Metal Sludge The Power and the Glory
METAL SLUDGE’S ROTTEN ROUNDUP!
Welcome to Metal Sludge’s Rotten Roundup for June 2005!
Each month, we ask one ridiculous question to a random assortment of ‘rock stars’ and Metal Sludge celebrities, and then we’ll post all their answers here in one spot. We’ll ask the same question to people who have done 20 Questions with us, people who haven’t done 20 Questions with us, hired gun musicians we’ve never heard of before, our past Sludgeaholics and Sludgettes of the Year, and all kinds of other friends of Metal Sludge. Some answers are short, and some go on and on. Some are funny, some are not. You never know what kind of answers we’ll get from people, so it’ll always be a surprise. Now you have Metal Sludge’s Rotten Roundup to look forward to at the end of each month. Hooray!
This month’s question is:
?If you were abducted by aliens, but were allowed to bring one CD to listen to while they poked and prodded you for weeks, which CD would it be and why??
Mitch Allen, SR-71:
GREEN-DAY – AMERICAN IDIOT. In my worthless opinion… absolutely the most brilliant rock record of the last 10 years! I cannot stop listening to it from start to finish, and that’s saying something! It gives me hope that the concept record is not dead. It’s a modern update of Pink Floyd’s “The Wall”. I’m hoping they write a treatment and get someone to make a film based on the CD. I think the aliens would dig it too. I’m hoping while they listen to the disc, they could drink some beer and go a little easy on that anal probe.
Kit Ashley, Big Bang Babies:
I guess it would depend on where they were going to be poking and prodding but I would have to say that I would take Ace of Spades from Motorhead… This is a record that is great for Poking, great for prodding, really gets you in the hard, low down and dirty, sweaty, fuck mood like a great Marvin Gaye, or Al Green record! but, with Ace Of Spades, you would be so into it that the pain would be welcomed like a new tattoo and ya might not even feel it!
August, Killingbird:
The Agony Scene – The Agony Scene. It just seems like an appropriate CD for getting prodded to. Loud enough to drown out any noises.
Frankie Banali, Quiet Riot:
Anything by Slaughter. After a few short bars, the idea of being poked and prodded would seem like a welcomed departure…..
C.C. Banana, 2003 Sludgeaholic of the Year:
For the musical accompaniment of my alien abduction, I’d bring along Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run.” That song was forever ruined for me when an endodontist piped it into my ears to drown out the sounds of a root canal procedure. Naturally, it wasn’t the sounds that I found objectionalbe, it was the excruciating pain of my insufficiently-numbed tooth! Ever since then, that song has induced wicked flashbacks to that traumatic event and the bloodcurdling wails it caused me to emit. An alien examination could do no worse.
Krys Baratto, ModiFY / ex-Samantha 7:
If I could just have one cd I believe it would be Fleetwood Mac Rumors. That record is an absolute classic in every way. Now, should I be sticking it in some young alien girl and a leg were to knock the cd onto the spaceship floor and it gets scratched, I would need to replace it with the best rock and roll record ever…. G N’ R Appetite. Now, should I ….. just kidding.
Jason Becker, Cacophony / DLR Band:
At first I was thinking something soothing like Segovia or Mozart or an Indian raga by Ravi Shankar. Then I thought I would need more of a distraction from the poking and prodding. So, probably Dylan’s Bringing It All Back Home. It has lots of memories attached to it. If not that, Van Halen #1, for the same reason.
Bunnie Blue, Sixty-10:
…So let me get this straight, the aliens come into my bedroom and tell me “We have come to probe you, but please enjoy your favorite music for the ride!”, OK! Well, it would have to be Back for the Attack by Dokken. I just think the title is appropriate.
Eric Brittingham, Cinderella / Naked Beggars:
Probably anything from GreenDay. After having to listen to that, anal probing would be probably be a pleasure.
Inga Brittingham, Naked Beggars:
I guess if I had to get prodded, first off, I would hope that the aliens would be hot! Wouldn’t that be cool. Maybe we could turn it into some S&M kind of shit. LOL! If I had to absolutely listen to one fricken CD over and over, I guess it would have to be…… Gun’s N Roses… Appetite. And if I didn’t come home knowing every fricken word on the CD I would be pissed. For a chick who has major ADD and other shit, I would rather not listen to anything while I’m being prodded. Takes away from my concentration!! LOL!
Steve Brown, 40 Ft. Ringo / ex-Trixter:
VAN HALEN ” FAIR WARNING ” because it is ” out of this world ” and no matter what kind of aliens they are , when they hear ” SUNDAY AFTERNOON IN THE PARK” they will run away like little dogs , scared of this earthly maniac!!!!
Jacob Bunton, Mars Electric / Lynam:
Any CD of any band that plays that Nu Metal bullshit that pollutes the airwaves. I wouldn’t want to listen to a CD that I actually like because it would forever be ruined by the memory of being violated by aliens. I’m so sick of all of these angry, bitchy, whiney bands. I would gladly let aliens poke and prod me for weeks under the condition that when I return music would be fun again. Bring the rock!
Billy Childs, Britny Fox:
I would bring the first britny fox disk, so the prodding and probing would actually be a relief after listening to that!
Christian, Killingbird:
Guns N’Roses “Appetite For Destruction”. It’s so good that it could make the probing tolerable for at least a couple days… maybe a week.
Ethan Collins, ex-White Trash:
Probably one of the Jerky Boys or Dice Clay. Might as well laugh if your getting anal probed and your penis hole examined. By the way, “The Day the Laughter Died 2″ is alot funner than the first one. Sorry my choice wasn’t music. Is that lame? All right, you want a music CD? I would choose “Fly by Night” by RUSH.. This is an amazing CD. Great high pitched Geddy Lee singing. Great Bass playing, drumming and guitar. This CD has great kick as songs like “Anthem”, “Beneath, Between, Behind”. Great singles songs like “Fly by night”. And a totally awesome psychadelic epic, “Bytor, and the snow dog”. A true gem of a CD. The recording industry would never let great material like this emerge today.
Alice Cooper:
‘highway 61 revisited’ by bob dylan. there are so many lyrics on it which don’t make sense that it would keep be occupied while i was being violated.
Greg D?Angelo, AntiProduct / ex-White Lion:
Well – Physical Graffiti is my favorite album but I wouldn’t want bad memories when I listened to it so…. Screw that – No alien is sticking anything in my ass. period.
Danny Dangerous, The Zeros:
The Wildhearts “Fishing For The Luckies”
Georg Dolivo, Rhino Bucket:
I would have to take a CD by Ashlee Simpson or, better yet, her sister. Because if I’m going to be tortured by aliens for weeks on end I want to have something that would make me brain dead within seconds of focused exposure. And I can’t think of anything more effective than either one of those two. Right now, as I even just think about it, my inner child is screaming, “Kill me, let me die, but please no more of that!” Whew, that was close . . . Now where the hell did I leave my Rose Tattoo CDs?
Eric Donner, Enuff Z?Nuff:
If I could only pick one CD, I would say, The Beatles? ?Revolver.? Why? Because it?s probably my favorite Beatles album. It?s hard to pick a favorite, but that one?s overlooked by most, and it?s one of the greatest fuckin? records of all time.
Kevin DuBrow, Quiet Riot:
Metal Health by Quiet Riot. In case they erased my memory I’d still need a job when they released me.
Jim Bob Dwarf, 2001 Sludgeaholic of the Year:
What exactly do you mean by ?aliens?? Like, illegal immigrants? from Mexico, maybe?
You know, that reminds me… I heard something about college students on spring break in South Padre Island, taking day trips to Matamoros, Mexico, then getting abducted by a satanic cult. One time, some drunken frat boy went and took a piss in the alleyway outside of a cantina after a half dozen 50-cent tequilla shots and a couple of Coronas, and that?s where they got him. (In March ?91 I actually went drinking in Matamoros which is where this all happened. I was on spring break at the time! Go figure.)
So, if I were to get nabbed by a bunch of Satanic Mexicans, and all they did to me was repeatedly shove a Tecate bottle up my ass, I guess I?d be getting off lucky. They chopped that other guy into pieces while he was still alive, dancing around a fire, chanting shit like ?granizaron nuestro se?or oscuro!? while throwing his dismembered parts into the flames.
What CD would I want to listen to? Fuck, I guess something that might mellow them out a bit. Some latin jazz or salsa shit, but nothing too cheesy. Otherwise, it would end up being like a scene from a black market BDSM video. Yikes.
Mike Dwarf, Killer Dwarfs:
Since I’m already being violated…… by creepy fucking aliens (remember DB Sweeney in that movie?), why not ruin me completely and play the first Killer Dwarfs CD over and over?
Russ Dwarf, Killer Dwarfs:
It would be a home-spun CD with the following tracks:
# One ? Calling Occupants / Klaatu
# Two – Killed by Death / Motorhead?
# Tree (that?s French) ? Still Gotta Long Way To Go / Alice
# Four – Oh Carole (Kiss My Whip) ? (Featuring the Great and Powerful GINO SCARRPELLI!!!!) / Goddo
# Five ? Smooth Up In Ya ? Slaughter
# Six ? Slow Boat to China ? Renee Olstead
# Seven ? A Smoke!
# Eight ? That tune that Paul Newman plays on the Banjo when his Mom dies in ?Cool Hand Luke? ! Fuckin? Classic!!!!
Well ya know what they say in Texas? Go Big or Go HOME!
P.S. Dogg?s Balls Millar? I love that he Picked Halford!!!
David Ellefson, F5 / ex-Megadeth:
AC/DC’s “If You Want Blood, You Got It” live album with Bon Scott from 1978.
Jackie Enx, Rhino Bucket:
Powerage… AC/DC I think all great rock music should either make you want to f*ck or fight…
the great albums cover all of the same emotions… Bring on the aliens… “Gone Shootin” for the cute ones, (are aliens good in bed?) and “Rock n’ Roll Damnation” for the ones about to be knocked down… keep it basic… make it count.
P.J. Farley, Ra / ex-Trixter / 40 Ft. Ringo
JellyFish “Spilt Milk” ? it’s pretty much a masterpiece.
Troy Patrick Farrell, Tramp?s White Lion:
It would be the Double Live CD by Kings X (live all over the place)? seeing that its 2 full length CD?s? poking and prodding could take some time..@ least have some good tunes behind such an act??
Marc Ferrari, ex-Keel / Cold Sweat:
Aerosmith “Rocks”, my fav record of all time….
Glenn ?Archie? Gamble, Helix / Popjoy:
That would probably be “Music to be Poked and Prodded To” which is a compilation of music from artists such as The Village People, Richard Simmons, Liberace and George Michael.
Lizzie Grey, Spiders & Snakes / ex-London:
David Bowie ?Aladdin Sane? The aliens would dig it so much, they wouldn?t want to waste time with lame experiments. Instead I could show them some wicked sci-fi make-up ideas and how to walk in stiletto heels while playing a Flying V.
Alex Grossi, Quiet Riot / ex-Beautiful Creatures:
It depends how hard they were gonna prod and poke, if the CD was just to pass the time I would bring something cool like “Appetite for Destruction” or “Shout at the Devil”…. BUT…. If the poking and prodding was gonna hurt, then I would have to bring something really terrible like Steelheart, Trixter or one of those Cleopatra Techno Remix Metal Tribute albums…. that would probably take my mind off the aliens.
Tracii Guns, Brides of Destruction / L.A. Guns:
I would probably have to bring turbonegro’s new record ‘Party Animals’ because I’m not sick of it yet and it would be great to fuck a three titted satanic alien girl while listening to City Of Satan…….
Vic Hix, Shok Paris / Aftershok:
It would be “SCREAMING FOR VENGEANCE” by Judas Priest. Between the songs SCREAMING for VENGEANCE and ANOTHER THING COMIN’, I think they might get the hint that when I get free, I’m gonna’ be JUST a little PISSED OFF!!!!!
Fabio Jafet, video producer / director, “Waking Up Dead”
“Chinese Democracy” because if if that album truly came out, it would mean I was truly abducted by aliens and resistance is futile! so might as well go along with it and enjoy the prodding! And poking.
Alex Kane, AntiProduct / ex-Life Sex & Death:
No offense, bro, but the last thing I’d want is to be listening to my fave disc while getting space-metal 2x4s rammed up my ass by aliens. Haven’t you seen Clockwork Orange? That shit’ll fuck you up!
Matt Kramer, ex-Saigon Kick:
David Bowie ?Diamond Dogs? – Show them big eye mother fuckers what real space music is.
Tricky Lane, ex-Sweet F.A.:
Radiohead’s ?Amnesiac? CD.
I have often felt I have been abducted by Aliens after listening to that CD.
Kid A would have been another choice.
Question: How long is ?weeks? in Alien Time?
Josh Lewis, ex-Warrant:
Probably Warrants Dog Eat Dog……. Sorry, just Joshin’. Can I just bring my IPod? I’d have to say Lenny Kravits, “Let Love Rule”
Mandy Lion, WWIII:
I would say that any Hoobastank CD will do… It is perfect music for butt poking painfully homo erotic situations…
Lupus, The Bloodhound Gang:
Caviar (self-titled). Just a great CD that I love to listen to and relax. Not too heavy, not too soft… just right. Some great lyrical word play as well. We toured with them and I loved that tour. Mike (bass player) and Blake have even came out to L.A. a few times when I was living out there and hung out. We’ve had some crazy times together.
Eric Martin, ex-Mr. Big:
I would bring a compilation CD of all my tunes. Hell I have been playing in Asia for so long I need new places to play in the future. After those Aliens gave me a make over for a few weeks, (No poking this earthling) they might start to dig my stuff. Who knows I could be playing the Inter Galactic club circuit.
Soichi Masuda, 2002 Sludgeaholic of the Year:
You mean by us? I always have to be in the line at the custom which says ‘Aliens’ when I go into USA. Oh you mean some strange creatures from other planets!
Tough question. If they are as big as like us human beings, maybe Bruce Lee’s ‘Enter the Dragon’ soundtrack. I will feel like I will be a strong guy like him.I will kick and punch, beat them up. Then catch one of them to sell at eBay.
If they are huge like Predators, Aliens or Chewie, maybe my Japanese version of Tuff’s ‘What comes,,, ‘ CD. It is so rare and expensive here, so I beg them to sell at eBay. I hope they will release me instead of that. Wait, they probably die if they listen to that CD. Because the vocal guy always sings out of the key! JK.
Billy McCarthy, ex-D?Molls / Author:
Brett Michael’s “Songs of Life.”
Would scare the shit out of even an alien.
Kenny McGee, Julliet:
“AC DC” Back in Black, I can still take myself to another place everytime I crank that CD.
Chris McLernon, ex-Saigon Kick:
Not to be annoying, but again, I gotta go with…
The Beatles: Revolver.
Hey, at least I’m consistent.
Punky Mendoza, ex-Heavy Pettin:
It’d have to be Harold Budd’s ?The Room.? Each track represents a different space. I’d rather my neurons were running around in Budd’s musical space than the space around the poking and prodding fingers of an alien.
Matt Mercado, $upermercado / ex-Mind Bomb:
I would bring the “Jewel Christmas Album”.
After a few listens, believe me, they would have enough and dump me off the space ship.
No one is safe from that album!
Alexx Michael, Shameless:
Murderdolls – when we listen to “Love at first fright” maybe all of the aliens start to piss on the floor and we all fall in love and have a massive orgy while i?m up there.
George Mihalovich, Aftershok:
Funny you should mention this, the song “Do You Believe?” from our latest disc is about a guy Vic met who believes he was abducted by aliens for a few days. I am pretty sure this happens a lot in Ohio… Anyways, my personal choice in this scenario would be BLACKOUT by the Scorpions, because hopefully I would have one!
Darrell ?Dwarf? Millar, Killer Dwarfs / ex-Laidlaw:
Halford…. Resurrection… This disc is so heavy… the Aliens may let me go early!!
Jason Miller, Godhead:
This Taoist meditation CD I have…because it relaxes me and if I’m going to be anally probed I probably want to be relaxed!
Tony Mills, Shy:
Well it’s simple, what album would I play to an Alien who had the terrestrial balls to poke and prod me ? Jeff Waynes ‘War Of The Worlds’,……….. come and get some disease……….. you mother fuckers………
Amanda Moeckel, 2002 Sludgette of the Year:
CD? What’s a CD? Can’t I just bring my ipod? ell, if I had to choose one, it would definitely be Cheeseheads with Attitude – “Greatest Slices of…”.
Johnny Monaco, Enuff Z?Nuff:
Rush ? 2112. Why? Because it?s something both me and the aliens can relate to while they?re probing me.
Pat Muzingo, Junkyard:
?Parklife? by Blur… actually anything by Blur. Every time I listen that band I hear something new. Fucking great songwriting.
Wendell Neeley, The Classic Metal Show:
Up From The Ashes by Don Dokken. It has the perfect mix of both ballads and rockers. Never get tired of listening to that disc.
Marty O?Brien, Methods of Mayhem / etc.
I would cheat, and actually BURN a recordable CD with as many of my favorite songs as possible. Hopefully they won’t find the iPod I’m hiding between my buttcheeks.
Ted Poley, Danger Danger:
THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS STRANGELY FAMILIAR, ESPECIALLY THE POKING AND PRODDING, IT REMINDS ME ALOT OF TOURING IN SUPPORT OF THE FIRST D2 CD’s. BUT IF I HAD TO GO THROUGH IT AGAIN I WOULD PROBABLY PREFER THE HONESTY OF JUST A GOOD HONEST ALIEN ANAL PROBING TO THE FIRST “SEAL” CD OR “CLOSE TO THE EDGE” BY “YES”, BUT I DO LOVE THE FIRST “ENUFF ZNUFF” CD SO MUCH THOUGH, I DON’T KNOW, I WOULDNT REALLY THINK THAT THE SOUNTRACK IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF THIS SCENARIO, YOU KNOW, WITH THE ALIEN PROBE UP MY ASS AND ALL, THE MUSIC SEEMS KINDA SECONDARY…….. GOOD QUESTION THOUGH, ONE OF THE BETTER ONES I HAVE BEEN ASKED OVER THE YEARS.
Jack Ponti, Producer / Songwriter guy:
Raw Power- Iggy and the Stooges. The record is so fucking rock and roll that it would help me muster the strength to kick their little asses and the mix is so fucking horrible it might make them return me sooner.
Clare pproduct, AntiProduct:
In honour of their 30th Anniversary (HAPPY 30TH ANNIVERSARY…YOU
HAVE ROCKED MY WORLD…THANKS!!!!) I would like to listen to Motorhead by Motorhead while being prodded and poked for weeks because it is a timeless classic album that is as valid now as it ever was…and its great!
Stevie Rachelle, Tuff:
Metal Skool “Hole Patrol” because I nearly piss my pants when I listen to this disc. That way while they poked & prodded I could piss all over them like my son does when I change him. And I could also say to them… “It’s hot in here ? like Burnbank!”
Randall, Sixty-10:
It would be Michael Jackson Thriller. It seems like consensus dictates that it is good music to be poked and prodded to. Maybe I can call my friend Mike and see if we can have a sleepover. How old are these aliens anyway?
Amy Romano, 2003 Sludgeaholic of the Year:
um.. how about those Peppermint Creepy guys. Because when he sings it sounds like he’s getting prodded in the ass, so while it’s happening to me, I don’t feel as weird about it because it has happened to other people.. um.. yeah… I dunno…
Billy Rowe, Jetboy / American Heartbreak:
Well it’s nice to know the aliens that abduct me are nice enough to ask me which cd to bring before they put me thru hell ….. So i’d say Back In Black ……. it’s one of the greatest bands & albums in the history of Rock n’ Roll !!! plus it would keep my mind off of the prodding, I’d hope ??? I hope they let me put my cd player on repeat ??? maybe if I ask they might let me bring my Ipod instead ??? m/ !!
Jamie Rowe, London Calling / Guardian:
Anything by Dave Matthews Band so I could be immediately released from captivity… I am sure it would bring cries of “qwtzlerghjhk”… which is the alien version of crying “Uncle”
Sammy Serious, The Zeros:
OK SAMMY SERIOUS HERE AND I WOULD TAKE THE WALL BY PINK FLOYD because after the aliens were done with what they had to do with me and stuck every probe in me i would be feeling very comfortably numb
Acey Slade, Trashlight Vision / Murderdolls:
‘London Calling’ by the Clash. It’s a double LP, therefore I would have 2 CD’s to listnen to.
Smilin? Mike, 2004 Sludgeaholic of the Year:
Aerosmith’s “Rocks” album… Some things just never go out of style…
Glen Sobel, Beautiful Creatures:
I would bring Mmmmmm Bop by Hansen and play it over and over again till they
couldn’t take it anymore. Then they’d let me go.
Jasmin St. Claire:
I would pick Iron Maiden “piece of Mind”. I love that cd and if I have to be tortured, why not be tortured to one of my favorite bands of all time. Besides, there is not 1 bad song on there.
Jaime St. James, Warrant / Black ?N Blue:
David Bowie, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars.
Michael Thomas, Fastback:
It would have to be Static-X “Wisconsin Death Trip” in hopes that it would scare the hell out of the little fuckers so that they would drop their ‘pokers’ and ‘prodders’ and leave me the hell alone!
Mike Tramp, White Lion:
Queen II. No matter how many times I listen to it. I discover new things every time. It is a true master piece. And where others will pick Abbey Road, Dark side of the moon or Zepp 4. I pick this one always.
Brian Vollmer, Helix:
Joe’s Garage. I never get bored or tired listening to Frank Zappa.
Milena Yum, AntiProduct:
I would probably choose Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys…Hopefully after the
second day of listening to it they’d soften up a little…bastards..
Zinny J. Zan, Zan Clan / ex-Shotgun Messiah:
Motley Crue(with John Corabi). That album got soo much adrenaline and attitude that I know I could take about almost anything these aliens would do to me while listening to it.
Chip Z?Nuff, Enuff Z?Nuff:
Pink Floyd?s ?Dark Side of the Moon.? It relaxes me? it?d mellow me out if I was going into a stressful situation like that.
METAL SLUDGE’S ROTTEN ROUNDUP! Welcome to Metal Sludge’s Rotten Roundup for April 2005! Each month, we ask one ridiculous question to a random assortment of ‘rock stars’ and Metal Sludge celebrities, and then we’ll post all their answers here in one spot. We’ll ask the same question to people who have done 20 Questions with us, people who haven’t done 20 Questions with us, our past Sludgeaholics and Sludgettes of the Year, and all kinds of other friends of Metal Sludge. Some answers are short, and some go on and on. Some are funny, some are not. You never know what kind of answers we’ll get from people, so it’ll always be a surprise. Now you have Metal Sludge’s Rotten Roundup to look forward to at the end of each month. Hooray! This month’s question is: “What’s the strangest gift you’ve ever received from a fan?” Mitch Allen, SR-71: MY SUM 41 BATHROBE! During our “feud” with these guys, a radio programmer who loves SR-71 sent me a blue tericloth bathrobe with a giant “SUM 41″ logo on the back. I think he thought he’d get a rise out of me but I’d loved it! Great marketing idea and quality wise, it’s the best robe I’ve ever owned. August, Killingbird: A drawing of us. Hand drawn and very well done too! Frankie Banali, Quiet Riot: Primate tranquilizers. C.C. Banana, 2003 Sludgeaholic of the Year: Nothing strange yet, but the most surprising gift I’ve ever received from a fan was an impromptu kiss on the lips from a beautiful and buxom blonde, upon winning tickets to an upcoming Overkill concert. Though I was more than happy to accept her gesture of gratitude, Janna Banana was less than amused… Krys Barratto, ModiFY / ex-Samantha 7: This little ditty I’d like to dedicate to Bryce at the KQRS Moring show. As some of you may or may not know, I used to date multi AVN award winner and Gen X porn queen Chloe for a year or two. Now, I come to find out that she had an exact replica of her ass made and is sold on her website, chloexxx.com (…and you all saw it here, Krys plugging Chloe!!!). By the way, she is also the anal queen if you didn’t already know that. Now that I think of it, I wonder if that fist toy on her site is mine, I know there was a mold made….hmmmm. Anywhooo, on tour in Europe some little hotty had come up to the bus and handed me a package, so I said “come on in”. I opened it up, and getting all teared up with memories and, taking it as a hint, for what was on schedule for the evening, smiled from ear to ear. You’ll be happy to know it all worked out just fine and I still have that precious ass- still sealed in the package though you perverts !!!!!!! Love you all, we’ll do lunch. Jason Becker, Cacophony / David Lee Roth Band: This is tough. I have gotten homemade dolls of myself, pillows, jewelry, homemade raspberry jam, photos of women, but I don’t think any of those are strange. I think they are all sweet. So I guess I can’t think of anything weird. Bunnie Blue, Sixty-10: The very first Sixty-10 T-shirt that was made for us came from someone who I did not expect. That was strange and suprising at the same time. Eric Brittingham, Cinderella / Naked Beggars: Socks. Who would think, ?wow, i really love this band. I gotta buy them some socks.? Jacob Bunton, Mars Electric / Lynam: A blow job from her ear. After we played St. Andrews Music Hall in Detroit, this crazy chick kept rubbing my dick on her ear and …oh… wait.. you said gift. Um I guess food poisoning from a girl that brought us food in Cleveland. Geezer Butler, Black Sabbath / GZR: Probably a piece of sugar when I went to Japan. It had some significance, but to this day I can?t figure out what. Ethan Collins, ex-White Trash: Do you blow jobs count? That’s definitely the best gift… sometimes strange. One girl had the “White Trash” logo tattoed on her leg. It was pretty big too. That was like a strange gift of appreciation. Alice Cooper: A calve’s heart. Two girls that thought they were witches (oh, puh-leeze) left it at my doorstep. Kevin DuBrow, Quiet Riot: A girl gave me the clap in 1983. Does that count as a gift? David Ellefson, F5 / ex-Megadeth: A worn out old stinky shoe. Jackie Enx, Rhino Bucket: It wasn’t really a gift but back in the “Warrior” days, we had a pretty huge following.. I mean people sleeping on the sidewalk to get tickets and stuff.. it was truly surreal.. Anyway, I’m pretty friendly with fans and I would try to always make time for them but this one time this guy is waiting for me and I come out back stage and I see him pick an old newspaper up out of the alley behind the hall and then he asks me if I would wipe my sweat on it… hey, it is rock n’ roll right ? Troy Patrick Farrell, Mike Tramp?s White Lion / Fastmaster: I?ve gotten some really creepy letters, hair, and some strange powder? and panties? now most would think panties would be cool? but not if you saw this fan that sent it? (looks like I just lost a fan? down to 2 now). ?Are you my daddy?? has NOT been the strangest gift a fan has given me? yet? Marc Ferrari, ex-Keel / Cold Sweat: A voodoo doll. Glenn ?Archie? Gamble, Helix / Popjoy: I wont be sending any Thank You cards for those crabs, dammit! Lizzie Grey, Spiders and Snakes / ex-London: His girlfriend. Really. I was sitting at the Rainbow one night with Nadir and a couple girls, when this guy and his really hot girlfriend squeezed in next to me. I mean, her lips were more bee-stung than Angelina Jolie. After they sat down what he said to me was more than a little strange. “You’re Lizzie Grey! London is our favorite band, man.” His girlfriend nodded, looking at me really weird as she proceeded to slip her hand over my crotch. YIKES! The dude smiled really weird too then, and said, “I want you to f–k my girlfriend, Lizzie. Okay?” “Ah gee, no, man. I just couldn’t, but thanks for the offer, really.” Now you must understand that the whole time there was this little voice inside saying “Do it, man. Do it. She’s hot.” But this other little voice kept saying, “No way. This is too weird. They?re probably from Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” I’m kinda glad I didn’t accept the ?gift.? It?s the thought that counts anyway! Alex Grossi, Quiet Riot / ex-Beautiful Creatures: Chlamydia….. hope I spelled that right! Vic Hix, Shok Paris / Aftershok: It’s well-known that I lost a finger in a work related accident. A fan once sent me a replacement finger (hopefully it was from a cadaver) to see if I could use it! Now tell me that’s not messed up!!!!! Matt Kramer, ex-Saigon Kick: A size 2 pair of socks in Tokyo, in 1991 with Saigon Kick opening for Ozzy at The Budokan. They got some dedicated fans there. Lots and lots of gifts, I wont talk about me and the beautiful Japanese bombshell that rubbed me with hot water splashes from her hands head to toe after a steam room all nighter, or the models that we all walk out from the Lexington queen night club with in Roppongi, That was just one big strange ass gift. Josh Lewis, ex-Warrant: I haven’t had any fans in years, remember? Mandy Lion, WWIII: This one is legendary in the business of music by now… A fan sent me one of her nipples and a video tape of her taking it off as a token of her love for me… She was very cute actually and I would have dated her but I happen to like women with 2 nipples… Lupus, Bloodhound Gang: I don’t get many. We did get some CDs from fans a few times. The two best were one of a Hungarian girl singing love songs to Q-Ball (she stalked him at a hotel we stayed at, banging on all of our doors late at night), the other one is a girl singing songs, I think she wanted us to get her a deal. It was unlistenable. Eric Martin, ex-Mr. Big: I received a doll from a fan that was made to look like me (it was dressed like me), but it looked more like B. Sheehan with my big nose and brown wavy hair. Just what was she saying? Kenny McGee, Julliet: Theres has been plenty of those, but I always thought it was strange that complete strangers would give me pictures of themselves…. I guess I was supposed to keep them in my wallet? Chris McLernon, ex-Saigon Kick: Food. Any kind. It strikes me as odd that someone would make something for me and then expect me to eat it right there. I appreciate the effort and thought that went into it, but I am a picky (Read: pain in the ass) eater, so it was never a good idea. And some food items were just odd. Bean dip? Alexx Michael, Shameless: His girlfriend 4 an hour. George Mihalovich, Aftershok: Darrell ?Dwarf? Millar, Killer Dwarfs / Automan.ca / ex-Laidlaw: Just received Family Jewels/ACDC from a fan as a gift… not really that strange… but appropriate for me. Cant say I have really received gifts that were strange. That’s not including the ones that didnt make it across the border. Jason Miller, Godhead: Well one time I got a Ken doll with his hair cut off and painted with white make up to look like me. It actually looked really cool. Another time we got a 6 page letter in the mail from some dude declairing how much he loved us…but it looked like he had peed on it. And NO it didn’t look like the um…”other stuff.” Pat Muzingo, Junkyard: Yeow, there has been a few real strange ones. In 1990 I got a Junkyard jean jacket from a fan. It was an exact replica of mine! Down to the stupid buttons and knick knacks. It was cool but, uh, I already had one! Wendell Neeley, The Classic Metal Show: A card and a letter from a young female fan, along with a hand drawn picture of herself in crayon, explaining to me that this is what she looked like. Marty O?Brien, Methods of Mayhem/Static-X/Disturbed/etc. etc.: A wooden hippopotamus. I’m not lying. I still have it. Don’t laugh… I actually like it. Eddie Ojeda, Twisted Sister: Once I got a Rose from a girl fan that did not smell anything like a rose. When I asked the guys in the band and our sound man Charlie what it reminded them of they all said that?s been there. Jizzy Pearl, Love/Hate / Ratt / etc. etc.: Herpes. Ted Poley, Danger Danger: CRABS Randall, Sixty-10: That has to be the all-expense paid trip I got from a die hard fan. Yup, all expenses paid to beautiful middle of nowhere Illinois, population 437. And all you can eat sweet corn on the cob. Homegrown. So was the ditch weed. I did manage to escape back to Florida with a farm girl, though. So I guess the whole charade was pretty strange. With a decent outcome. Amy ?Stalker Jr.? Romano, 2003 Sludgette of the Year: I don’t have any fans, and if I did… where the hell are my gifts?! Well, my stalker gave me a gift for my birthday. He flew out from Tenn to LA. Picked me up in San Diego, and we drove back to LA, and then he drove me back home to San Diego. Anyway, I put some music on for the car ride. Now everyone knows JR Stinkfish loves me. Well, we had a fight in the car, but to rekindle the flame we lost, so I put on White Lion’s “Wait”. Stinky might remember most of that drive, my memory sucks. But it went down something like that. So anyway… that was like in what, Sept? Fast forward to Jan, my birthday. I get a gift in the mail from Stinky. He went god knows where and found a stuffed animal of a White Lion. It’s really cute and really soft. He hangs out with my Alice Cooper Teddy Bear. I may not have fans, but I got stalkers! Billy Rowe, American Heartbreak / ex-Jetboy: A restaurant menu ??? Jamie Rowe, London Calling / Guardian: I really can’t think of getting anything strange? most were really thoughtful gifts. Acey Slade, Trashlight Vision / Murderdolls: A heart of some kind in a jar of Formaldehyde or Alcohol or some shit. She also had all of our names carved into her body. Jaime St. James, Warrant / Black ?N Blue: It’s when a dude offers me his wife. Mick Sweda, ex-BulletBoys / King Kobra: Let’s see…was it the dried up hornets nest? Or the thick and voluminous scrapbooks of cut and paste words and pictures of myself scary enough to make me want to be flayed with a dull carpet cutter rather than face another mail drop? Perhaps the Wolfenstein 3D floppies I got (from some unknown but omniscient spectre of a fan) before I’d ever played a computer game, before I ever knew they were all consuming and life altering, before I knew I would one day revel in the nightly online slaughter of thousands of adolescents and preteens. Over and over again. The wooden phone shaped like a car? Or could it have been the Bibles? Yes, it must be the Bibles. They were very much lost on me, but thanks anyway!! Mike Tramp, White Lion: A ziplock sandwich bag full of pubic hairs. Joe Lynn Turner, ex-Rainbow / Deep Purple / Yngwie Malmsteen / et al: I got a beautiful envelope wrapped in a bow and all and inside was a suicide letter. This Italian woman said she would commit suicide if I did not screw her. She said she would hang herself of the lobby of this hotel. What I thought was a gift turned out to be suicide note and threat. I ended up meeting with her and talking her out of it, thank God! Brian Vollmer, Helix: We met this biker guy in Lethbridge by the name of “Vern” who gave us each a $100 U.S. bill, so we let him ride with us to Portage La Prairie. On the way he got all fucked up and pulled out a gun, waving it around inside the van. Two weeks later he showed up in Kitchener and held a knife to Brent’s throat saying, “You’re my bro-so I’m going to off ya!” Brent somehow managed to get the knife away from him. Two days after that he once again threatened Brent and our soundman Ken (at Fryfogel’s Tavern in London). We phoned the cops and he screwed off, never to be seen again. Zinny J. Zan, Zan Clan / ex-Shotgun Messiah: I once recieved some nude pics from a girl who was doing different stunts with a huge dildo and asking me if I would like to go out with her. I thought it was pretty strange cause all she needed to do was to send a regular pic of herself and I could have decided whether I would date her or not. This was overkill for me.
What? Fans are supposed to give you gifts? Interesting. As usual, I’m missing the boat- I have a hard enough time trying to fans to buy our merchandise! The next thing someone will tell me is that chicks are supposed to dig guys in bands?
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