I suppose this incident is unique not for WHAT came out of my body, rather for HOW.

And thanks for reminding me of that.

Krys Baratto, ModiFY/ex-Samantha 7:

The strangest thing that ever came out of my body. Well, if ya’ll remember a couple of months ago I discussed eating a Big Mac that had one of those plastic gloves they wear there in it. As it happened to be, half of that glove went down my neck — and you know, what goes in must come out!

Jason Becker, Cacophony/DLR Band:

Hmmmm… sometimes when I get my G-tube changed my dinner rolls out onto my stomach. And when I get my trache changed I gag profusely and lots of blood comes out of my throat hole and mouth. But I guess the weirdest thing was a couple years ago when I had bloody cum. It was scary, but my doctor said I probably just got my nut hit.

Bunnie Blue, Sixty-10:

Well, I guess it was the dark blood that came out of my finger when I sliced it pretty good. Good thing it wasn’t on my fret hand.

Eric Brittingham, Cinderella/Naked Beggars:

Recently, a bar owner gave me a shot which was made up of jack, tequila, jager, cinnamin schapps, and 151 rum. It was actually nastier going down than coming out.

Inga Brittingham, Naked Beggars:

Well, that’s to be debatable! You might discover that not a lot of people are going to want to read this: but here it goes: I was in school at the time. I was casually sitting at my desk when I felt something hard on the side of my ass. “Oh, I guess when I dressed that something got in my jeans”, this is what I was thinking.

Then I felt along the side of my pants. “Hmm, yes it’s hard, yes it’s like a peanut.” Well, I decide (during class) to reach in and pull it out! I think that I was sitting in a particular spot where no one could see me that well. I cup my hand as I pulled out the item. I opened my hand real quick to look at the item.

“Oh shit!! It’s a turd!!” I quickly closed my hand so no one could see my turd.

I held it till the end of class and threw casually in the garbage as I left.

Don’t look at me that way, of course, I washed my hands!!

Billy Childs, Britny Fox:

I had the clap once when I was young, and the medicine turned my piss bright orange. That’s about the best I can do, except for food poisoning, of course, and that’s not really weird, just foul.

Christian, Killingbird:

Taint hair.

Ethan Collins, ex-White Trash:

I came home so drunk that I went to go do the bathroom to throw up and something solid came out! I don’t know what the fuck it was or maybe I was hallucinating! Anyway, I’m getting sick just thinking about it.

Alice Cooper:

Lobster. I got food poisoning in mexico. You don’t want to know the rest.

Kevin DuBrow, Quiet Riot:

The finger of my Doctor giving me a prostate exam. Don’t ask, don’t tell!

Jim Bob Dwarf, 2001 Sludgeaholic of the Year:

A few years back, I had this major ear infection that never quite cleared up. Weeks seemed to go by and I still couldn’t hear right out of my left ear. Then one night as I was lying on the couch watching TV, I felt a kind of ‘crackling’ inside my ear, and then all this fluid and shit oozed out. I cleaned it up with a kleenex, and sitting there amongst the ear-ooze was what looked like a small cone. It was all white (solidified pus, I assume) with a hard brown substance at the small end. It was either impacted earwax or dried blood — I’m not sure which. Regardless, it was really gross, yet somehow intriguing. I saved it for a few days just so I could look at it from time to time, then I threw it out when it wasn’t fun anymore.

David Ellefson, F5/ex-Megadeth:

When I was a kid I was eating a carrot and suddenly I choked in a fit of laughter and I puked it up out of my nose. That hurt like hell!

Andrew Elt, Sleeze Beez:

See if I can remember the ingredients and preparation order.

I know it was in Memphis, the summer of 1990. We had a day off the day before. Let me see, it started with breakfast at the hotel (Approx 11 am).

2 Eggs, over easy, bacon, toast, 3 double espresso’s and an orange juice.

After that , i sat at the bar with Chriz, my guitarist and ordered a few wake-up drinks, just to help the double espresso’s to kick in. 2 kaluha/clubsoda’s with a splash of lime juice

We wanted to go and check out Beales street, but the lobby of the Raddison started filling up with bands checking in. In no time, the bar started getting a little busy for a Monday afternoon. Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top joined us with the legandary remark; “You boys in a band??” And the Kaluha’s made way for:

Approx. 6-8 Bloody Mary’s Southern Style (That’s with mucho hot sauce) After a sing along with Jools Holland on the grand piano (Squeeze were also in town) Chriz and i decided (evening had fallen upon us by now) that we’d skip the tourist side of Memphis that is Beale Street, hailed a cab and requested that the pleasant, old, grey haired, african american driver called Louis take us to see the ‘real blues’. Of course he wouldn’t saying that we’d probably get ourselves killed and that he knew “just the right place for some cute looking young long-haired white boys like us”.

But before we hit the club (where incidentally we were to play the next day) we stopped at a rib joint,somewher on the southside of the tracks, where we eventually did get a feel for ‘da real blues’. The cab driver took us in, so we were safe, even though, us being naive dutch guys, we would have gone in on our own anywayand probably survived. So I ordered and ate:

1 half rack of hickory smoked BBQ ribs memphis style and a portion of pulled pork wit french fries and extra hot BBQ sauce.

Louis then took us to the club, and I believe it was Little Ceasar who were responsible for the entertainment that night.

It was here I met ‘JW’ who proclaimed to be jeey Lee Lewis’ road manager in ‘the day’.

He ordered drinks and I believed him. The drinks were;

2 fifth’s of Absolut, of which Chriz and i must have shared 1

At the end of the evening (It was a long evening), as the sun started to rise over the Mighty Mississippi, JW drove me ‘home’ (the Raddison) in his 1970 (I believe) coup de Ville, and this is where I experienced the weirdest thing to ever come out of my body. But it happenned after we stopped at that fine establishment all us road dogs know as Burger King, where i had a delightful

1 Breakfast Egg McMuffin Menu thing with dishwater coffee

At about 6:30 am, the ingredients that entered my body at different times of the day and at different moments of intoxication, decided it was time to leave.

I threw up all down the side of JW’s beautiful old fire engine red Cadillac. I apologized to JW for messin up his paint job, but, to his credit he took it in his stride with the immortal words: ‘That’s alright son, that ain’t nothin’ compared to Jerry Lee!”.

I had to wait till the gig that evening to actually study in some depth the actual contents and substance of the ingredients so carefully selected and blended together the day (and night) before. I’d been on coffee all day (again, Kaluha might have been mixed in a bit, just for taste) and hadn’t dare eat anything, cause that would have really set me off.

But during the guitar solo of the first song, the inevitable finally happend.I ran to the side of the stage, where Chriz’s guitar tech, in a spark of unprecidented foresight, had already prepared a bucket and towel for me, I filled it with some precision, in about three goes, quickly reflected yesterdays culinary extravaganza and made it back to mike in time to sing the bridge.

The ingredients to yesterday’s cocktail were in the bucket, in all its glory.

Minus the Egg Mc Muffin of course,which was still stuck to the side of JW’s Caddy.

So for anyone interested in this recipe, here it is again, in a concise easy-to-follow way, step-by step recipe:
2 Eggs, over easy, bacon, toast (buttered), 3 double espresso’s and an orange juice.
2 kaluha/clubsoda’s with a splash of lime juice
Approx. 6-8 Bloody Mary’s Southern Style (add hot sauce to taste)
1 half rack of hickory smoked BBQ ribs memphis style and a portion of pulled pork wit french fries and extra hot BBQ sauce.
Half a fifth of Absolut, (Chriz had the other half, remember, but you can add more if you prefer)
1 Breakfast Egg McMuffin Menu thing with dishwater coffee
After all ingredients are mixed, add coffee/kaluha to taste
1 bucket
1 towel
1 45 second guitar solo (plenty of time to display, wonder and reflect)
24 hrs preparation time (day off on tour prefered)

Enjoy!

P.J. Farley, Ra/ex-Trixter/40 Ft. Ringo:

Well I just cleansed my colon and saw some wacked unidentified “shit” to say the least, ya know… worms, parasites, a fingernail or two!

Troy Patrick Farrell, Fastmaster/Mike Tramp’s White Lion:

I don?t really know… I?ve puked and crapped myself at the same time… I?d say it?s the worst of both worlds… at the same time…

I just didn?t have the heart to investigate… but I assume it was weird…

Marc Ferrari, ex-Keel/Cold Sweat:

Pus from an infected bruise…..

Glenn “Archie” Gamble, Helix/Popjoy:

Hmmm… my tonsils were pretty weird looking. Does that count?

Lizzie Grey, Spiders and Snakes/ex-London:

The alien is still growing inside and will be loosed upon the planet in due time.

Alex Grossi, Quiet Riot/ex-Beautiful Creatures:

I have had a lot of things come out of my body, they have all been pretty normal, but some of the the people they came on ended up being pretty weird….

Larry Howe, Vicious Rumors:

Well…. thats a loaded question… Well, once… while on tour with Vicious Rumors in Washington state around 1990….. I was so road weary and sick, I dont even remember what shithole club we were playing….. I had a fever of 101 or something but kept on playing when suddenly…….OOPS! I though i just had to fart but …YUCK >>>> what a mess!!! all while playing…(double bass drumming pushes a body to the limit..)…… It’s okay, nobody noticed but me! other than that… just the usual, you now…… blisters of three. clinics are free, and crabs-can-jump!!!! AAAHHHHHHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alex Kane, AntiProduct/ex-Life Sex & Death:

I had a tape worm once. That sucked. Then, once when I blew my nose, there was something moving in there. That was kinda intense.

Matt Kramer, ex-Saigon Kick:

My voice.

Josh Lewis, ex-Warrant:

You mean besides the alien that also came out of Sigorney Weaver’s body? I don’t know, probably some really green snot.

Mandy Lion, WWIII:

The words “I do” when I got married… Thank God I came to my senses after a little while.

Eric Martin, ex-Mr. Big:

I threw up a Tapeworm when I was a kid, I can’t explain it. But I was really skinny when I was a kid.

Soichi Masuda, 2002 Sludgeaholic of the Year:

The supper I ate in Hong Kong back in 1999. I was watching some Chinese TV next morning. Suddenly the CALL came. I went into bathroom and had to stay there almost 15 minutes. It was flood. I could not forget my record of the day. Only thing not too bad was I recovered right after that.

Kenny McGee, Julliet:

I don’t know about weird? But I have always hated vomiting……. vegetables coming out of your nose. Hating that!

Chris McLernon, ex-Saigon Kick:

I had a wisdom tooth break off and fly across the dentist’s office, while it was supposedly being “professionally removed”. I add that in quotes because the tool he used looked like it came out of my Grandfather’s Kiwi Shoeshine kit.

As I watched in amazement, all the dentist could manage was a surprised “Oops….”

George Mihaolovich, Aftershok:

Years ago I found this strange thing on my arm- it looked like a blister or a nasty bug bite, but I bumped it soon after and this black thing that looked like a small rock came out. I still don’t know what it was, but it freaked me out!

Darrell “Dwarf” Millar, Killer Dwarfs/Automan.ca/ex-Laidlaw:

Weirdest thing would have to be the gallon of Barium fluid that blasted out of my ass after I had a Barium Enema checking for Colon Cancer…… Brutal deal that is.

Jason Miller, Godhead:

Well one time when I was really, really sick one of my um…. “dumps” was almost white. It was like eggshell or something.

Amanda Moeckel, 2002 Sludgette of the Year:

Bloody uterine lining? No, this is better… When I was 7, I was playing outside at recess and stopped to scratch inside my ear. It was really itchy. After diggin around in there for a little while, I pulled out what looked like a little machine with wires wrapped around it. I was really freaked out until I went home and mom told me that it was something put in my ear by my doctor when I was three, so I could hear better.

Pat Muzingo, Junkyard:

A compliment.

Wendell Neeley, The Classic Metal Show:

When I had appendicitis, a drainage tube was inserted into an incision in my side during the operation, and each day the doctor would come in and pull the tube out and snip it off a little at a time till it was totally removed.

Marty O’Brien, Methods of Mayhem/Static-X/Disturbed/etc. etc.

My lunch.

Eddie Ojeda, Twisted Sister:

Well, if you must know, one day I took the hardest shit in my life I mean that bitch was as hard as a rock. I had to put on rubber gloves and break it up with my finger. Now I know what it must be like to give birth because that shit was the size of a large BABY.

God bless women.

Ted Poley, Danger Danger:

I AM NOT SURE YET, I WILL WAIT TILL WE GET BACK ON OUR WORLD TOUR WHICH STARTS IN MARCH AND GOES ALL OVER THE GLOBE,REVISITING MANY CITIES THAT WE TOURED BACK IN THE GOOD OL MTV DAYS… IF I SEE ANY APPROX 12 YEAR OLD D2 FANS THAT LOOK STRANGELY LIKE ME, THEN I WOULD SAY THAT WOULD BE IT…

Clare pproduct, AntiProduct:

I got an acorn stuck up my nose once when I was a kid. I had to go to the doctors to get it removed. I never put acorns up my nose any more after that. I was terrified they wouldnt be able to get it out and and oak tree would grow into my brain and I would die. Does that count? Dont ask!!!

Rikki Rockett, Poison:

The things I say.

Amy “Stalker Jr.” Romano, 2003 Sludgette of the Year:

Nothing too exciting, but when I was younger.. maybe around 5 or so… I used to swallow change. Pennies and dimes to be exact. Not quite sure why I did it. It wasn’t a habit, I was young and if I saw it, eh what the hell. Only happen a couple times.. We, well, my poor mom, would have to make sure the money passed through my system. So, the weirdest thing to come out of my body, would have to be pennies and dimes.

Billy Rowe, ex-Jetboy/American Heartbreak:

Well which part of my body ??? every ??? Hmmm shit, puke & puss… ?? I think ??

Jamie Rowe, London Calling/Guardian:

I have passed the most toxic gas in recorded history.

I have created a few unique eco-systems in whatever transportation Guardian traveled in. Especially after some Mexican food. All fear the clouds of Uranus!

Sharon & Tamar, 2004 Sludgettes of the Year:

Sharon: One time I decided to diet. I ate a lot of fruits and vegetables. One day I brought cherries to work. I had them as dessert after my healthy lunch. At around 6pm (yes, I was still at work), I felt nauseous. I had a bad headache and I knew I was going to throw up. I ran to the bathroom, but there were people in it. No… can’t do it. So I took the stairs to get to the next floor up. I was stopped in the stairwell by this guy who wanted to chit chat. I tried to politely answer his questions, while holding in my need to yak and run up the stairs at the same time. Finally I got away and to the bathroom. I went to pull open the door and GODDAMNIT!!! It was locked. I pulled and pulled, but it was locked. I stopped to think, “what do I do?” I looked around. I puked right on the floor. I kid you not, it looked like The Witches of Eastwick. Cherries all over the floor.

Tamar: I once had my asshole checked out by a proctologist. He shoved this skinny, metal rod in my butt that had a little camera in it. Then, it started pumping me full of air so they could get a better look. My stomach was cramping so bad. It was awful!

Acey Slade, Trashlight Vision/Murderdolls:

Any of the answers that I have ever given to Metal Sludge.

Smilin’ Mike, 2004 Sludgeaholic of the Year:

Back when I was a little kid, like 4 years old or so, I was eating Trix Cereal and for shits n giggles, I stuck one of the Trix up my nose and it fucking got stuck!… It was so far up my nose, that my Mom had to get it out with Tweezers, luckily for me, she was/is a nurse and she finally got it out, we still laugh about that from time to time… I forgot what color it was, but I remember it hurt like a MFer lol… It was probably green by the time she got it out of my nose haha

Jaime St. James, Warrant/Black ‘N’ Blue:

Devil’s Juice

Mick Sweda, ex-BulletBoys/King Kobra:

The weirdest things have stayed in my body, and I can hear them telling me to eviscerate you right now. Is that bad?

I would say a combination of Guinness, Goldschlager, some very kind weed and whatever appetizer I had would rate right up there. The deep, resonant and slow motion howl as I watched my cat leap over my head from a 50 foot roof, only to crash against the railing of the balcony and thus save his last life was excellent. But I would think the unforgiving rage that overcomes me the few times in my life I’ve been challenged to fisticuffs is the weirdest, considering how peaceful I really am. Really!!

Lupus Thunder, Bloodhound Gang:

I’ve shit blood a few times in my life. That’s gross. I’ve puked up just about every food imaginable (along with the liquor that induced it). Jagermeister vomit is really gross.

Mike Tramp, White Lion:

That little silicone pouch that’s inside a vitamin pills container.

I was wondering why I felt so sick after taking a handful of vitamins. I soon found out when I looked into the toilet bowl an hour later. You could still read the print on the pouch: Do not swallow.

Joe Lynn Turner, ex-Rainbow/Deep Purple/Yngwie Malmsteen/et al:

You really wanna know? OK. Go to rate my poo dot com… 2001 archives… brown cobra… see it and weep… the mere sight of it exudes awesome power! haha

Brian Vollmer, Helix:

I had this pea-sized lump in my left earlobe for years. One day I decided to put a needle through it but all that came out was a little spec of blood. The next morning I noticed a little white head on it and gave it a squeeze. It was like I had been hiding a tube of toothpaste in there! After I finally emptied it all out my earlobe was (and still is) deformed.

Jim Voxx, Skew Siskin:

Once I broke my leg while playing soccer. The shinbone stuck out of my flesh.

Milena Yum, AntiProduct:

i had once reaction to sometning wich gave me the most horrible boils all over my legs and bum, they were very painfull and itchy, but the worst thing was the slightly solid greenish, yellow puss that came out of them… yummy!!!

Zinny J. Zan, Zan Clan/ex-Shotgun Messiah:

Nothing out of the ordinary.